An Exhaustive Ranking of (Pretty Much) Every Character on ‘Letterkenny’

Today, hit series, fashionable genres, and even entire networks only manage to dominate the virtual watercooler for mere moments until—like the snows of yesteryear or tears in the rain or whatever—they’re gone. The problem isn’t that we live in an age of Too Much TV. It’s that we live in an age of too many TV recommendations. Yes, I’ll watch The Flight Attendant, but first I’ve got to get to The Queen’s Gambit, and, like, it’s safe to give up on Tiger King, right? That show’s moment has definitely passed.

Suffice it to say, it’s tough to cut through the haze of dozens of streaming platforms, each with dozens or even hundreds of shows that demand our attention. But then imagine being introduced to a new TV program and getting, by way of recommendation, the following:

That’s not so much a trailer as a 60-second blur of fighting, drinking, and highly stylized dialogue, performed by handsome men in dungarees and handsome women in crop tops. It’s Letterkenny, a Canadian sitcom that airs on Hulu in the United States, and it does everything it says on the label.

Letterkenny, like Seinfeld, is a show about nothing. And like Gilmore Girls, it centers on a tight-knit, fast-talking family made up of people who would be cross-the-street-to-avoid-them weird in any normal setting, but are the very model of sanity in a small town peopled by folks even more unhinged than they. The show started back in 2013 as a series of web shorts, and it hasn’t expanded much longer in its six years on television—episodes still run in the 19-to-25-minute range. It also contains more inside jokes and running gags per minute than any other work of fiction since the “Epic of Gilgamesh.”

The first time I watched Letterkenny, I stared blankly at the screen for about three episodes before I started to get the hang of the dialogue. (At the moment it clicked, I could almost hear Jeremy Renner’s character from Arrival asking if I was dreaming in Hick.) When I told a friend I’d been assigned an extensive column on Letterkenny, he spent the following weekend watching the first five seasons and reported back: “I don’t know what my own thoughts sound like anymore.”

If you haven’t seen Letterkenny in its entirety, stop reading right now and go watch it for three reasons: 1) It’s short enough that you can knock it out in a weekend if you want to badly enough; 2) This list is full of spoilers; and 3) You probably won’t understand the list anyway.

If you have watched Letterkenny, you know how much ground the show can cover in just 61 20ish-minute episodes about nothing in particular. You’ve likely come to feel like you know the Hicks and Skids, even if you don’t know their last names, and have developed strong opinions about which seemingly interchangeable member of the Letterkenny Irish is the funniest.

So here, presented as tribute to and analysis of this titanic work of television, is my ranking of 80 characters from the show’s nine seasons, the last of which premiered in the U.S. on December 26. A few two-dimensional characters—the brothers Bay, Big City Slams, and so on—have been omitted, but generally speaking, if someone has a name and lines, they’re in here.

Pitter patter.

80. Angie

When a sitcom goes on as long as Letterkenny has, it’s easy to forget the inciting incident that set the plot in motion. In Letterkenny’s case, that incident is Wayne breaking up with Angie, his long-term girlfriend, when he catches her cheating on him. Wayne had previously given up fighting at Angie’s request, but newly single, he quickly reasserts himself as the Toughest Guy in Letterkenny by fighting a series of Degens From Upcountry. So goes most of Season 1.

We don’t see much of Angie after that. Her last extended appearance is in Season 3 when the whole Letterkenny Irish team falls in love with her, to the detriment of locker-room chemistry, and Katy chases her off by kicking her in the crotch. That’s about what she deserves.

79. Hard Right Jay

As Letterkenny has evolved and grown, it’s occasionally been able to land bigger-name guest stars. Foremost among these is Jay Baruchel’s Hard Right Jay, a parody of the tiki torch-toting neo-Nazis who showed the world that white supremacists are total weenies. Now, there’s something cathartic about watching Hard Right Jay get seven shades of shit beaten out of him, but his character doesn’t serve much of a purpose beyond that. And on a show where the jokes come so thick and fast, it stands out when one doesn’t land.

78. Glen

Speaking of which. Letterkenny was cocreated by two of its stars: Jared Keeso and Jacob Tierney. The latter, in addition to writing and directing the lion’s share of the show, plays Glen, the town’s minister/part-time bartender/part-time TV station manager. Every so often Glen gets to shine. But in the early seasons, he’s part of a running gag about an effeminate, semi-closeted gay character who, in a rather homophobic depiction, continuously throws himself at the show’s macho male lead. Over time, as Letterkenny has evolved, Glen has been de-emphasized and toned down somewhat, and it’s for the better.

77. Jivin’ Pete
76. Rat Ass
75. Sled Ted

These are three of the guys who challenged Wayne for the title of toughest guy in Letterkenny in Season 1, and they basically only serve to antagonize Wayne and the Hicks before getting chased back upcountry.

74. Anik

Anik sits in the middle of a Venn diagram of two Letterkenny archetypes: villainous cheating exes and female characters who don’t do much except stand around and look pretty. The ending of Season 9 seemed to indicate that she will more to do as the show moved on, but that remains to be seen.

73. Bianca
72. Aly
71. Mia-Sophia

These are two clubgoers from the City who encouraged Stewart to get swole and beat up their drug-dealing nemesis, and the Breastaurant manager who gave Wayne two paint cans full of coins in the penny drive episode. You didn’t know their names before you read this.

70. Wally

Tanis’s long-estranged, weed-dealing dad. You didn’t know his name either.

69. Lovina Dyck
68. Charity Dyck
67. Chastity Dyck

Squirrely Dan’s on-again-off-again Mennonite girlfriend and her wayward nieces who hooked up with the hockey players while on rumspringa. You only remember their names because their names are puns.

66. Tassie
65. Cassie

The Brodude energy-drink spokesmodels who rat Tanis out to company headquarters. If you remember their names, it’s only because their similar names are a running gag.

64. Alexander

The long-suffering janitor at MoDean’s who has to deal with shit on the outside of a urinal.

63. Slash
62. Axe
61. Shania

Tanis’s sidekicks. They get points for beating up Hard Right Jay.

60. Kingsley
59. Shep

The male models who move in with Katy during Season 3, refuse to wear shirts, and make long strings of puns about how, despite being absolutely ripped, they’re both unacceptably fat. Yes, they were really called Kingsley and Shep.

58. The Ginger
57. Boots
56. Scottie Wallis

I definitely don’t condone fucking an ostrich. (Allegedly.) Particularly if it’s a sick ostrich, or a dead ostrich. But there’s a lot of comedic mileage to be gotten out of a yearslong gag about ostrich-fucking. As for Scottie Wallis—the show’s real-life dog trainer—well, he loses points for keeping poor company.

55. Brodude Rep

This was one of the harder decisions on the list. On one hand, a character who exists only to pop out of the blue and sling insults at Reilly and Jonesy has a pretty high floor. On the other hand, she doesn’t ascend much above that floor. With that said, however, the Season 9 finale sets her up as the head of a coalition of evil exes, with her energy-drink empire set to destroy Tanis’s energy-drink startup.

Letterkenny is great when it’s just a show about neighbors engaging in drunken antics, but it goes up a level when there’s a villain who unifies everyone in the town. (Tanis herself was just such a villain in the show’s first season.) So I’ve got faith that we’ll see more and better from the Brodude Rep next season, and that she’ll bring out the best in the show’s heroes.

54. Ellen

Squirrely Dan’s on-again, off-again girlfriend, who—to the horror of Wayne and Darry—introduces Squirrely D to the phrase “milking the prostate.”

53. The Matchmaker

The proprietor of a dating service called “Goldilocks and the Three Dates.” Katy hires the Matchmaker in Season 2’s “Relationships” to help Wayne find someone new after he and Angie break up. The Matchmaker returns for the Valentine’s Day special, in which she runs a speed-dating event. An incredibly funny character who dominated what little screen time she got.

52. Noah Dyck
51. Anita Dyck

Letterkenny is pretty quick to introduce most of the town’s social circles—Hicks, Skids, hockey players, Natives, Degens, and so on—but we don’t meet the Mennonites until Season 6.

The extended joke with the Dyck family is that despite being from an extremely insular and conservative community, they unwittingly speak almost entirely in sexual innuendos. Letterkenny is one of those shows that isn’t afraid to make a joke, run it into the ground, and then keep making that joke until it comes back around and starts being funny again. Perhaps no joke gets ridden harder than the Dyck family’s double entendres. Plus they’re great runners. Fuck, can they run.

50. Gae

Speaking of sexual innuendos. Gae provided a lot to the show by helping Stewart and Roald evolve into more well-rounded characters after Devon’s departure; introducing the City and the drug dealer story line; and coining the Skids’ rallying cry of rebellion: “I hate the world. I hate my parents. I hate myself.”

But her two departures from the show opened up space for Roald to blossom into a top-five character on the show. It is, as Gae herself said, best that she and Stewart split up.

49. Bradley

Bradley—the “cousin who’s fun” in the Season 4 promo—pops up at the end of Season 3 as a bouncer at MoDean’s. Bradley is the cousin of MoDean’s bartender Gail and Wayne’s girlfriend Rosie, and he is brought in as extra muscle to fend off the Degens From Upcountry—much to the delight of the Hicks, who think he’s the coolest guy alive.

What I didn’t realize at the time was this was a cameo. Adrian Holmes, who plays Bradley, costarred with Jared Keeso on a Canadian police procedural called 19-2, along with four other Letterkenny regulars. (Canada: hundreds of TV shows, dozens of working actors.)

48. Jean-Claude
47. Jean-Carl
46. Jean-Pierre
45. Jean-Guy

You remember the Seinfeld episode “The Bizarro Jerry,” in which Elaine starts hanging out with a group of guys who are doppelgänger for Jerry, George, and Kramer? Letterkenny does that same bit a lot. The first—and funniest—instance comes when the Hicks take a fishing trip to Quebec (“Great fishin’ in Quebec!”) and encounter the French-speaking versions of themselves. (Anik is first introduced as Bizarro Katy in this episode.)

After initial hostilities, they bond over a shared scrap with the Degens From Upcountry (“douches de campagne” in French) and develop a friendship—and then some. Anik ultimately leaves her fiancé, Jean-Claude, for Darry, before leaving Darry to get back together with Jean-Claude. Wayne meets, befriends, and eventually becomes engaged to Jean-Claude’s sister, Marie-Frédérique, before that relationship—and the Ontario-Quebec alliance—falls apart.

44. Native Hockey Coach

I’m not being racially essentialist; there are two hockey coaches with substantial roles in Letterkenny, and neither of them have a name.

Letterkenny is a lot like New Girl in that there isn’t really a straight man on the show; everyone is super weird and anyone can be the straight man depending on the circumstances. Having compiled this list and thought the matter through, the Native Hockey Coach is the closest thing this show has to a normal human being.

43. Teddy
42. Tommy

For the most part, I tried not to include characters who showed up for only a couple minutes in one episode (there’s an entire second group of Bizarro Hicks from a neighboring town), but these two are worth making an exception for. There’s a standard joke introduction scheme in Letterkenny: A topic comes up in conversation, and whoever’s present takes turns making rapid-fire jokes about it. Here, Tanis reveals that she doesn’t like the sound of the word, “snatch,” and away we go.

But instead of making jokes based on the premise that people from Newfoundland talk funny, Letterkenny introduces two characters from the province, lets them talk for two minutes, and never mentions them again.

41. Marie-Fred

Back in October, The Ringer published a list of the 50 greatest twists in TV and movie history, and I was wrong not to nominate Marie-Fred’s betrayal.

After years of matchmakers, false starts, and heartbreak, it looked like Wayne had found true love. Someone who could banter with him and his friends, gave him space to concentrate on chores, and didn’t judge him for his resolute philosophical opposition to belts. And then, at the end of Season 7, a door swings open to reveal Wayne’s fiancée making out with another guy. Perhaps another Guy, this being Quebec and all.

40. Dierks

Once Wayne and Marie-Fred broke up, ending diplomatic relations between Letterkenny and Quebec, Wayne and Katy’s American relatives started turning up, making Michigan the new Quebec. On a trip to an American strip club, Katy meets Dierks (played by 19-2 alum Tyler Hynes) and they start going out.

Like Marie-Fred, Dierks is exposed as a no-good cheater. (In fact, it’s Marie-Fred who drives back to Letterkenny to reveal this news in person.) Unlike Marie-Fred, it’s obvious from the start that Dierks is a scumbag who will break Katy’s heart.

So why is he this high on the list?

I like Dierks, in spite of him being irredeemable and never seeming like he was worth redeeming in the first place, because he drives Wayne absolutely nuts.

The greatest strength in Letterkenny’s world-building is that it provides all of the small details that make the show feel real but none of the big details that make the world feel realistic. I’ve been referring to “Wayne and Katy” because we don’t know the lead characters’ last names, or how old they are.

Every episode begins with a title card that says Letterkenny is a town of 5,000 people, of whom some 4,500 are apparently preposterously good-looking millennials. Despite fistfights breaking out on every corner and hard drugs being thrown around like snowballs, there is no police, no school, and no government of any kind that we see. In practice, the government of Letterkenny is Wayne, who fixes problems, brokers peace, and beats up dissenters. He rules this town like the Greek kings of The Iliad ruled their city states—as governor, father, and protector.

Which brings up Letterkenny’s occasional problem. From time to time, it starts to feel like a show about how cool its lead, a lead played by the show’s creator, is. And in those times, Wayne needs to be taken down a peg. Few do that better than Dierks.

39. Jean-Jacques François Jacques-Jean

The rotund former NHLer who dominated the National Senior Ice Hockey Championship until Shoresy took him out in the final. JJ-Frankie-JJ, as he’s referred to in a quantum leap for hockey nicknames, doesn’t talk much (except on the scoreboard), but he reappeared at the end of Season 9 as part of Brodude’s Voltron of villains, along with Anik, Dierks, and (perhaps) Marie-Fred.

38. James Duthie
37. Darren Dreger
36. Tessa Bonhomme
35. Jeff O’Neill
34. Kate Beirness
33. Jay Onrait
32. Dan O’Toole

Letterkenny isn’t a show entirely—or even mostly—about sports, but hockey plays such a key role that Canadian sports media giant TSN has been involved with the series for years. Starting with the Season 4 finale, in which SportsCentre anchor Dan O’Toole recounts a curling brawl between teams from Letterkenny and his hometown of Peterborough, TSN has loaned out some of its biggest names for cameo appearances.

And some of the cameos are pretty good: Kate Beirness’s reaction to Tanis hitting on her on live TV is outstanding, and the hyperactive banter of the O’Toole-Onrait SportsCentre translates to Letterkenny just as well as you might expect.

31. Bob McKenzie

But Bob McKenzie stands alone. The man’s a living legend and must be paid his due respect.

30. Jimmy Dickens

Letterkenny’s 7-foot-tall, cowboy-hat-wearing auctioneer is one of just two regulars from the town who has both a first and last name. And while the fast-talking auctioneer gag still plays, he’s evolved in several seasons into a more well-rounded character, expressing a love for Brooks & Dunn’s “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” and entering into a serious relationship with Gail. We also know, as of Season 9, that he’s got a giant penis. Such are the details that grant the show its powerful verisimilitude.

29. Bonnie McMurray
28. Rosie

Bonnie McMurray is the other Letterkenny regular—interlopers and Mennonites notwithstanding—who has a first and last name. She and Rosie, Wayne’s once and current girlfriend, are about 20 spots higher on this list than they were on the first draft, which I drew up before Season 9.

That’s because the most recent season of Letterkenny went a long way toward fixing one of its longstanding weaknesses. The show has no shortage of primary female characters, as well as supporting female characters who are pee-your-pants funny in small doses. But too many of its other female characters could just as easily have been played by life-sized dolls. The show’s most recent season, though, gave both Bonnie and Rosie more to do than to stand around and look pretty, which is welcome considering how little personality they’d been allowed to have beforehand.

27. Cousin Jake

Wayne and Katy’s ostentatiously patriotic American cousin. I’m probably overrating him somewhat because he’s played by Jared Abrahamson, an alum of Travelers (a TV show I loved and nobody else watched) and American Animals (a movie I loved and nobody else watched). He should come south of the border and become obscenely famous as an action-comedy star.

26. Mrs. McMurray

The McMurrays, as a duo, have always been enjoyable because of their unconventional marriage, love of hot tubs, and habit of refusing to open their mouths while speaking. But throughout the show’s run, Mrs. McMurray has gotten progressively more drunk, and we’re about two seasons from her becoming entirely unintelligible.

25. Tyson
24. Joint Boy

Two pretenders to the throne of Toughest Guy In Letterkenny who went on to become integral members of the crew, enforcers on the Letterkenny Irish Senior A Whaleshit hockey team, and fearsome contestants in the Letterkenny Adult Spelling Bee. Tyson’s assertion that the Degens From Upcountry are “homophobists” makes me fall over laughing every time I hear it.

23. Devon

The first time I watched Letterkenny it took me so long to get a handle on the Skids that Devon was off the show before I realized how funny he was. Few supporting characters have dominated an episode the way Devon dominated Season 1’s “Fartbook.” Like Gae, he probably needed to leave the show in order to allow Stewart and Roald to reach their full potential, but he was an absolute riot during his brief run.

22. Gail

Letterkenny is full of great physical comedy, but Gail is one of the three funniest walkers/standers in TV history. (The other two are Wayne and John Cleese in Monty Python’s “Ministry of Silly Walks” sketch.)

21. Stewart

No Letterkenny character has grown more as a human being. Stewart started as a tremulous drug-addled boy, who got in over his head with the Natives and had to be bailed out—in Tanis’s words—by people who hate him. Years later, Stewart is, well, “respected” is probably a bridge too far. So is “successful,” or even “liked.” But he’s an integral member of the community now. He gets invited to weddings and fights and whatnot. That’s a big deal.

Plus he apparently has a giant penis. There’s such a thing as too much horn talk and a fella ought to be fuckin’ aware of it.

20. Squirrely Dan

Yes, a member of the core Hicks group is this low. That, I hope, says more about the quality of this show’s comedic depth than Squirrely D’s shortcomings. Dan isn’t just a fountain of hysterical rejoinders like, “Oh yeah, me and Gordon Ramsay are both morons” and “You think this is the PGA? Think you can just hoot and holler whenever you want? Baba-fucking-booey? We respect our athletes here!” He’s the foil to Wayne’s overbearing machismo.

It’s unsurprising that Hard Right Jay went to Wayne thinking he’d find an ally. Wayne is so macho it’s funny, even if he’s also too empathetic to fall for white supremacist rhetoric. But even though Dan’s attendance at Professor Tricia’s women’s studies class is played for laughs, he does put a check on Wayne’s (and, to a lesser extent, Darry’s) more caveman-like tendencies.

19. McMurray

Letterkenny introduces at least four obvious character foils for Wayne: The two Bizarro Waynes, Tanis, and McMurray. McMurray is what Wayne would’ve been if he were a little more like a Degen From Upcountry.

McMurray is a piece of shit. Stewart and Wayne once ran an attack ad saying as much during the ag hall elections in Season 2. While the way he abbreviates the names of tropical locations (“Down ‘minican,” etc.) is funny, what he gets up to on his boys’ trips is quite disturbing. But he and Wayne share a love of farming, fighting, and drinking, and they’re firm friends. Even if they can’t stop talking over each other.

18. Dax
17. Ron

Dax and Ron, Letterkenny’s workout-obsessed gay couple, dominate the Valentine’s Day special the way Devon dominated the “Fartbook” episode. In nine seasons of rapid-fire puns, the pinnacle might be Ron using baseball innuendo to get Katy hot and bothered at a speed-dating event. Some Letterkenny characters, like Tyson and Joint Boy, took a while to get fully integrated into the show, but Dax and Ron were bantering at an elite level from the moment they first appeared in Season 4.

16. Katy

There’s a lot to appreciate about Katy. Her relationship with Wayne is one of my favorite sibling relationships on TV, because they’re both supportive while still allowing each other to be their own people and make their own decisions. We should all be so lucky. Wayne will drive to Michigan to beat up Katy’s cheating boyfriend, and she’ll drive to Quebec to kick Wayne’s cheating ex-fiancée in the crotch. (She does a fair amount of crotch-kicking in this show.)

She also dunked on a pretty high percentage of my L.A.-based coworkers who love to talk about how good the hikes and tacos are there.

Katy is like Letterkenny’s point guard. She keeps the rhetorical banter ball moving across all groups—Hicks, Skids, and Hockey Players. She rarely gets the highlight-reel zinger herself, but she’ll be the one who sets it up.

15. Jonesy
14. Reilly

I’ve been seeing the word “himbo” get thrown around a lot recently on this great internet of ours. I challenge anyone to find a better, purer set of himbos than these two.

It’s hard to separate these guys. There’s a running gag early in the show about how Wayne can’t be bothered to tell them apart or learn their names, and the biggest obstacle they face comes when Katy, who was dating both of them at the start of the show, says in Season 4 that she wants to date only Reilly.

They get plenty of their own jokes in, but they’re most effective at selling others’. The Hicks get some of their best jokes in at Reilly’s and Jonesy’s expense, but these two facilitate the show’s hockey world, where jokes and insults come thicker and faster than anywhere else.

13. Scholtzy
12. Barts
11. Yorkie
10. Fisky
9. Boomtown

Eleven of my top 15 Letterkenny characters come from the hockey quarter of the show, and seven of those exist mostly to insult Reilly and Jonesy.

Reilly and Jonesy start the show as hotshot junior players before graduating to Senior A in Season 2, where they’re hazed mercilessly by a quintet of established players who speak only in turn. Even after a season of Letterkenny’s unique dialogue style, the introduction of (in order) Barts, Yorkie, Scholtzy, Fisky, and Boomtown is a total shock. They take the show’s around-the-horn joke-telling format and apply it to everything from loving their wives (and later, Angie, to the team’s peril) to diarrhea to the Canadian Indian Act of 1876. The only reason the Newfoundlanders’ bit works so well is that Barts, Yorkie, et al. are so flabbergasted they can’t chirp coherently anymore. No one else had been able to shut them up before, and no one has been able to since.

Among this hilarious group, Boomtown deserves special mention for his commitment to team building—particularly his willingness to share his story about the gold medal game at the Vancouver Olympics. I love Boomtown like I love my wife.

8. Darry

No hero is truly complete without his sidekick.

Darry takes a lot of crap from Wayne and Squirrely Dan. He doesn’t like the feeling of harsh metals on his skin. He tried to go crawling back to a woman who cheated on him. He wears his barn clothes everywhere. But this show started as a web series, and that web series started with just two characters: Wayne and Darry. Everyone else is just an accessory.

7. Wayne

Something like a third of the previous character blurbs were actually about Wayne, or explained the character’s relationship to Wayne. This is the straw that stirs the drink.

6. Shoresy

In addition to Wayne, Jared Keeso plays Shoresy, Reilly’s and Jonesy’s teammate and frequent nemesis. We see his naked backside about once a season, but never his face. No matter, you’ll always recognize his voice.

There’s not a lot to explain about a character who’s only on-screen while he’s actively making jokes. Jokes like “Your lives are so fucking pathetic I ran a charity 15K to raise awareness for it,” and more “Your mom” lines than all of post-2000 TV put together. He’s a force of nature.

5. White Hockey Coach

Only one person is anywhere near as hard on Reilly and Jonesy as Shoresy: The White Hockey Coach.

Coach takes Letterkenny’s rapid-fire round-robin joke format and turns it into a one-man tour de force. At one point, while the Irish are on a losing streak, Coach boots a trash can into the dressing room and shouts, “Fuck me, do you FUCK DOG!” I hear that line every time I watch a baseball game and a relief pitcher blows a lead, and also sometimes in my sleep.

4. Roald

The funniest sequence in Season 9 comes when the Hicks are sitting at the bar at MoDean’s, hurling insults at Stewart and Roald. Stewart declares that he and Roald were able to dodge their fire, but Roald lies crumpled on the floor, claiming to have been hit by a ricochet and calling out Stewart’s name. Only he doesn’t say “Stewart.” He says … I’m not even sure how to spell it.

If there’s a gag that’s aged better than Roald saying Stewart’s name, I’m not aware of it. That’s far from Roald’s only contribution to Letterkenny’s comedic patois, but if it were, it would have been enough.

3. Betty-Anne
2. Mary-Anne

Over the summer, there was one of those Twitter prompts asking people to name a TV character who makes you laugh every second they’re on screen. My answer at the time was Zoidberg from Futurama, but Betty-Anne and Mary-Anne make me laugh even harder.

When Coach asks Reilly and Jonesy to help him guide the Letterkenny Shamrockettes (Mary-Anne: “What the hell’s a Shamrockette anyway, a leaf with tits?”) to their third consecutive championship, the dressing room contains a full roster of players. But the only two actresses who talk are Kelly McCormack and Jess Salgueiro, while about a dozen extras try and fail to hold it together in the background. Which is fair enough—you try to keep a straight face while the person next to you says: “Tell me how Mary-Anne’s a lady. Her jillstrap’s got more skid marks than a runaway truck lane on a coastal mountain highway.” I know I couldn’t.

1. Tanis

Tribal leader, entrepreneur, sports entertainment impresario, hell of a cook. Letterkenny is about Wayne and his friends, but Tanis is its true hero. She was putting Wayne in his place before Dierks was even on the show’s radar and insulting Reilly and Jonesy the instant she appeared on screen. She was a ferocious opponent for Wayne and the Hicks—so much so that when she declared war on Letterkenny, they had to bring in Boots and the Ginger, despite the whole thing with the ostrich. (Allegedly.)

Tanis is just as much god-queen of the Rez as Wayne is warrior-king of Letterkenny, and for a long time I was of the opinion that those two ought to end up together. Their brief relationship ended because Tanis spits outdoors and Wayne crosses his legs to untie his snow boots, and there’s something to be said for ending a doomed relationship early while you can still salvage the friendship.

But Wayne is also currently dating Rosie, the same Rosie he drove across town to break up with at the end of Season 4 the instant Tanis gave him the eyes. I’ve since reconsidered this opinion. Tanis is doing just fine, owning a successful hockey team and a burgeoning soft-drink startup. More to the point, she’s too cool for Wayne. She’s too cool for anyone in that hick town.