Get me to the Golden Temple on time! Victoria Aitken relives the colourful magic of her twin sister’s wedding to a Sikh warrior

By Victoria Aitken
Updated: 06:34 EDT, 6 February 2011

I was sitting in a Westminster restaurant having lunch with my father Jonathan when the call came through on my mobile.

It was my twin sister Alexandra in India. ‘Are you sitting down?’ she asked. When I replied that I was, she said: ‘I’m going to get married – next week!’ I could hear the happiness in Ally’s voice, which meant I instinctively shared her joy.

My father was also happy that his daughter was on cloud nine, although he was understandably concerned about the speed of events last month.

Big day: Our exclusive picture shows Inderjot and Alexandra at their wedding in Amritsar which took place less than a week after he proposed

That she was marrying wasn’t a surprise in itself. I knew that in Inderjot Singh, a handsome Sikh of noble blood, she had found someone special.

They’d met a year ago when she was practising yoga on a retreat at the Golden Temple in Amritsar, near the foothills of the Himalayas, and I’d had the feeling since she first started to talk about him that he might be husband material.

Now, her retreat had become her advance to her greatest romantic adventure – getting
married. 

But the timing certainly came as a shock. Although as a family we knew all about Ally’s husband-to-be, we hadn’t met him because he and Ally had been living in India. 

Traditional display: Nihang warriors entertain the guests with a sword fight at the wedding breakfast

The wedding was to take place in Amritsar and I had less than a week to make a frantic dash there.

The suddenness of the wedding even amazed Ally herself. Inderjot surprised his bride with elaborate, secret preparations for their wedding, which would take place less than a week after he had proposed.

A Nihang warrior determined to take his bride to the Sikh equivalent of the altar moves at cavalry-charge speed. Inderjot had arranged the whole wedding – for the following Tuesday!

Although delighted, Ally knew it would be impossible for us all to travel to India at such short notice. She told me: ‘I don’t mind if you don’t come. It’s going to be a purely religious and spiritual ceremony.

'We will have a more westernised ceremony later on.’

In the end, it was impossible for my father and mother Lolicia to change their schedules and fly out to India to be there. My father visited the couple last week instead and shares the welcoming love I feel for my new brother-in-law. But for me, missing my twin’s wedding simply wasn’t an option.

Happy couple: Alexandra had told Victoria she didn't have to be at the ceremony as it was going to be very spriritual - but Victoria was determined to make it

‘Of course I have to come,’ I told her. ‘Get me to the Golden Temple on time! You are my twin sister and wild horses wouldn’t keep me away.’

I immediately set about searching for flights. By incredible luck, I found one with perfect timing going via Qatar, which has direct flights from Doha to Amritsar. I had to rush off my passport to the Indian High Commission.

The deadline was tight and there was a strong chance I wouldn’t be granted a visa quickly enough. But thanks to some string-pulling with a contact on my father’s part, it was issued in the nick of time.

I also took the time to research my future brother-in-law’s background and culture, so I would have an understanding of the world my sister was entering.

He is a Nihang warrior, which I learned is a military Sikh order formed 300 years ago, in which men and women are trained in horsemanship and swordsmanship and are renowned for being brave against all odds.

I’m aware some people may find it strange that Ally would marry a devout Sikh. We were brought up as Christians – my father is an Anglican – but we were also taught to be extremely open-minded about other cultures. 

Sister act: Alexandra, left, and Victoria were taught to be open-minded. Their father Johnathan is an Anglican Christian and mother Lolicia a Buddhist

My mother Lolicia is a Buddhist and instilled in us the idea that whatever religion makes the most sense is the right one for you. As children, we would trek to temples, visit ancient ruins and commune with gurus, and we’ve both continued to travel widely and experience different cultures as adults.

I am the family’s sceptic, but I have a great deal of respect for the beliefs of others and I’ve seen how happy my sister’s faith makes her since her conversion to Sikhism.

Contrary to what a lot of people seem to think, she did not convert for Inderjot but for herself. It wasn’t out of the blue but a very gradual process that had begun before she even met him.

Ally and I are extremely close, although we’re very different. Many identical twins have the same fashion sense and interests but Ally and I have always been individuals with strong, separate identities – hence I’m trying to make my name as a musician and she’s found her own purpose as a spiritual yoga teacher.

But we’ve been through so much together, including my father’s dramas, which include bankruptcy, jail for perjury and divorce, that we know instinctively if the other is happy and at peace.

Long before I got on the plane to India, I knew that was true of Ally.

And although I was desperate to meet Inderjot, I trusted her judgment of him from the start.

Ancestor: The twins' great-granfather, John Maffey, 1st Baron Rugby, was one of the last Englishmen to rule as part of the British Raj

She’s always had more conventional taste in men than me, going for the kind and intelligent ones, while my last boyfriend was a DJ who stayed up all night and had women throwing themselves at him. Besides, I’d spoken to Inderjot on the phone many times and found him to be charming and sweet.

I already knew something about the area of northern India where the wedding would be held.

My great-grandfather John Maffey, 1st Baron Rugby, was one of the last Englishmen to rule as part of the British Raj. He was the viceroy of India’s private secretary, chief commissioner of the North–West Frontier Province and acting governor of the Punjab, where Inderjot comes from.

It seemed like serendipity that my sister should now be marrying in the areas my great-grandfather once ruled.

My flight stopped in Doha overnight and the following morning, before my connecting flight, I focused my mind on a crucial detail: what was I going to wear? I called my sister to ask what I needed – a sari?

She told me I needed a Punjabi dress. I couldn’t find anything in Doha’s shopping malls, so I would just have to make do.

When I boarded the plane in Doha for Amritsar, I was the only Westerner on the plane.

I heard whispers and other passengers looked at me strangely. When I got to immigration in Amritsar, the official asked me, ‘What are you doing here?’ When I told him, ‘I’m here for my sister’s wedding’, he gave me a funny look. I felt out of place, but excited.

I arrived at 4am in Amritsar and drove along dark roads lined with trees and rickshaws before finally arriving at my hotel.

After just three hours of sleep, I met my sister and her bridegroom the following morning.

I was delighted to find that Inderjot was every bit as handsome, calm, thoughtful and intelligent as Ally had told me – and even though he was educated in Australia, his English is perfect.

Both Ally and Inderjot were wearing traditional Nihang dress, which consists of trousers, shawls featuring crossed-swords motifs, turbans and kirpans (miniature-curved daggers).

When I asked about it, Inderjot explained: ‘The main purpose of the kirpan is not for attack or for self-defence. It is for the symbolic use of cutting out evil.’

In my jeans and T-shirt, I felt distinctly under-dressed and I was crestfallen when I showed Ally the beautiful off-the-shoulder black dress I’d planned to wear at the wedding.

‘That’s far too sexy to wear in front of holy Sikhs,’ she said. Inderjot rescued me by presenting me with a Punjabi wedding outfit consisting of a flowing robe on top of a patterned trouser suit.

Racy: Alexandra Aitken pictured during her modelling days

Once I was suitably dressed, Inderjot and Ally took me to the Harmandir, known to the West as the Golden Temple, which is the headquarters of Sikhism.

It can only be entered with bare feet and with your head covered. Inderjot gives much of his time to serving in the temple, as a Gaini – a spiritual instructor.

We walked around the holy lake in the middle of the temple. It was like going around Westminster Abbey with two very experienced guides to explain every tombstone, shrine and side-chapel in great detail.

Under the night stars I saw pilgrims diving into the holy lake, which is said to have healing properties.

It was a beautiful spot with a deep tranquillity which helped me understand Sikhism’s appeal to my sister. They also showed me the soup kitchens in the temple, where food, including special bread, is prepared to give away to thousands of poor people every day.

I was impressed at the warmth and generosity. My sister’s wedding began at the unusual hour of 4am the following morning.

According to the Sikh religion the dawn is the holiest time of the day and extra blessings come to couples who get married just before sunrise.

Ally told me I didn’t have to be there at the start, as the first part of the long service consisted of long prayers said by the 150 holy men from the Nihang. I told her I wasn’t going to miss a second of her wedding.

I arrived with Vijay, an Indian friend from Bangalore, who drove me to the gurdwara, or place of worship for a wedding. I walked through a moonlit field, in warm air, to get to the beautifully decorated space, which was set up in the open air.

Lining the entrance were several Nihang warriors in their ceremonial robes, who bowed and smiled at me as I walked past.

Famous father: Alexandra pictured at a film premiere with former Tory Minister Jonathan

The ceremony began with singing and prayers. The 300 guests – mostly Inderjot’s family and many Indian friends of his and Ally’s, both men and women – gathered around the holy book, which stood on an altar surrounded by water. A kind woman standing in front of me explained the rituals.

As all the guests had taken their seats, my sister entered with her husband and everyone stood up again. She was wearing traditional robes, with a turban on her head and no make-up, and she looked radiant.

Facing us was a little island surrounded by water, in front of which a group of musicians were playing raggas, the melodic tunes used for special occasions.

We were lucky enough to have Bhai Balbir Singh, probably the most famous raggi, playing and the musicians continued throughout the ceremony.

I found the group’s music and the sonorous chanting which accompanied it hauntingly beautiful and extremely uplifting.

Inderjot later told me that the ceremony I’d witnessed was a particularly old Nihang service and that the music played had not been performed for many years. Throughout the ceremony, I had never seen my sister look so beautiful and happy.

The moment when the bride and groom say ‘I do’ is much more complicated than in a Western marriage service. Ally followed Inderjot around several circuits of four
pillars, bowed in front of the holy book and sat down to more prayers as the sun came up and the birds began to sing. It seemed like a wedding made in paradise.

After the service I received a wonderful bonus when Inderjot presented me with an amazing diamond ring. Apparently it is the Nihang tradition that the sister of the bride is given a ring for becoming the bridegroom’s sister-in-law.

This is a tradition I thoroughly approve of.

Devout: Newly married Alexandra Aitken clutches her prayer beads as she walks with husband Inderjot near the temple in Amritsar

All 300 guests then sat down to an amazing breakfast of Indian vegan delicacies served on long tables. I sat with Vijay and my sister’s next-door neighbour, who was able to explain everything I’d witnessed and help me take it all in.

Throughout the meal, which was not accompanied by alcohol as the Nihang are teetotal, the warriors performed a series of tribal dances consisting of cartwheels, sword fights and dagger throwing. It was an amazing display of artistic talent and I was mesmerised.

By midday, the sun was getting hot so I went back to my hotel to sleep. I felt I’d been transported to another world by the wedding, which was beyond anything I could have imagined.

But I am down to earth in my judgment about my sister’s marriage. I know it is a true love match. I believe that for Ally and Inderjot love will cross all boundaries – cultural, spiritual and practical.

Like my father, I am thrilled that my sister has found the man for her. She intends to make her home in India, where she will continue to practise as a yoga teacher – a job she has been doing for several years in London and LA. I will visit her often, and look forward to experiencing more of the beauty and peace I saw at the wedding.

Her conversion to Sikhism is totally sincere, although far beyond my spiritual horizons.

She has found her path to grace as well as a handsome, kind husband. Lucky her. I wish Ally and Inderjot the greatest happiness.

I hope one day to marry too, but only if I meet the right man. Who knows who that might be?

I’ve learned I could fall in love with a Japanese Samurai warrior just as easily as a hedge-fund manager from London – nobody really knows their type until they meet that special person. My sister has shown us all that.

Victoria’s website can be found at www.victoriaaitken.com