The utterly convoluted lengths filmmakers will go to contrive some excuse to make monsters fight has become exasperating. Moreover, the unique paradox at the heart of Legendary’s Monsterverse series continues. Much like “Godzilla Vs. Kong,” also directed by Adam Wingard, the sequel, “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire,” faces many of the same fundamental problems, and these franchise filmmakers haven’t all addressed the issues, nor even seem to see them as such.
Doubling down on the impenetrable mythology of the Monsterverse, ‘New Empire,’ is such a chore when it at least should be dumb fun (which I would certainly take at this point). To recap essentials: cool shit is not enough in a monsters-battling film; that’s just a trailer. If your protagonists are creatures that do not speak, then you essentially need human surrogates to help you care for them, root for them, or at least guide you through the picture. That’s how basic movie empathy works: in order to invest in a story, you have to care about something within it. As much as you don’t think you need or want humans in these movies, we all need them.
That said, as this franchise evolves and the mythos gets deeper and murkier, the humans in these stories become more and more problematic and useless, just exposition-dump machines that spew gibberish between fight scenes. The tortuous gobbledygook they vomit in these films, especially ‘New Empire’ to separate and then rejoin these monsters is headache-inducing and only makes clear how they are just intricate justifications for moving monster A to the same point B, where monster C resides and then let nature take its course. Written by Terry Rossio (“Godzilla vs. Kong”), Simon Barrett (“You’re Next”), and Jeremy Slater (“Moon Knight”), the story and plot of this latest installment is truly painful stuff to sit through.
Beginning with a meaningless chase sequence—Kong outwitting snarling hyena-like monsters in Hollow Earth to drum up some early cinematic fury—the film then shifts to a Ted Talk overview, where Monarch scientist Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall, sadly saddled with all of the movie’s groan-worthy exposition) apprises the audience in her first of many rounds of elucidations about the current state of the world. The short version: Kong is safe protecting Hollow Earth—the underground ancient fantasy world underneath the planet discovered in the last film—and Godzilla is up top saving humanity from monstrous Titans, though ravaging cities in Italy, Gibraltar, Cairo, and eventually Rio De Janeiro in the process (he cuddles up for a nap in the Parthenon, cute!). This division is suitable for Planet Earth (as we already know) because the territorial Godzilla and Kong in the same plane is bad. They don’t like each other, and they destroy shit in the process, remember? (the exception being the last movie, where they stopped detesting each other and fought MechaGodzilla at the end, *shrug emoji* I guess).
But something is amiss (isn’t it always?). Some strange transmission from Hollow Earth is emitting a signal. It’s causing havoc with the instrumentation in every corner of the planet, messing with the mind of young Jia (Kaylee Hottle, the little deaf girl from Skull Island and the last film now adopted by Dr. Andrews), and worse, distressing Godzilla, to the point where he’s storing and supercharging energy for some mysterious threat he feels is looming.
With Godzilla acting erratically, all of Monarch is on high alert and unable to find answers. Dr. Andrew turns to conspiracy theory podcaster Bernie Hayes (Brian Tyree Henry), and he obviously has a better idea of what’s going on than all the scientists with double PhDs. He theorizes, and the good Doctor concurs, that Hollow Earth is producing some distress signal, so he, the doctor, young Jia, and a dopey, roustabout Ace Ventura-like hippie science engineer named Trapper (Dan Stevens, seemingly just playing awed and high throughout)—who acts as Kong’s dentist in act one, no really— travel to the Earth’s core to find out what’s in blazes is going on.
To clarify the senseless, nonsensical plot further is futile, but to say, like the last film, it’s mostly all a series of latitude and longitude strategy moves to keep Godzilla away from Kong from each other until the big finale finishes, where they wreak utter pandemonium. And worse, none of it makes a lick of sense when it’s dumped out in long-winded heaps of explicating dialogue (again, what a poor waste of Rebecca Hall). In short, in Hollow Earth, Kong uncovers a secret uncharted realm within the Earth that houses more Kong-like Apes, plus the annoyingly screechy Baby Kong. Within, they find this new territory ruled by one giant bad Ape known as the Skar King, who wants to wreak havoc on Earth and has his own secret monster weapon to do so with.
Godzilla, as is usually the case— given his character’s lack of empathizing animal-like traits of whimpering and puppy dog eyes— is largely sidelined for the entire movie. Nothing more than a plot device to help Kong kick ass in his battles; his entire role in the film is to store up new nuclear energy to make him an even more vital ally in the end (there’s some such mumbo jumbo drivel delivered to explain why his new energy colors are neon pink instead of neon blue).
The third vestige of this excruciating narrative—equally overly elaborate—involves the ancient civilization that once lived on Skull Island (remember, Jia was the last remaining person of her kind) and a prophecy involving Mothra, another titan who eventually helps save the day. And look, you could argue that all genre or superhero movies are a big ploy for a big final act battle, but none of them are as transparently contrived and obvious about it as these empty films are.
But with no effort really made to care about anyone or anything other than Kong, ‘New Empire’ stakes feel nonexistent, and the entire thing becomes a thundering bore. In fact, at some point, you want the complicated and increasingly winding plot to stop, the humans to shut up, and the titan to clash because that at least could be visually cool or engaging. But by the time Godzilla and Kong meet up in the last half of ‘New Empire’—as enemies at first, naturally, but then allies for the big finish— you’re already checked out, and nothing at all matters. Because ‘New Empire’ mostly feels like “wtf is actually going on?” homework between fights.
Handsomely crafted, or as handsomely crafted as you can craft what feels like an 80% animated CGI movie, Wingard knows how to mount spectacle and scope, but having apparently missed that day at film school where they taught how true immersion is about an investment of some kind (story, people, emotions, outcomes, etc.), you become acutely aware you are just watching animators creature computer monsters that fight. There’s absolutely nothing to become absorbed in other than the big, noisy, destruction porn-esque fight at the end.
Wingard is also just patently Wingard, so he continues to impose his trademark neon colors and synth-wave music stylings onto this genre, even though it doesn’t necessarily warrant them or need them. He also loves himself a big comedic ‘70s throwback music needle drop, so cue some disco-y Kiss and Badfinger. Not because the movie necessarily calls for it tonally, but hey, it’s cool music, and he’s the director (*shrug* emoji again).
Wingard used to make captivating horror thrillers that were stylish but substantive. In the Monsterverse, he can only conjure scale and visuals, but at the cost of anything meaningful or entertaining. At this point, the Monsterverse needs the much simpler, dumb-fun, pleasurable joy of “Kong: Skull Island” because ‘New Empire,’ just ain’t cutting it beyond loud and senseless brawls that aren’t even a delight to watch. [D+]
“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” opens March 29 via Warner Bros.