I work at a grocery store and sometimes find these odd things out of place. The worst one was when someone put a bottle of root beer in our ice cream freezer. A glass bottle. Of course, it broke.
Have you ever tried to pick shards of glass out of frozen root beer? The process took long enough that by the end, the root beer had turned to slush, making the extraction process easier.
Fortunately, no ice cream was lost.
Client: “Listen, you f***ers, our website is all fuzzy. I don’t know what you’ve done, but it is totally f****** fuzzy.”
Me: “I think you might have problems with your Internet connection. What you’re seeing is some of the images progressively downloading, and—”
Client: “Don’t give me any of that nerdy, numpty, nancy-boy mumbo jumbo. All of the pictures look like s***. If you don’t believe me, go on the site and you’ll f****** see.”
Me: “No, you’re confused. You see, if the images—”
Client: “Listen, f***er, I’ve got better things to do than…”
A long, long pause follows.
Client: “Oh, wait, you’ve fixed it.”
A couple approaches me with their items, and the woman instantly gives me a disgusted look.
Female Customer: “I don’t know. I don’t like his energy.”
Male Customer: “Oh, God, not this again. He’s fine!”
Female Customer: “He’s been around angry people all day! I don’t need all that ambient negative energy touching my fruits.”
Me: “I can hear you, ma’am. And I promise you the only way a customer can make me angry is to make incorrect assumptions about me.”
Male Customer: “Ha! He told you!”
Female Customer: “See?! He’s so negative! I need to surround myself with pure and positive energy!”
Male Customer: “You binge-watch murder documentaries and b****y reality shows, and you have a constantly updating group chat literally called ‘Gossip’.”
They checked out with me, but she kept her distance because of my “energy.”
Related:
I Don’t Have The Energy To Argue
The East Coast of the US is currently getting hit by a very bad tropical storm, so all of our flights to and from a certain large airport on said coast have been canceling for obvious reasons.
A couple who were booked on one of the canceled flights from the East Coast to my airport decided to drive instead, which is smart. They proceeded to drive approximately fifteen hours to our airport, paid ridiculous airport parking prices, and came into our baggage office to pick up their bags.
Their bags that they checked in at the East Coast airport that canceled all of their flights.
Their bags that were still at the East Coast airport.
They were very confused when we explained that we didn’t have their bags because the flight was canceled, and they were even more confused when we explained that we absolutely could not get their bags until future flights weren’t canceled because the bags also arrive on the plane. I still don’t understand how they thought their bags were going to get to us.
I am working at a sandwich shop. A woman walks in with her timid-looking teenage daughter.
Customer: “I’ll have the six-inch [sandwich].”
She completes her order and then pushes her daughter to the front.
Customer: “Order your sandwich.”
The daughter is unable to make eye contact, she’s visibly distressed, and she looks like she’s trying to mouth some words, but I can’t hear anything.
Me: “I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
The daughter suddenly starts crying and turns to leave. Her mother tries to get in her way.
Customer: “Oh, no, you don’t! Honestly, it’s a simple sandwich! Just order it! How are you not embarrassed to be this way?!”
Me: “If you know her order, ma’am, I can take it from you. Or she can write it down if—”
Customer: “No! She has to get over this ‘social anxiety’ thing! This is because these kids spend all their time on screens and never interacting with other actual humans!” *To her daughter* “Order your food, or you’ll get nothing.”
The daughter pauses, looks at me for a split second, starts crying again, and rushes to the exit.
Customer: “Ugh! Probably off to cry to her ‘friends’ on her K-Pop forums. Anyway, can I get an application form or a link to your online vacancies?”
Me: “Are you interested in applying for a job here, ma’am?
Customer: “Me?! Oh, God, no! It’s for my daughter! She needs to get a job out in the real world so she can get over her social cowardice!”
Me: “Ma’am, if her social anxiety is so bad that she can’t even order food, then I don’t think working in a place where she has to interact with strangers all day taking their food orders is going to be a good fit for her.”
Customer: “She’s never going to get over this ‘social anxiety’ nonsense if she doesn’t put in the work! If she stays comfortable all the time, she’ll never grow out of it!”
Me: “I’m not qualified to comment, but I don’t think she’ll enjoy working here.”
Customer: “Nonsense! It’s work; you’re not meant to enjoy it! Do you actually enjoy this job?”
Me: “Not at this very moment, no…”
