Mindy Kaling and B.J. Novak have spent 15 years trying to define their relationship for the rest of the world. First they were co-stars on The Office, soon they were dating, then they swore they were just friends (and tried to convince everyone else of that, too).
These days, Kaling refers to Novak as "family" and has revealed he's the godfather of her daughter, Katherine. But thanks to their ever-present chemistry and habit of being each other's plus-one on red carpets, these two will continue to spark romance rumors. Ahead, a look back at their entire on-off relationship.
2004
The pair met when they were both hired as writers and cast members on The Office. Novak and Kaling's characters—Ryan Howard and Kelly Kapoor—began dating before the actors did, per Vulture. He told the outlet that storyline was inspired by "an observation from the writers' room that Mindy and I were extremely close and constantly fighting," Novak told Vulture.
Kaling said they bonded working in a small writers' room together "and kind of fell in love through doing that, and then dated on and off for a couple of years, and now we are just, like, best friends. Like, real best friends. It’s the kind of friendship you have when you are embedded with someone, that you can only get by putting in that insane amount of time with people."
As it turns out, the pair could've known each other much earlier in life. "We grew up 10 minutes away from each other, we just never knew each other. Kind of romantic actually!” Kaling told a crowd during an interview with Novak at the 2015 BookCon.
2005-2007
The co-workers began dating in 2005 and are reported to have split in 2007. Novak told Vulture of this period, "No one, including us, ever really knew, 'Is this dating? Is this not dating?' We were never really dating, we were never really not dating. We didn’t know. No one knew. All you’d know for sure as that you'd always find one of us next to the other, even if we weren’t getting along." As for what led to Kaling and Novak's breakup? "In real life, I think we just essentially grew up, and it became more of a transition," Novak explained to the outlet.
2008
According to E!, Kaling began dating writer/actor Benjamin Nugent the following year. They reportedly broke up in 2012.
But the pair continued to support one another, with Kaling attending the premiere of Novak's Quentin Tarantino film, Inglorious Basterds in 2009.
2012
Kaling left The Office in May 2012 to create her own comedy series, The Mindy Project."We became friends when we were still super young, and also because we were working sometimes 16-hour days at The Office, and we did it for eight years," Kaling said at the 2015 BookCon of their relationship. "So it was like going to college twice together."
But Novak stayed involved in Kaling's creative life, acting as a consulting producer on the first season of The Mindy Project and guest-starring in three episodes. (Novak's brother, Jesse, was also the show's music producer.) In the series, Novak played Kaling's love interest, Jamie—someone who has maintained a weirdly close relationship with his female best friend (played by Eva Amurri Martino). Novak admitted to Entertainment Weekly that storyline was "definitely inspired by our [Novak and Kaling's] relationship."
He continued, "We are pretty inseparable best friends with a lot of chemistry ourselves, and we're not dating. Whenever we date anyone else, I think there's a period where the person is very skeptical of our friendship—'Everyone seems to think you two might be a couple, and I don't mean to get in the way. Are you sure you're not dating? Are you sure you're not going to end up dating?'"
May 2013
Kaling and Novak attended their first Met Gala together as each other's date. She wore a plum-colored Lela Rose gown, and he wore a dark Armani suit.
February 2014
While on the press tour for his first book, Novak spots both his and Kaling's memoirs (One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories and Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?) side by side at their hometown Harvard bookstore, which he shared to Instagram.
While participating in a Reddit AMA session, he joked about he and Kaling's back-and-forth dynamic. "I was closest with Mindy Kaling, and also least close with Mindy Kaling, on a minute-by-minute basis," he wrote. "And I wouldn't trade it for the world. Actually, I would trade it for the world. What am I talking about: I'd trade it for a more consistently positive relationship with Mindy Kaling. She's the best."
March 2014
Then the friends attended their first of many Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty red carpets together. Kaling opted for a sparkly Salvador Perez gown, while Novak wore a black tux.
September 2014
Kaling granted further insight into her relationship with Novak during an appearance on The Howard Stern Show. "He’s a good friend of mine, yeah. He’s my best friend. He broke up with me," she explained. "It was years and years ago that that breakup happened. I was so sad, not angry, sad...I love him, and I think he’s a great person, but I'm not holding a candle for B.J."
When asked by Stern if she would've married Novak, had he asked her, she responded: "At the time? Yeah, I was 24. For the record, if anyone asked me to marry them, I would have said yes." Ahead of the interview airing, Kaling slyly tweeted, "Um @bjnovak I talked a little about you on @HowardStern."
Novak addressed constant speculation about his status with Kaling while promoting his new book, The Book With No Pictures.
October 2014
When Novak stopped by Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Novak is asked how he felt about Kaling's revealing Stern interview. "I thought it sounded to me like an honest and heartfelt account to a complicated and mostly wonderful relationship,” he simply said.
During an interview with People, Kaling and Novak recreated a scene from When Harry Met Sally, a rom-com about longtime friends who become something more. During the interview, the couple decided that Novak was more like Meg Ryan's Sally and Kaling like Billy Crystal's Harry.
November 2014
When Kaling graced the cover of ELLE for the first time, Novak spoke about his longtime friend. "She’s a gangster," he said. "And guys respond to that. This is not a girl who waits by the phone. This is a girl who picks up the phone and calls whoever she wants."
February 2015
And in early 2015, both Novak and Kaling stick to their stories that they're just friends. "I'm definitely not in the friends-with-my-exes camp," Kaling told Good Housekeeping. "But B.J. has the stamp for life as a friend. My mom loved him. He feels like family."
Novak told Bustle, "It is a fantastic relationship with a lot of shorthand. I feel so lucky that I get a brilliant text from Mindy Kaling, like, once an hour. It's like something you'd win at an auction—Mindy Kaling will blow up your phone!"
April 2015
When Novak visited Boston, he shared a photo of Kaling on the cover of their hometown magazine. "Home in Boston. Grocery shopping with my Mom. Hi @mindykaling," he captioned the post.
May 2015
In an interview with InStyle, Kaling explained, "He is not my boyfriend, but he is not my best friend. I guess you could describe our relationship as a 'romantically charged camaraderie with loud arguments,' but I don't think Facebook would accept this as a new status."
Kaling sat down with Novak at the 2015 BookCon to promote her second book, Why Not Me?. The friends had a wide-ranging conversation that included Kaling referring to Novak as "the love of her life."
Then the former exes and writing partners inked a reported $7.5 million deal from Penguin Random House to write a book about their buzzy past romance.
June 2015
Kaling spoke to ELLE.com further about the still-unreleased project. "He was the one who came up with the idea of working together on something with me," Kaling explained. "And it's so early in the stages now. We actually don't even know what it's going to be about, but we had one of our first work sessions, and it was great. So we'll see!"
Novak made time to post a sweet and funny birthday tribute for Kaling's birthday, writing, "Happy Birthday @mindykaling. No amount of glamorous red carpet photos can ever cover up your truest and most wonderful self (though I understand why you usually go with those looks and not this one). ❤️"
September 2015
Kaling's new book, Why Not Me?, was released and an entire chapter was dedicated to Novak. The title is "Soup Snakes," which references an episode of The Office where Michael Scott (Steve Carell) means to say "soulmates." Kaling wrote, "We’re soup snakes. B.J. and I are soup snakes. 'Soul mates' is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes." She also hilariously summed up their dynamic this way:
"I will freely admit: my relationship with B.J. is weird as hell. He is not my boyfriend, but he is not exactly my best friend. The best way I would describe him is that he is my ex-husband, and we have a son who is away at boarding school, so our fighting can never get that bad because it would upset our child. I don't think Facebook would accept that as a new status. They would just categorize it as 'it's complicated.'"
Novak shared a photo of the copy Kaling had sent him with the attached post-it note, "Please read immediately and tell me you love it. xox Min." Novak captioned the post, "I read it before you sent it, @mindykaling, but now I love it twice as much. How could I not love it: it is literally you in book form. Funny, heartfelt, insightful, entertaining, smart, surprising, sincere, the best."
Kaling spoke about Novak's support of her during an interview with The Guardian. "We are so different and we fight a lot, but the gift he has always given me is the utter and total belief that I am one of the greats. And it is an intoxicating feeling," she admitted.
May 2016
Nearly a year later, Andy Cohen asked Novak again about his relationship status with Kaling. "Really?" the actor asked. "It's so boring. It’s a great relationship of friendship and support and amusing each other." He also disclosed that he and Kaling had not slept together in the last year.
March 2017
The friends made their second appearance at the Vanity Fair Oscars party. Kaling wore a '70s-inspired floral gown by Naeem Khan.
That same month, Kaling engaged in a flirtatious Twitter exchange with New Jersey Senator (and future presidential candidate) Cory Booker. It all started when Booker retweeted a playful joke Kaling made about him and New Jersey on a recent episode of The Mindy Project.
This was followed by Booker's insistence, "You are making my day! Thanks for the clarification. And If the (love) is really mutual... Come have dinner with me in Newark? #PleaseSayYes." Kaling replied, "yes. Now let me get the PATH train schedule." (Booker would later go on to date fellow actress Rosario Dawson.)
August 2017
Kaling revealed that she was expecting her first child while on the Today show. But as she later told the New York Times in 2019, she has no plans to publicly disclose the identity of the baby's father. "My feeling is that, until I speak to my daughter about that, I’m not going to talk to anyone else about it," she explained.
December 2017
Kaling welcomed her daughter on December 15. She was named Katherine Swati Kaling after Kaling's late mother, who died in 2012 from pancreatic cancer.
March 2018
In 2018, Novak and Kaling headed back to the Vanity Fair Oscars party. Kaling wore a sparkly Prabal Gurung gown for her first major red carpet outing since giving birth.
April 2018
Ahead of the release of A Wrinkle in Time, which Kaling co-starred in, Novak shared a sweet Instagram post. "When I met @mindykaling in 2004, she lived in a small apartment off Fairfax in Hollywood. This is what’s in front of that building today. @wrinkleintime." Kaling commented on the photo with soup and snake emojis.
While on the Today show, Hoda Kotb showed Kaling the post, and she got emotional. "That's really moving," she said. "When I was coming up, there was no one who looked like me on TV or film, and that was such a nice thing that he remembered that. I’m legit crying."
February 2019
The former couple made their annual appearance at the Oscars after party hosted by Vanity Fair. Kaling wore a metallic Alberta Ferretti gown for the evening.
May 2019
While promoting her film, Late Night, Kaling admitted her connection to Novak was hard to comprehend. "If I was on the outside looking at it, I would think the same thing," she told Good Housekeeping. "But the truth is that B.J. is so much more like family now than a platonic friend. He’s the godfather to my daughter, he comes over like once a week. Sometimes he’ll come over just to hang out with her."
Still, Kaling wasn't quick to compare her dynamic with Novak to that famous rom-com they both love. "In the When Harry Met Sally version of platonic friends, I too think that’s strange. But when you’ve known someone for as long as I’ve known him—the time that we met each other, which was like 24. Now, we’re both almost 40. It’s such a long time that he truly is just a part of my family."
June 2019
Novak was on hand to celebrate Kaling's most recent birthday. He posted a caption-less photo from the evening, which honestly speaks for itself:
In a new interview with CBS Sunday Morning, Kaling addressed the ever-rampant fascination with their relationship once more. "It’s nice that people care," she said. "I’ve known him for 16 years. We met each other when we were 24 and we’re about to be 40. Anyone who’s known each other for that long…I think it’s nice, I like when people think it’s more romantic or sparkly or interesting than it is."
She continued, "He’s the godfather to my daughter. I see him every week. It isn’t the thing that people sometimes think it is. He’s really part of my family now, which is great. Even though that’s less of a sexy characterization of our relationship, I think it’s a deeper and a closer one. We do spend a lot of time together and it’s a great blessing in my life."
December 2019
They kept up their reliably cute Instagram interactions toward the end of the year.
Kaling posted a sophisticated selfie of the pair captioned, "Benihana was closed so we had to head out to a Christmas party at a friend’s house."
February 2020
Kaling and Novak attended both the Oscars and Vanity Fair's Oscar party, even snapping pictures at the party's photo booth.
For the ceremony, Kaling wore a golden, one-shoulder Dolce & Gabbana gown.
And at the after party, where she and Novak go nearly every year together, she wore a deep purple strapless gown by Reem Acra.
Next, Kaling and Novak will co-host Facebook and Instagram's #Graduation2020 virtual ceremony on May 15.
