Releasing five million trailers for a film seems to be a thing now and Fifty Shades of Grey has majorly jumped on that bandwagon, releasing a TON of TV spots, trailers, teasers and even three full scenes.
So, with the massive amount of footage already out there, we're wondering if we really need to watch the actual film at all.
[OBVIOUSLY there are spoilers, so proceed with caution if you don't want to have the film plot ruined. Hint: They have sex.]
1. As you already know, Anastasia Steele is a student at Washington State University, where her bezzie mate Kate writes for the student paper. But on the day of her big interview with super-rich entrepreneur Christian Grey, Kate gets ill and flakes, leaving Ana no choice but to go and take her place.
2. Bearing in mind that the intro above will probably only take about 1 minute of screen time in the movie, the first full clip released goes straight in at the point Ana meets Christian at his office in Seattle.
3. Ana feels intimidated and nervous, while Christian's all mysterious and intense and decides to randomly offer her a job. Despite that, Ana is convinced that she made a total dick of herself and leaves embarrassed.
4. But what is this? Christian surprises Ana and turns up at Clayton's, the hardware store where she works, and proceeds to buy a load of weird items like masking tape and rope. Ana presumes he is decorating, while to us it's blatantly obvious that he's loading up on bondage gear.
5. While he's there, Ana reminds Christian that they need to take some pictures to go along with the article she has written, so he gives her his number and they set up a photo shoot.
6. Kate and Ana have a whale of a time ogling Christian in his suit while he's photographed, before he asks Ana if she'd like to grab a coffee. Despite the job and coffee offer, Ana continues to be convinced that he basically hates her.
7. Afterwards, Christian starts sending Ana a variety of gifts and she ends up drunk dialling him to ask why. Hearing that she's a bit tipsy and worrying that she won't get home safe, he picks her up and takes her back to his hotel. There's no sex yet though, just Ana throwing up a bit.
8. The next morning, Ana wakes up wondering what the situation is, chomping at the bit to start licking Jamie Dornan's face (as anyone would be). But Christian warns Ana that he may have given her the wrong idea and explains that he doesn't "do romance". She doesn't seem convinced.
9. As they leave the hotel, the sexual tension is off the blimmin' chart and so of course the only way to sort it out is to have a massive snog-fest in the lift.
10. That night, they meet up again and go on a totally low-key date in Christian's helicopter. As you do. When they arrive at Christian's flat, he asks her to sign a non-disclosure agreement banning her from repeating what they talk about. Again, as you do.
11. He then takes her to The Red Room - a separate room in his apartment filled with BDSM shiz like whips and blindfolds - where he explains that he is a Dominant and he wants Ana to be his Submissive.
But because she's understandably WTF what with her being a virgin and all, he agrees to take her virginity in a "vanilla" and non-BDSM style before things go any further.
Oh and then she wakes up in the middle of the night to find him playing piano all mournfully (because he is dark and mysterious etc):
12. Christian then gives Ana a contract to sign, detailing what she will and won't let him do. There's a lot of debating done over whether she'll sign it, more sex and then eventually, she agrees to experience what it's like to be his sub (although she still hasn't signed the contract)…
13. Of course the best way to follow a night full of bondage and sex is to meet your Dominant's family for dinner. That's where Rita Ora turns up as his sister Mia and Christian starts feeling Ana up under the table #FamilyTime.
14. Then there's more sex. And a bit more.
15. Ana visits her family in Georgia. Christian turns up. More sex.
16. They go gliding, fly back to Seattle and have more sex. In the shower.
17. Dinner. More sex (this time involving whips and blindfolds).
18. Finally, debating the details of the contract (still), Ana asks Christian to punish her properly so she can decide if it's something she can handle. He begins hitting her with a belt and Ana realises she can't carry on with the "relationship". She cries, he apologises, she leaves, the end.
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