I'm tired.

John 15:2
Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.

Pruning can hurt, but it is better in the long run.

The pruning is hard. I agree. I'm a TE and I'm sad right now with lost friends who no longer care for the church and its mission.

But I guess I'd rather have the pruning and deal with the real than the unreal of people pretending to be Christians.

Double upvote and prayers from me, as an elder in a sister denomination and a labourer in a student/young-adult ministry I really identify with what you're feeling. I think some of these dynamics contributed to my ministry burnout several years ago. I've been reflecting on a lot of these same things for several years. If you want I'd like to share a few of my thoughts; apologies for the extra long post.

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28 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

This is a promise I've come back to again and again. It's one of those texts I've had to wrestle with, wondering why an easy yoke and a light burden are decidedly not what I have experienced in life and ministry. I have had so much trouble finding rest for my soul. But I think it's because we often read verse 29 as "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, and you will find rest for your souls", skipping over the "for I am gentle and humble in heart." Humility is key here. It is what we need to learn from Jesus, and it goes directly against our cultural desires, which have affected the Church as much as the wider culture, especially regarding what is expected in "leadership".

We have such a high vision of what a Christian leader needs to accomplish, which has been formed by our society's view of success (think Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, Bill Gates, or Tim Keller, John Piper, Rick Warren, etc). Each of these men has done spectacular things, and we tend to hold them up as examples of success that we all can or should live up to.

But not only are these examples not normative/normal, but such success is not promised anywhere in the Bible. It is not the sort of success that Jesus knew either. After his death he had about 100 people who remembered him, and on a cultural scale, he passed pretty much unnoticed. His fame grew much, much later.

The principle here is that we tend to gauge success in terms of visible results, and that's not how God measures it. Part of humility is recognising that we cannot produce the results we want. Ultimately results are God's, and they may look nothing like what we hope or expect (or they might, but they might happen 30 years after we're dead).

In reading about burnout, I stumbled across this quote referring to research on burnout among teachers:

[According to] Friedman, who has done extensive empirical work on the nature of burnout in schoolteachers and principals, treatment resides in healing the discrepancy between unrealistic expectations and self-perceived results. “At some point," he notes, “teachers learn a harsh truth, that they cannot possibly live up to their own performance expectations.”¹

This is a perfect example of the humility Jesus wants to teach us. Let us be meek and lowly in heart, like him, knowing that we cannot produce the results we want. We cannot make men and women return to the Church, we cannot (personally) stem the societal tide of deconstruction. All we can do is faithfully incarnate the kingdom of God, and gently invite them to with us.

I'll close with Psalm 131; meditating on it has been helpful for me:

131 Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes arrogant;

Nor do I involve myself in great matters,

Or in things too difficult for me.

2 I have certainly soothed and quieted my soul;

Like a weaned child resting against his mother,

My soul within me is like a weaned child.

3 Israel, wait for the Lord

From this time on and forever.

^{Barry A Farber, « Introduction: Understanding and Treating Burnout in a Changing Culture », dans Journal of Clinical Psychology no 56.5, 2000, p. 589-590.}

Haven’t read the other responses but I just wanted to say I am right there with you. I feel like I’m sinking.

I’m going to get off of social media and Reddit for the rest of the day. Read some scripture, do some chores, love my family, and wait for God.

I totally agree. Deconstruction is totally bumming me out. Deconstruction in itself I think is very good in the sense that we should really try to know and be confident in WHY we believe what we believe.

On the other hand, between friends, a romantic relationship, and even family it hasn’t produced any good I can see in the lives of the people I love. I’ve felt a lot of doubt and tendencies towards deconstruction lately, although I do think it has made me more firm in my faith, despite growing my list of doubts. Idk the more the doubts the more the faith sometimes!

I'm right there with you. My current struggle is the rampant Christian Nationalism that exists in my congregation.

I'm the worship director for a 500 member non-dom but mostly reformed church in a small town, where many people are farmers, ranchers, and "good ol' boys."

I've needed to be reminded that although the life style, worldview, and choices of many members of my congregation are not those that I grew up in, the Holy Spirit is still in control. Christ is sovereign. As many has said in their responses to this post, I believe that the Lord has been spending extra time pruning our churches. It's possible that He is preparing us for some serious changes that are going to be happening in the next couple of decades. If that is the case, then praise the Lord - I'd rather serve with 5 people who genuinely love Christ, than watch 50 of my loved ones be lukewarm.

It's happening all over. You're not alone. I'm praying for you.

Corralling

Consider the sower. He casts his seeds and moves on. He doesn’t spend time yelling the sprouts into shape. If you were at a church populated by clones of [insert favorite theologian], your job would be to love and serve and share bits from Bible and confessions. If you were trapped in prison with only chaplain as [insert worst bogeyman], your job would be the same.

The Lord promises he will complete sanctification: the task there is abide and rest in Him. Don’t be like Peter micro-managing the washings.

Brother, man I am in there too, but in this case it was the PCA Pastor that fell off. We knew something was up when he started attending and speaking at some Black Pastor's conferences. We thought it was a great way to help bring reconciliation and healing to the body of Christ. We have had some African American members and attenders and we really have encouraged it. But. we don't really know the lay of the land within the other churches. Next, though, he brought in a University Prof. to instruct us on White Privilege, Critical Race theory, Systemic Racism, etc.. We even had work sheets to go down to check off where we were racist. Next came a post during the riots "Rage is a righteous and holy response to those that stubbornly refuse to do the right thing" He added the scripture on Jesus chasing the moneychangers out of the temple. So who determines the right thing? Are men given the task of reaping "justice" on those they deem unjust? Quite a few leaders in the church called in him on it but apart from the Scripture it is still up.

It has continued although sadly we are no longer there after 32 years. Most of the active session has resigned and the budget has fallen to the floor. The pastor posts less but has never back off. This is producing, most likely, irreparable damage to many congregations. What is interesting is I don't even see them trying to draw Biblical doctrine into it. From a leadership perspective these are very hard times.

done with Christian Deconstruction

We’re not doing it to be hard on you or bum you out. We’re tired too.