How Sayali Apte turned her pain into power and found her purpose after a tragic, life-altering ... [+]
Do you remember being 23 years old? At 23, most young adults are beginning their lives: finishing school and entering the workforce to start a career, traveling to new places, meeting a partner and joining their lives together, and staying ready for the next adventure. It’s a sweet spot where you can relish in your newfound independence as a young adult before completely taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood.
But for Sayali Apte, 23 is the age that life changed in a split second. She suffered irreversible damage to both eyes and went totally blind.
Like most people in their early 20s, Apte had the world at her feet—and she was ready to make the most of it. She was making a name for herself as a young, award-winning business consultant at an NZX 50–listed tech company. She lived in Auckland, New Zealand with the love of her life who she had recently married, and their family was growing with the addition of 2 energetic Labrador retrievers and plans for a baby in the near future. She had everything she had ever wanted.
And then everything changed in an instant.
A leisurely summer day spent enjoying the sun and fresh New Zealand air turned into tragedy. A life-altering incident caused both of her corneas and the underlying tissue to rupture on impact, and an inexperienced doctor flushed her eyes with saline which washed away any underlying tissue that could have been salvaged. Her eyelids and face were swollen, and a stabbing pain unlike anything she had ever experienced radiated throughout her head. The doctors prepared her for the worst: permanent blindness was a highly likely possibility. The life she had envisioned for herself was now just a memory.
Apte’s life was turned upside down. Her once-thriving career was put on hold indefinitely because she was unable to work. Of course, this created financial problems which were only exacerbated by her ongoing medical treatment. Eventually, she would endure years of eye surgeries, hundreds of doctor’s visits, and the prolonged use of high-strength steroids which brought its own health challenges. Her new marriage was not unscathed. She was struggling to come to terms with her disability at a time when she was living with a partner for the first time, and being dependent on her husband for everything made her feel like a burden.
Soon, her mental health was at its lowest point. She was angry and devastated that her life had come to a screeching halt. Why did this happen to her? If one thing had been different, could disaster have been averted? In an instant, she went from being a thriving, independent 20-something to relying on others for the most basic of tasks. Said Apte, “Grappling with the day-to-day reality of blindness is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.”
She had too much time alone with her own thoughts, and the uncertainty alone was overwhelming. Would she ever see again? Would she ever look into her husband’s eyes again? Would he decide their new marriage is not worth the trouble? Was that really the last time she would ever see her mother? Terrified to hope that she would regain her sight, she found comfort in food and ate her way to morbid obesity. This came with a lot of unsolicited reminders from people around her about how much weight she had gained—presumably because they thought being blind prevented her from realizing this.
“I had always thought that being blind meant seeing black, being surrounded in darkness day and night,” said Apte. “For me, it was gray, and I knew that was what others saw when they looked at me.” She could not see, but she could feel people staring at her, pitying her, and silently judging her for using food as a coping mechanism. Her friends were traveling, falling in love, going on adventures, and landing their dream jobs. She felt like she was wasting her life away, spending most of her time in hospitals and speaking to her doctors while her hope was shrinking every day.
One day, she realized that she had a choice. She could not control whether she regained her sight, but she could decide whether she was going to just give up. She found a determination that she never knew she had, and soon she was fighting tooth and nail to get things back on track. She knew that she had far too much to achieve to give up without a fight. She wanted to be a leader, a change-maker, and, above all, a mum. The thought of being able to see her child one day was the motivation she needed.
Her focus became taking care of her mental health, nourishing her body properly, and persisting through every single appointment, treatment, and surgery in the hopes of regaining her sight. She had a determination and a willingness to win like never before. The road to recovery was long, grim, and humbling. She did a lot of work on her mindset and zeroed in on the negative thoughts that had pulled her into her depression. You know that saying, “fake it ‘til you make it”? That was her at first—but slowly, her depression was punctuated by slivers of real optimism which only continued to grow.
Initially, she was afraid to even hope that she would regain her sight. The thought of coming so far only to be let down was devastating just to think about. As she took control of her mindset, she slowly let herself hope. With each surgery, her optimism began to grow. After each weekly clinical trial, her confidence began to flourish. Each doctor’s appointment saw her mental health improve and her depression start to subside. And then came the final test: her doctors told her that there was a surgery that could maybe give her partial eyesight. This was exciting and nerve-racking. If this last-ditch effort failed, she would need to accept that she had run out of options and come to terms with being blind for the rest of her life. The thought of that finality was terrifying, but she knew that she had not come this far to only come this far. And so, she headed into surgery for the thirteenth time in a final effort to regain her vision.
The first thing she saw when she regained her sight was a heart monitor. She woke up post-surgery to that familiar beeping sound that had greeted her after so many other surgeries. The difference this time, though, was that now she could see it. The green lines worked their way across the black screen in time with the soft thumping in her chest. After being blind for so long, she drank in her surroundings. Seeing her name written down brought tears to her eyes. “When you spend so much time alone in the dark and unable to see yourself, your sense of identity goes out the window,” said Apte.
This journey taught her some difficult lessons and made her realize how much we take for granted in our lives. Losing her independence made her realize just how much it influences her confidence and self-esteem. Losing her sense of identity made her question her value and where she fit in the world around her. Her injury was physical, but taking back control of her mental health saved her life. Said Apte, “I now have a real appreciation for the power of positivity and what role the mind can play in helping the body recover from injury.”
It was through these lessons that she found her passion and purpose. She returned to the workforce and worked on being a strong leader that championed women in the corporate space. She loved empowering women to feel comfortable with who they are while still striving for who they want to become. She found so much joy in empowering people around her to see their own strengths and use them to their full potential. She prided herself on being able to see the potential in others that they could not always see in themselves. She found it so rewarding to coach others through challenges they faced in their own lives.
This work was so fulfilling, but she knew that she was meant to have a bigger impact beyond the corporate space. In 2020, she started the side hustle of her dreams: she helps ambitious women overcome trauma based anxiety and addiction so they can confidently rebuild their physical, mental and financial health. Her years of corporate experience, compassion, and ambition allow her to give women the strategies, skills, and support they need to make their dreams a reality. Her mission is to empower 10,000 women to reclaim control of their health, wealth and happiness.
We have limited control over what happens to us in our lives. We will inevitably be faced with challenges, adversity, and even tragedy. What we do have full control over, though, is how we respond to these circumstances and how they will define our lives. Sayali Apte chose to turn her pain into her power—and she is so grateful to be empowering other women to do the same.
