I rank the 86 episodes of The Sopranos. #50 is Where’s Johnny?, the third episode of Season 5. The only episode out of all 86 where Carmela Soprano does not appear, this episode is named after Junior Soprano’s confused quests.
First, for comedic timing in social situations such as Sunday-dinners…
…Then, for his long-dead brother who he sets out on a wild hunt for.
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Another fun fact that you probably realized but never felt like needed pointing-out: this episode is also the only one to have a question-mark in its’ title.
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INFLUENCES
- I named a chapter of my book, Overbite: Notes of a Summer in Captivity (2021) after this episode. It’s called Where’s Veikko? and it’s a very late-story chapter, so I shall not say what happens in it. It was very important, however, to have it be named after this very episode.
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Dementia has started to kick in for Junior. First movements in this direction took place relatively recently, in Whoever Did This (S4E9). …but it’s been relatively in the background since then.
Getting really frontal now, though!
Seeing this episode’s title alone brings back memories of uncomfortable inner dialogues about the possibility of anything like Junior’s fate, befalling me. How scared the deterioration of his mindstate, makes me. In my Whoever Did This-notes I noted an opinion I’ve always held about The Sopranos. I think Junior’s dementia is the saddest, scariest and most all-around tragic storyline out of the whole deal.
I do think it was very smart for them to include and explore this story, though, because Junior in a lot of ways — especially later on — acts as a kinda dark mirror to Tony, a bleak of look into what if. He’s a guy who successfully survives jail, relatively survives losing his life to the life, but by the end he’s a shell of himself, and has committed such reprehensible acts that he can no longer be redeemed in the eyes of the people that used to form his circles. He’s completely alone.
It all comes to him in fragments, when or if it ever even does come to him.
It’s just a bottomless pit of sadness and dread that can only really end when his life ends. In a way, he’s dead already.
I used the phrase “beginning of the end” in talking about Two Tonys (S5E1) and a scene in it that I view as crucial. More quickly than anyone could put a finger on, the beginning of the end for Junior Soprano has already started unfolding.
What was this all for?
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The glorious view of Bada Bing’s parking lot is where we get this episode goin’.
It’s awfully dark this season. Tony and Georgie talk at the counter and Tony B brings in some shit that he had to take home from Mr. Kim’s laundry-place.
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He wears the same jacket as he’s taking a drive with fellow ex-con Feech La Manna, who already has some opinions about current leadership that he can’t wait to regurgitate.
The two of them are driving and Feech sees something he doesn’t like. Sal Vitro, that ungrateful fucking prick makes his debut in this fucking here episode. I can’t– it’s hard to even say his name.
Feech seemed to have the right hunch about the moral backbone — or lack thereof — of this character, and does the right thing by stomping his wrist out and tearing his nuts out of the ‘sack.
“You want me to fuck off?! How about I fuck off all over your stupid fucking face?! You fucking mutt!”
Feech La Manna
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Junior is at home watching TV with an old buddy. He gets confused as to why they’re showing “him” and “Bobby” on the telly, even though it’s not him — it’s Larry David, on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm; Junior has gotten cable since the Baccalieri-kids complained about there being no cable last year.
“Bobby” is Jeff Garlin.
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Bobby — wearing a shirt to pay tribute to that very same TV show — comes to the back of the Bing at what looks like the morning after, to talk about how he’d like some more responsibility, some more income since he’s now got an expensive wife, and he’s taken care of Junior good ‘n’ plenty.
Tony’s is bluntly honest with Bobby, in saying to him that ever since Junior’s crew (di)sband(ed) in the beginning of Season 2, Bobby’s really been the only trustworthy person in there, and therefore Tony hasn’t been all that eager to get anyone else on that job in his stead.
There’s never complaints about the way Bobby tends for Junior. Tony, who still cares about his grumpy old fart of an uncle, values that.
This conversation progressed in a really dynamic way, which I know is a weird thing to pay all this attention to. But I just like how it went from Bobby’s position to Tony’s, then through a relative mutual understanding of each other’s stances they were able to transform into Tony telling Bobby something, his position.
It’s overall a nice conversation. There’s understanding from both ends. Of course Tony’s gonna use this conversation against Bobby hard later, but that’s our Tony!
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Paulie is visiting his aunt and hears about what happened to… I can’t. I won’t say his name.
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Lorraine Calluzzo — who we got introduced to in Rat Pack (S5E2) — is making a collection with Jason, her 6,1″ lover. She, uh… speaks in some rough expressions and terms.
Phil steps in with two friends!
“How about this humidity?”
Phil Leotardo
Phil here — as well as Joey Peeps and Billy Leotardo who are accompanying him — has something urgent he wants to get across to Lorraine. It turns out she’s been kicking up to Lil’ Carmine, when it is clear that their crew wants the percentages from collections such as this, to go to Johnny Sack who indeed should be leading this family now, at the wake of the passing of Carmine Lupertazzi.
Carmine’s death, which took place in Two Tonys (S5E1) is still fresh on everybody’s mind, and without the old kook naming a successor, two rival factions are now violently vying for that power. Phil’s move here is a part of that in-move.
Phil sits Lorraine down to a stool, puts a gun to her chest with a phone-book in between, and shoots.
“Next time, there’ll be no next time”, he leaves the meeting on an ominous note.
But wait, didn’t I mention at the top of this scene that Lorraine’s lover was a huge man?
Well, he was, but they got the drop on him before he could and it all trickled down to timing and luck not being on poor Jason’s side.
It’s still hilarious how Phil taunts him after Lorraine desperately pleads that she’ll “suck their cocks! All you guys!” if they let her go.
“Suck our cocks? Is she any good? Eh what am I asking you for, you probably showed her how!”
Phil Leotardo
Billy Leotardo — who debuts here — was originally going to be Billy Syracusa. Just a guy in Phil Leotardo’s crew. They couldn’t clear the last name legally, to be used on the show, so they changed him into Phil Leotardo’s brother. Terence Winter and Chris Caldovino – playing Billy – were roommates, and friends who grew up in Brooklyn together. Chris’s one of the real-life people that Terry’s first written script – Brooklyn Rules – was about; and he was actually a client in Terry’s made-up agency which Terry talked in-depth about in the Talking Sopranos-episode covering Big Girls Don’t Cry (S2E5) (episode 18 of the podcast).
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Lorraine, Angelo Garepe and Jason are having a meeting with Junior and Tony, the two heads of the New Jersey-family.
Tony doesn’t want to get involved in this and probably let Junior come in just for good measure.
Lorraine throws Jason a funny zinger lol “Jason, men are talking.”
I don’t care what anyone says about what a cheap caricature her character was, Lorraine had amusing moments and this season will have my compliments at the end of the day, for doing away with such an over-the-top character so quickly…
…which is what they should’ve done with Jimmy Altieri in Season 1.
What’s also hilarious about this scene is that some doofus’ out there actually think Lorraine was a captain in the Lupertazzi family. I’m not even fucking kidding, it’s hilarious I know, but you know what’s more hilarious? They base that belief on this scene! They think, that because she was “important enough” or had enough sway, to get Angelo the former consigliere as well as New Jersey’s two bosses, to have a meeting, that she too was a captain.
AND THESE PEOPLE JUST SAW HER, 5 MINUTES AGO, MAKING A COLLECTION AT SOME BUST-DOWN BAR.
This is so ridiculous I couldn’t make it up.
Every now and then I see this topic pop up at some group and all these people gathering ’round to talk about what indeed must have been the policy that sometimes women can be captains. Boy I bet Meadow could be boss after the ending!
Literally, I see this theory so often that I’m sure it’s become head-canon to a big chunk of fans. I don’t usually make fun of other Sopranos-fans because I’m not on any further-ascended level from that myself. I’m just a fan whose favorite how this is. But it is hilarious and on some days, insulting, to see people pay attention this little to things that the show isn’t even trying to hide. Lorraine had no power in this power-struggle. She just had close friends in important positions.
Whew, that felt good to get off my neck.
Anyway, this scene is the first time Junior mentions that Tony “never had the makings of a varsity athlete”.
The beginning of the meme. First referenced to in Pilot (S1E1), Tony references it as he introduced the character Junior to Dr. Melfi and by-proxy, us. He makes reference to that later in this episode by saying Junior used to spew that shit to the girl-cousins and it felt really undermining.
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Paulie has heard about the righteous rampage Feech laid down on that Vitro-punk. He walks into a bar, and…
I CANNOT BELIEVE PAULIE IS EVEN SPEAKING TO THIS HORRIBLE MAN. Let alone settle for something as meak as 2% for basically saving his puny life !!
I cannot.
Paulie, how do you do it? You good Soul.
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Tony’s driving Janice to have dinner, with AJ in the backseat.
Janice gossips about her step-son’s bed-wetting as if it were nothing more than entertainment. Like any good mother would.
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At Vesuvio’s, Janice goes on some spiel about how she starts to more and more understand Livia as time passes from her death.
This leaves a sour taste in Tony’s mouth, and the next thing he decides to do is go over to the kitchen to talk to Artie. The two of them have been on the outs ever since the dramatic fallout in Everybody Hurts (S4E6), the wonderful Artie-centered episode which I’m actually going to be writing about next on this blog!
Why do I think Tony chose this to be the time? I don’t know, maybe what Janice said felt so profoundly alien, and flew against all things he held holy — such as the perception that his mother is a one dimensional villain and has never been anything more — that doing this would bring a touch of familiarity to his life.
But more likely than that, this was just what Tony was planning to get out of this whole visit to the restaurant anyway. The two of them not talking to each other had gone on for almost a full season and it’s disproportionate to how little each transgressed upon the other.
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Sunday-dinner’s being prepped. Tony and AJ are there, as well as Bobby Janice and the Baccalieri-children. Bobby Jr. looks up at AJ a ton, which is a charming detail. Everybody’s waiting for Barbara and Tom to arrive and Junior sits at the head of the table, starting with that varsity-shit again…
Barb and Tom come over. Tom, always with the quiet reactions…
Junior continues with his varsity-crap and Tony just blows a fuse at him. Enough is enough!
He says some unfortunate things…
Tony decides then and there that he and AJ are leaving.
“Tony…”
“Nah, Tony shit!”
Janice & Tony Soprano
I adore the fact that the show chose to linger on the reactions of everybody (but mostly that it chose to linger on Tom’s reaction) after Tony’s tirade. Everybody tries to hide their face from the awkwardness of the situation as they hear Tony angrily start his car’s engine outside. We could’ve just skipped that visual moment but we didn’t, because this is The Sopranos. This is a lifelike, authentic world they live in; one that got better as it went on, at not compromising the grounded feel for high climactic moments. It would have been such a highly climactic moment if Tony slamming the door, would’ve ended this scene and it would’ve just cold-cut to the following scene.
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The following scene:
Paulie looks out and sees Sal Vitro–
no, I can’t do this.
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Tony meets with Johnny Sack outside some theme park apparently. I can’t tell. The bright lights against the vantablack Autumn-sky give a light little nice Film Noir-vibe, fittingly as the topic gets more pressing and serious than varsity-dreams of the past or other memes of the sort.
They’re talking about the power-struggle.
Johnny Sack specifically says he has to “nip this Little Carmine shit in the bud”, which Tony is gonna learn to use in All Happy Families… (S5E4) when thinking out-loud about his Feech-decision to Sil.
Also, Johnny has an absolutely evergreen line here. You know which one I’m talking about. He says it as soon as Tony brings up the three-way-leadership idea:
“What’s this, the FUCKIN’ U.N. NOW?!!!??!“
Johnny Sack
Classic stuff, mate.
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Junior’s friend and Bobby can’t find Junior anywhere. He’s started wandering around.
Two shots at the beginning of this first wandering-around-scene, establish setting in a brilliant way. When Junior sees the numbers 4 6 8 on that door, and gets a kind of a smile on his face, it’s clear just from these two images right away, without words, that he recognizes this place and remembers it fondly. From there, it’s obvious he’ll go in there, and the scene only starts being clear as we hear things from the people answering to Junior.
And when we hear from Junior that he’s “looking for Johnny”…
People with Alzheimer’s, tend to remember things lost in the libraries of their long-term memory and it gives them an illusion that the memory is recent.
It makes the act of being alive a confusing, convoluted mess. It’s not a total loss of memory, it somehow manages to be even more torturous than that. It’s an area we don’t — we can’t — know everything about. Gotta commend David Chase and co-writer Michael Caleo, for stringing together such a compelling story out of events that happen within the realm-of-experience of a man whose timelines are mixed up inside his own head — the most unreliable kind of narrator.
The amount of screentime that is given to Junior Soprano works wonderfully in two ways:
- It puts Dominic Chianese’s brilliance as an actor to the forefront which is something we haven’t seen in a long time, not to these extents at least. And it’s always such a welcome thing to see.
- It makes the already emotional gut-punch of an ending, even more severe. That moment between Tony and Junior, at some kind of crossroads with this episode’s confusion… hits home so hard, because we spent all this time looking at Junior go about his day, with his dementia really kicking in. It was really scary, and we were there to see all of it. Tony wasn’t. So somehow it feels like the emotional impact of “don’t you love me?” is reserved just for us, the audience.
Bobby calls Janice to see if she can offer some help. She makes some excuse and continues not to contribute anything. Bobby rightfully zings at her that sometimes it feels like he loves Junior more than she does.
And hey, I had completely forgotten this! Bobby Sanfilippo from Boca (S1E9) is mentioned once again! She’s one of the people Bobby calls when he tries to find out where Junior is and can’t reach anybody else for help.
For a while (an hour, according to the in-universe timeline) Bobby’s actually the only one caring about the old man. And this is from the same episode where Bobby at the beginning talked to Tony about branching out and not needing to do this kind of shit anymore.
He still does, out of a selfless want to help a man he cares for.
Moments like this, it’s not hard to see why Bobby’s considered such a standout positive character by the general fandom. among this bunch anyway.
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Paulie does some Paulie-things:
“Shut up or I’ll give you a crack!” Was translated to “Turpa kiinni tai kumautan!” on my DVD’s Finnish subtitles. I love how that phrase sounds, even though there’s nothing really particularly silly or goofy about it.
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Following, the amazing comedic story of Christopher being told to not talk about the power-struggles. Tony has a plan about how little or how much he’s gonna be involved in the New York-conflicts, and he doesn’t need anybody else from his family to speak on the matter. He’s got a plan. He tells Christopher all this, and Chrissy promises to keep his mouth shut.
Chrissy has a different idea of “keeping your mouth shut” than most people. He just fucking blabs right away, and actually literally causes Johnny to walk out of their dinner-meeting. When it could’ve eeeeasily been avoided.
“You know, it wasn’t long ago I remember you used to wait in the car… and as far as I’m concerned you should STILL BE THERE!”
Johnny Sack
Words cannot do justice to how hilarious I find this whole thing.
Here in the car, after ranting to Chris, Tony makes it clear what this plan would’ve been if Christopher would’ve been so fucking courteous not to ignore or completely fly against the very simple advice given by Tony.
Tony just wants to stay neutral. Because there’s bound to be scraps that fall on the ground — for their family to pick up — if people in both sides of the argument over there start dying out.
Tony’s a great strategist along with everything else that people go on rooting him for (often myself included; even though I might not sound like it on this blog all the time), and he’s kind of seen this coming. He is still looking ahead when he says he thinks Johnny will win but “who knows”. Staying neutral, quiet, unnoticed is not how he lives his life but it really serves him the best in this situation, and is a wise choice no matter how you lacerate it.
Now, of course, with Tony having said that he wants to unload more responsibility to Christopher in the past, it would have been fitting to tell him all of this in private before, instead of these broad instructions that a fidgeting teenager like Chrissy would just find ways to ignore. Did you notice that Tony was putting on his belt while warning Christopher about not speaking too much, in that first scene of this sequence? Is Tony recalling his father in his mannerisms — spending a noticeable amount of time on putting on what used to be Johnny’s favorite child-development tool — because Johnny’s name is in this title?
Was this intentional evoking of Johnny Boy, the titular Soprano of the episode, who’s merely a memory now?
Hot dang it, David Chase, you put me into an interpretation-labyrinth once again I tells ya!
“So keep your ears open and your mouth SHUT!”
Tony Soprano
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Adriana and Sanseverino talk in the car, and a topic rises up that surely has had some fans at least slightly curious about it; how are Christopher and Tony actually related actually?
Adriana is someone who can give a thorough answer, but even as she says everything she knows, even she sounds like she’s basically talking backwards about it.
The conclusion is that Christopher and Tony definitely are not uncle and nephew, but are kind of related from Carmela’s side and kind of related from Tony’s side.
Good to know.
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Junior looks away at an old factory.
He looks away at an old factory
Junior looks away at an old factory.
There’s such an emptiness portrayed in the opening-moments of this park-bench scene where the half-n-half lady comes to talk to Junior. He’s just sitting there alone, surrounded by nothing else than what might be going on in that mind of his at that grey moment…
This sight probably reminds him or makes him think about a time…
I gotta say, this is one of the most profound dialogue-free segments of TV I’ve ever experienced. This moment goes kinda beyond words to me. I mean I could explain what happens in it, describe it, but… it feels just as oddly off to me emotionally, as everything with Junior lately has felt… and everything with Junior will.
Junior’s good days, Junior’s bad days. This sequence of shots is the beating heart of the “Junior’s mental decay”-storyline.
I wish I could explain how.
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Later as he’s walking down a bridge at night, we move into a heavily-tilted Dutch angle as he’s standing next to the railing. But he’s not there to jump off. He’s there to look down. To look. For something.
Cops flash their lights at him, and try to catch him as he starts to run.
Eventually they do.
Junior is street ’til the end doe. Running from the cops, hiding behind a dumpster, and mouthing off at them when they catch him and try to talk. Again, fragments of memory, again.
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Junior gets escorted home safely. He keeps going the way he’s been going:
“Go shit in your hat!“
Junior Soprano
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Janice comes over to Tony’s. Artie’s there making something for dinner and she tells him to buzz off, it’s family bees-knees here, bucko.
Tony and Janice get into an absolutely nasty fight. Janice hypocritically gets on a high horse with her brother who’s down on his luck. Tony sees this as his first opportunity to throw that earlier Livia-talk in her face, he tells Janice in front of Bobby that she used to blow roadies for fun.
“ROADIES?!?!“
Man even without sopranosgram‘s amazing edit this would’ve been devastatingly hilarious.
Another detail about this fight that needs highlighting: it’s the return of “there’s a lot I could say right now that I am not gonna say“. Janice’s recurring line which she first used in Toodle-Fucking-Oo (S2E3). This time Tony throws it back at her though. “Say it! Fuck it! Who gives a shiznit!”
“You know, maybe you were the smart one ’cause you got outta here for a while. But your hippie-streak ran out and you’re gonna do to this man what you do to every one of them.”
Tony Soprano
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I don’t think I highlighted the fine intricacies of the Lawn Wars of 2004 here, so I want to do something I usually don’t do, and post a whole episode’s plot from YouTube:
I didn’t feel like going over this storyline in detail even though it’s the most memorable part of this episode to most fans. It’s mostly just ’cause it doesn’t amount to much future-consequences. It’s not any less amazing to witness on your rewatches because of that, just… doesn’t really need explanation. It just is.
Paulie’s swindle at the end of this scene was pretty great though; an aspect of the whole shabazzle that I don’t think gets talked about enough. After his major strike in the Wars, he said to Gary La Manna that the number is 12 hundred. During the sitdown Tony says 5 hundred. Paulie says he already told the guy 12 hundred. Tony says “well there’s fucking compromises in life” (sidenote: that is nothing that a selfish fucking piece of shit like Sal Vitro would know about). Tony caves in regardless. He’s feeling fair, and says it’s 1k. Feech pays Paulie 1k. Paulie comes to [I can’t even say his name], and for his “pain and suffering” gives him 5 hundred. I’m sure this was his plan all along. To add insult to injury, Paulie’s making more money out of this than the guy he’s talking about “looking out for” all this fucking time.
Some shameles shit. Gotta appreciate the hustle of it.
Ron from Sopranos Autopsy noted that with the great advantageous position Paulie reaches from this lawn-cutting business, he possibly has learned something from from Sun Tizzoo. He did say in Rat Pack (S5E2) that he’d been reading The Art of War since Tony turned him on to it.
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Paulie comes to his aunt’s yard the next day, feeling fresh from a jog.
He sees Sal Vitro…
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How fucking DARE that ungrateful fuck wear that pathetic puss on his face, getting all this free work and exposure just out of the kindness of the good people in his neighborhood, like Paulie, that thanklessly look out for everybody, even people like him?! Fuck him.
Lou Mustillo who played Sal Vitro, was a guest on the 70th episode of Talking Sopranos, and said that after shooting this scene where he and Paulie talk about the terms of the new arrangement, he had to actually come back on location and everything had to be set-up again, because in the original take Sal had said ”thank you” in the wrong way – too chipper, too happy. Sal knew he was fucked, and that not going to the cops about Feech was the wrong move. Feech was a convicted criminal, and a testimony of a stunt like that would be enough to put him behind bars; not to mention none of the wise guys would have fucked with Sal Vitro after that (besides maybe threats) because they wouldn’t want the heat from the police, whom are on these mobsters’ asses anyways. Sal ended up worse than he started in every single conceivable way, and he knew in that moment of thanking Paulie, that his choice was wrong. This was the direction David Chase gave to him, as they were getting ready to re-shoot the last two words of the scene.
I hope my sarcastic badgering of Sal Vitro hasn’t taken you out of reading about any episode where he happens to appear. It’s just one of me and Aki’s favorite inside-jokes about The Sopranos for years and that’s why I’ve been calling Sal all kinds of unsavory things.
That, and because Sal is simply an ungrateful prick and there is no way of getting around it.
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Tony is playing golf with Gene Pontecorvo and sees Junior’s doctor.
It turns out people that fall off the tracks and forget practical stuff and start going kookoo, are usually more prone to repeating negative shit just as an intuitive, human thing. Sure it’s not something Tony would’ve known about, and he wasn’t wrong to take it personal what Junior said earlier… but Junior wasn’t in his right mind, and hearing this from the doctor makes Tony realize that this… along with the wandering lately… is a sign that Junior is just slipping away.
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Tony comes to visit Junior.
You all remember what happened in this scene.
Dominic Chianese remembered still in the 2019 20-year-reunion special open panel, that this was a time when something James Gandolfini said — as Tony Soprano — made him cry real-life tears.
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I have a PayPal: https://paypal.me/jafarojala
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REFERENCES
- The man Junior sees on the TV screen, thinking in his delusion that it is him, is Larry David. He’s watching Curb Your Enthusiasm from HBO. The man he mistakes for Bobby is Jeff Garlin.
- In another apparent reference to Curb Your Enthusiasm, Bobby is wearing a shirt similar to one that features prominently in that show’s season-3 episode Chet’s Shirt when he asks Tony for more responsibilities.
- When Janice goes to visit Tony at his home, he’s watching the 1940 movie His Girl Friday. The movie isn’t shown, but a snippet of dialogue between Abner Biberman and Rosalind Russell is heard.
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Thanks to Dom Tre from Simprano Shitposting for the “Only made it to the F’s”-meme
and to Drew Robert Winter from Sopranos Duckposting for having Tony say that uncharacteristically sharp thing about the craft of parodying… whatever those words there meant.
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janiojala 