Modern guidelines for hosting a kid birthday party including invites, food, opening presents in front of others and the much debated, goodie bags. Children’s birthday party etiquette and the basics for how many kids to invite, sending thank you cards and what “no gifts” really means at kid parties. This modern parent’s birthday party etiquette guide gives you the scoop on how to host a kid birthday party in the 21st century.
Children’s Birthday Party Etiquette 101
As parents, celebrating the birth of our children is often a more anticipated even and planned with the same fervor as your own wedding. For kids, having a birthday party is more important than some holidays like the 4th of July or Thanksgiving. This one day a year is a special occasion where most parents throw their child a birthday party and celebrate the baby which made them a parent or expanded your brood.
Oftentimes we try our best to plan these occasions with utmost precision and make sure our kid’s party stands out on the birthday party circuit – but before you slap down your credit card and fill a couple carts at the party store, know that birthdays can be memorable without a huge guest list or going over budget.
These tips will help you be a gracious party host and throwing a party that’s just right for the age and personality of your child.
Bonus: Download An Easy-To-Use Birthday Party Planning Checklist
Guideline for the Number of Guests Invited to a Kid Birthday Parts
A good rule of thumb for toddler and preschoolers who are having birthday parties is to invite the number of the child’s age plus one more. For example, if your child will be four, let her chose five guests to invite.
If you choose to have a joint party with a sibling or friend, this number might double to accommodate friends from both sides
Email Versus Paper Invitations for Kid Parties
Whichever avenue you take to send out invitations is up to you. There is no right or wrong way to invite your child’s friends and family to their birthday party, one may be more convenient or keepsake appropriate depending on your needs.
Sending electronic invitations is convenient, but some schools have strict policies against invitations being circulated at school. Often this is to make sure children who aren’t invited don’t feel left out and hurt.
If you chose to send invitations, this is a part of the party planning where you can involve your child in the planning. The excitement of picking out, writing, addressing and mailing (or handing out) invitations builds excitement for the party. Plus you get this time together to connect and share a fun experience.
Whatever you do, set an RSVP date on the invitation so you can get an accurate headcount and don’t have any surprise guests showing up at your door you’re unprepared for.
Do I Need to Invite The Entire Class?
Once kids are school age, this process of inviting the entire class versus a select few becomes tricky. If you plan to invite a few select kids from class, this is OK at not making the rest of the class feel left out. However, if you chose to invite more than half of the class, it’s appropriate to include the entire class and avoid hurt feelings or being rude.
Think of how your child would feel if they were one of the 2 or 3 kids without an invitation. Follow the golden rule and don’t leave anyone out unless you’re only inviting a few kids (5 or less).
If only a few kids from class are coming to your child’s birthday, see if you can have a small celebration at school by bringing donuts, a snack or cupcakes for everyone to share and celebrate together.
Having a “No Gifts Rule” at Your Kids Birthday Party
It’s perfectly OK to note on an invitation for guests to not bring gifts with a simple “please no gifts” or “your presence is gift enough” message. You don’t have to share your reasoning behind this choice or feel obligated to explain yourself.
When It’s Appropriate to Serve Food
This is entirely dependent upon the time of the party. If you have a party over the lunch or dinner hour, say 11:30am – 1:30pm or 4pm – 6pm, expect to serve kids a meal. Pizza, sandwiches, hot dogs, hamburgers or chicken tenders are kid-friendly foods easy to cook, order and serve.
If the party falls in the mid-morning or mid-afternoon having snacks on hand such as fruit, muffins, pretzels, chips and veggies are good to munch on before cake and cupcakes.
If you know kids who have special needs or food allergies will be attending, be sure to have appropriate food on hand so they get a chance to eat as well.
Should I Feed Parents Too?
If you’re feeding the kids, have food ready for their parents too. Parents appreciate feeling included versus being a wallflower waiting for the party to end and take their kid home. If they’re included they’ll also be more likely to pitch in to help. Include parents in the headcount for cake and cupcakes too!
If you’re hosting a big party and expect a crowd of parents and adults, it’s a good idea to offer grown up fare and adult beverages versus a juice box and hot dogs.
Presents at Kid Parties: Opening Gifts or Saving Them for Later?
Opening gifts after guests have left is acceptable party etiquette – and smart for a couple of reasons:
- Opening gifts in front of other kids can have negative outcomes. Gift giving can become a competition between the biggest and nicest gifts and can cause jealousy or even feelings or feeling left out if one child didn’t bring a gift or couldn’t afford more than a few dollars spent on a present.
- The focus of the party is on spending time together with guests and opening gifts puts the focus on materialism versus a quality experience with friends and family.
- Opening gifts can seriously cut into the birthday party time (especially if you’re sticking with an hour or two hour long party.)
- Depending on the birthday child’s personality, opening gifts in front of others may be an anxiety and tumultuous experience. A shy child can feel uncomfortable with guests watching him open presents.
- Opening gifts in front of others, can make guests feel obligated to give gifts. This can be uncomfortable if guests are unable to afford bringing a present.
- At the point in a party of gift-giving, kids can reach the point of being overstimulated. It might be best to calmly open presents at home away from onlookers when the environment is calm and parents can keep track of all the presents received for thank you notes.
However, as the parent, you know your child and their friends the best. If they have the attention span to sit through opening presents and there are only a handful of kids, this will probably be OK. For larger parties and for parties with young children who will get fidgety over git opening, saving gifts for later might be a better choice.
Do I Have to Do Goodie Bags
Thank You Notes
Thank you notes are a nice gesture, and are important to reinforcing gratitude for the gift a child has received. Having your child go around to thank guests for coming to the party at some point, although as they’re leaving is a great way to end the event, is a great way to say thank you in person.
If your child is old enough, they should be involved in the thank you card process.Let them create thank you cards with their own artwork and signature if they’re not quite writing age or if they’re old enough, have them write the thank you cards on their own.
Other Kids Birthday Party Hostess Notes
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- If you rent out a venue or hire professionals, tipping them for their services is proper etiquette. Tip as if you would at a restaurant – 15% standard and 20% for exceptional services.
- Prepare a couple extra goodie bags just in case an extra sibling comes along or items get broken or lost.
- Bring along extra cake and cupcakes in case of seconds for at least half the guests. Most won’t ask for more, but you want to be prepared in case they do.
- Have a back-up plan, especially if the birthday party is outside and things don’t go as expected. Plan activities, bring extra supplies and watch for kids who aren’t playing with others and gives them something to do.
Bonus: Download An Easy-To-Use Birthday Party Planning Checklist
If you’re looking to take things a little more casual this year, incorporating any of these wonderful birthday traditions into your child’s special day, will stand up against last year’s princess party complete with unicorn and petting zoo.
Bobby Saint says
I like that you provided some parent’s etiquette guide to hosting a kid’s birthday party such as sending invitations and determining the number of people to invite. If possible, it’s always good to send out invites via e-cards or email. This is not only convenient but very practical as well. Also, it’s important to determine the number of attendees for the event. You may want to ask your child or the celebrant who specifically he wants to be on the list of invitees. This way, you would be able to set the right budget for the party. If I were to host my son’s birthday party, I would make sure to keep this in mind. Thanks.
Taylor Bishop says
Thanks for these tips for hosting a birthday party for a kid. I appreciate that you mentioned to be aware of any allergies other kids may have that are coming. It definitely sounds important to try to gather this information long in advance so that you have enough time to adequately prepare for the party.
Becca Holton says
My aunt has been a little stressed since she started planning her son’s birthday party. She doesn’t want anyone to feel obligated to bring a gift. It’ll be relieving for her to learn that it’s perfectly ok to make a note on the invitation about that. Besides that, the venue is still being chosen, but I think they’re leaning toward going to a family party center.
Lori Porter says
What is the etiquette when inviting family member without children when having a party at a “pay per person” place?
My granddaughter will be turning 2 and her parents (who are on a budget) would like to have her birthday at the San Antonio Aquarium where it’s a little pricey. I told her to only invite children around same age and pay only for one parent. Am I wrong? Of course my husband & I will attend, we would not want them to pay for us or her siblings. Now my SIL thinks he should pay for everyone invited, he has a HUGE family. Adults without children. Now I do believe they should provide enough cake and snacks for adults attending. I’m not a total party scrooge. Please someone help WWYD??
Ian says
Those are very helpful suggestions! I love the the note that says “your presence is gift enough”. 🙂 Will do these next time for my daughter’s birthday.
Ridley Fitzgerald says
Thanks for the great tips for having our son’s birthday. He’s at that age when he cares about what people think about him, so I know he’ll want the perfect party. When we have it, I agree that saving the gift opening for later is a good idea.
Ashwin says
Some of the modern parents surely get confusion about celebrating their kid’s birthday party. But definitely your article will help them.
Ashwin says
Wonderful guidelines for celebrating the kid’s birthday party. Thanks for sharing.
V r says
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Corinne says
Is this the correct email? [email protected] I have a note it was sent, but just resent to this email. Let me know if you do not receive. Thanks!
Sutton Turner says
I’m glad you mentioned letting your child invite kids that equal the number of their age plus one. We are searching for a party venue for our son’s birthday party. Thanks for all the advice on hosting a kid birthday party.
Patricia Wilson says
I love how you mentioned that we should be preparing extra goodie bags. My youngest is turning eight next week, and we decided to throw a party for him. We definitely don’t want to have a kid without a goodie bag. That would be no fun! I’m happy that I came across this article when I did, as I was just about to wrap up my preparations. I’m also thinking of having a drinking station with all sorts of juices and soda. That would be a bright idea, wouldn’t it?
Gerty Gift says
I appreciate what you had to say about how to calculate the number of kids to invite. I didn’t know whether or not to invite everyone from my daughter’s school or just three friends. This is a great and simple solution that I can follow for a while. Thank you for your help.
Olivia Pearson says
I like how you mentioned that a child’s birthday party is important, and can be memorable without a huge, over-budget party. I think that it’s beneficial to just enjoy your child’s birthday party with them and their guests, rather than having to set up, clean up, check constantly on food, and things like that. I think an easy way to go about hosting a birthday party would be to book a nice and fun venue, that way the kids can enjoy themselves and everything can be taken care of at the venue. My son is having a birthday soon, and after reading these tips, we’ll definitely look for a fun kid’s birthday party venue in our area, that the guests and our son can enjoy without too much set up and clean up on our part.
Mery birthday says
Great post, I have also such fantastic memories of childhood birthday parties about my children.
Marlon Samuels says
Those are very helpful suggestion i like that, thanks for sharing.
Suzanne says
What are your thoughts on inviting kids that don’t invite your child to a party each year? I believe they are only having family parties but do you keep inviting the kids? My daughter is the only child on both sides so I want other children there but don’t know how to handle that.
Vivian Black says
You made a great point about making sure that you do email invitations as it is convenient and can help with getting an accurate headcount. My husband and I are looking for tips on hosting our daughter’s birthday party next week. We will keep these tips in mind as we search for a professional who can help us host her party.