Lady Gaga has pulled a lot of, erm, spirited stunts in her career. She once wore an outfit made entirely out of Kermit the Frog heads. In 2010, she decided literal meat was proper attire for the MTV Video Music Awards. And she's spent the greater part of the past two years wearing a pink cowboy hat un-ironically. She marches to the beat of her own drum—and if that means getting puked on by a "vomit artist" while performing at South by Southwest, then that's what it means, damn it.
But none of Gaga's stunts are stranger than her actual music—in the best way possible, of course. All of her biggest hits—"Bad Romance," "Applause," "Just Dance," etc.—are sonically weird, but they somehow work. They became mainstream because of Gaga's clever lyrics and the producers' monster beats. Reinventing pop music is Gaga's thing, TBH, and she hits the mark almost every time.
Notice how I said the word "almost," because there have been a few times where Gaga's music just didn't work—for a multitude of reasons. And one of those times was "Christmas Tree," a bizarre electronic song she released in December 2008 where she essentially makes Christmas trees a metaphor for sex. Why Gaga thought, "Light me up, put me on top, let's fa la la la la la la la la" was a solid lyrical choice will remain one of pop music's greatest mysteries.
There are more cringe-worthy gems where that came from, too Here is just a sample of the lyrics found in "Christmas Tree":
- "The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree"
- "Ho ho ho under the mistletoe/Yes, everybody knows/We will take off our clothes"
- "My Christmas tree is delicious" (What the hell... does this mean?)
Have the holidays been ruined for you yet? No? Well, they will when you actually hear the song. (To be fair, it's pretty catchy. This is a Lady Gaga song, after all. She knows how to craft a good bop, even ones about...banging underneath a Christmas tree.)
Listen to it, below, and be transformed. Seriously, you'll never be the same.
Still confused? Below, read the full lyrics:
Ra-pa-pum-pum Ra-pa-pum-pum Ra-pa-pum-pum Ra-pa-pum-pum
Light me up, put me on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la Light me up, put me on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la
The only place you'll want to be Is underneath my Christmas tree The only place you want to be Is underneath my Christmas tree
Light me up, put me on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la Light me up, put me on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la
Ho ho ho (ra-pa-pum-pum) Under the mistletoe (ra-pa-pum-pum) Yes, everybody knows (ra-pa-pum-pum) We will take off our clothes (ra-pa-pum-pum) Yes, if you want us to, we will You...
Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious
Light you up, put you on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la (let's go!) Light you up, put you on top Let's fa la la la la, la la la la (let's go!)
Ho ho ho (ra-pa-pum-pum) Under the mistletoe (ra-pa-pum-pum) Yes, everybody knows (ra-pa-pum-pum) We will take off our clothes (ra-pa-pum-pum) Yes, if you want us to we will You...
Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious
Here, here, here (ra-pa-pum-pum) The best time of the year (ra-pa-pum-pum) Take off my stockings where? I'm spreading Christmas cheer Yes, if you want us to we will
Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious Oh-oh, a Christmas My Christmas tree's delicious
Space Cowboy Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga And she goes Space Cowboy Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga Here we go Cherry Cherry Boom Boom
Santa Claus is shook. Mrs. Claus is calling the cops. Rudolph's nose is on fire. Everything that was once sweet and tender about Christmas has been destroyed. Destroyed! There goes your childhood! There goes humanity!
Kidding. This track is actually super fun, but bizarre nonetheless. And it's sex positive—in, like, a kitschy sort of way. If this is how 2008 Gaga wanted to spend her Christmas—or how you want to spend yours now—then we totally support it. Live your best, most authentic life this December 25 with whatever "Christmas tree" you want.
Related Stories:
Lady Gaga on Pop, Politics, and the Power of Women
Lady Gaga's Netflix Documentary: 8 Reveals That Will Surprise Even the Biggest Little Monsters
