My Ex Wants Me Back: What Should I Do Now?
Ending a relationship with someone can be hurtful and confusing regardless of the reason for the breakup. When we feel a strong connection to someone, it can be easy to question whether ending the relationship was the right decision.
Below, we’ll discuss breakups, the possible pros and cons of getting back together, and ways to get help with your decision.
At some point in our lives, many of us are faced with the option of rekindling what we had with an ex-partner. The decision of whether to reunite with an ex often requires careful consideration. Being in an unhealthy relationship can damage your self-esteem and lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety. However, some people get back together and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.
My ex wants me back: Why?
There are many potential reasons for couples to consider getting back together. The following are some reasons that your ex may want you back:
1) Familiarity. Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. When you spend any significant portion of your life with someone, you likely develop an attachment to them. This can be comforting, but some couples may stay in a relationship that might not be best for them because the relationship is known or comfortable.
2) Love. Many couples break up despite still feeling a lot of love for one another. A simple breakup is often not enough to suddenly dissolve love. Many couples come back together because they are still in love and are not yet ready to let go of their relationship.
3) Hope. Many couples who get back together hope or believe that their significant other has made positive changes in their life that may contribute to the relationship. For example, some people may believe their former partner has matured or developed healthier communication patterns.
Do I really want to get back with my ex?
When considering getting back together with your ex, it may help to recall the reasons that the two of you broke up. If nothing has changed between the two of you, you may fall back into old patterns of behavior and move into a relationship that is unhealthy or unlikely to succeed. The following are some common reasons for a breakup:
1) Loss of Trust. Losing trust in a relationship does not always involve a dramatic breach, such as infidelity. Trust can be broken when financial agreements are violated, when confidence is betrayed, or when lies have continued to build up. Losing trust can damage a relationship because trust tends to be one of the pillars that allow couples to express intimacy, care, and affection for one another.
2) Incompatibility. The American Psychological Association defines incompatibility as “the state in which two or more people are unable to interact harmoniously with each other.” There are numerous ways that incompatibility can manifest in a relationship, such as the way you spend your free time, your desire to have children, and the place you want to live. All of these factors have the potential to gradually erode a relationship. If this is the case for you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you or your ex has done something wrong. The most loving relationships can lead to beliefs and lifestyle choices that are directly opposed to one another.
3) Baggage. Every person can come to a relationship with a lot of baggage, ranging from unhealthy family dynamics to prior relationship challenges. Despite the previous concerns two people have faced in their relationships, there is help available through therapy.
What should I do?
First, you might consider conducting an honest evaluation of yourself and your relationship. It may help to bring in people close to you who knew you well during your relationship. You can also evaluate old journals and possibly correspondence between you and your ex to determine how you felt for the majority of your relationship.
If your relationship was a constant source of pain or discomfort, you can take that into account. If your friends and family recall the two of you having a lot of genuinely pleasant times together, you can also take that into account. Ultimately, it may be best to prioritize your mental health and not rush into any decisions.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
Taking things slowly
If your ex asks to get back together and you agree, it may be best to move slowly. Rushing into a relationship with an ex can be problematic for numerous reasons. If you jump back into a relationship, you might immediately take up old behaviors and communication habits that led to your breakup. Taking your relationship slowly may help halt negative aspects of your relationship and give the two of you time to evaluate yourselves and your relationship as you go. This way, you may find that you can identify any concerns as arise and address them before they cause larger problems.
Getting help with your decision
If you’re still unsure whether you should get back together with your ex, it may be helpful to speak with a licensed counselor. A counselor may be able to help you assess your feelings and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable with traditional in-office therapy at this point, you might consider trying online therapy, which research shows to be just as effective as in-person therapy.
With online therapy, you can connect with a licensed counselor from the comfort of your own home or anywhere you have an internet connection. You can choose the most comfortable mode of communication, whether it be audio, video, live chat, or a combination of these methods. You can also write to your therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they can. This may be helpful if you want to communicate thoughts about your ex in between sessions.
Below you can read some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped with similar concerns.
Counselor reviews
"I've never been to therapy, and so was really hesitant about opening up at first. But Whitney has just been so great! I signed up for BetterHelp because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems with myself. I knew I felt unhappy in my relationship, but could not for certain say why. Therapy with Whitney has been so great in helping me become more self-aware and reflective. And, of course, the break up was hard at first. But every day, with Whitney, I was able to feel a little bit better than the day before."
"Jonell is incredible! She has helped me through so much, and has been an invaluable asset to my relationship, career, and overall happiness."
Takeaway
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Should You Do If Your Ex Wants You Back?
If your ex wants you back, you may find it helpful to take your time as you decide what to do. During this process, you might consider talking to close friends and loved ones for support and feedback. If you decide to get back together, the beginning stages may be challenging as you rebuild trust.
How Do You Know If An Ex Wants You Back?
Below are some signs your ex might want you back:
They still “like” and comment on your social media posts
They're posting things on social media only you would understand
They make an excuse to communicate with you
They "coincidentally" run into you
They bring up the past
They text you to try to keep in touch
They ask you to hang out
Do Most Exes Come Back?
Research suggests that 40% to 50% of people get back together after a breakup. There’s always a chance that an ex will come back, but this may depend on the reasons for the breakup.
Why Does An Ex Come Back?
The following are some possible reasons why an ex might come back:
They are experiencing loneliness
They’re trying to prove that they have grown
They’ve found out you’re seeing someone else
They genuinely care about you and want you back
Why Does My Ex Still Want To Be Friends?
Two possible reasons an ex might still want to be friends are emotional stability and physical support. If your ex says they want to be friends, it’s possible that they are hoping to get back together. It may be helpful to assess how friendship with your ex might affect your mental health and overall well-being.
Do Men Who Leave Ever Come Back?
Sometimes a man comes back after leaving a relationship. Although there may have been a legitimate reason behind his decision to end the relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean that the love he felt for you disappeared.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Cares About You?
The following are some possible signs that your ex still cares about you:
They still like and post on your social media sites
They completely ignore you. This may sound counterproductive, but some people may use this strategy
They want to stay friends
They keep contacting you even after you’ve asked for space
How Do You Know Your Ex Is Not Over You?
Your ex can’t stop looking at you
Your ex is trying to prove they are over you
They give non-verbal signs
They try to make you jealous
They hold on to memories
They ask about you
They constantly communicate with you
They get jealous
What Percent Of Exes Get Back Together?
According to a study published in the journal Personal Relationships, nearly two-thirds of participants had experienced an on-again/off-again relationship, which means that getting back together can be quite common. The outcome can vary depending on the circumstances of each couple.
Do Guys Hurt After A Breakup?
People of all genders tend to experience pain after a breakup. Below are some signs that a guy may be hurting:
He unfriends you on social media
He takes down pictures of you together on social media
He’s quick to anger
He purposely shows up to places you frequent
He has obsessive thoughts about you
Do Avoidant Exes Come Back?
Avoidant exes may come back in part because of their difficulty connecting with other people. Their ex may seem familiar to them, leading them to return. If you have questions about people with avoidant personalities, it may help to consult with a licensed therapist.
How Long Does It Take A Guy To Regret Breaking Up?
Every person is unique and, therefore may experience regret at different times, if they feel it at all. It may help to take time for yourself by focusing on self-care and seeking support from loved ones at this time. You may also find it helpful to speak with a licensed therapist about what you’re experiencing. You may find that this helps you determine whether you truly want to get back together.
Why Would An Ex Come Back Years Later?
Some exes come back months and even years later, wanting to give things another try. The reasons can vary and may include guilt, lack of resources, boredom, familiarity, and a desire for intimacy. There are times when an ex truly misses the other person and wants to give the relationship another try.
Do Exes Come Back After No Contact?
An ex may come back after no contact, but it may depend on the person and the reason for the breakup. If a lack of contact is making you feel anxious, you may benefit from expressing this to a close friend or a counselor.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Regrets Breaking Up With You?
Your ex wants to hang out with you all the time
Your ex can’t stop asking about you
Your ex is suddenly incredibly nice to you
Your ex can’t stop complimenting you
Your ex is flirting with you
Your ex is pretending to have everything under control
Your ex reappears after being left by someone else
Your ex is apologizing to you a lot
Your ex says they need you.
How Do You Know If Your Ex Wants You Back Or Just Wants To Be Friends?
It can be challenging to discern whether your ex wants you back or just wants to be friends, as the signs may be similar in both cases. They may ask about you, stay in constant contact with you, find reasons to show up at places you frequent, and make it very clear to you that they’re single.
Why Does My Ex Keep Texting Me?
If your ex keeps texting you, they may want something from you, which could simply be friendship. On the other hand, the texts might indicate wanting you back, especially if they go from texting to calling and then pursuing you.
What Do You Do If Your Ex Wants To Be Friends?
Some people can maintain a friendship after a breakup, while other people find it difficult. If you think you can maintain a friendship with your ex, it may help to establish clear boundaries. If you or your ex finds someone else and the situation becomes uncomfortable, then being friends might not be best at that stage. It may be helpful to lean into other friendships in the meantime to meet your needs for connection.
Do People Stalk Their Ex?
The term stalking is sometimes informally used to refer to the act of following someone online or in person. True stalking* is often considered a form of violence and can cause a person to live with fear and anxiety.
Sometimes a person may follow their ex online out of curiousity about what their ex is up to. They may want to keep the other person around and see if they are moving on with their lives. A person who has left a relationship may follow a person to reassure themselves that they've made the right decision.
*If you have experienced stalking or other forms of violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the hotline’s chat feature online.
Does A Person Who Leaves Ever Regret Their Decision?
Some people who leave a relationship end up regretting their decision. For some people, the regret may come and go, and they may or may not try to get back together with their ex.
Do Guys Miss Their Ex After A Breakup?
Guys may miss their ex after a breakup, and these feelings can vary depending on the relationship. Some people may show more signs of missing someone than others do. If a guy doesn’t show signs of missing his ex, that doesn’t necessarily mean that their ex has done something wrong. Also, it’s possible to find support during the post-breakup period through therapy, whether in person or online.
What Does It Mean When An Ex Wants To Catch Up?
If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up,” they may feel emptiness in their life and simply want to meet up to see you, talk with you, and be with you. They may or may not want to get back together. Before deciding to meet, it may help to consider whether meeting will be positive or negative for your own mental health.
Do Exes Come Back After Years?
Sometimes, time away can lead to the realization that a relationship was very special. Sometimes exes get back together even years or decades later. This can vary widely depending on the couple, their personal growth, and the dynamic of their relationship.
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