Batman (1989)
Jack Nicholson: Joker, Jack Napier
Photos
Quotes
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The Joker : Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce Wayne : What?
The Joker : I always ask that of all my prey. I just... like the sound of it.
[shoots him]
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Vicki Vale : What do you want?
The Joker : My face on the one dollar bill.
Vicki Vale : You must be joking.
The Joker : Do I look like I'm joking?
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The Joker : Where does he get those wonderful toys?
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Bruce Wayne : I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
The Joker : I like him already.
[laughs]
Bruce Wayne : Now you know the problem was... he got sloppy. You know? Crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
[Walks towards the fireplace]
Bruce Wayne : Couldn't keep it straight up here.
[Points to his head]
Bruce Wayne : He was the kind of guy who couldn't hear the train until it was 2 feet from him.
The Joker : Hmm.
[Smiles and nods his head]
Bruce Wayne : You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
The Joker : [Shakes his head]
Bruce Wayne : Well... he made mistakes. Then he had his
[grabs a poker and smashes a vase]
Bruce Wayne : LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
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The Joker : Never rub another man's rhubarb.
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The Joker : [fuming] Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!
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The Joker : [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.
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Joker : As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
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The Joker : Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
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Grissom : That you, sugar bumps?
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom : Who the hell are you?
Joker : It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom : Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker : Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker : Don't bother.
Grissom : Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker : I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom : Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker : Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker : You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
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The Joker : The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!
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The Joker : Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
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Joker : I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
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The Joker : [talking to a gargoyle] What are you laughin' at?
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[to Rotelli's charred and smoldering corpse]
Joker : Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.
[shakes head]
Joker : No?
[looks surprised]
Joker : Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!
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Vicki Vale : You're insane!
Joker : I thought I was a Pisces!
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The Joker : And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!
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[Joker reads the newspaper]
The Joker : "Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait till they get a load of me!
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The Joker : Sometimes I just kill myself!
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Joker : So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
Ricorso : Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli : Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
Joker : Life's been good to me.
Rotelli : What if we say no?
Joker : Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
Rotelli : Yeah?
Joker : Yeah.
[Rotelli shakes hands with The Joker and starts to get electrocuted]
Joker : Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
[the Joker starts to laugh hysterically, as Rotelli catches fire]
Joker : [singing] Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
[the Joker drops Rotelli, charred to a crisp, into his seat]
Joker : [fanning away the smoke with his hat] Antoine got a little "hot" under the collar.
Ricorso : You're crazy.
Joker : Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
[He begins to laugh again and mops sweat from his brow, exposing a patch of chalk-white flesh]
Joker : NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
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The Joker : I'm of a mind to make some mookie.
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The Joker : Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas?
Bruce Wayne : Most of the time.
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[upon entering the museum]
Joker : Gentlemen! Let's broaden our minds. Lawrence?
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The Joker : I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.
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[reaches for a pair of glasses in his pocket and puts them on]
The Joker : You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh?
[Batman punches him]
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Vicki Vale : You're insane!
Joker : I thought I was a Pisces.
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The Joker : New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.
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The Joker : I've recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia...
[lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table]
The Joker : ...threw herself out of the window.
Vicki Vale : Oh, my God.
The Joker : But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
[breaks the mask and starts giggling]
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[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier : Nice outfit!
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[the Batwing is flying at Joker]
The Joker : Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on!
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Joker : Antoine got a little hot under the collar.
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Joker : Have you shipped a million of those things?
Scientist at Axis Chemicals : Yes sir!
Joker : Ship 'em ALL! We're gonna take 'em out a WHOLE NEW DOOR!
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Joker : Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!
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[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker : Oh, I got a live one here!
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[the Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale]
Joker : Stop the press, who is that?
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The Joker : It's time to retire! Feel free to drop in.
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The Joker : They don't make 'em like they used to! Do they, eh? Eh, Batsy?
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Jack Napier : We've been ratted out here, boys.
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The Joker : [after shooting Bruce Wayne] Why is it everytime I come for you somebody always gets in the way?
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Jack Napier : I'd say we break into the place, trash the office, and make off with the records and say it was industrial espionage.
Grissom : Jack, smart thinking. That's the way to go. In fact, I like you to handle this operation personally.
Jack Napier : Jack Napier:
[Surprised]
Jack Napier : Me?
[Jack is holding a Joker card with a bullet hole in his hand]
Jack Napier : .
Jack Napier : [Stands up and grabs his hat and coat while his goons leave] Carl uh - can we get somebody else to do this? There are fumes in that place.
Grissom : Jack, it's an important job. I need someone I can trust. You... are my #1 guy.
[Flaps Jack's cards in his hat]
Grissom : Don't forget... your lucky deck.
[Jack leaves]
Grissom : My friend... your life's about to change.
[Calls the police department to hire Eckhardt to help Jack out]
Grissom : Give me Lt. Eckhardt.
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The Joker : Into the air, Junior Birdman! Missed me!
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Jack Napier : Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else.
Alicia : Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier : Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
Alicia : If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something.
Jack Napier : Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.
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The Joker : Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.
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The Joker : Darling, I've got to get you to the church on time.
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Jack Napier : Eckheardt! think a bout the future!
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[Joker's broadcast intrusion; a commercial for Smylex]
Joker : [appearing in a supermarket] New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient! Smylex.
[he holds up a glass bottle of green liquid]
Joker : Let's go over to our blind taste test!
[the two deceased models, Amanda Keeler and Candy Walker, both appear made up to look like the Joker; only their lips move]
Amanda Keeler , Candy Walker : Love that Joker!
[the commercial cuts to a darkened room with a terrified man bound and gagged; underneath him a caption reads: "NOT AN ACTOR!"]
Joker : Uh-oh! He don't look too happy!
[points to container next to him reading "Brand X"]
Joker : He's been using Brand X!
[a caption appears next to them reading: "OH NO!"''; Joker moves over to another man, dead with a Joker grin, next to a table of household items]
Joker : But with new Joker brand, I get a grin again and again!
[Joker is now sitting on a beach set with Amanda and Candy lounging next to him]
Joker : That luscious tan! Those ruby lips! And hair color so natural, only your undertaker knows for sure!
[Bruce Wayne is watching on TV as Joker laughs on screen]
Joker : I know what you're saying! "Where can I get these fine new items?" Well, that's the gag: chances are, you bought 'em already!
Amanda Keeler : Love that Joker!
Joker : So remember! Put on a happy face!
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Vicki Vale : What can I do for you?
The Joker : Oh, little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance.
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The Joker : Joker here.
TV Technician : We got interference. Call the OB unit, will ya?
The Joker : Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which were true under that fiend, Boss Grissom. He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a killer. I am an artist. And I love a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival! And I've got a surprise for Gotham City. At midnight, I will dump 20 million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me; I've got enough.
The Mayor : We are not prepared to discuss any deals!
The Joker : You heard it, folks. 20 million. And there will be entertainment. The big du karoo. With me in one corner and in the other corner, the man who has brought real terror to Gotham City, Batman. Can you hear me? Just the two of us; you and me. Mano e mano. I've taken off my makeup. Now... let's see if you can take off yours.
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Jack Napier : Why, Eckhardt, you oughta think about the future.
Eckhardt : You mean when you run this show? You ain't got no future, Jack! You're an A-1 nut boy and Grissom knows it!
[Jack pushes Eckhardt against the wall, and Eckhardt whips out his gun. Bob steps up from behind Jack with his gun pointed at Eckhardt]
Jack Napier : Better be sure.
[Eckhardt's lowers his gun]
Jack Napier : See? You can make a good decision when you try.
[he chuckles as he and Bob walk away]
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Bruce Wayne : Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
The Joker : I like him already.
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[after revealling his latest "work", Alicia]
The Joker : Well, I'm no Picasso, but do you like it?
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The Joker : We've got a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.
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Jack Napier : Brought you a little snack, Eckhardt.
[it's a wad of bills between two pieces of bread]
Eckhardt : Why don't you broadcast it?
Jack Napier : Shut up and listen.
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Joker : [shows up unexpectedly at Vicki's place] Miss me? Nice place you've got here. Lots of space. Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.
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Joker : I was in the bath one day, when i realized why i was destined for greatness.
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Joker : [Stops Bob from damaging Francis Bacon painting, "Figure with Meat"] I kind of like this one, Bob. Leave it.
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Joker : [to Vicki Vale] You will take pictures and record my work. You will join me in the avant-garde of the new aesthetic.
