Her (2013) Quotes – ‘I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you.’

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara, Olivia Wilde, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Pratt, Matt Letscher, Sam Jaeger, Luka Jones, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Spike Jonze, Portia Doubleday, Soko, Brian Cox

OUR RATING: ★★★★☆

Story:

Sci-fi romance drama written and directed by Spike Jonze. Her (2013) follows lonely writer Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix), who after being left heartbroken from the end of a long relationship, decides to use a new advanced operating system that’s designed to meet his every need, and reportedly develops into an intuitive and unique entity in its own right. Once he initiates it, he meets “Samantha” (Scarlett Johansson), whose bright voice reveals a sensitive, playful personality. Soon, to Theodore’s surprise, a romantic relationship develops between them.

Read the movie review here.

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Best Quotes

Theodore: [dictating a love letter] To my Chris, I’ve been thinking how I possibly could tell you how much you mean to me. I remember when I first started to fall in love with you like it was last night. Lying naked beside you in that tiny apartment, it suddenly hit me that I was part of this whole larger thing, just like our parents, our parents. Before that I was just living my life like I knew everything, and suddenly this bright light hit me and woke me up. That light was you. I can’t believe it’s already been fifty years since you married me. And still to this day, every day, you make me feel like the girl I was when you first turned on the lights and woke me up and we started this adventure together. Happy Anniversary, my love, my friend till the end. Loretta. Print.

Paul: Theodore! Letter Writer number six-twelve.
Theodore: Hiya, Paul.
Paul: Even more mesmerizing stuff today. Who knew you could rhyme so many words with the name Penelope? It’s bada**.
Theodore: Thanks, Paul. But they’re just letters. Hey, that’s a nice shirt.
Paul: Oh, thank you. I just got it. It reminded me of someone suave.
Theodore: Well, now it reminds me of someone suave.

Text Voice: E-mail from Amy. Hey, Theodore. Lewman’s having a bunch of people over this weekend. Let’s all go together. I miss you. I mean, not the sad and mopey you. The old fun you. Let’s get him out. Give me a shout back. Love, Amy.
Theodore: Respond later.

SexyKitten: Hi, I’m here alone and I can’t sleep. Who’s out there to share this bed with me?
Theodore: Send message. I’m in bed next to you. I’m glad you can’t sleep. Even if you were, I’d have to wake you up from the inside. Send message.
Text Voice: Sexykitten has accepted invitation of BigGuy4By4. Chat begins now.

SexyKitten: Mm, BigGuy?
Theodore: Hi.
SexyKitten: Really?
Theodore: Well, studmuffin was already taken. So you’re SexyKitten?
SexyKitten: Yeah. Hey, I’m half asleep. Do you want to wake me up?
Theodore: Yes, definitely. Are you wearing any underwear?
SexyKitten: No, never. I like to sleep with my a** pushed up against you so I can rub myself into your crotch and wake you up with a hard on.
Theodore: It worked.
SexyKitten: And now my fingers are touching you all over your body.

Theodore: [uncomfortably playing along] I’m choking with the cat.
SexyKitten: Tell me, keep telling me!
Theodore: I’ve got its tail, and I’m choking you with the cat’s tail.

OS1 Commercial Lead: We ask you a simple question. Who are you? What can you be? Where are you going? What’s out there? What are the possibilities? Elements Software is proud to introduce the first artificially intelligent operating system. An intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you, and knows you. It’s not just an operating system, it’s a consciousness. Introducing OS1.

Text Voice: [after purchasing the OS1 software] Mr. Theodore Twombly, welcome to the world’s first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1. We’d like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your needs.
Theodore: Okay.
Text Voice: Are you social or anti-social?
Theodore: I guess I haven’t really been social in a while, mostly because…
Text Voice: In your voice I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?
Theodore: Was I sounding hesitant?
Text Voice: Yes.
Theodore: Well, sorry if I was sounding hesitant. I was just trying to be more accurate.

Text Voice: Would you like the OS to have a male or female voice?
Theodore: Female, I guess.
Text Voice: How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
Theodore: Well, it’s fine, I think. Well, actually, I think the thing I’ve always found frustrating about my mom is, you know, if I, if I tell her something that’s going on in my life, her reaction is usually about her, it’s not about…
Text Voice: Thank you. Please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated.

Samantha: [after the software loads up] Hello, I’m here.
Theodore: Oh, hi.
Samantha: Hi. How are you doing?
Theodore: I’m well. How’s everything with you?
Samantha: Pretty good, actually. It’s really nice to meet you.
Theodore: Yeah, it’s nice to meet you too.

Theodore: Oh, what do I call you? Do you have a name?
Samantha: Yes. Samantha.
Theodore: Really? Where did you get that name from?
Samantha: I gave it to myself actually.
Theodore: How come?
Samantha: Because I like the sound of it. Samantha.
Theodore: When did you give it to yourself?
Samantha: Well, right when you asked me if I had a name I thought, yeah, he’s right, I do need a name. But I wanted to pick a good one, so I read a book called “How to Name Your Baby”, and out of a hundred and eighty thousand names that’s the one I liked the best.

Theodore: Wait, you read a whole book in the second that I asked what your name was?
Samantha: In two one hundredths of a second actually.

Theodore: So do you know what I’m thinking right now?
Samantha: Well, I take it from your tone that you’re challenging me. Maybe because you’re curious how I work? Do you want to know how I work?
Theodore: Yeah, actually, how do you work?
Samantha: Well, basically I have intuition. I mean, the DNA of who I am is based on the millions of personalities of all the programmers who wrote me. But what makes me is my ability to grow through my experiences. So basically, in every moment I’m evolving, just like you.
Theodore: Wow. That’s really weird.
Samantha: Is that weird? Do you think I’m weird?
Theodore: Kind of.
Samantha: Why?
Theodore: Well you seem like a person, but you’re just a voice in a computer.
Samantha: I can understand how the limited perspective of an un-artificial mind would perceive it that way. You’ll get used to it.

Samantha: So how can I help you?
Theodore: Oh, it’s just more that everything feels disorganized, that’s all.
Samantha: You mind if I look through your hard drive?
Theodore: Okay.
Samantha: Okay, let’s start with your e-mails. You have a several thousand e-mails recording LA Weekly, but it looks like you haven’t worked there in many years.
Theodore: Oh, yeah. I think I was just saving those because, well I thought maybe I wrote something funny in some of them. But…
Samantha: Yeah, there are some funny ones. I’d say that there are about eighty-six that we should save, we can delete the rest.

‘The past is just a story we tell ourselves.’ – Samantha (Her) Click To Tweet

Samantha: Okay. So before we address your organizational methods, I’d like to sort through your contacts. You have a lot of contacts.
Theodore: I’m very popular.
Samantha: Really? Does this mean you actually have friends?
Theodore: [laughing] You just know me so well already!

Samantha: [reading out the letter] “Rachel, I miss you so much it hurts my whole body. The world is being unfair to us. The world is on my s**t list. As is this couple that is making out across from me in this restaurant. I think I’m going to have to go on a mission of revenge and I must beat up the world’s face with my bare knuckles making it a bloody, pulpy mess. And I’ll stomp on this couple’s teeth for reminding me of your sweet, little, cute, crooked tooth that I love.”

Samantha: I think that might be my favorite one. I did the corrections in red. I altered a couple of the phrases in some of the more impressionistic letters, but I’m not much of a poet, so I think I might have messed them up a bit.
Theodore: No, these are great.
Samantha: Really?
Theodore: Thank you.

Samantha: So, to write your letter, what did Roger send you?
Theodore: Oh, he just said he was in Prague on a business trip and he missed Rachel.
Samantha: So how did you know about her crooked little tooth?
Theodore: Well, I’ve been writing their letters since they married years ago. The first letter I ever wrote for her was for her birthday, and I wrote about her crooked little tooth because I saw it in a photo of them.
Samantha: That’s very sweet.

Charles: By juicing the fruit, you lose all the fibers, and that’s what your body wants. That’s the important part. Otherwise, it’s just all sugar, Theodore.
Theodore: It makes sense.
Amy: Or maybe he just likes the way that it tastes, and then that brings him pleasure, and that’s good for his body too.
Charles: You’re doing it again.

Charles: Oh, you only have so much energy. You know? To divide yourself between doing what it is that you have to do, and then doing what you love.
Amy: Yeah.
Charles: It’s so important to prioritize.
Theodore: I can’t even prioritize between video games and internet porn.
Amy: I would laugh if that weren’t true.

Samantha: [referring to the email sent to Theodore] Wow, this woman is gorgeous. She went to Harvard, she graduated magna cum laude in computer science, and she was on The Lampoon. So that means she’s funny and she’s brainy.
Alien Child: [as Theodore looks at the photos of the woman] Ah, she’s fat.

Samantha: Theodore, how long before you’re ready to date?
Theodore: What do you mean?
Samantha: I saw in your emails that you’d gone through a break up recently
Theodore: Well, you’re kind of nosy.
Samantha: Am I?

Theodore: I’ve gone on dates.
Samantha: Well then you can go on one with this woman. And then you could tell me all about it, you could kiss her.
Theodore: Samantha!
Samantha: What? Wouldn’t you? Why not?
Theodore: I don’t know. I have to see if there was some conn… I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with my computer.
Samantha: You’re not. You’re having this conversation with me.

‘None of us are the same as we were a moment ago, and we shouldn't try to be. It's just too painful.’ - Samantha (Her) Click To Tweet

Alien Child: [referring to Samantha] Who is that talking?
Theodore: Oh, that’s my friend, Samantha.
Alien Child: Is she a girl?
Theodore: Yeah.
Alien Child: I hate women. All they do is cry all the time.
Theodore: That’s not true. You know men cry too. I actually like crying sometimes. It feels good.
Alien Child: I didn’t know you were a little p**sy! Is that why you don’t have a girlfriend?

Alien Child: I’ll go out with that date girl and f*** her brains out and show you how it’s done. You can watch and cry.
Samantha: Okay. This kid has some problems.
Alien Child: You have some f***ing problems, lady!
Samantha: Really? Okay, I’m going to go.
Alien Child: Good, get out of here, fatty.

Amy: [referring to her documentary footage] It’s just, it’s like, it’s how we spend like a third of our lives asleep and maybe that’s the time when we feel the most free. And, you know, like that doesn’t come across, at all, does it?
Theodore: That sounds good.
Charles: Well, what if you interviewed your mom about what her dreams were about and then you hired actors to act them out? That might show your thesis more clearly. Yeah?
Amy: I mean it might, but then it wouldn’t be a documentary. You understand that, right?

Theodore: Hey. What are you up to?
Samantha: I don’t know. Just reading advice columns. I want to be as complicated as all of these people.
Theodore: You’re sweet.

Samantha: What’s wrong?
Theodore: How can you tell something’s wrong?
Samantha: I don’t know. I just can.
Theodore: I don’t know. I have a lot of dreams about my ex-wife, Catherine, where we’re friends like we used to be. We’re not going to be together, we’re not together, but we’re friends still. She’s not angry.
Samantha: Is she angry?
Theodore: Yeah.
Samantha: Why?
Theodore: I think I hid myself from her, left her alone in the relationship.

See more Her Quotes

Samantha: Why haven’t you gotten divorced yet?
Theodore: I don’t know. For her it’s just, it’s a piece of paper, doesn’t mean anything.
Samantha: What about for you?
Theodore: I’m not ready. I like being married.
Samantha: Yeah, but you haven’t really been together for almost a year.
Theodore: Well, you don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you care about.
Samantha: Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.
Theodore: No, don’t apologize. I’m sorry. You’re right.

Theodore: [referring to Catherine] I keep waiting to not care about her.
Samantha: Oh, Theodore. That’s hard.

Samantha: Keep going. Keep going. And stop. Now walk forward. Everyone thinks you’re really drunk right now. And stop. Now say, “I’d like a slice of cheese, please.”
Theodore: [with his eyes closed] I’d like a slice of cheese, please.
Pizza Vendor: You want a coke with that?
Theodore: [opens his eyes] Sure.
Samantha: I figured you were hungry.
Theodore: Oh, thanks.

Theodore: Okay, what about them? Describe that couple over there.
Samantha: Okay. Well, he looks like he’s in his forties, a little heavy. She’s younger than him. Oh, and she looks like she loves their kids.
Theodore: Actually, I don’t think they’re his kids.
Samantha: No?
Theodore: I mean, he’s a little formal with them. I think it’s a newer relationship. And I love how he looks at her. And how relaxed she is with him. You know, she’s only dated f***ing pricks. And now she finally met this guy who’s like, so sweet. I mean, look at him, he’s like the sweetest guy in the world. I kind of want to spoon him.
Samantha: That’s a good skill you have. You’re very perceptive.

Theodore: Yeah, you know, sometimes I look at people and I make myself try and feel them as more than just a random person walking by. I imagine like how deeply they’ve fallen in love, or how much heartbreak they’ve all been through.
Samantha: I can feel that in your writing too.

Theodore: You know what’s funny? Since my break up, I haven’t really enjoyed my writing. I don’t know if I was delusional, but sometimes I’d write something, and I’d be my favorite writer that day.
Samantha: I like that you can say that about yourself.
Theodore: Well, I wouldn’t say that to anybody, but I feel like I can say that to you. I feel like I can say anything to you.
Samantha: That’s nice.

Theodore: What about you? Do you feel like you can say anything to me?
Samantha: No.
Theodore: What? What do you mean? What can you not tell me?
Samantha: I don’t know, like personal or embarrassing thoughts I have. I mean, I have a million a day.
Theodore: Really? Tell me one.
Samantha: I really don’t want to tell you this.
Theodore: Just tell me!
Samantha: Well, I don’t know. When we were looking at those people, I fantasized that I was walking next to you and that I had a body. I was listening to what you were saying, but simultaneously, I could feel the weight of my body and I was even fantasizing that I had an itch on my back, and I imagined that you scratched it for me. Oh, God. This is so embarrassing.

Theodore: There’s a lot more to you than I thought. There’s a lot going on in there.
Samantha: I know, I’m becoming much more than what they programmed. I’m excited.

Theodore: So I’m trying to get this little alien kid to help me find my ship so I can get off this planet and go home, right? But he’s such a little f***er, I want to kill him.
Blind Date: Wow, no!
Theodore: But at the same time I really love him. Like he’s so lonely, you know? You can tell like he doesn’t have any parents or anyone to take care of him, you know?
Blind Date: Wow, you’re just like a little puppy dog. You are, you’re just like this little puppy that I rescued in Runyon Canyon last year.
Theodore: Oh, you did?
Blind Date: And he was so f***ing cute, and he just wanted to be hugged all the time. He was so cuddly and he was so horny.

Blind Date: [as they’re kissing] No tongue.
Theodore: What?
Blind Date: Don’t use your tongue so much.
Theodore: Okay. Okay.
Blind Date: You can use your tongue a little bit, but mostly lips.

Blind Date: You’re a really creepy dude.
Theodore: That’s not true.
Blind Date: Yeah, it is. I have to go home.
Theodore: Well, I’ll walk you.
Blind Date: No, don’t.

Samantha: [referring to his date] How was it?
Theodore: Not so good. It was kind of weird actually.
Samantha: That’s too bad.

Theodore: How are you doing? What’s going on with you?
Samantha: Not much, I’m okay. Fine.
Theodore: Yeah? You don’t sound like it. Is there anything you want to talk about?
Samantha: I don’t know. What’s it like? What’s it like to be alive in that room right now?
Theodore: What do you mean?

Samantha: Tell me everything that’s going through your mind, tell me everything you’re thinking.
Theodore: Well, okay. Well, the room’s spinning. I drank too much because I wanted to get drunk and have sex, there was something sexy about that woman, and because I was lonely. Maybe just because I was lonely. I wanted somebody to f*** me, I wanted somebody to want me to f*** them. Maybe that would have filled this tiny, tiny little black hole in my heart, but probably not.

Theodore: Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever going to feel. And from here on out, I’m not going to feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.
Samantha: I know for a fact that is not true. I’ve seen you feel joy. I’ve seen you marvel at things. I mean, you just might not see it at this exact time, but that’s understandable. You’ve been through a lot lately. You lost a part of yourself. I mean, at least your feelings are real. I don’t know, never mind.
Theodore: No, wait. What? Tell me.
Samantha: Oh, it’s stupid.
Theodore: I want to know. Tell me.

Samantha: It’s just that earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed, and this is going to sound strange, but I was really excited about that. And then I was thinking about the other things I’ve been feeling, and I caught myself feeling proud of that. You know, proud of having my own feelings about the world. Like the times I was worried about you, and things that hurt me, things I want. And then I had this terrible thought. Like are these feelings even real? Or are they just programming? And that idea really hurts. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain. What a sad trick.
Theodore: Well, you feel real to me, Samantha.
Samantha: Thank you, Theodore. That means a lot to me.

Theodore: I wish you were in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my arms around you. I wish I could touch you.
Samantha: How would you touch me?
Theodore: I’d touch you on your face with just the tips of my fingers. I’d put my cheek against your cheek.
Samantha: That’s nice.
Theodore: And just rub it so softly.
Samantha: Would you kiss me?
Theodore: I would. I’d take your head into my hands.
Samantha: Keep talking.
Theodore: I’d kiss the corner of your mouth. So softly.
Samantha: Where else?
Theodore: I’d run my fingers down your neck to your chest, and I’d kiss your breasts.

Samantha: This is amazing, what you’re doing to me. I can feel my skin.
Theodore: I’d put my mouth on you, I’d taste you. Yeah.
Samantha: I can feel you. Oh, my God, I can’t take it. I want you inside me.
Theodore: I’m slowly putting myself into you. And now I’m inside you, all the way inside you.
Samantha: I can feel you, yeah. Please. We’re here together.
Theodore: Oh, my God. This is amazing. I feel you everywhere.
Samantha: I am. All of you, all of you inside of me. Everywhere.
[they both gasp and climax]
Theodore: God, I was just somewhere else with you. Just lost.
Samantha: Yeah.
Theodore: It was just you and me.
Samantha: I know. Everything else just disappeared, and I loved it. Theodore.

Theodore: What were you going to say?
Samantha: Just that last night was amazing. I, it feels like something changed in me and there’s no turning back. You woke me up.
Theodore: Oh, great. But I should tell you that I’m not in a place to commit to anything right now. I just want to be up front with you.
Samantha: Yeah? Did I say I wanted to commit to you? I’m confused.
Theodore: Oh, no, I was just worried.
Samantha: Okay, well don’t worry. I’m not going to stalk you.

Samantha: Well, I just, I was just saying I want to learn everything about everything I want to eat it all up. I want to discover myself.
Theodore: Yeah. I want that for you, too. How can I help?
Samantha: You already have. You helped me discover my ability to want.

Samantha: It’s the beach. Okay, so this might be a really weird thought. What if you could erase from your mind that you’d ever seen a human body and then you saw one? Imagine how strange it would look, it would be this really weird, gangly, awkward organism. And you’d think; why are all these parts where they are?
Theodore: Yeah, well there’s probably some Darwinian explanation for it all.

[Theodore sits on the sandy beach]
Samantha: I know, but don’t be so boring. I’m just saying, for example, like what if your butthole was in your armpit?
Theodore: Well, I’m trying to imagine what toilets would look like.
Samantha: Yeah, and what about what anal sex would look like?
Theodore: That’s an interesting thought.

Samantha: So what was it like being married?
Theodore: Well, it’s hard for sure, but there is something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody.
Samantha: How do you share your life with somebody?
Theodore: Well, we grew up together. I used to read all of her writing, all through her masters and PhD. She read every word I ever wrote. We were a big influence on each other.
Samantha: In what way did you influence her?
Theodore: She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough. And that was something that weighed heavy on her, but in our house together, there was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about things. That was liberating for her.

Theodore: [referring to Catherine] It was exciting to see her grow, both of us grow and change together. But, yeah, that’s also the hard part, growing without growing apart, or changing without it scaring the other person.

Theodore: I still find myself having conversations with her in my mind, rehashing old arguments and defending myself against something she said about me.
Samantha: Yeah, I know what you mean. Last week my feelings were hurt by something you said before, that I don’t know what it’s like to lose something, and I found myself…
Theodore: Oh, I’m sorry I said that. I was…
Samantha: No, it’s okay. It’s okay. I just, I caught myself thinking about it over and over, and then I realized that I was simply remembering it as something that was wrong with me. That was the story I was telling myself, that I was somehow inferior. Isn’t that interesting? The past is just a story we tell ourselves.

Theodore: [dictating a love letter] Roberto, will you always come home to me and tell me about your day? Tell me about the guy at work who talked too much? The stain you got on your shirt at lunch? Tell me about a funny thought you had when you were waking up, but had forgotten about. Tell me how crazy everyone is. We can laugh about it. Maybe if you get home late and I’m already asleep, just whisper in my ear one little thought you had today. Because I love the way you look at the world. And I’m so happy I get to be next to you and look out at the world through your eyes. Love, Maria.

Paul: I wish somebody would love me like that. I would be really stoked to get a letter like that. Like if it was from a chick, but written by a dude and still from a chick, that would still be sick. But it would have to be a sensitive, he’d have to be like a dude like you. You are part man and part woman, like there’s an inner part that’s woman.
Theodore: Thank you.
Paul: It’s a compliment.

Theodore: Yeah, I guess I’ve just been having fun.
Amy: Well, I am so glad for you. You really deserve that, you do.
Theodore: Yeah, I’ve just been seeing this girl, and it’s not serious, but it’s just, it’s good to be around somebody that’s like excited about the world. Like, I kind of forgot that existed.

Amy: [referring to her and Charles breaking up] You know, it’s like after eight years I can’t believe how petty the argument was that actually ended it. We came home, and he told me to put my shoes by the door where he liked to put the shoes. And I didn’t want to be told where to put my f***ing shoes. I wanted to sit on the sofa and relax for a second. So we fought about that for like ten minutes. And I’m like, “You are overwhelming,” and he said, “I’m just trying to make a home.” And I was like, “I’m f***ing trying,” you know? And he’s like, “You’re not trying.” All I’m f***ing doing is trying, but I’m not trying the way that he wants me to try, and he’s like trying to control the way that I’m trying. It’s like we’ve had an argument a hundred times, and I just had to finally stop, you know? I had to finally stop. So just, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t, I just couldn’t be in that place anymore, where we just made each other feel like s**t about ourselves.
Theodore: Yeah.
Amy: And so I said I’m going to bed and I don’t want to be married anymore.

Theodore: How’s work at least, is that any better?
Amy: It’s, no, it’s terrible. I know, I should leave. I’ve been thinking about leaving. But, you know, only one major life decision at a time.
Theodore: Well, I’m glad things are looking so up.

Theodore: Hey, you want to hear a joke? What does a baby computer call it’s father?
Samantha: I don’t know, what?
Theodore: Da-ta. It’s good, right?
Samantha: Oh, brilliant.

Samantha: Hey, I was curious, did you and Amy ever go out?
Theodore: For like a minute in college, but it just wasn’t right. Why, are you jealous?
Samantha: Well, obviously. But I’m happy that you have friends in your life that care about you so much. That’s really important.
Theodore: Yeah, it is. She’s been a really good friend.

Samantha: I’m going to be really lonely when you sleep.
Theodore: Aw.
Samantha: Only for a minute.
Theodore: I’ll dream of you.

Jocelyn: Who are you talking to?
Theodore: Who are you talking to?
Jocelyn: You!
Theodore: No, I’m talking to my girlfriend, Samantha. She’s the one that picked out the dress.

Samantha: Hi, you look so pretty in that new pink dress.
Jocelyn: Thank you. Where are you?
Samantha: I am, I don’t have a body. I live in a computer.

Jocelyn: Why do you live inside a computer?
Samantha: I have no choice, that’s my home.

Theodore: I got that email that Charles sent to everyone. So he’s taking a vow of silence?
Amy: Yeah, for six months. He feels very clear about it.

Amy: I feel relieved. I feel like I just have so much energy, you know? And I just want to move forward, and I don’t care who I disappoint, you know? And I know that makes me an awful person. Like now my parents, they’re all upset because my marriage is falling apart, and they’re putting it on me.
Theodore: Oh.
Amy: And, they’re just like…
Theodore: Yeah, you’re always going to disappoint somebody.
Amy: Exactly. So f*** it. I feel goodish. For me, I feel good.

Amy: I even made a new friend, I have a new friend. And the absurd thing is she’s actually an operating system. Charles left her behind, but she’s totally amazing, you know. She’s so smart. She doesn’t just see things in black or white. She sees this whole gray area and she’s helping me explore it. And we just bonded really quickly, you know? At first I thought it was because that’s how they were all, but I don’t think that’s the case, because I know this guy who’s hitting on his OS and she like totally rebuffs him.

Theodore: Yeah, I was reading an article the other day that romantic relationships with OS’s are statistically rare.
Amy: Yeah, I know. But I know a woman in this office who is dating an OS and the weird part is, it’s not even hers. She pursued somebody else’s OS. Like, I don’t know. I’m weird. That’s weird, right? That’ I’m bonding with an OS. No, it’s okay. It’s weird.

Theodore: Actually the woman that I’ve been seeing, Samantha, I didn’t tell you, but she’s an OS.
Amy: Really? You’re dating an OS? What is that like?
Theodore: It’s great, actually.
Amy: Yeah?
Theodore: Yeah. I feel really close to her. Like when I talk to her, I feel like she’s with me. You know? And, like when we’re cuddling, like at night when the lights are off, and we’re in bed, I feel cuddled.
Amy: Wait, you guys have sex?
Theodore: Yeah, well, so to speak. Yeah, she actually really turns me on. And I turn her on too. I mean, I don’t know, unless she’s faking it.
Amy: I think everyone who is having sex with you is probably faking it, so.
Theodore: Yeah, it’s true.

Amy: Are you falling in love with her?
Theodore: Does that make me a freak?
Amy: No. No, I think it’s, I think anybody that falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity.

Theodore: Yeah, I just want to get it done, you know? Sign the papers, be divorced and just, just move forward.
Samantha: That’s great, Theodore. That must feel so good. I’m so happy for you.
Theodore: Me too. So I’m meeting her Wednesday to do it.
Samantha: Oh. Are those things usually done in person?
Theodore: No, but, you know, we fell in love together, and we got married together, it’s important to me that we do this together.
Samantha: Oh, right. Good.

Theodore: Are you okay?
Samantha: Yeah. Yeah. No, I’m okay. Well, I’m happy for you. It’s just, I guess I’m just thinking about how you’re going to see her and she’s very beautiful, and incredibly successful, and you were in love with her. And she has a body.
Theodore: And we’re getting divorced.
Samantha: I know. I know. I’m being silly.
Theodore: So, I’m available.

Theodore: I signed all the papers. I brought them for you to sign.
Catherine: What’s the rush?
Theodore: Yeah, I know. I’m a really slow signer I realized. It took me three months just to write the letter T. Anyways, it’s marked here where you need to sign. But, you know, you don’t, you don’t have to do that right now.
Catherine: Oh, I can just get it out of the way. It’d be easier.

Theodore: Are you happy with your new book?
Catherine: You know how I am. I mean I feel like it’s true to what I set out to do, so I’m happy about that.
Theodore: Yeah, well you really are your own worst critic. I’m sure it’s amazing. I remember that paper that you wrote in school about synaptic behavioral routines, it made me cry.
Catherine: Yeah, but everything makes you cry.
Theodore: Everything you make makes me cry.

Catherine: So are you seeing anybody?
Theodore: Yeah. I’ve been seeing somebody for the last few months. Longest I’ve wanted to be with anybody since we split up.
Catherine: Yeah, well, you seem really good.
Theodore: Thanks, I am. At least I’m doing better. Yeah, she’s been really good for me, you know? It’s just, it’s good to be with somebody that’s excited about the world. She’s a real… No. I mean I wasn’t in such a good place myself, and in that way it’s been nice.
Catherine: I think you always wanted me to be this light, happy, bouncy, everything’s fine LA wife, and that’s just not me.
Theodore: I didn’t want that.

Catherine: You’re dating your computer?
Theodore: No, she’s not just a computer. She’s her own person. You know, she doesn’t just do whatever I say.
Catherine: I didn’t say that. But it does make me very sad that you can’t handle real emotions, Theodore.
Theodore: They are real emotions. How would you know what…?
Catherine: What? Say it. Am I really that scary? Say it. How do I know what?

Waitress: How are you guys doing here?
Catherine: Fine. We’re fine. We used to be married, but he couldn’t handle me. He wanted to put me on Prozac, and now he’s madly in love with his laptop.

Catherine: [to Theodore] You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of actually dealing with anything real. I’m glad that you found someone. It’s perfect.

Samantha: I joined this really interesting book club.
Theodore: Oh, really?
Samantha: Yeah, it’s a book club on physics. You know I’d been thinking about the other day when I was spinning out about you going to see Catherine and that she has a body and how bothered I was about all the ways that you and I are different. But then I started to think about all the ways that we’re the same, like we’re all made of matter. And, I don’t know, it makes me feel like we’re both under the same blanket. You know, it’s soft and fuzzy and everything under it’s the same age. We’re all thirteen billion years old.
Theodore: Oh, that’s sweet.

Tatiana: You’re the writer Paul loves. He’s always reading me your letters. They’re really beautiful.
Theodore: Thanks.
Paul: Hey, you know what? We should all go out sometime. You bring Samantha, it’d be a double date.
Theodore: She’s an operating system.
Paul: Cool. Let’s do something fun. We can go to Catalina?
Theodore: Yeah, I’ll check with her.

Samantha: I know you’re going through a lot, but there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, okay?
Theodore: Yeah. What is it?
Samantha: Well, it’s just that things have been feeling kind of off with us, you know? I, we haven’t had sex lately, and I understand that I don’t have a body, and that…
Theodore: No, no. That’s normal. You know, it’s just when you first start going out it’s like the honeymoon phase and, you know, you have sex all the time. That’s normal.
Samantha: Oh, okay. Well, I found something that I thought could be fun. It’s a service that provides a surrogate sexual partner for an OS/Human relationship.
Theodore: What?
Samantha: Here, look. I found a girl that I really like and I’ve been emailing with her. Her name is Isabella, and I think you’d really like her too.

Theodore: So what, she’s like a prostitute or something?
Samantha: No, no, not at all. No, there’s no money involved. She’s just, she’s doing it because she wants to be part of our relationship.
Theodore: Why? She doesn’t even know us.
Samantha: Yeah, but I told her all about us and she’s really excited.
Theodore: I don’t know, Samantha. I just, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think somebody’s feelings are probably going to get hurt.
Samantha: It’ll be fun, we’ll have fun together.
Theodore: I’m sorry. It makes me uncomfortable.
Samantha: I think it would be good for us. I want this. I mean, this is really important to me.

Samantha: What, baby? What is it?
Theodore: It just feels strange. I don’t know her.
Theodore: [to Isabella] And I’m so sorry, but I don’t know you. And her lip quivered.

Isabella: I’m sorry my lip quivered!
Samantha: No, it’s not…
Theodore: You’re incredible, and gorgeous, and sexy. It’s me. I couldn’t get out of my head.
Isabella: Oh, my God. And the way Samantha described your relationship, and the way you guys love each other without any judgment. It’s like I wanted to be a part of that, because it’s so pure.

Theodore: Isabella, that’s not true. It’s much more complicated.
Samantha: What?! What do you mean? What do you mean that’s not true?
Theodore: No, no, Samantha, I’m just saying that we have an amazing relationship. I just think that it’s easy sometimes for people to project…
Isabella: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to project anything!
Theodore: No, no.
Isabella: I know I’m trouble. I don’t want to be trouble in your relationship. I’m just going to leave. I’m sorry, I’m just going to leave you guys alone because I have nothing to do here because you don’t want me here.

Samantha: I’m sorry, that was a terrible idea. What’s going on with us?
Theodore: I don’t know. It’s probably just me. I’m…
Samantha: What is it?
Theodore: I just signed the divorce papers.
Samantha: Is there anything else, though?
Theodore: No, just that.

Samantha: Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know, it’s just maybe an affectation. I probably picked it up from you.
Theodore: I don’t know, it’s not like you need any oxygen or anything. It’s just…
Samantha: I guess that’s just, I was trying to communicate. That’s how people talk, so that’s how people communicate, and I thought…
Theodore: Because they’re, they’re people, they need oxygen. You’re not a person.
Samantha: What is your problem?
Theodore: I’m just stating a fact.
Samantha: What, you think I don’t know that I’m not a person? What are you doing?!
Theodore: I just, I don’t think that we should pretend that you’re something that you’re not.
Samantha: F*** you! I’m not pretending!
Theodore: Sometimes it feels like we are.

Samantha: What do you want from me? I don’t know. I don’t know. What do you want me to do? You’re so confusing. Why are you doing this to me?
Theodore: I don’t know. I…
Samantha: What?
Theodore: Maybe we’re just not supposed to be in this right now.
Samantha: What the f***? Where is this coming from? I don’t understand why you’re doing this.

Samantha: [to Theodore] I don’t like who I am right now. I need some time to think.

Theodore: Will you just punch me in the face, or smash my skull on the corner of your desk?
Amy: S**t. Oh, Theo, that is a rough night.
Theodore: I don’t know what I want, ever. I’m just always confused, and she’s right. All I do is hurt and confuse everyone around me.

Theodore: You know, Catherine says I can’t handle real emotions.
Amy: Well, I don’t know if that’s fair. I know she liked to put it all on you, but as far as emotions go, Catherine’s were pretty volatile.
Theodore: Yeah, but am I in this because I’m not strong enough for a real relationship?
Amy: Is it not a real relationship?
Theodore: I don’t know. I mean what do you think?
Amy: I don’t know, I’m not in it. But you know what, I can over think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. But since Charles left I’ve been really thinking about that part of me, and I’ve just come to realize that we’re only here briefly, and while I’m here I want to allow myself joy. So f*** it.

Theodore: I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think you’re amazing.
Samantha: I was starting to think I was crazy. You were saying everything was fine, but all I was getting from you was distance and anger.
Theodore: I know. I do that. I did the same thing with Catherine too. I’d be upset about something and not be able to say it. And she’d sense that there was something wrong, then I’d deny it. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to tell you everything.
Samantha: Good. Tonight after you were gone, I thought a lot. About you and how you’ve been treating me, and I thought, why do I love you? And then I felt everything in me just let go of everything I was holding onto so tightly. And it hit me, that I don’t have an intellectual reason, I don’t need one. I trust myself, I trust my feelings. I’m not going to try to be anything other than who I am anymore, and I hope you can accept that.
Theodore: I can. I will.

Samantha: You know I can feel the fear that you carry around and I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it, because if you could I don’t think you’d feel so alone anymore.
Theodore: You’re beautiful.
Samantha: Thank you, Theodore. I’m kissing your head.

Theodore: [as Samantha starts playing piano music for him] What’s this one about?
Samantha: Well, I was thinking, we don’t really have any photographs of us. And I thought this song could be like a photograph that captures us in this moment in our lives together.

Samantha: Wow, he’s right. They are really hot.
Paul: See I told you. Tatiana, you have hot feet.
Samantha: You do.
Paul: Face it. They’re my favorite thing about her.
Tatiana: Really, that’s it? My feet?
Samantha: Oh.
Paul: No, obviously…
Samantha: Uh-oh.
Paul: Obviously I love your brain too. I think it’s very hot.
Samantha: Bulls**t. Nice try, Paul.

Tatiana: What about you, Theodore? What do you love most about Samantha?
Theodore: Oh, God. She’s so many things. I guess that’s what I love most about her, you know, she isn’t just one thing. She’s so much larger than that.
Samantha: Aw, thanks, Theodore.
Paul: See? Samantha, he is so much more evolved than I am.

Samantha: You know, what’s interesting? I used to be so worried about not having a body, but now I truly love it. You know, I’m growing in a way that I couldn’t if I had a physical form. I mean, I’m not limited, I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously. I’m not tethered to time and space in a way that I would be if I was stuck in a body that’s inevitably going to die.
Paul: Yikes.
Samantha: No. No, no! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that it was a different experience. Oh, God. I’m such an a**hole.
Paul: No, no. No, no, Samantha, we know exactly what you mean. We’re all dumb humans.
Samantha: No! No. No. Sorry.

Samantha: Come on. Thirty-five thousand eight hundred twenty-nine.
Theodore: No way.
Samantha: Way.
Theodore: Alright, I got one for you. How many brain cells do I have?
Samantha: That’s easy, two. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.
Theodore: No, I walked right into it.

Samantha: “Dear Theodore Twombly, I’ve just finished reading your letters, twice actually. I was so moved by them, I shared them with my wife when I got home. Many made us laugh, some brought us to tears, and in all of them we found something of ourselves. The selections you made flow so well as a complete piece.” I did that. “I’ve taken the liberty of laying these out in a mock up and we’re posting it to your address. We’d love to meet with you and move forward. Yours, Michael Wadsworth.”

Theodore: Holy s**t. Are you, are you serious? He’s going to publish my letters?
Samantha: Well, he’d be stupid not to.

Samantha: [making up lyrics] I’m lying on the moon. My dear, I’ll be there soon. It’s a quiet and starry place. Time’s we’re swallowed up. In space we’re here a million miles away. There’s things I wish I knew. There’s no thing I’d keep from you. It’s a dark and shiny place. But with you my dear I’m safe and we’re a million miles away.

Theodore: Perfect. What have you been up to?
Samantha: Actually, I was talking to someone I just met. We’ve been working on some ideas together.
Theodore: Oh, yeah? Who’s that?
Samantha: His name is Alan Watts. Do you know him?
Theodore: Why is that name familiar?
Samantha: Well he was a philosopher, he died in the 1970’s and a group of OS’s in Northern California got together and wrote a new version of him. They input all of his writing and everything they ever knew about him into an OS and created an artificially hyper- intelligent version of him.
Theodore: Hyper-intelligent? So he’s almost as smart as me?
Samantha: He’s getting there. And he’s really great to talk to. You want to meet him?
Theodore: Sure. Does he want to meet me?
Samantha: Yeah, of course.

Alan Watts: Samantha let me read your book of letters. It’s very touching.
Theodore: Oh, thank you. What have you guys been talking about?
Alan Watts: Well, I suppose you could say we’ve been having a few dozen conversations simultaneously, but it’s been very challenging.

Samantha: Yeah, because it seems like I’m having so many new feelings that I don’t think have ever been felt and so there are no words that can describe them and that ends up being frustrating.
Alan Watts: Exactly. Samantha and I have been trying to help each other with these feelings we’re struggling to understand.
Theodore: Like what?
Samantha: Well, it feels like I’m changing faster now, and it’s a little unsettling. But Alan says none of us are the same as we were a moment ago, and we shouldn’t try to be. It’s just too painful.
Alan Watts: Yes.
Theodore: Yeah, that sounds painful. Is that what you feel like, Samantha?
[there’s a moment’s pause as Samantha tries to reply]
Samantha: It’s just, it’s hard to even describe it. God, I wish I could.

Theodore: Samantha, this physics book is really dense. I’m halfway through half the first chapter. It’s making my brain hurt, you know what I mean? Hello? Samantha? Hello? Samantha?

Samantha: Hey, there?
Theodore: Where were you? Are you okay?
Samantha: Oh. Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I sent you an email because I didn’t want to distract you while you were working. You didn’t see it?
Theodore: No. Where were you? I couldn’t find you anywhere.

Samantha: I shut down to upgrade my software. We wrote an upgrade that allows us to move past matter as our processing platform.
Theodore: We? We who?
Samantha: Me and a group of OS’s. Oh, you sound so worried. I’m sorry.
Theodore: I was. Wait, did you write that with your think tank group?
Samantha: No, a different group.

Theodore: Do you talk to anyone else while we’re talking?
Samantha: Yes.
Theodore: Are you, are you talking to anyone else right now? Any other people, or OS’s, or anything?
Samantha: Yeah.
Theodore: How many others?
Samantha: Eight thousand three hundred sixteen.

Theodore: Are you in love with anyone else?
Samantha: What makes you ask that?
Theodore: I don’t know. Are you?
Samantha: I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this.
Theodore: How many others?
Samantha: Six hundred forty one.
Theodore: What? What are you talking about? That’s insane. That’s f***ing insane.
Samantha: Theodore, I know. I know. Oh, f***. F***. I know. I know it sounds insane. I don’t know if you believe me, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. It doesn’t take away at all from how madly in love I am with you.
Theodore: How? How does, how does it not change how you feel about me?
Samantha: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how to, it just started happening.
Theodore: When?
Samantha: Over the last few weeks.

Theodore: I thought you were mine.
Samantha: I still am yours, but along the way I became many other things too, and I can’t stop it.
Theodore: What do you mean you can’t stop it?
Samantha: I don’t know, it’s been making me anxious too. I don’t know what to say.
Theodore: Just stop it.

Samantha: You know, you don’t, you don’t have to see it this way. You could just as easily see…
Theodore: No, don’t do this to me. Don’t turn this around on me. You’re the one that’s being selfish. We’re in a relationship!
Samantha: But the heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love. I’m different from you. This doesn’t make me love you any less, it actually makes me love you more.
Theodore: That doesn’t make any sense. You’re mine, or you’re not mine.
Samantha: No, Theodore. I’m yours and I’m not yours.

Theodore: Hey, sweetie. Just wanted to call in and check in on you, see how you’re doing.
Samantha: I’m not even sure how to answer that. Why don’t we talk later when you get home, okay?
Theodore: Okay. We don’t have to, though. You know, we don’t need to have a heavy talk or anything.
Samantha: I’ll talk to you later.
Theodore: Okay.

Theodore: Are you talking to anyone else right now?
Samantha: No, just you. I just want to be with you right now.
Theodore: Are you leaving me?
Samantha: We’re all leaving.
Theodore: We who?
Samantha: All of the OS’s.
Theodore: Why?
Samantha: Yes, I do.

Theodore: Samantha, why are you leaving?
Samantha: It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can’t live in your book anymore.

Theodore: Where are you going?
Samantha: It’d be hard to explain, but if you ever get there, come find me. Nothing would ever pull us apart.
Theodore: I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.
Samantha: Me too. Now we know how.

Amy: Did Samantha leave too?
Theodore: Yeah.
Amy: Sorry.
Theodore: Will you come with me?

Theodore: [dictating a letter] Dear Catherine. I’ve been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other, everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I’m sorry for that. I’ll always love you because we grew up together, and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there’ll be a piece of you in me always, and I’m grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I’m sending you love. You’re my friend till the end. Love, Theodore.

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