[Verse 1]
The existential threat that I always feel
Nothing's happened yet today and yet I have to feel
Danger near, danger here
Nowhere to escape to and nobody there to hear
As I now scream in fear, scream in fear
The existential threat is drawing very, very near
And they all look away, look away
Can't they see the existential threat is on its way?

[Verse 2]
The existential threat that I tend to feel
When I'm walking down the street or right behind the wheel
Turning left, turning right
Trying to escape the cloud that's close enough to feel
And you may laugh out loud, laugh out loud
The existential threat is always hanging about
And you may say go 'way, say go 'way
The existential threat is never going away

[Verse 3]
Doctor gave me these, I said, "What are these?"
He said that they'll cure an existential type disease
Doubt they will, doubt they will
But I'm keen to try whatever, gimme that pill
And he said, "Here's the bill, here's the bill"
In the end, they didn't work, I paid the whole bill
Because insurance won't, they just won't
Cover existential meds, I wish I had known

[Interlude]

[Verse 4]
How should I react under this attack?
Even when I'm standing up, I feel I'm on my back
Quagmire here, quagmire there
I cannot elucidate the danger that is always there
But it is looming large, extra large
My semi-automatic weapon ready to discharge
But it's a futile act, better pack
The existential threat is bulletproof and looming large

[Verse 5]
Sartre and Camus seemed to understand
Something close to what I'm feeling, though they were in France
Deux Magots, they would go
Each comparing existential threats they came to blows
And then the crowds came near just to cheer
For the greatest existential threatened philosophe
And it is comforting, comforting
Then the comfort starts to very quickly fade away

[Verse 6]
Did I wake you up? Sorry if I did
Guess I woke you up and also woke your little kid
Threat outside, let me hide
Just until the danger passes, then I'll go outside
And have to come again, once again
The existential threat is at your patio door
And do not let it in, let it in
When you fight the existential threat, you will not win

[Verse 7]
The existential threat that I always feel
Lots of things have happened and I seek an even keel
Danger near, danger far
Nowhere to escape to and I'm racing in my car
As I now scream in fear, scream in fear
The existential threat is drawing very, very near
As I now drive away, by the way
Can't you see the existential threat is on its way?