Aparna Nancherla on 'Unreliable Narrator,' What Scares Her Most and What She Wants to Do Next

Aparna Nancherla is a more reliable narrator than she gives herself credit for.

The comedian, writer and actor added author to her résumé with Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself and Impostor Syndrome, out now. Nancherla's first book is a collection of essays—complete with cited expert sources for some—that explore everything from her introverted childhood to her struggles with anxiety, depression (named Brenda) and self-doubt as an adult.

Nancherla explained that the book's title comes from the often stark differences between how we view ourselves and how the rest of the world sees us—and those differences in her own life are evident just based on the people who've enthusiastically hyped her book: Mindy Kaling calls Nancherla "a breath of fresh air," Amy Poehler writes that Unreliable Narrator is "deeply honest and funny," Tig Notaro says Nancherla is "wickedly hilarious" and Phoebe Robinson gushes that Nancherla is "brilliant."

"Maybe I'm unreliable because I'm seeing myself in a skewed way compared to how others see me," she said. "Or maybe the world considers me unreliable because it assumes things about me that aren't true, and I know better. It goes both ways, so much so it turns out I could fill over 200 pages about it."

Within those 200 pages, Nancherla delves into her childhood fears (including dogs, the dark and people in authority) and her adult insecurities (ranging from body image and her sex life to performance anxiety in standup and being pilloried by Swifties over a harmless joke). She simultaneously examines the intersections of being a woman and a minority, and how impostor syndrome is often marketed as a problem exclusively to those groups—instead of the systems and spaces in which minority women are simply just trying to exist and thrive.

Of course, she does all of this while being as thoughtful and hilarious as you'd expect. Get to know Nancherla a bit better—including some more details that she didn't divulge in her book.

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What is the most unexpected or uncomfortable scenario in which someone asked you to say something funny?

I feel like because I'm more introverted and kind of shy, sometimes I'll get the opposite, where they don't even give me the chance to say something funny. They'll just be like, "You're a comedian? How?" Like, they don't even want the attempt.

A Lyft driver once was like, "I see it, I see it!" Like "I could see that." I didn't even say anything funny, but he just decided that there was something about me—which I'll take. I'll take being accepted in a profession without even having to show any effort. I love it.

You write that comedians don't give compliments they don't mean, which makes it even more awesome when they dole one out to you. What's the best compliment you've ever received from another comic?

Early on—I might reference this in the book, but I think another comedian told me, "You do stand up like someone who's never seen stand up before." Which, you know, seems like it could be also an insult, but I think they just meant it like, "You do it your own way and you're not trying to do someone else." And that still feels like something I hold on to, because I try to remember it's OK if I'm not doing what someone else is doing, or it it doesn't quite look like everyone else's version.

Something you touch on is hearing from your peers that they never took a night off from standup and did five or six spots and open mics every night to consider themselves "real" comedians. Do you find that these comics' material gets a little too meta at times?

In the sense that maybe like comedy is their whole life, so it's hard for them to find things that are relatable to someone who's not living a life as a comedian, yeah. For me, I took a long break from standup just because I was struggling with performance anxiety. Among other things, like when I was trying to write the book, it just felt hard to perform at the same time, but I found it really valuable to step away, get some distance and start living a life that didn't didn't just solely revolve around comedy, and remembering what that even looks like—and how I am a person without this thing that, yeah, just kind of took over my identity for so many years.

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In your book, you mention the pressure you sometimes feel to answer every young up-and-coming comedian's messages for advice, and how you don't always have the wherewithal to respond to each one. What's the best advice you can offer them? Because now they can just read it here and leave you alone.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to answer all those emails in one fell swoop! I think my advice would be that, really, there is no one path to making it in comedy these days. There are just so many new gateways that weren't around when I started, whether that's building an audience on the internet or going some other route—like, sometimes it does feel like you just make something that happens to take off, and then you kind of find your path that way.

So I wouldn't say I have the answer in terms of "Do this, this and this, and you'll make it as a comedian," because I feel like if anything, the younger generation is more savvy about those next steps than I am. So I think I would say just the the main thing is to make sure you're you're enjoying it on some level. I think it's easy to get caught up in what you should be doing and not following maybe what what you want to be doing sometimes.

You make a beautiful point about how instead of offering advice to someone with depression, it's much more useful to offer to do something for or with them. What's the kindest thing someone's offered you when your depression was severe?

I think just spending time with me. I think maybe it was my sibling who did this for me. But just spending time with me without maybe doing anything. Like we don't have to do anything, we can just go for a walk, but we don't even have to talk. Just having someone kind of hold that place you're at in your life with you, and maybe there's no expectation—like, you don't need to show up and be funny, or we don't even have to talk a lot, but you're just here and showing up for me in this moment. That can be very powerful. And I think sometimes it's hard for me as a people pleaser to not be like, "Oh, is this like kind of bumming you out to have to be around me?" Like I think just having the person show up in spite of those fears can be really big.

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Do you really make unplayable playlists at night? If so, can you name a song or two included in one?

I will say this, the individual songs themselves aren't the problem. It's just that there's no like cohesiveness to the overall playlist. It'll be Metallica and then and oldie or something. It feels disjointed. It feels like if someone gave you one of the playlists they made at night, like as a romantic gesture, you would be like, "Oh, this is actually a red flag based on these songs."

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You mention the consummate struggle of being able to make time to read for fun. What's the last book you were able to get through for enjoyment? For me, it was yours!

I'm not sure when I wrote that, but I have since gotten really back into reading, so I'm sort of a reading fiend. I'll even use it to procrastinate these days—like instead of doing a thing I'll like sit down with a book I'm reading.

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I'll kind of alternate between more heavy stuff that maybe takes longer to get through and then more fun stuff. I did just finish a book that was very fun, and sort of this Gothic thriller—it kind of falls into that dark academia that everyone's into these days. It's called The Cloisters by Katy Hays, and it's sort of this thrilling, academia-based book around tarot cards. It was one of those books where I was kind of like mad at some of the characters throughout, and then I was like, "What do I do with this anger?" Like, I can't really it's not real people. So I can't talk about it in therapy, but it is real anger.

You hilariously compare yourself to a "haunted doll" for the evil thoughts you've had about people you do and don't know. What's the meanest thought you've had about someone you know? (You don't have to name names!)

Wow, what a triggering question! I think that some of the meanest thoughts I have about people are just kind of like, "What are you doing with your life? Like, you're just making a series of bad decisions, and I clearly can see where all the problems are. And you just don't. Why are you with this person? What are your plans? This is not a sustainable life." Like, just fully like disavowing a friend's full set of choices they made in adulthood. And I'm like, "What? Who am I to think I have it all figured out?"

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In discussing your anxiety, you give a list of your childhood fears, which runs the gamut from the dark to big dogs to ghosts to authority figures who might be mad at you. Which, if any, of your childhood fears have you overcome as an adult?

I can now light a stove, and I am no longer afraid of dogs. I feel like I've overcome a lot of them, but I think I'm still afraid of people in authority.

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You took a break from performing and mention in your book that you're glad you weren't touring because of the toll it takes on your mental health. Now that you're going on tour again to promote the book, how are you coping with that?

I'm hoping I'm just overall in a better place mentally, with performing and not maybe internalizing how each performance goes in the same way I used to. The additional challenges of being on the road are not being in a familiar place and being in a hotel room that can feel kind of cold or unfamiliar.

For me, one thing that I do whenever I get to a new city is just to find a coffee shop I like or that makes me feel comfortable. I think just having those little rituals, can kind of help ground you when you're feeling maybe out of sorts. I always still get anxious before shows, and just taking that walk to that coffee shop always helps.

Is there anything you want to do in your career that you haven't yet?

There's a strike right now, so I can't talk about anything concrete, but I would be excited to one day make a show or create a show with friends. I think the chance to work with people you know and love is just such a lucky thing.

Lastly and, arguably, most importantly: Have you ever done standup for your cats?

That's a great question! I feel like my cats are so dismissive of me on a fundamental level that the thought of trying to do something for them, to willingly impress them, feels like really setting myself up to fall hard. So I haven't even tried to make them laugh in everyday life, let alone do standup.

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