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I Wish You All the Best #1
I Wish You All the Best
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Young Adult Fiction (2019)An alternate cover edition for 9781338306125 can be found here.
When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school.
But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life.
At turns heartbreaking and joyous, I Wish You All the Best is both a celebration of life, friendship, and love, and a shining example of hope in the face of adversity.
When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school.
But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life.
At turns heartbreaking and joyous, I Wish You All the Best is both a celebration of life, friendship, and love, and a shining example of hope in the face of adversity.
329 pages, Hardcover
First published May 14, 2019
About the author
Mason Deaver
13 books3,151 followersMason Deaver is a bestselling and award-winning young adult novelist.
Their first book, I Wish You All the Best was an instant bestseller, being nominated for the Goodreads Choice Awards and winning the Pink News Best Young Adult Book Award, as well as being named one of Cosmopolitan's 100 Best YA Books!
Their second novel, The Ghosts We Keep earned a starred review from Booklist, as well as praise from Publisher's Weekly.
Their third novel, The Feeling of Falling In Love received a starred review from Bookpage as well as critical acclaim from Publisher's Weekly and Booklist.
Their fourth novel, Okay, Cupid is expected to release Winter 2024.
They are also a contributor to several anthologies, as well as the author of the Audible Original Another Name For the Devil. They currently live in San Francisco.
Their first book, I Wish You All the Best was an instant bestseller, being nominated for the Goodreads Choice Awards and winning the Pink News Best Young Adult Book Award, as well as being named one of Cosmopolitan's 100 Best YA Books!
Their second novel, The Ghosts We Keep earned a starred review from Booklist, as well as praise from Publisher's Weekly.
Their third novel, The Feeling of Falling In Love received a starred review from Bookpage as well as critical acclaim from Publisher's Weekly and Booklist.
Their fourth novel, Okay, Cupid is expected to release Winter 2024.
They are also a contributor to several anthologies, as well as the author of the Audible Original Another Name For the Devil. They currently live in San Francisco.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 8,437 reviews
August 10, 2022
The beginning of I Wish You All the Best jarred me. Benjamin De Backer, buoyant with hopes of swift acceptance, is planning on coming out as non-binary to their parents. The reader is spared the immediate fallout—but the imagination conjures up enough horrors. What we see is Benjamin, barefoot, walking to a payphone to call an estranged sister they haven’t seen, or spoken to, in a decade. What follows is a story that is both tender and devastating, a reminder that the body’s need to speak its truth is primal and profound and that compassion and love can overcome hate and intolerance.
That said, my primary critique of Deaver’s novel is a longing for more. The book's heart does not always help it overcome much of its dryness. For most of the novel, the plot just plods along. In addition, Deaver builds believable secondary characters but they beg for more page time. The development of familial attachments alongside romantic and platonic ones could have carried a lot more vivacity. I found myself many times wishing this scene or that conversation more fully played out, but the author often plays it close to the chest. Again, I just wanted more, but some moments never come to fruition.
That said, my primary critique of Deaver’s novel is a longing for more. The book's heart does not always help it overcome much of its dryness. For most of the novel, the plot just plods along. In addition, Deaver builds believable secondary characters but they beg for more page time. The development of familial attachments alongside romantic and platonic ones could have carried a lot more vivacity. I found myself many times wishing this scene or that conversation more fully played out, but the author often plays it close to the chest. Again, I just wanted more, but some moments never come to fruition.
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September 28, 2018A soft, sweet, and incredibly important story about a non-binary teen finding their voice. This book is going to be so important to so many people.
November 1, 2020
"Don't ignore the problems. Learn from them. But also don't knock what you get right. Every success deserves a celebration."
Oh the feeling of mile-high expectations actually being fulfilled: pure bliss. I have waited so long for this book to be released and it checks every single box. A wonderful, emotional, important and romantic read.
I Wish You All the Best tells the story of Ben, who is nonbinary, who uses they & them pronouns, who, after coming out to their parents, is kicked out of the house and has to take refuge at their sister's, whom they haven't seen in 10 years. At their new school, they meet Nathan, a captivating boy who may or may not be the cutest human the world has ever seen (chances are high, though). But Ben struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. This definitely translated onto the pages of the book. I often felt hopeless, was frustrated with the absence of feelings, with Ben not being able to say anything but "Yeah", with the plot not going anywhere because the world stops moving when anxiety overwhelms you. At least that's what I felt like reading it. Luckily, Ben slowly opened up to the people around them, to their therapist and eventually to Nathan and their sister. It was a heartfelt book with an easygoing writing style and a slow-burning romance. The kind of romance where it couldn't be more obvious that the attraction is mutual but still these stupid dorks wait till the very last minute to confess their feelings.
The only criticism I have is that I wished the side characters had received more of a backstory. They all had depth and felt real enough, but I was curious about them. About Ben's sister and their brother-in-law, about Maleika and Sophie, about Nathan. I wouldn't have minded an additional 100 pages if this meant that we'd get to see more of them.
I want to stress how important it is that queer writers write queer stories. No cis or straight person would have been able to write such a complex and truthful book about life, coming-out, falling in love as a nonbinary person. I always say that representation and inclusion matter, not only because people might recognise parts of themselves in the characters, but also because it teaches kids and teenagers compassion, acceptance, and empathy early on. If every teenager read this book, the world would be much kinder and tolerant. Stories have so much power and influence, and that's why it's important to promote and support queer voices that have mostly gone unheard until now. I Wish You All the Best was my first novel with a nonbinary character that was at the centre of the story instead of the sidelines. I hope we will get to see more of that in the future.
Find more of my books on Instagram
Oh the feeling of mile-high expectations actually being fulfilled: pure bliss. I have waited so long for this book to be released and it checks every single box. A wonderful, emotional, important and romantic read.
I Wish You All the Best tells the story of Ben, who is nonbinary, who uses they & them pronouns, who, after coming out to their parents, is kicked out of the house and has to take refuge at their sister's, whom they haven't seen in 10 years. At their new school, they meet Nathan, a captivating boy who may or may not be the cutest human the world has ever seen (chances are high, though). But Ben struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. This definitely translated onto the pages of the book. I often felt hopeless, was frustrated with the absence of feelings, with Ben not being able to say anything but "Yeah", with the plot not going anywhere because the world stops moving when anxiety overwhelms you. At least that's what I felt like reading it. Luckily, Ben slowly opened up to the people around them, to their therapist and eventually to Nathan and their sister. It was a heartfelt book with an easygoing writing style and a slow-burning romance. The kind of romance where it couldn't be more obvious that the attraction is mutual but still these stupid dorks wait till the very last minute to confess their feelings.
The only criticism I have is that I wished the side characters had received more of a backstory. They all had depth and felt real enough, but I was curious about them. About Ben's sister and their brother-in-law, about Maleika and Sophie, about Nathan. I wouldn't have minded an additional 100 pages if this meant that we'd get to see more of them.
I want to stress how important it is that queer writers write queer stories. No cis or straight person would have been able to write such a complex and truthful book about life, coming-out, falling in love as a nonbinary person. I always say that representation and inclusion matter, not only because people might recognise parts of themselves in the characters, but also because it teaches kids and teenagers compassion, acceptance, and empathy early on. If every teenager read this book, the world would be much kinder and tolerant. Stories have so much power and influence, and that's why it's important to promote and support queer voices that have mostly gone unheard until now. I Wish You All the Best was my first novel with a nonbinary character that was at the centre of the story instead of the sidelines. I hope we will get to see more of that in the future.
Find more of my books on Instagram
August 15, 2022
Miód na moje serce.
December 8, 2020
The Written Review
Feeling inspired - so there's a Bonus BookTube Video this week - all about the most impactful Pride books I have read.
Now that you know this one made list, check out the video to see the rest.
Ben De Backer after much debating and worrying comes out to their parents as nonbinary.
I don't know whether to cry or scream or do both. It feels like I've done more than enough of both. And it feels like I haven't done enough.
Bodies are fucking weird, especially when it feels like you don't belong in your own.And Ben's parents? Threw their child out of the house.
And at some point, I know I'm going to have to crawl out of this bed and pick up the pieces but right now, it can be just me. Just me, these four walls, and this bed.Luckily Ben has their sister - who was also thrown out of the house (though for different reasons) - who has enough room to take them in.
But now that the immediate issues have been solved, Ben is at a loss. Senior year was supposed to be the time of one's life and instead Ben finds themself more lost than ever.
At least there's Nathan Allan - the one bright spot in Ben's dulled life. But...if Ben comes out to him, will they lose their last friend?
“Whatever happens”—his grip tightens a little—“I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.” He says it with a smile. “You deserve it.”Whew.
Not going to lie - this book challenged me. And it taught me. And I'm grateful for that.
Whenever I don't "get" something, I do try researching on my own but to be honest, what helps the most is to read books by people who represent the aspect I'm trying to learn about.
It's a wonderful way to "walk" a mile in their shoes and be able to get perspective from someone who I would never have known otherwise.
Coming into this book I understood the concept of being nonbinary and was more than okay with it. I'm very much of the belief that if you are not hurting anyone - do whatever it takes to make you feel happy and complete.
But, as weird as it sounds, I was still at a loss regarding how the they/them pronouns work in real life.
I can get ze/zer/zis/whatever quite easily but they/them were a different story.
Before reading this book I felt like I have a mental block where I couldn't stop thinking that "they/them" mean two or more people (not a single, nonbinary person).
So whenever I tried reading articles or trying to grasp how to use those, I just kept getting more and more muddled cause my brain kept searching for whoever else is supposed to be in the sentence or what group the they/them belonged to.
And I'm really happy to have picked up this book because it helped me see how those pronouns work in real life and how different situations use them. (I know, this seems like a relatively weird thing but it honestly made a huge difference to me).
I honestly think I just needed exposure to those terms being used naturally in conversation or sentences for my mind to grasp how it fits into the world.
Also (in general), I really enjoyed the story. Ben was a wonderful protagonist and I really felt their agony as they came out to their parents.
That emotion was so well done that I honestly think this book should be read by so many more people. Experiencing the rejection and the hurt - even when it is "just" in a book - truly (in my opinion) is one of the best ways to educate and learn.
I also adored the relationship between Ben and Nathan. They clicked together really well and made the book pop for me.
All in all, I highly (highly) recommend this one. It truly was one of my best 2020 reads.
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January 20, 2020
this was a powerful read about identity, complex family issues and more. i loved it so much. it was pretty hard for me to read since it was a little triggering (the anxiety and depression rep is so accurate) so i had to read it slowly, but this story means a lot to me and i know it means a lot to so many others too, especially non-binary teens. i highly recommend it!
cw: anxiety, depression, child abuse, misgendering, homophobia
cw: anxiety, depression, child abuse, misgendering, homophobia
March 20, 2019
I am finally going to be able to read Mason’s book. CAN YOU BELIEVE??!
Update after reading - December 3rd, 2018
*4.5/5
This book has not been undersold in the least. It is heartfelt, loving, difficult, and wonderful in every way. Becky’s blurb isn’t lying - it is indeed quietly groundbreaking and will, without a doubt, save lives. Prepare yourselves for an incredible, beautiful debut in 2019, friends.
Update after reading - December 3rd, 2018
*4.5/5
This book has not been undersold in the least. It is heartfelt, loving, difficult, and wonderful in every way. Becky’s blurb isn’t lying - it is indeed quietly groundbreaking and will, without a doubt, save lives. Prepare yourselves for an incredible, beautiful debut in 2019, friends.
May 13, 2019
This was suUuUuUuUuch a great read. I learned so much and also just fell head over heels for these characters. What an important book!
TW: misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression
TW: misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression
August 5, 2021
I’m on BookTube now! =)
”If you're queer, your life has the potential to become one long coming-out moment. If I ever want to be called the right pronouns, I'll have to correct people and put myself out there first and who knows what could happen.”
When I first heard about “I Wish You All the Best” it was August 2019 and I desperately wanted to get my fingers on a copy. Unfortunately at first the book was only sold as an expensive hardcover on Amazon and considering the fact that I don’t have all too much space in my flat I decided to wait for a paperback or ebook version. It was a long wait but I got my copy. Eventually. XD
So I’m sure the question you’re asking yourself now is: Was it worth the long wait? Yes, yes it definitely was! There are so many reasons why to read this was great and the fact that there is (finally!!) a non-binary MC is just one of them! I don’t know many books that feature non-binary characters and the few that did only featured them as side-characters but never truly gave them the spotlight. Mason Deaver however did and I’ll always be thankful they decided to write this book. =) We need more non-binary reps in this world and the mere fact “I Wish You All the Best” exists is already a great achievement. I genuinely hope this book will help to pave the way for a lot of other books that feature non-binary reps and I trust that more and more of them will have non-binary MCs.
It will be a long way but we’ll get there, I’m sure of it. ;-) This said “I Wish You All the Best” has so much more to offer and aside from a great non-binary rep we also got a very diverse and relatable cast. No matter if it’s Mariam who is Shia and wearing a hijab or Meleika who is Korean-American (just to mention two examples) the diversity in this was great! Plus the portrayal of anxiety and mental health as well as the representation of friendships and relationships in this book were very well done as well. The friendship/family dynamics were pretty interesting and it’s definitely a very character driven book. Well, I guess this is the clue to head to my characters section so this is exactly what I’m going to do!
The characters:
I guess by now you all know that this is my spoilery spoiler section but for everyone who’s new to my reviews: This is my spoilery spoiler section, in which I usually gush, rant and talk about all the characters in detail! So if you don’t want to be spoiled: Now is your last chance to opt out. ;-P
Ben De Backer:
”I can do this, it’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay and this is most definitely the right thing to do. I know my parents, they know me, they deserve to know this thing about me as well.
And I want to tell them, I really, really do.”
I felt so sorry for Ben because what happened to them was really not okay. Here they were trying to open up to their parents and to tell them the truth about being non-binary and what did those parents do? They kicked their own kid out of the house! Like really kicked them out. In the middle of a cold winter night without any shoes or proper clothes! GRRRR! I was so angry when I read that scene. No wonder Ben had trust issues after receiving such a treatment. I felt so much for them and I just wanted to hug Ben and tell them that everything would be okay. My heart bled so much for Ben and the fact that they were hiding their true self after getting kicked out because they were afraid no one would accept them for who they are. T_T Thankfully they made new friends and had a great sister who tried to help them as good as possible. <3
”I sort of became the punching bag for all of Dad’s issues. He didn’t actually hit me, but overnight, I essentially became an only child, the focus of anything and everything. If I did something wrong, it was blown way out of proportion.”
Nathan Allan:
”Come here.” He pulls me in. At first, I don’t want to move, but he’s so warm, and I’m desperate for a touch right now. His touch. He rocks us both back and forth a little. “If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me.” He’s sniffling. Is he crying too? “I just spent the last half year misgendering you, and you’re apologizing to me?”
I swear Nathan Allan is one of the most precious cinnamon rolls I ever read about! This boy! <333 Seriously! I loved how supportive he was of Ben and how he always tried to get them to talk about things without prying too much. Nathan was so respectful and yet at the same time he showed that he cared. I think everyone should have a Nathan Allan in their life and I’m sure the world would be a better place if everyone did. XD Also I could totally get why Ben chose the colour yellow for Nathan’s portray because it fit so good to his personality! He’s a bright sunray and needs to be protected at all costs. <3
Hannah:
”And I’ll be in the waiting room if you need me. If you want to leave early, if you need me to sit in there with you, anything at all.”
Hannah was the best sibling ever and even though she left Ben to fend for themselves (?! please tell me if I used that wrongly) I still think she made it up to them in the end. She was very patient with Ben and gave them room to grow into themselves and to become the person they truly were. Also I loved how supportive Hannah’s hubby was. I mean Ben was basically a stranger yet they both just took them in and provided everything for them. Hannah and Thomas deserve and award for being that kind and gentle with Ben! <3
”Because even when I finally got out of that goddamn house they still had a hold on me. And it’s breaking my heart to see you going through the same thing, Ben.”
The Relationships & ships:
Ben & Nathan:
”Whatever happens” – his grip tightens a little – “I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.” He says it with a smile. “You deserve it.”
I loved the super slow burn romance between those two. I mean it was pretty obvious that Nathan liked Ben, at least for me it was because you don’t make innuendos like that if you don’t like the other person. *lol* I guess Ben just needed time to realize it though. I mean there was a lot going on in their life and they had to come to terms with everything first and sort things out before they could fall in love and I just loved it. This was such a realistic and healthy approach and I wish everyone would love themselves first before going for a relationship. In YA books this happens way too often. That a character can only love and appreciate herself/himself/themselves if someone else does. And this is the wrong message. I think you should love and accept yourself first. You should know who you are and who you want to be before you go into a relationship because only if you’ve accepted yourself you will be ready to love and accept someone else. So to watch this play out in the book was amazing and to see how those two finally found each other was very sweet! <3
Me: You’re serious? It’s like two houses away.
Nathan: Alright, but let it never be said that I’m anything short of a gentleman.
Me: Noted. Will you lead the search party if I get lost?
Nathan: Are you kidding? I’ll hang up flyers of that handsome face all over town!”
”Why did you pick yellow?” he asks.
I’m answering before I can stop myself. “Because it’s bright and hopeful.” I wait a beat. “Like you.”
”We’ll have to figure a lot of things out, won’t we?”
“Yeah.” His grip on me tightens. “But at least we can do it together, right?” He leans in and kisses me again, and I never want him to stop.
Ben & Hannah:
”So, what are your pronouns?” she asks.
The question strikes me. Not in the bad way. It’s just weird. Hannah is the first person to ask. The first person who had to ask. “They and them,” I say, trying to sound confident, but even I can tell I’m failing miserably.
“All right. Well, it might take some getting used to, so I want you to correct me when I mess up, okay?”
I just loved Hannah!! She was so great! And she definitely falls into the category of #SiblingGoals! Was it wrong of her to leave Ben like that? Yes, it was and Ben has every right to be angry. Was it the right thing for her to do at the time: Yes, because she needed to do it. We could judge Hanna for leaving her baby sibling in the clutches of their parents but considering what she went through it was best for her to cut the ties. There are moments in life when you have to watch out for yourself and when you’re so emotionally instable that you just can’t take care of others. So when you reach that point you need to accept the help from others and take care of yourself first before you can take care of someone else. Well, and Hannah back then was very young. She was basically a child too and was totally out of her depth. So yes, it was wrong to leave Ben but she felt like she had no other choice than to leave and I can acknowledge that even if it hurt her sibling. Well, even Ben acknowledged it but it didn’t change anything about Ben’s feelings, which is totally legitimate and okay. Still, at the end they managed to overcome their past and began a new part of their lives together and that was really nice and hopeful.
”But that was it. A phone number I couldn’t call, and an address to a place I couldn’t get to. I understand that you had to leave. That you couldn’t take it anymore, I’m not mad at you for that.” I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, and Dr. Taylor slides the box of tissues toward me. “But I was alone. I was alone and scared, and I didn’t really know what’d happened to you. You knew how bad they could get, and you just left me to fight for myself.”
Ben & their parents:
”Please.” I begged them both. “Don’t do this.”
Dad led me to the door, and Mom followed on his heels. I just kept begging and begging, but they never did anything.
“Mom! Please!”
“God doesn’t want this for you, Ben.”
I begged her not to say that, and then I started crying. But that must not have been enough. The door closed, and I wanted it to open back up.
You know, when I read that scene the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Like URGH!!! What does God have to do with this?! Why wouldn’t God love Ben for being non-binary? Like WTH?! I hate it when people justify their narrow-mindedness with religious beliefs! I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and however you call the higher power you believe in, it created us the way we are so it wanted us to be the way we are! Period. Okay, my rant is over. XD This said I really disliked Ben’s parents. A LOT! They treated being non-binary like it was an illness that needed to be cured and you don’t even want to hear what I have to say about people that tell us something must be wrong with us because we are part of the LGBTQ+ community. *lol* Ahh lots of touchy subjects here. No wonder I loathed Ben’s parents so much. What they did was really unforgivable and I can’t even comprehend how someone would throw their own kid out of their house. I’m a parent myself and I would NEVER EVER do such a thing to my kid! I love my child more than anything and I’d do everything for her! <333 So yeah, why parents would do such a thing... I’ll never understand it. *shakes head* No wonder, Ben didn’t want to go back to them and chose to live with Hannah instead.
”You’ll come home after you graduate,” Dad says, and I notice it’s more of a command than a request. "We'll take you to the therapist we’ve been seeing, maybe he can help you work through some of the things you’ve been dealing with. And help you with this nonbinary business.”
Ben & Mariam:
I don’t know much about Mariam’s parents, but they’ve never had any problem with them being nonbinary or pansexual, so Mariam never really had to worry about hiding their sexuality or their identify from their parents.”
The friendship between Mariam and Ben was so amazing! I loved those two and their conversations and I was very thankful that Mariam was a steady part of Ben’s live. They needed someone like them and I was glad Mariam was able to ground Ben somehow. Also there need to be more Mariam’s in the world as well because people who have some influence and openly advocate for the LGBTQ+ community are still very rare. To be honest, Mariam’s parents sound like #ParentGoals to me and it was really nice to see a positive parent representation too.
”Mariam, how do you get someone to like you?”
They let out a little squeal and I have to put them on mute before Hannah or Thomas think something is wrong. “Sorry, I’ve just been waiting for this day for forever.” They pretend to wipe away a tear.
“Love the vote of confidence,” I add.
The non-binary rep:
”Such a contrast to the other nonbinary people I’ve seen online. Their smooth, hairless, acneless faces, their trimmed hair that always seems perfect. These things I could never be. Because no matter how hard I will it, my body isn’t how I want to see myself. Not that there’s anything wrong with those kinds of enby people, I just ... it’s hard to describe. Bodies are fucking weird, especially when it feels like you don’t belong in your own.”
Since this was an own-voices book the non-binary rep was great and I totally understood where Ben was coming from. It’s not easy to make peace with your body, especially if you’re in between somehow. And I should know because being gender-fluid isn’t easy as well. ;-) So yeah, I think the non-binary rep was spot on and accurate. (Take this with a grain of salt though because I’m not non-binary and would never dare to speak for the people who are.) Truth be told, the only thing I had a little trouble with was the fact that Ben got offended whenever someone used the wrong pronouns. I mean it wasn’t like they were out and how were people supposed to know? Sure, it can make you feel sick to be addressed with the wrong pronouns but you can’t hold it against others if you don’t come out to them and correct them. So I kinda would have liked Ben to tell Nathan that it wasn’t his fault for misgendering them. Because honestly, it wasn’t! He couldn’t smell it, right? I personally never hold it against people if they misgender me because I feel like I can’t expect them to know. (Especially because my pronouns constantly change) But oh well, that’s just me so maybe I’m too lenient with others? I dunno. *shrugs*
”Boys aren’t supposed to wear dresses. Even if I’m not a boy, even if clothing shouldn’t be gendered. Whenever anyone looks at me, that’s all they’ll see.”
Conclusion:
All told I really liked “I Wish You All the Best” and I appreciated the non-binary rep. To find a non-binary MC is really rare so I can’t thank Mason Deaver enough for this book. I loved the diversity and the fact that a lot of topics were tackled in here, not to mention that they were always addressed in a very sensitive and genuine way. This said I’m definitely looking forward to read Mason Deaver’s next book. =)
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Nathan Allen is one hell of a precious cinnamon roll and the perfect person. <333
Like seriously!!!
I enjoyed this so much and read it in no time. Ben’s struggles felt real and ahhh I love Hannah and her husband.
The diversity and rep was great as well so for now all I’ll say is:
Full RTC soon! Stay tuned! ;-)
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Since it’s PRIDE month and since I mentioned this book in my ”June TBR” BookTube video I decided to go for it!
I finally got myself a copy and I’m definitely going to read the hell out of it!
I mean I wanted to read this since August 2019! *lol*
This said: Happy pride month!!! <333
“I Wish You All the Best” too! ;-))
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Can anyone tell me what I have to do to get a copy of this book?
It's all over my feed and I've been dying to read this for ages!
The only way to buy it is through Amazon though and it costs about EUR 15 over there plus a parcel fee of 3 Euros. Not to mention that it's a hardcover. *sighs*
Does anyone know if there will be an e-book version one day or at least a paperback?
Because every time I see this on my feed I'm dying once again. *lol*
P.S: I asked the author and will share their answer on here as soon as I get it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who can't afford to buy a hardcover. (I wish I'd have the space... XD)
”If you're queer, your life has the potential to become one long coming-out moment. If I ever want to be called the right pronouns, I'll have to correct people and put myself out there first and who knows what could happen.”
When I first heard about “I Wish You All the Best” it was August 2019 and I desperately wanted to get my fingers on a copy. Unfortunately at first the book was only sold as an expensive hardcover on Amazon and considering the fact that I don’t have all too much space in my flat I decided to wait for a paperback or ebook version. It was a long wait but I got my copy. Eventually. XD
So I’m sure the question you’re asking yourself now is: Was it worth the long wait? Yes, yes it definitely was! There are so many reasons why to read this was great and the fact that there is (finally!!) a non-binary MC is just one of them! I don’t know many books that feature non-binary characters and the few that did only featured them as side-characters but never truly gave them the spotlight. Mason Deaver however did and I’ll always be thankful they decided to write this book. =) We need more non-binary reps in this world and the mere fact “I Wish You All the Best” exists is already a great achievement. I genuinely hope this book will help to pave the way for a lot of other books that feature non-binary reps and I trust that more and more of them will have non-binary MCs.
It will be a long way but we’ll get there, I’m sure of it. ;-) This said “I Wish You All the Best” has so much more to offer and aside from a great non-binary rep we also got a very diverse and relatable cast. No matter if it’s Mariam who is Shia and wearing a hijab or Meleika who is Korean-American (just to mention two examples) the diversity in this was great! Plus the portrayal of anxiety and mental health as well as the representation of friendships and relationships in this book were very well done as well. The friendship/family dynamics were pretty interesting and it’s definitely a very character driven book. Well, I guess this is the clue to head to my characters section so this is exactly what I’m going to do!
The characters:
I guess by now you all know that this is my spoilery spoiler section but for everyone who’s new to my reviews: This is my spoilery spoiler section, in which I usually gush, rant and talk about all the characters in detail! So if you don’t want to be spoiled: Now is your last chance to opt out. ;-P
Ben De Backer:
”I can do this, it’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay and this is most definitely the right thing to do. I know my parents, they know me, they deserve to know this thing about me as well.
And I want to tell them, I really, really do.”
I felt so sorry for Ben because what happened to them was really not okay. Here they were trying to open up to their parents and to tell them the truth about being non-binary and what did those parents do? They kicked their own kid out of the house! Like really kicked them out. In the middle of a cold winter night without any shoes or proper clothes! GRRRR! I was so angry when I read that scene. No wonder Ben had trust issues after receiving such a treatment. I felt so much for them and I just wanted to hug Ben and tell them that everything would be okay. My heart bled so much for Ben and the fact that they were hiding their true self after getting kicked out because they were afraid no one would accept them for who they are. T_T Thankfully they made new friends and had a great sister who tried to help them as good as possible. <3
”I sort of became the punching bag for all of Dad’s issues. He didn’t actually hit me, but overnight, I essentially became an only child, the focus of anything and everything. If I did something wrong, it was blown way out of proportion.”
Nathan Allan:
”Come here.” He pulls me in. At first, I don’t want to move, but he’s so warm, and I’m desperate for a touch right now. His touch. He rocks us both back and forth a little. “If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me.” He’s sniffling. Is he crying too? “I just spent the last half year misgendering you, and you’re apologizing to me?”
I swear Nathan Allan is one of the most precious cinnamon rolls I ever read about! This boy! <333 Seriously! I loved how supportive he was of Ben and how he always tried to get them to talk about things without prying too much. Nathan was so respectful and yet at the same time he showed that he cared. I think everyone should have a Nathan Allan in their life and I’m sure the world would be a better place if everyone did. XD Also I could totally get why Ben chose the colour yellow for Nathan’s portray because it fit so good to his personality! He’s a bright sunray and needs to be protected at all costs. <3
Hannah:
”And I’ll be in the waiting room if you need me. If you want to leave early, if you need me to sit in there with you, anything at all.”
Hannah was the best sibling ever and even though she left Ben to fend for themselves (?! please tell me if I used that wrongly) I still think she made it up to them in the end. She was very patient with Ben and gave them room to grow into themselves and to become the person they truly were. Also I loved how supportive Hannah’s hubby was. I mean Ben was basically a stranger yet they both just took them in and provided everything for them. Hannah and Thomas deserve and award for being that kind and gentle with Ben! <3
”Because even when I finally got out of that goddamn house they still had a hold on me. And it’s breaking my heart to see you going through the same thing, Ben.”
The Relationships & ships:
Ben & Nathan:
”Whatever happens” – his grip tightens a little – “I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.” He says it with a smile. “You deserve it.”
I loved the super slow burn romance between those two. I mean it was pretty obvious that Nathan liked Ben, at least for me it was because you don’t make innuendos like that if you don’t like the other person. *lol* I guess Ben just needed time to realize it though. I mean there was a lot going on in their life and they had to come to terms with everything first and sort things out before they could fall in love and I just loved it. This was such a realistic and healthy approach and I wish everyone would love themselves first before going for a relationship. In YA books this happens way too often. That a character can only love and appreciate herself/himself/themselves if someone else does. And this is the wrong message. I think you should love and accept yourself first. You should know who you are and who you want to be before you go into a relationship because only if you’ve accepted yourself you will be ready to love and accept someone else. So to watch this play out in the book was amazing and to see how those two finally found each other was very sweet! <3
Me: You’re serious? It’s like two houses away.
Nathan: Alright, but let it never be said that I’m anything short of a gentleman.
Me: Noted. Will you lead the search party if I get lost?
Nathan: Are you kidding? I’ll hang up flyers of that handsome face all over town!”
”Why did you pick yellow?” he asks.
I’m answering before I can stop myself. “Because it’s bright and hopeful.” I wait a beat. “Like you.”
”We’ll have to figure a lot of things out, won’t we?”
“Yeah.” His grip on me tightens. “But at least we can do it together, right?” He leans in and kisses me again, and I never want him to stop.
Ben & Hannah:
”So, what are your pronouns?” she asks.
The question strikes me. Not in the bad way. It’s just weird. Hannah is the first person to ask. The first person who had to ask. “They and them,” I say, trying to sound confident, but even I can tell I’m failing miserably.
“All right. Well, it might take some getting used to, so I want you to correct me when I mess up, okay?”
I just loved Hannah!! She was so great! And she definitely falls into the category of #SiblingGoals! Was it wrong of her to leave Ben like that? Yes, it was and Ben has every right to be angry. Was it the right thing for her to do at the time: Yes, because she needed to do it. We could judge Hanna for leaving her baby sibling in the clutches of their parents but considering what she went through it was best for her to cut the ties. There are moments in life when you have to watch out for yourself and when you’re so emotionally instable that you just can’t take care of others. So when you reach that point you need to accept the help from others and take care of yourself first before you can take care of someone else. Well, and Hannah back then was very young. She was basically a child too and was totally out of her depth. So yes, it was wrong to leave Ben but she felt like she had no other choice than to leave and I can acknowledge that even if it hurt her sibling. Well, even Ben acknowledged it but it didn’t change anything about Ben’s feelings, which is totally legitimate and okay. Still, at the end they managed to overcome their past and began a new part of their lives together and that was really nice and hopeful.
”But that was it. A phone number I couldn’t call, and an address to a place I couldn’t get to. I understand that you had to leave. That you couldn’t take it anymore, I’m not mad at you for that.” I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, and Dr. Taylor slides the box of tissues toward me. “But I was alone. I was alone and scared, and I didn’t really know what’d happened to you. You knew how bad they could get, and you just left me to fight for myself.”
Ben & their parents:
”Please.” I begged them both. “Don’t do this.”
Dad led me to the door, and Mom followed on his heels. I just kept begging and begging, but they never did anything.
“Mom! Please!”
“God doesn’t want this for you, Ben.”
I begged her not to say that, and then I started crying. But that must not have been enough. The door closed, and I wanted it to open back up.
You know, when I read that scene the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Like URGH!!! What does God have to do with this?! Why wouldn’t God love Ben for being non-binary? Like WTH?! I hate it when people justify their narrow-mindedness with religious beliefs! I am part of the LGBTQ+ community and however you call the higher power you believe in, it created us the way we are so it wanted us to be the way we are! Period. Okay, my rant is over. XD This said I really disliked Ben’s parents. A LOT! They treated being non-binary like it was an illness that needed to be cured and you don’t even want to hear what I have to say about people that tell us something must be wrong with us because we are part of the LGBTQ+ community. *lol* Ahh lots of touchy subjects here. No wonder I loathed Ben’s parents so much. What they did was really unforgivable and I can’t even comprehend how someone would throw their own kid out of their house. I’m a parent myself and I would NEVER EVER do such a thing to my kid! I love my child more than anything and I’d do everything for her! <333 So yeah, why parents would do such a thing... I’ll never understand it. *shakes head* No wonder, Ben didn’t want to go back to them and chose to live with Hannah instead.
”You’ll come home after you graduate,” Dad says, and I notice it’s more of a command than a request. "We'll take you to the therapist we’ve been seeing, maybe he can help you work through some of the things you’ve been dealing with. And help you with this nonbinary business.”
Ben & Mariam:
I don’t know much about Mariam’s parents, but they’ve never had any problem with them being nonbinary or pansexual, so Mariam never really had to worry about hiding their sexuality or their identify from their parents.”
The friendship between Mariam and Ben was so amazing! I loved those two and their conversations and I was very thankful that Mariam was a steady part of Ben’s live. They needed someone like them and I was glad Mariam was able to ground Ben somehow. Also there need to be more Mariam’s in the world as well because people who have some influence and openly advocate for the LGBTQ+ community are still very rare. To be honest, Mariam’s parents sound like #ParentGoals to me and it was really nice to see a positive parent representation too.
”Mariam, how do you get someone to like you?”
They let out a little squeal and I have to put them on mute before Hannah or Thomas think something is wrong. “Sorry, I’ve just been waiting for this day for forever.” They pretend to wipe away a tear.
“Love the vote of confidence,” I add.
The non-binary rep:
”Such a contrast to the other nonbinary people I’ve seen online. Their smooth, hairless, acneless faces, their trimmed hair that always seems perfect. These things I could never be. Because no matter how hard I will it, my body isn’t how I want to see myself. Not that there’s anything wrong with those kinds of enby people, I just ... it’s hard to describe. Bodies are fucking weird, especially when it feels like you don’t belong in your own.”
Since this was an own-voices book the non-binary rep was great and I totally understood where Ben was coming from. It’s not easy to make peace with your body, especially if you’re in between somehow. And I should know because being gender-fluid isn’t easy as well. ;-) So yeah, I think the non-binary rep was spot on and accurate. (Take this with a grain of salt though because I’m not non-binary and would never dare to speak for the people who are.) Truth be told, the only thing I had a little trouble with was the fact that Ben got offended whenever someone used the wrong pronouns. I mean it wasn’t like they were out and how were people supposed to know? Sure, it can make you feel sick to be addressed with the wrong pronouns but you can’t hold it against others if you don’t come out to them and correct them. So I kinda would have liked Ben to tell Nathan that it wasn’t his fault for misgendering them. Because honestly, it wasn’t! He couldn’t smell it, right? I personally never hold it against people if they misgender me because I feel like I can’t expect them to know. (Especially because my pronouns constantly change) But oh well, that’s just me so maybe I’m too lenient with others? I dunno. *shrugs*
”Boys aren’t supposed to wear dresses. Even if I’m not a boy, even if clothing shouldn’t be gendered. Whenever anyone looks at me, that’s all they’ll see.”
Conclusion:
All told I really liked “I Wish You All the Best” and I appreciated the non-binary rep. To find a non-binary MC is really rare so I can’t thank Mason Deaver enough for this book. I loved the diversity and the fact that a lot of topics were tackled in here, not to mention that they were always addressed in a very sensitive and genuine way. This said I’m definitely looking forward to read Mason Deaver’s next book. =)
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Nathan Allen is one hell of a precious cinnamon roll and the perfect person. <333
Like seriously!!!
I enjoyed this so much and read it in no time. Ben’s struggles felt real and ahhh I love Hannah and her husband.
The diversity and rep was great as well so for now all I’ll say is:
Full RTC soon! Stay tuned! ;-)
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Since it’s PRIDE month and since I mentioned this book in my ”June TBR” BookTube video I decided to go for it!
I finally got myself a copy and I’m definitely going to read the hell out of it!
I mean I wanted to read this since August 2019! *lol*
This said: Happy pride month!!! <333
“I Wish You All the Best” too! ;-))
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Can anyone tell me what I have to do to get a copy of this book?
It's all over my feed and I've been dying to read this for ages!
The only way to buy it is through Amazon though and it costs about EUR 15 over there plus a parcel fee of 3 Euros. Not to mention that it's a hardcover. *sighs*
Does anyone know if there will be an e-book version one day or at least a paperback?
Because every time I see this on my feed I'm dying once again. *lol*
P.S: I asked the author and will share their answer on here as soon as I get it. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who can't afford to buy a hardcover. (I wish I'd have the space... XD)
June 20, 2019
"whatever happens, I wish you all the best, Ben De Backer
THIS WAS EVERYTHING. This is such a groundbreaking YA book following a non-binary teen that is genuinely going to change lives. It was sadder than I expected, with more of a family focus rather than romance, but I really loved what it was doing and how it covered so much in such a short time.
Ben was a great main character, I liked that their reactions seemed realistic for the situation, and I felt they were a character that 'existed' rather than was necessarily designed to be liked or a teaching mechanism.
Nathan was a huge angel and I loved him. I just wish there were more interactions between Ben and Nathan to build their chemistry and relationship more, though I do love their romance.
Overall this is a wonderful, and necessary book that tackled a lot of issues around homophobia, transphobia, living as a non-binary person and queer experiences. big recemmondand maybe bigger review to come
July 25, 2021
I feel like it’s really important for me to address my issues in an actual review because of /how much/ I wanted to love this book.
The own voices representation for a nonbinary main character is SO! IMPORTANT! and this book definitely deserves praise for that alone, because this is what the world needs. My issues are NOT with the representation or the ways in which Ben deals with their identity or coming to terms with that & the impact on their relationships. I’m not trying to invalidate any of what Ben, and many readers, I imagine, experience.
My issues were with the writing. I think the writing was choppy and stilted, the conversations oddly formal and lackluster.
Ben as a character was so passive that I actually struggled to like them and I ended up skimming the last 40 pages because I couldn’t stand to read from their perspective any longer (again, not invalidating their struggles, but the way in which they were crafted). Most of the characters felt very one-note and lacked a depth beyond the one archetype they were meant to fill. There were a lot of aspects to the characters that never got resolved, and it didn’t feel like an intentional ambiguous ending, but rather that the author didn’t care/think to wrap up all the loose ends.
The pacing was super off, often jumping from scene to scene without any indication of passing time, as well as inconsistent jumps forward in the timeline, as if the author was just trying to get from one plot point to another, instead of making it one large cohesive storyline. It made a lot of scenes come across choppy and left me confused at times as to how we got to where we were.
Also the therapy rep in this, while shown in a very positive light, was not great. Dr. Taylor was a very biased and, in my opinion, very unprofessional in her interactions with Ben and Hannah. This is a very niche complaint as someone in the mental health profession, but I couldn’t help but assume that the author had very little experience/did very little research in regards to the therapy aspect of Ben’s journey.
The own voices representation for a nonbinary main character is SO! IMPORTANT! and this book definitely deserves praise for that alone, because this is what the world needs. My issues are NOT with the representation or the ways in which Ben deals with their identity or coming to terms with that & the impact on their relationships. I’m not trying to invalidate any of what Ben, and many readers, I imagine, experience.
My issues were with the writing. I think the writing was choppy and stilted, the conversations oddly formal and lackluster.
Ben as a character was so passive that I actually struggled to like them and I ended up skimming the last 40 pages because I couldn’t stand to read from their perspective any longer (again, not invalidating their struggles, but the way in which they were crafted). Most of the characters felt very one-note and lacked a depth beyond the one archetype they were meant to fill. There were a lot of aspects to the characters that never got resolved, and it didn’t feel like an intentional ambiguous ending, but rather that the author didn’t care/think to wrap up all the loose ends.
The pacing was super off, often jumping from scene to scene without any indication of passing time, as well as inconsistent jumps forward in the timeline, as if the author was just trying to get from one plot point to another, instead of making it one large cohesive storyline. It made a lot of scenes come across choppy and left me confused at times as to how we got to where we were.
Also the therapy rep in this, while shown in a very positive light, was not great. Dr. Taylor was a very biased and, in my opinion, very unprofessional in her interactions with Ben and Hannah. This is a very niche complaint as someone in the mental health profession, but I couldn’t help but assume that the author had very little experience/did very little research in regards to the therapy aspect of Ben’s journey.
July 24, 2019
I initially rated this 4 stars but after reading a few reviews I changed my mind..
I enjoyed the overall story a lot but the side characters were all incredibly boring and have little to no personality (except for Mariam but even they didn't really get much. Whenever Ben talked to them it was always about Ben's problems. From what we got to see it felt like a pretty one-sided friendship to me tbh)
I enjoyed the overall story a lot but the side characters were all incredibly boring and have little to no personality (except for Mariam but even they didn't really get much. Whenever Ben talked to them it was always about Ben's problems. From what we got to see it felt like a pretty one-sided friendship to me tbh)
May 19, 2019
Yes, yes, YES. I loved this book so much!
Ben De Backer has finally decided it's time they come out to their parents as nonbinary. While Ben knows their parents, particularly their father, are difficult and have strong religious beliefs, in the end Ben thinks that their parents should be okay with their coming out. Ben is their child after all, right?
Ben couldn't have been more wrong. Their parents kick Ben out of the house and with nowhere to turn, not even shoes on their feet, Ben turns to their estranged sister, Hannah, who left home 10 years ago and never looked back.
Although it takes a moment for Hannah and her husband, Thomas, to understand what nonbinary even means, there's no question that they will take Ben into their home. Hannah feels so much guilt about leaving Ben behind with their parents all those years ago, and Ben only knew she was married via social media. But Hannah is determined to help Ben deal with the stress of accepting their identity coupled with their parents' rejection.
"Like, what do you do when your parents kick you out of your house? When your entire life is upheaved, all because you wanted to come out, to be respected and seen, to be called the right pronouns?"
As Ben tries to settle into a new high school for one last semester before graduation, they hope to keep a low profile. But that plan is quickly thwarted when Ben meets Nathan Allan, whose charm and humor make him seem almost larger than life. Nathan wants to be Ben's friend and doesn't understand why they keep pushing him away, so little by little Ben's defenses come down and they open up to the idea of Nathan's friendship, and in turn, Nathan's best friends as well. It's difficult, though, to be close with people from whom you're keeping your true self secret, but Ben isn't interested in the possibility of rejection again.
While Ben tries to reconcile their conflicted feelings toward Hannah and deal with panic attacks and anxiety, they're also frightened by how much Nathan is starting to mean to them. Can Ben find the courage to let Nathan know the truth about them? Would Nathan push them away? And even if Nathan were interested in them, is it worth exploring when Nathan is set to leave North Carolina for college in just three months?
Dealing with just one of these issues is tough for anyone, but all of them compounded prove immensely challenging for Ben. They find themselves turning more and more to their therapist and Mariam, their only nonbinary friend, with whom Ben speaks via Skype and text. Mariam has made a career from their experiences accepting their identity and living their life openly, and they want Ben to do the same.
I Wish You All the Best is a beautiful, moving book about everyone's right to be happy with who they are, and their need to be surrounded by love and friendship. It's such an amazing story about how you can't tackle all of your problems on your own—only by letting people in can you start to achieve happiness and self-acceptance.
At times it's a difficult book to read, because of the emotions and challenges Ben has to deal with, and how difficult it is for them to communicate how they feel, but it seemed immensely realistic, and I found myself hoping that Ben would find their way through this.
Mason Deaver brought so much humor, emotion, and hope to this book. These characters were amazing. I read the entire thing in just a few hours and loved it so much. I really found it a tremendous learning experience for me, because I'll admit I don't know nearly enough about nonbinary people. I hope this book gets into the hands of those who need it most.
If you follow my reviews you know how much I marvel at the tremendous amount of talent in the YA genre in particular. I love the courage and boldness with which these authors tackle difficult subjects, and I am so thankful that there are so many authors like Deaver willing to share their own struggles with readers in the hope they can reach those who need to hear, and see, that progress and happiness and acceptance may seem impossible to fathom, but it truly is possible.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2018 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2018.html.
You can follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
Ben De Backer has finally decided it's time they come out to their parents as nonbinary. While Ben knows their parents, particularly their father, are difficult and have strong religious beliefs, in the end Ben thinks that their parents should be okay with their coming out. Ben is their child after all, right?
Ben couldn't have been more wrong. Their parents kick Ben out of the house and with nowhere to turn, not even shoes on their feet, Ben turns to their estranged sister, Hannah, who left home 10 years ago and never looked back.
Although it takes a moment for Hannah and her husband, Thomas, to understand what nonbinary even means, there's no question that they will take Ben into their home. Hannah feels so much guilt about leaving Ben behind with their parents all those years ago, and Ben only knew she was married via social media. But Hannah is determined to help Ben deal with the stress of accepting their identity coupled with their parents' rejection.
"Like, what do you do when your parents kick you out of your house? When your entire life is upheaved, all because you wanted to come out, to be respected and seen, to be called the right pronouns?"
As Ben tries to settle into a new high school for one last semester before graduation, they hope to keep a low profile. But that plan is quickly thwarted when Ben meets Nathan Allan, whose charm and humor make him seem almost larger than life. Nathan wants to be Ben's friend and doesn't understand why they keep pushing him away, so little by little Ben's defenses come down and they open up to the idea of Nathan's friendship, and in turn, Nathan's best friends as well. It's difficult, though, to be close with people from whom you're keeping your true self secret, but Ben isn't interested in the possibility of rejection again.
While Ben tries to reconcile their conflicted feelings toward Hannah and deal with panic attacks and anxiety, they're also frightened by how much Nathan is starting to mean to them. Can Ben find the courage to let Nathan know the truth about them? Would Nathan push them away? And even if Nathan were interested in them, is it worth exploring when Nathan is set to leave North Carolina for college in just three months?
Dealing with just one of these issues is tough for anyone, but all of them compounded prove immensely challenging for Ben. They find themselves turning more and more to their therapist and Mariam, their only nonbinary friend, with whom Ben speaks via Skype and text. Mariam has made a career from their experiences accepting their identity and living their life openly, and they want Ben to do the same.
I Wish You All the Best is a beautiful, moving book about everyone's right to be happy with who they are, and their need to be surrounded by love and friendship. It's such an amazing story about how you can't tackle all of your problems on your own—only by letting people in can you start to achieve happiness and self-acceptance.
At times it's a difficult book to read, because of the emotions and challenges Ben has to deal with, and how difficult it is for them to communicate how they feel, but it seemed immensely realistic, and I found myself hoping that Ben would find their way through this.
Mason Deaver brought so much humor, emotion, and hope to this book. These characters were amazing. I read the entire thing in just a few hours and loved it so much. I really found it a tremendous learning experience for me, because I'll admit I don't know nearly enough about nonbinary people. I hope this book gets into the hands of those who need it most.
If you follow my reviews you know how much I marvel at the tremendous amount of talent in the YA genre in particular. I love the courage and boldness with which these authors tackle difficult subjects, and I am so thankful that there are so many authors like Deaver willing to share their own struggles with readers in the hope they can reach those who need to hear, and see, that progress and happiness and acceptance may seem impossible to fathom, but it truly is possible.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2018 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2019/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2018.html.
You can follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
May 29, 2022
To jest książka, której w Polsce boleśnie potrzebujemy — być może nasz język nie jest na nią gotowy, ale mam nadzieję, że pomoże nam się oswoić.
Nie jest słodka i prosta, jest życiowa i piękna.
Nie jest słodka i prosta, jest życiowa i piękna.
June 24, 2019
This book is important. This is the first book I've ever read with a non-binary main character and even better that it's written by a non-binary author. I learned so much from this book about what it means to identify as non-binary and I am very happy I read this, and I am so happy this book was published because I feel like a lot of people will relate to this book and find comfort in this book. As for my personal reading taste though, I thought this story was okay.
This story follows Ben who comes out to their parents as non-binary and then gets thrown out of the house. They stay with their sister Hannah, and get transferred to a new school where they meet Nathan, a boy they might be interested in. This story was very eye-opening to me, but to be honest if this book didn't feature a non-binary character, I probably would've DNF'ed it because the story line and plot itself wasn't very interesting to me. The writing in this book feels very basic YA to me and because of it I had difficulty connecting to this story and the characters. My favorite character in this book by far is Hannah, Ben's older sister. I was fascinated by her story about why she left home and her relationship with her parents, and how amazing and accepting she is of Ben.
I thought the romance in this book was cute, but again it felt very standard YA to me and not something I got emotionally attached to in any way unfortunately. I appreciate this book for what it does and I think we need a hell of a lot more books out there that feature non-binary characters, but this book was only okay for me.
Book #6 for Romanceathon is complete!
This story follows Ben who comes out to their parents as non-binary and then gets thrown out of the house. They stay with their sister Hannah, and get transferred to a new school where they meet Nathan, a boy they might be interested in. This story was very eye-opening to me, but to be honest if this book didn't feature a non-binary character, I probably would've DNF'ed it because the story line and plot itself wasn't very interesting to me. The writing in this book feels very basic YA to me and because of it I had difficulty connecting to this story and the characters. My favorite character in this book by far is Hannah, Ben's older sister. I was fascinated by her story about why she left home and her relationship with her parents, and how amazing and accepting she is of Ben.
I thought the romance in this book was cute, but again it felt very standard YA to me and not something I got emotionally attached to in any way unfortunately. I appreciate this book for what it does and I think we need a hell of a lot more books out there that feature non-binary characters, but this book was only okay for me.
Book #6 for Romanceathon is complete!
December 30, 2020
1.) I Wish You All The Best ★★★★★
1.5.) I'll Be Home For Christmas ★★★★
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"Sometimes the world is too loud."
I loved this book so, so, so, so, SO much. Knowing this book will mean so much to non-binary folks (teens especially!) fills my heart with so much happiness. Thank you for this beautiful story, Mason! <3
1.5.) I'll Be Home For Christmas ★★★★
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"Sometimes the world is too loud."
I loved this book so, so, so, so, SO much. Knowing this book will mean so much to non-binary folks (teens especially!) fills my heart with so much happiness. Thank you for this beautiful story, Mason! <3
June 18, 2020
Nathan is such a sweetheart. ♡
June 22, 2019
"Sometimes the world is too loud.”I Wish You All the Best wasn’t an easy read, but it was beautiful and heartfelt. I love reading books about people who are different than me. I think we’d all be better off reading about different cultures, genders, races, religions, and sexual orientations. I’ve never read a book about a non-binary character and I feel like I learned a lot while reading this story.
Ben was a great character. I felt for them and what they were going through. The things that were great for me in this book- the relationship with Ben’s sister, Hannah, Nathan and Ben’s friendship, and seeing Ben start to accept themselves and come to terms with the life they want to live. I listened to the audio version of this book and would recommend giving it a listen. The narration was great.
June 27, 2019
4.5
Honestly words will not be able to describe how much I love this book and how important it is. Why is it 4.5 instead of 5 then? Small quibbles. A couple things I wish were a bit more fleshed out (but I didn't dislike at all, just wanted more) and some "you know you are 18...right?" moments.
Also something that is very much a me thing in that I got sad at parts that shouldn't have been sad. Because I am non-binary but I am also disabled and can not live on my own because of physical disabilities. I don't have the privilege to say "fuck the queerphobic assholes" (not if I want to live). Some instances that as much as I was happy for Ben, I couldn't help but think "Wish I had that privilege" and of course I don't expect this book (or any book) to tackle all the things or anything and they are things most people don't realize are privileges. It just made me sad for personal reasons.
So onto all the love I have for this book! For years I refused to look into "this non-binary business". I mean sure i'd respect people, it's not that hard and nothing good comes from being an asshat. But I refused to look into it/research it at all because I was already in my mid 20s before I heard the term and was afraid at what i'd find, for multiple reasons. I grew up not feeling like a girl, or boy, so I figured "well I must just be awful at being a girl because those are the only choices". I didn't know there was anything else. By the time I heard the word non-binary I figured it was too late, after all...you have to know everything about yourself by the time you're 20 right? WRONG. But that's what I was telling myself out of fear.
Almost 2 months ago I got slapped in the face so to speak and realized...I'm non-binary. Not only can I not "pick a side" in terms of attraction (i'm bi), I can't "pick a side" to be. And that's ok. This is me.
I wish this book existed when I was a teen and that somehow i'd have been able to read it. I'm so glad it exists now. And that, if you are still alive, it's never too late.
Ben gets kicked out of their home with 3 simple little words. "I am Nonbinary". So they go live with their sister who they haven't spoken to in a decade when she left them, because of reasons. This book tackles some hard topics. Coming out. Misgendering. Dysphoria. Mental health with anxiety, depression, panic attacks. And I related so much to a lot of it. I saw myself in these pages. In Ben. I wanted to hug Ben (if they wanted a hug) or wrap them up in a blanket and protect them.
This book is so important and needed. If you are non-binary, know someone who is, or just want to learn about what it means to be non-binary and be an ally, I highly recommend this book.
Don’t ignore the problems,” he says. “Learn from them. But also, don’t knock what you get right. Every success deserves a celebration.”
"Like, what do you do when your parents kick you out of your house? When your entire life is upheaved, all because you wanted to come out, to be respected and seen, to be called the right pronouns?"
Honestly words will not be able to describe how much I love this book and how important it is. Why is it 4.5 instead of 5 then? Small quibbles. A couple things I wish were a bit more fleshed out (but I didn't dislike at all, just wanted more) and some "you know you are 18...right?" moments.
Also something that is very much a me thing in that I got sad at parts that shouldn't have been sad. Because I am non-binary but I am also disabled and can not live on my own because of physical disabilities. I don't have the privilege to say "fuck the queerphobic assholes" (not if I want to live). Some instances that as much as I was happy for Ben, I couldn't help but think "Wish I had that privilege" and of course I don't expect this book (or any book) to tackle all the things or anything and they are things most people don't realize are privileges. It just made me sad for personal reasons.
So onto all the love I have for this book! For years I refused to look into "this non-binary business". I mean sure i'd respect people, it's not that hard and nothing good comes from being an asshat. But I refused to look into it/research it at all because I was already in my mid 20s before I heard the term and was afraid at what i'd find, for multiple reasons. I grew up not feeling like a girl, or boy, so I figured "well I must just be awful at being a girl because those are the only choices". I didn't know there was anything else. By the time I heard the word non-binary I figured it was too late, after all...you have to know everything about yourself by the time you're 20 right? WRONG. But that's what I was telling myself out of fear.
Almost 2 months ago I got slapped in the face so to speak and realized...I'm non-binary. Not only can I not "pick a side" in terms of attraction (i'm bi), I can't "pick a side" to be. And that's ok. This is me.
I wish this book existed when I was a teen and that somehow i'd have been able to read it. I'm so glad it exists now. And that, if you are still alive, it's never too late.
Ben gets kicked out of their home with 3 simple little words. "I am Nonbinary". So they go live with their sister who they haven't spoken to in a decade when she left them, because of reasons. This book tackles some hard topics. Coming out. Misgendering. Dysphoria. Mental health with anxiety, depression, panic attacks. And I related so much to a lot of it. I saw myself in these pages. In Ben. I wanted to hug Ben (if they wanted a hug) or wrap them up in a blanket and protect them.
This book is so important and needed. If you are non-binary, know someone who is, or just want to learn about what it means to be non-binary and be an ally, I highly recommend this book.
Don’t ignore the problems,” he says. “Learn from them. But also, don’t knock what you get right. Every success deserves a celebration.”
"Like, what do you do when your parents kick you out of your house? When your entire life is upheaved, all because you wanted to come out, to be respected and seen, to be called the right pronouns?"
July 10, 2020
"'Whatever happens'—his grip tightens a little—'I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer.' He says it with a smile. 'You deserve it.'"
I actually almost DNF-ed this book because it was not just pulling on my heartstrings... It was knitting them into a sweater of pain, tears, and bright hope.
So, what's this book about?
When Ben De Backer comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they're thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school.
But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life.
At turns heartbreaking and joyous, I Wish You All the Best is both a celebration of life, friendship, and love, and a shining example of hope in the face of adversity.
This book was so hard to read. The first scene where Ben comes out and their parents kick them out was heartwrenching. My heart began to pound when I read that scene because I instantly flashed back to when I came out to my parents (kind of; my coming out was more of a process over the span of four years) and, while my parents didn't kick me out of the house, I could empathize with Ben's terror.
As the book progressed and we dived further into Ben's story, I started wondering if I should put it down. Not because it was poorly written or had problematic content but because it was amazing but was stabbing my soul with sadness.
And I almost did DNF it but I realized that this discomfort wasn't necessarily bad. It's good to read books that make you sad, mad, or uncomfortable if they're opening you up to new perspectives. So, I pressed on and I'm so glad I did.
Ben's story was raw and painful but also full of hope. I was fully invested in their every move and felt like I was walking in their shoes.
I'm also glad I read this because it made me realize I don't read enough books with non-binary characters. I need to read more, especially because I struggle with pronouns. I mean, I don't struggle to understand them or why they're used. I'm just really, really forgetful.
Also, the ending was so, so sweet.
Overall, this book was sad yet hopeful and so, so beautiful. Highly recommended.
Bottom Line:
4 stars
Age Rating - [ PG-13 ]
Content Screening (Mild Spoilers)
Positive Messages (4/5) - [Perserverance, Forgiveness, Acceptance, Removing yourself from toxic people/groups, Getting therapy/treatment when you need it]
Violence (2/5) - [Physical abuse (off-screen)]
Sex (1/5) - [Mild sexual themes, Kissing]
Language (2/5) - [F**k, Sh*t]
Drinking/Drugs (3/5) - [Underage drinking, Medicinal drugs]
Content and Trigger Warnings - Body dysmorphia, Gender dysphoria, Insecurity, Physical abuse (off page), Verbal abuse, Transphobia, Homophobia, Cissexism, Anxiety, Depression
Publication Date: May 14th, 2019
Publisher: Push (an imprint of Scholastic Books)
Genre: LGBT/Contemporary
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SQUEEEEEEEEE
So cuteeeee!!!
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I’ve already started this and it’s already pulling on my heartstrings
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July 11, 2023
going into this i was hesitant because of a few things: my bad luck with hyped (queer) books, the whole queer tragedy plot thing is something i hate, and how everyone is saying this book is so important for non-binary teens, as if this one representation of a non-binary teen (which is already stereotyped as what non-binary is) represents all non-binary teens.
but uh, it’s alright. definitely don’t hate it, but also definitely did not live up to the hype.
content/trigger warnings; parents ableism, ableist slurs, coming out (multiple coming out scenes), queer antagonism, parents kicking out queer kid, misgendering, therapy sessions, medication, anxiety, on-page panic attacks, depression, depressive periods (mc has periods of time where they don’t eat or bathe or go to school or are even responsive), gay antagonistic language, abusive parents, mention of past slut shaming, mention of past physical child abuse, ace and aro antagonism, body/gender dysphoria,
rep; ben (mc) is bisexual/queer (uses both), non-binary, uses they/them pronouns, has anxiety and depression and has slight touch aversion. mariam (sc) is a non-binary, pansexual, muslim hijabi, uses they/them pronouns. nathan (li) is black and bisexual. sophie (sc) is korean-american and has adhd. meleika (sc) is black.
i’ll start with the things i like.
- ben mentions their father had used slurs before, but instead of the slurs being written out they’re written as “t-word” and “f-word” which is so appreciated. some authors write slurs even when the character is just thinking back on the time they were called it, and it’s just so unnecessary.
- acknowledgement of how when you’re queer, your life has the potential to be just one long coming out.
- touches on some policing and misconceptions about bisexuality.
- this one is half positive, half negative. ben’s therapist uses the “lgbtqiap+” version of the acronym when she doesn’t know if someone is comfy with the word queer, which is cool, considering it’s probably the most inclusive form of the acronym. but it’s annoying when she continues to use it even though ben is cool with queer, because not all the people in the queer group she was talking about identifies as queer. but queer isn’t only a personal identifier, it’s an umbrella term, too. you don’t have to use a long mouthful of an acronym when queer is right there for you to use.
- ben talks about how confusing sexual/romantic orientation can be for non-binary people, because of things like “same/different gender” being defining terms when sexual/romantic orientation is talked about, when their genders/lack thereof aren’t always easy to define for themselves, let alone find in other people. and that non-binary isn’t necessarily something you can see, so someone you’re attracted to who you think is one gender could actually be another.
i’m glad this is mentioned, because i see a lot of people saying things like “oh, same gender for non-binary people is just other non-binary people” as if all non-binary genders are the same or all non-binary people will relate to each other’s genders/lack thereof enough to consider them the “same” or even “similar.” as if how non-binary people experience sexual/romantic orientation in relation to their gender/lack thereof just doesn’t matter. as if that nuance is too complicated to be acknowledged or doesn’t even exist.
- the non-binary rep in general. ownvoice reviews can go into it better than i ever could, but there are just so many little things and nuances to this rep that are so real and a little sad and just wonderful. i hope this kind of rep is something we see a lot more of.
- this is another half positive, half negative. ben’s sister asks if they feel like labels are kind of pointless, and their response is great. they say labels help people find common ground and connect with themselves and others. that’s important. people, especially non-queer people, need to stop declaring labels useless or harmful or divisive or whatever other crap. they aren’t for everyone, but that doesn’t make them obsolete. they will always be useful and incredibly important to people.
speaking of obsolete, ben’s sister also asks if they think “straight” and “gay” will ever become obsolete. ben’s response is not great. they laugh and make a joke about the "gay agenda" and completely ignore how homophobic the question is. because it was in relation to all the binary breaking and fluid sexuality. as if gayness is or will be a passing fad in the face of fluid/multisexuality, rather than who someone is that they don’t choose. multisexuality and monosexuality co-exist, it is not and never will be one or the other. one is not better or more progressive than the other. the fact that ben laughs at this instead of addressing it is fucked.
- the need for queer spaces that don’t revolve around dancing and/or drinking is briefly mentioned.
- no outings!!!! there are some anxiety-inducing scenes that had the potential to end in the outing of ben, but it never went there and i’m so so happy about that.
- the mental illness rep doesn’t revolve around the main character wanting to be “normal” and angsting about how broken they are because of their mental illness. that’s something i see a lot and can’t stand, so this is refreshing. ben goes to therapy, takes medication and is honest about when they feel it’s not working and the dosage needs to be adjusted, and there’s no shaming or demonizing of therapy and medication. medication not be a fix or cure is mentioned, too. ben does go off their meds at one point, but not because they think they’re better or want to be “normal,” ben becomes too depressed to take them and it’s mentioned in a therapy session.
now the negatives.
- ben’s therapist (who is apparently like known for their work with queer youth) says that asexual and aromantic people are born/developed touch averse, which is not accurate. ace and aro people can be touch averse, just like anyone else can. to basically conflate asexuality and aromanticism with touch aversion, or say they go hand in hand, in irresponsible. ben then thinks about how they never thought they were ace, because even though they don’t have a strong desire for sex, they might be open to it. which conflates asexuality to not wanting sex. and that’s not what it means. i just.....it’s 2019, i’m tired of this.
- ben makes a comment about how their body is so different to the non-binary people they’ve seen online, and goes on to describe those non-binary people as being smooth, hairless, acne-less, and with trimmed, perfect hair. given my hesitance about this book because it’s a thin, white kid with long hair, which is one of the ways non-binary people are stereotyped, so for this character to not only say they only see non-binary people are smooth and hairless, but to also act like they don’t fit the stereotypical or common non-binary “aesthetic” or whatever is just....weird.
- speaking of my hesitance about this book, why are the books about marginalized characters that get praised as “so important!!!” always about tragedy?? why do you people think happy, fluff books with no angst or trauma or tragedy because of their marginalization aren’t or can’t be extremely important? i’m getting tired of this.
- ben thinks “i hope they know how lucky they are" about their friend mariam, because their parents didn’t have a problem with them being queer. ben, a privileged white queer person, thinking they have it worse than an openly queer hijabi muslim immigrant in the public eye (mariam is a very popular youtuber) fucking drips with white privilege. ben does acknowledge all the struggles and violence mariam has gone through and is at risk for, but thinks “i don’t have the right to call them lucky, i guess.” i guess. you fucking guess? white queer people always fucking think they have it worse than everybody else because they’re queer. i can’t even begin to express how much this pisses me off.
- ben says that they’re bisexual, but identify as queer for simplicity and because there is “less gatekeeping involved” with identifying as queer than bi. and i’m calling bullshit. to say that is disingenuous and a slap in the face. queer comes with a whole hell of a lot of never ending gatekeeping, policing, and just straight up bullshit. just. don’t try to tell me it’s easy to identify as queer, or easier to identify as queer than any other label. maybe some people experience less bullshit when they use queer than when they use another label, but that’s not how it’s presented here. ben should’ve said they’ve experienced less gatekeeping when they use queer than when they use bi. personally. rather than just state there’s less gatekeeping with queer than bi, like that’s a universal fact.
- i don’t like a good chunk of ben’s relationship with their sister. when she confronts their parents, ben gets mad at her for causing a scene. in the therapy session, ben accuses her of being the cause of the issues with their parents, that she instigated things and fought with them. ben basically victim blames her. ben gets jealous at how the therapist “shut hannah down” which is unnecessarily petty. the therapist even says that hannah would do everything for ben, except make sure they’re safe, which is cruel. she left an abusive home at 18, what was she supposed to do? stay? kidnap her 8 year old sibling? send them to a foster home? she did the only thing she could do.
the whole therapy session felt like an attack on hannah with zero thought or compassion to what she went through. ben doesn’t realize how much of a selfish jackass they’ve been until hannah privately tells them their father was physically abusive to her which led her to leaving and never looking back. but it shouldn’t have taken that for ben to realize she went through hell in that house, too and that it isn’t fair to hold onto resentment about her leaving because “what about me?” this whole thing really bothers me and made me knock a star off my rating.
- a weird comment about how ben feels like they stabbed their sister in the back by not wanting their therapist to tell her what they talk about. which is literally how therapy works, so??
- ben googles what causes insomnia and thinks about how “self-diagnosis can be dangerous” which feels shitty. not only are they googling something so basic, not something like cancer, but they also have a therapist that they can bring up their concerns about to back up any self-diagnosis. there are many reasons why one might self-diagnosis, so you can’t make a lone statement about how it’s dangerous if you aren’t delving into the nuances and reality of it.
other notes.
- ben’s sister is way too pushy for me. she pushes and bribes ben to see a therapist. she pushes ben about going to a queer support group and about coming out to more people. not only are all of those things incredibly personal, but the whole pushy loved one thing will never be something i support.
- i don’t really care for nathan, honestly. at least in the beginning. he’s pushy and nosy with ben after meeting them for like five minutes. ben is made to feel like shit because nathan couldn’t handle that ben declined his offer to sit with him and his friends at lunch. and ben even comments that it seems like nathan makes a game out of ben rejecting his offers of friendship. i don’t know why i’m supposed to find this cute or ship worthy. nathan then begs to see ben’s art, which isn’t something i personally would do after meeting someone a few days ago. this tones down a bit after a while, but it still put me off.
- i’m not int the humor, it feels a bit childish. and the characters feel younger than they are.
- the phrases “more than friends” and “just friends” are used.
- ben’s depression isn’t really a focus and isn’t really taken seriously, their sister kind of gives them a “you gotta just get up and do stuff” speech when they’ve been having a bad day for a few days. ben thinks a few times that she doesn’t get it, but it’s never talked about. ben’s anxiety takes the focus, but given that ben has multiple periods of time that last for days where they don’t eat or bathe or go to school or when they do go to school they’re barely responsive it feels irresponsible to not properly address that and treat it is what it is, rather than ben simply wallowing and feeling sad.
- the attempted reconciliation with the queerphobic parents felt unneeded. i get that they went through the whole wanting them to learn and grow and love them for who they are thing and realization that sometimes that just doesn’t happen, but i could’ve done without seeing the main character get rejected by their parents - not once, not twice, but three times. as well as all the “they’re my parents, how can i not love them and give them a second chance and want them in my life” stuff. just not my jam. i like my queer character with as little pain and angst because of their queerness as possible.
- the pan character says “cross your heart and hope he’s bi” which is a cute saying, but erases the possibility of pansexuality. and coming from the pan character is...............why.
- they don’t admit their feelings and get together until 94% and the it immediately cuts to the “three months later” epilogue! why do authors insist on having their couples get together at the end of the book? stop doing that!!!! the beginning of a relationship is not the end of the story!!!! let us see the couple we’re supposed to love and root for actually be together longer than like six pages out 300-something!!!!
- i saw some people saying they don’t like ben because ben is always lying about how they feel and apologizing every five minutes, and while my first thought was to agree that it got a bit annoying, i then thought it could be part of their depression. ben doesn’t want to be a burden, so it makes sense they wouldn’t want to worry anyone with how shitty they really feel, and depression can make you feel like you’re always doing something wrong or you’re never good enough, so apologizing, even when it’s not called for also makes sense.
all in all, a solid three star.
but uh, it’s alright. definitely don’t hate it, but also definitely did not live up to the hype.
content/trigger warnings; parents ableism, ableist slurs, coming out (multiple coming out scenes), queer antagonism, parents kicking out queer kid, misgendering, therapy sessions, medication, anxiety, on-page panic attacks, depression, depressive periods (mc has periods of time where they don’t eat or bathe or go to school or are even responsive), gay antagonistic language, abusive parents, mention of past slut shaming, mention of past physical child abuse, ace and aro antagonism, body/gender dysphoria,
rep; ben (mc) is bisexual/queer (uses both), non-binary, uses they/them pronouns, has anxiety and depression and has slight touch aversion. mariam (sc) is a non-binary, pansexual, muslim hijabi, uses they/them pronouns. nathan (li) is black and bisexual. sophie (sc) is korean-american and has adhd. meleika (sc) is black.
i’ll start with the things i like.
- ben mentions their father had used slurs before, but instead of the slurs being written out they’re written as “t-word” and “f-word” which is so appreciated. some authors write slurs even when the character is just thinking back on the time they were called it, and it’s just so unnecessary.
- acknowledgement of how when you’re queer, your life has the potential to be just one long coming out.
- touches on some policing and misconceptions about bisexuality.
- this one is half positive, half negative. ben’s therapist uses the “lgbtqiap+” version of the acronym when she doesn’t know if someone is comfy with the word queer, which is cool, considering it’s probably the most inclusive form of the acronym. but it’s annoying when she continues to use it even though ben is cool with queer, because not all the people in the queer group she was talking about identifies as queer. but queer isn’t only a personal identifier, it’s an umbrella term, too. you don’t have to use a long mouthful of an acronym when queer is right there for you to use.
- ben talks about how confusing sexual/romantic orientation can be for non-binary people, because of things like “same/different gender” being defining terms when sexual/romantic orientation is talked about, when their genders/lack thereof aren’t always easy to define for themselves, let alone find in other people. and that non-binary isn’t necessarily something you can see, so someone you’re attracted to who you think is one gender could actually be another.
i’m glad this is mentioned, because i see a lot of people saying things like “oh, same gender for non-binary people is just other non-binary people” as if all non-binary genders are the same or all non-binary people will relate to each other’s genders/lack thereof enough to consider them the “same” or even “similar.” as if how non-binary people experience sexual/romantic orientation in relation to their gender/lack thereof just doesn’t matter. as if that nuance is too complicated to be acknowledged or doesn’t even exist.
- the non-binary rep in general. ownvoice reviews can go into it better than i ever could, but there are just so many little things and nuances to this rep that are so real and a little sad and just wonderful. i hope this kind of rep is something we see a lot more of.
- this is another half positive, half negative. ben’s sister asks if they feel like labels are kind of pointless, and their response is great. they say labels help people find common ground and connect with themselves and others. that’s important. people, especially non-queer people, need to stop declaring labels useless or harmful or divisive or whatever other crap. they aren’t for everyone, but that doesn’t make them obsolete. they will always be useful and incredibly important to people.
speaking of obsolete, ben’s sister also asks if they think “straight” and “gay” will ever become obsolete. ben’s response is not great. they laugh and make a joke about the "gay agenda" and completely ignore how homophobic the question is. because it was in relation to all the binary breaking and fluid sexuality. as if gayness is or will be a passing fad in the face of fluid/multisexuality, rather than who someone is that they don’t choose. multisexuality and monosexuality co-exist, it is not and never will be one or the other. one is not better or more progressive than the other. the fact that ben laughs at this instead of addressing it is fucked.
- the need for queer spaces that don’t revolve around dancing and/or drinking is briefly mentioned.
- no outings!!!! there are some anxiety-inducing scenes that had the potential to end in the outing of ben, but it never went there and i’m so so happy about that.
- the mental illness rep doesn’t revolve around the main character wanting to be “normal” and angsting about how broken they are because of their mental illness. that’s something i see a lot and can’t stand, so this is refreshing. ben goes to therapy, takes medication and is honest about when they feel it’s not working and the dosage needs to be adjusted, and there’s no shaming or demonizing of therapy and medication. medication not be a fix or cure is mentioned, too. ben does go off their meds at one point, but not because they think they’re better or want to be “normal,” ben becomes too depressed to take them and it’s mentioned in a therapy session.
now the negatives.
- ben’s therapist (who is apparently like known for their work with queer youth) says that asexual and aromantic people are born/developed touch averse, which is not accurate. ace and aro people can be touch averse, just like anyone else can. to basically conflate asexuality and aromanticism with touch aversion, or say they go hand in hand, in irresponsible. ben then thinks about how they never thought they were ace, because even though they don’t have a strong desire for sex, they might be open to it. which conflates asexuality to not wanting sex. and that’s not what it means. i just.....it’s 2019, i’m tired of this.
- ben makes a comment about how their body is so different to the non-binary people they’ve seen online, and goes on to describe those non-binary people as being smooth, hairless, acne-less, and with trimmed, perfect hair. given my hesitance about this book because it’s a thin, white kid with long hair, which is one of the ways non-binary people are stereotyped, so for this character to not only say they only see non-binary people are smooth and hairless, but to also act like they don’t fit the stereotypical or common non-binary “aesthetic” or whatever is just....weird.
- speaking of my hesitance about this book, why are the books about marginalized characters that get praised as “so important!!!” always about tragedy?? why do you people think happy, fluff books with no angst or trauma or tragedy because of their marginalization aren’t or can’t be extremely important? i’m getting tired of this.
- ben thinks “i hope they know how lucky they are" about their friend mariam, because their parents didn’t have a problem with them being queer. ben, a privileged white queer person, thinking they have it worse than an openly queer hijabi muslim immigrant in the public eye (mariam is a very popular youtuber) fucking drips with white privilege. ben does acknowledge all the struggles and violence mariam has gone through and is at risk for, but thinks “i don’t have the right to call them lucky, i guess.” i guess. you fucking guess? white queer people always fucking think they have it worse than everybody else because they’re queer. i can’t even begin to express how much this pisses me off.
- ben says that they’re bisexual, but identify as queer for simplicity and because there is “less gatekeeping involved” with identifying as queer than bi. and i’m calling bullshit. to say that is disingenuous and a slap in the face. queer comes with a whole hell of a lot of never ending gatekeeping, policing, and just straight up bullshit. just. don’t try to tell me it’s easy to identify as queer, or easier to identify as queer than any other label. maybe some people experience less bullshit when they use queer than when they use another label, but that’s not how it’s presented here. ben should’ve said they’ve experienced less gatekeeping when they use queer than when they use bi. personally. rather than just state there’s less gatekeeping with queer than bi, like that’s a universal fact.
- i don’t like a good chunk of ben’s relationship with their sister. when she confronts their parents, ben gets mad at her for causing a scene. in the therapy session, ben accuses her of being the cause of the issues with their parents, that she instigated things and fought with them. ben basically victim blames her. ben gets jealous at how the therapist “shut hannah down” which is unnecessarily petty. the therapist even says that hannah would do everything for ben, except make sure they’re safe, which is cruel. she left an abusive home at 18, what was she supposed to do? stay? kidnap her 8 year old sibling? send them to a foster home? she did the only thing she could do.
the whole therapy session felt like an attack on hannah with zero thought or compassion to what she went through. ben doesn’t realize how much of a selfish jackass they’ve been until hannah privately tells them their father was physically abusive to her which led her to leaving and never looking back. but it shouldn’t have taken that for ben to realize she went through hell in that house, too and that it isn’t fair to hold onto resentment about her leaving because “what about me?” this whole thing really bothers me and made me knock a star off my rating.
- a weird comment about how ben feels like they stabbed their sister in the back by not wanting their therapist to tell her what they talk about. which is literally how therapy works, so??
- ben googles what causes insomnia and thinks about how “self-diagnosis can be dangerous” which feels shitty. not only are they googling something so basic, not something like cancer, but they also have a therapist that they can bring up their concerns about to back up any self-diagnosis. there are many reasons why one might self-diagnosis, so you can’t make a lone statement about how it’s dangerous if you aren’t delving into the nuances and reality of it.
other notes.
- ben’s sister is way too pushy for me. she pushes and bribes ben to see a therapist. she pushes ben about going to a queer support group and about coming out to more people. not only are all of those things incredibly personal, but the whole pushy loved one thing will never be something i support.
- i don’t really care for nathan, honestly. at least in the beginning. he’s pushy and nosy with ben after meeting them for like five minutes. ben is made to feel like shit because nathan couldn’t handle that ben declined his offer to sit with him and his friends at lunch. and ben even comments that it seems like nathan makes a game out of ben rejecting his offers of friendship. i don’t know why i’m supposed to find this cute or ship worthy. nathan then begs to see ben’s art, which isn’t something i personally would do after meeting someone a few days ago. this tones down a bit after a while, but it still put me off.
- i’m not int the humor, it feels a bit childish. and the characters feel younger than they are.
- the phrases “more than friends” and “just friends” are used.
- ben’s depression isn’t really a focus and isn’t really taken seriously, their sister kind of gives them a “you gotta just get up and do stuff” speech when they’ve been having a bad day for a few days. ben thinks a few times that she doesn’t get it, but it’s never talked about. ben’s anxiety takes the focus, but given that ben has multiple periods of time that last for days where they don’t eat or bathe or go to school or when they do go to school they’re barely responsive it feels irresponsible to not properly address that and treat it is what it is, rather than ben simply wallowing and feeling sad.
- the attempted reconciliation with the queerphobic parents felt unneeded. i get that they went through the whole wanting them to learn and grow and love them for who they are thing and realization that sometimes that just doesn’t happen, but i could’ve done without seeing the main character get rejected by their parents - not once, not twice, but three times. as well as all the “they’re my parents, how can i not love them and give them a second chance and want them in my life” stuff. just not my jam. i like my queer character with as little pain and angst because of their queerness as possible.
- the pan character says “cross your heart and hope he’s bi” which is a cute saying, but erases the possibility of pansexuality. and coming from the pan character is...............why.
- they don’t admit their feelings and get together until 94% and the it immediately cuts to the “three months later” epilogue! why do authors insist on having their couples get together at the end of the book? stop doing that!!!! the beginning of a relationship is not the end of the story!!!! let us see the couple we’re supposed to love and root for actually be together longer than like six pages out 300-something!!!!
- i saw some people saying they don’t like ben because ben is always lying about how they feel and apologizing every five minutes, and while my first thought was to agree that it got a bit annoying, i then thought it could be part of their depression. ben doesn’t want to be a burden, so it makes sense they wouldn’t want to worry anyone with how shitty they really feel, and depression can make you feel like you’re always doing something wrong or you’re never good enough, so apologizing, even when it’s not called for also makes sense.
all in all, a solid three star.
March 19, 2021
4.25 o 4.5
este libro me encantó. nunca había leído un libro de una persona no binaria y sentí que aprendí muchísimo. además, me di cuenta de lo poco inclusivo que es nuestro mundo :(. no le doy 5 estrellas, porque sentí que faltó más. siento que se cerró todo muy bruscamente y quedaron varias cosas al aire. aún así, lo recomiendo muchísimo uwu.
este libro me encantó. nunca había leído un libro de una persona no binaria y sentí que aprendí muchísimo. además, me di cuenta de lo poco inclusivo que es nuestro mundo :(. no le doy 5 estrellas, porque sentí que faltó más. siento que se cerró todo muy bruscamente y quedaron varias cosas al aire. aún así, lo recomiendo muchísimo uwu.
May 28, 2019
THIS WAS SO WHOLESOME OMG. such good non-binary rep, but also a super cute romance and a really emotional family story
August 2, 2022
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DNF @ 20%
I remember when I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST first came out, there was a lot of hype surrounding it because Deaver had been so open about their publishing journey (I think they were originally calling this book #EnbyLovestory) and their excitement about getting the book deal was very much a community event. I remember being really excited for them too and was so happy when I finally got my hands on a copy. I've actually tried two other times to start this book and both times, I ended up setting it down. This time, I told myself I was going to stick with it, but I'm just not feeling I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.
I actually like THE GHOSTS WE KEEP, which is weird, because in my review I was like, "Ben is the better protagonist." Which is true. Liam was definitely harsh and unlikable but Ben isn't. The problem is that Ben is also just sort of there. As a narrator, they felt very bland to me. Which was strange because the plot is very emotional. The book literally starts with them getting kicked out of their house after coming out, which is awful and incredibly triggering but also-- sadly-- something that still happens not irregularly in places and homes that are hostile to the LGBT+.
Ben goes to live with their sister, Hannah, who was also kicked out, and her husband, Thomas. They are such a sweet couple and I liked how hard they worked to make a place for Ben, setting them up in their home, trying to find creative ways to use the right pronouns even when they were in places that they weren't out (my heart melted with Thomas just kept referring to them as Ben so as not to misgender), and even sending them to a specialty therapist who worked with LGBT+ people. But Ben didn't seem to care that much about their sister, and I was never sure if that standoffishness came from a point of being afraid to open up (my guess), or just a shallow narrator who wasn't very fleshed out.
I can appreciate what this book represents to the LGBT+ canon since it is a book about a nonbinary character, authored by a nonbinary author, and it has some wonderful points about what it means to be nonbinary, as well as "out," but I do think that the author's follow-up was a better book. Even though the narrator was unlikable, they made me feel things and I had a connection with them. I didn't really feel that with this book.
2 stars
November 9, 2020
This was the first book that I've ever read featuring a non binary/enby character. I understand how that representation might be really important to a non binary youth. I realize that I'm among one of the almost non-existent negative reviews of this book.
However, I can’t give this any more than one stars--I truly can't. I was really wishing for the best (ha-ha), counting down the days until it would finally release, but I ultimately didn’t like it.
I have a few reasons why, the first being that this book had some triggers that made me have an anxiety attack while reading this. The triggers that particularly affected me were the semi-abusive parents, homophobia, and mental disorders discussed. This book is heavy. It deals with some quite serious issues that are not meant to be taken lightly.
I did not like Ben as a character. Their constant lying about their state of health, their constant "I'm sorry's," their constant resentment--all of it was a bit overwhelming for me. Ben was a character that was very hard to like. Reading about their anxiety made me feel anxious, to the point where reading about their panic attacks made me feel extremely sick.
Aside from that, though, the side characters, like Mariam and Nathan's two friends, were just kind of...there. They suffer from YA-best friend syndrome, and as a result had as much personality as a piece of cardboard. Mariam, in my opinion, had the most potential to be developed into a realistic character, but the chance wasn't taken. The characters didn't feel like real people to me, including Nathan. I didn't care for the romance at the end of the day. I didn't care for any of the characters, really.
The plot was extremely slice-of-lifey. Ben goes to school, they paint, they talk to Nathan, they talk to their therapist; repeat. That was most of the book's contents. Most of it was Ben trying to figure themselves out, yes, I understand that, but it led to a boring experience, especially when I already didn't like them. In a way I understood their inner conflicts, but they also annoyed me SEVERAL times. Ben is the type of person who will push away everyone that tries to help them. I realize now that the book is one that wanted to focus more on character development more than plot, which is completely fine, but by the end of the book, I didn't see a discernible change in Ben.
The narration also made me feel separated from Ben. Something about the writing style just prevented me from connecting to them at all.
I think it's amazing that we are finally getting more LGBTQ+ diversity in YA literature.
I'm sad I didn't like this, but I know the majority will and already do. I recommend this if you're struggling with your identity or if you're non binary.
However, I can’t give this any more than one stars--I truly can't. I was really wishing for the best (ha-ha), counting down the days until it would finally release, but I ultimately didn’t like it.
I have a few reasons why, the first being that this book had some triggers that made me have an anxiety attack while reading this. The triggers that particularly affected me were the semi-abusive parents, homophobia, and mental disorders discussed. This book is heavy. It deals with some quite serious issues that are not meant to be taken lightly.
I did not like Ben as a character. Their constant lying about their state of health, their constant "I'm sorry's," their constant resentment--all of it was a bit overwhelming for me. Ben was a character that was very hard to like. Reading about their anxiety made me feel anxious, to the point where reading about their panic attacks made me feel extremely sick.
Aside from that, though, the side characters, like Mariam and Nathan's two friends, were just kind of...there. They suffer from YA-best friend syndrome, and as a result had as much personality as a piece of cardboard. Mariam, in my opinion, had the most potential to be developed into a realistic character, but the chance wasn't taken. The characters didn't feel like real people to me, including Nathan. I didn't care for the romance at the end of the day. I didn't care for any of the characters, really.
The plot was extremely slice-of-lifey. Ben goes to school, they paint, they talk to Nathan, they talk to their therapist; repeat. That was most of the book's contents. Most of it was Ben trying to figure themselves out, yes, I understand that, but it led to a boring experience, especially when I already didn't like them. In a way I understood their inner conflicts, but they also annoyed me SEVERAL times. Ben is the type of person who will push away everyone that tries to help them. I realize now that the book is one that wanted to focus more on character development more than plot, which is completely fine, but by the end of the book, I didn't see a discernible change in Ben.
The narration also made me feel separated from Ben. Something about the writing style just prevented me from connecting to them at all.
I think it's amazing that we are finally getting more LGBTQ+ diversity in YA literature.
I'm sad I didn't like this, but I know the majority will and already do. I recommend this if you're struggling with your identity or if you're non binary.
May 18, 2019
The ARC of this book was provided by Scholastic via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
Full review here
I think this book is going to mean so much for so many people.
First of all, I think it's important to say that this book is own voices so the author surely knows what they are talking about.
This book tells the story of Ben, a teenager who identifies as non-binary. After coming out to their parents Ben is kicked out of their home. Thankfully their sister Hannah takes them in and helps them go through some major things. She helps them get into a new school and offers to financially help them, something that Ben obviously needs since they are only a high schooler. I liked how this book was all about Ben and their journey that brought them to forgiveness, to acceptance and in the end to happiness. This story was very character-driven, something I very much appreciated.
I loved the fact that the characters talked about pronouns and misgendering and also how they said sorry when they made mistakes. Every time they did that it felt like a small victory in Ben's favour and I was so happy for them because it meant that people were listening to them and were accepting them for who they really are. Because that's the feeling throughout all the book, Ben just wants to be accepted for who they are and I'm happy they found people who do.
The other characters were great. Hannah and Thomas are two of the most supportive people I’ve ever encountered in books. They really are good for Ben, especially considering the parents they were living with before all this.
The friends Ben makes are very nice, especially Nathan (my little sunshine). I don’t know how the author did it, but I could definitely feel Nathan’s happiness and good spirits radiating from the pages. When Ben was painting Nathan’s portrait and decided to go with yellow I was like: “Well yes of course, what other colour could you use to describe him?” It just felt so obvious to me.
I’m so glad Ben and Nathan found each other and wherever they are I just want to wish them all the best.
Full review here
I think this book is going to mean so much for so many people.
First of all, I think it's important to say that this book is own voices so the author surely knows what they are talking about.
This book tells the story of Ben, a teenager who identifies as non-binary. After coming out to their parents Ben is kicked out of their home. Thankfully their sister Hannah takes them in and helps them go through some major things. She helps them get into a new school and offers to financially help them, something that Ben obviously needs since they are only a high schooler. I liked how this book was all about Ben and their journey that brought them to forgiveness, to acceptance and in the end to happiness. This story was very character-driven, something I very much appreciated.
I loved the fact that the characters talked about pronouns and misgendering and also how they said sorry when they made mistakes. Every time they did that it felt like a small victory in Ben's favour and I was so happy for them because it meant that people were listening to them and were accepting them for who they really are. Because that's the feeling throughout all the book, Ben just wants to be accepted for who they are and I'm happy they found people who do.
The other characters were great. Hannah and Thomas are two of the most supportive people I’ve ever encountered in books. They really are good for Ben, especially considering the parents they were living with before all this.
The friends Ben makes are very nice, especially Nathan (my little sunshine). I don’t know how the author did it, but I could definitely feel Nathan’s happiness and good spirits radiating from the pages. When Ben was painting Nathan’s portrait and decided to go with yellow I was like: “Well yes of course, what other colour could you use to describe him?” It just felt so obvious to me.
I’m so glad Ben and Nathan found each other and wherever they are I just want to wish them all the best.
Read
July 23, 2019The representation in this book makes my soul so warm. 💗
I am dating a non-binary person and seeing this book made them so happy.
I am dating a non-binary person and seeing this book made them so happy.
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