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Without Feathers

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Here they are--some of the funniest tales and ruminations ever put into print, by one of the great comic minds of our time. From THE WHORE OF MENSA, to GOD (A Play), to NO KADDISH FOR WEINSTEIN, old and new Woody Allen fans will laugh themselves hysterical over these sparkling gems.

224 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1981

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About the author

Woody Allen

268 books3,055 followers
Noted American actor, screenwriter, and filmmaker Woody Allen, originally Allen Stewart Konigsberg explored the neuroses of the urban middle class in comedies of manners, such as Annie Hall (1977) and Deconstructing Harry (1997).

This director, jazz musician, and playwright thrice won Academy Award. His large body of work mixes satire, wit and humor in the most respected and prolific cerebral style in the modern era. Allen directs also in the majority of his movies. For inspiration, Allen draws heavily on literature, philosophy, psychology, Judaism, European cinema, and city of New York, where he lives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_A...

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Profile Image for Ahmad Sharabiani.
9,564 reviews100 followers
May 25, 2022
Without Feathers, Woody Allen

Without Feathers is one of Woody Allen's best-known literary pieces. The book is a collection of essays and also features two one act plays, Death and God.

Contents:
Selections from The Allen Notebooks,
Examining Psychic Phenomena,
A Guide to Some of the Lesser Ballets,
The Scrolls,
Lovborg's Women Considered,
The Whore of Mensa [2],
Death (A Play),
The Early Essays,
A Brief Yet Helpful Guide to Civil Disobedience,
Match Wits With Inspector Ford,
The Irish Genius,
God (A Play),
Fabulous Tales and Mythical Beasts,
But Soft. Real Soft.,
If the Impressionists Had Been Dentists,
No Kaddish for Weinstein,
Fine Times: An Oral Memoir,
and Slang Origins.

تاریخ نخستین خوانش: روز دهم امه ژوئن سال2005میلادی

عنوان: بی بال و پر طنزهای وودی آلن؛ نویسنده: وودی آلن؛ مترجم: محمود شرف آزاد تهرانی؛ تهران، نشر ماه ریز، سال1383؛ در175ص؛ چاپ دوم سال1384؛ موضوع: طنز نویسندگان ایالات متحده آمریکا - سده20م

عنوان: بی بال و پر؛ نویسنده: وودی آلن؛ مترجم: نگار شاطریان؛ تهران، نشر بیدگل، سال1393؛ در163ص؛ چاپ دوم سال1396؛ شابک9786005193817؛

نقل از متن: (گزیده هایی از یادداشت های آلن: آنچه پیش رو دارید، گزیده هایی است از یادداشتهای خصوصی وودی آلن تا بدین لحظه، که در قالب مجموعه ای پسامرگ و یا بعد از فوت وی منتشر خواهد شد، هر کدام زودتر فرا برسد؛ هر شب را سختتر از شب قبل به روز میرسانم؛ دیشب، احساس ناخوشایندی داشتم، گویی چند مرد میخواستند به اتاقم یورش بیاورند تا مرا بشویند؛ اما برای چه؟ مدام اشکالی شبحگونه از ذهنم میگذشت، و ساعت سه صبح زیرپوشم که روی صندلی پهن کرده بودم ناگهان به شکل کایزر با اسکیت درآمد؛ وقتی بالاخره خوابم برد، همان کابوس وحشتناک همیشگی را دیدم؛ یک موش خرما میخواست در یک مسابقه جایزه ام را بگیرد.؛ دیگر هیچ کورسوی امیدی برایم باقی نمانده است؛ احساس میکنم اوضاعِ خورد و خوراکم بدترشده؛ همینطور آسمم؛ هر از گاهی سینه ام خس خس میکند، و بیش از پیش دچار سرگیجه میشوم؛ تازگیها حملاتی بهم دست میدهد، نفسم بالا نمیآید و غش میکنم؛ اتاقم نم گرفته و مدام اضطراب و تپش قلب دارم؛ تازه فهمیده ام که دستمالهایم هم ته کشیده اند؛ کی میتوانم یک نفس راحت بکشم؟ طرح یک داستان: مردی متوجه میشود که طوطی اش به سِمَت وزیر کشاورزی منصوب شده؛ حسادت مثل خوره به جانش میافتد و تصمیم میگیرد، با شلیک گلوله ای خودش را بکشد، اما از بدِ روزگار، تفنگش از آن تفنگهایی است که با کشیدن ماشه یک پرچم کوچک از لوله اش درمیآید، که رویش نوشته «بنگ»؛ پرچم چشمش را از کاسه درمیآورد، اما زنده میماند؛ این اتفاق همچون تلنگری او را به خود میآورد، و او برای نخستین بار، به لذتهای ساده ی زندگی پی میبرد، لذتهایی همچون کشاورزی یا نشستن روی شلنگ تلمبه؛ اندیشه ی پشت این طرح: چه میشود که انسان به کشتن رو میآورد؟ برای به دست آوردن غذاست که میکشد؛ تازه فقط غذا نیست: معمولاً پای یک نوشیدنی هم در میان است؛ آیا باید با دابلیو ازدواج کنم؟ خب اگر حاضر نشود بقیه ی حروف اسمش را به من بگوید چه؟ شغلش را چه کار کنم؟ آخر من چگونه میتوانم از زنی به این زیبایی بخواهم رولِر دِربی را کنار بگذارد؛ باید تصمیم بگیرم...؛ یکبار دیگر دست به خودکشی زدم؛ اینبار دماغم را خیس کردم و آنرا در پریز برق فروکردم؛ از بد روزگار، سیم کشی اتصالی کرد و محکم کوبیدم به یخچال؛ همچنان در افکار خودکشی غوطه میخورم؛ مانده ام که آیا پس از مرگ حیاتی وجود دارد، و اگر وجود دارد میتوانند این بیست دلاری ام را برایم خرد کنند؟ امروز در یک مراسم تشییع جنازه برادرم را دیدم؛ پانزده سالی میشد که همدیگر را ندیده بودیم، اما باز طبق معمول یک مثانه ی خوک از جیبش درآورد، و پشت سر هم آن را زد توی سرم؛ گذر زمان کمکم کرده تا بهتر درکش کنم؛ بالاخره فهمیدم این حرفش که من «یک موجود مشمئزکننده ام که فقط به درد کشتار جمعی میخورم»؛ بیشتر از روی دلسوزی است تا خشم؛ اما خودمانیم، همیشه از من زرنگتر بود، زرنگتر، باهوشتر، بافرهنگتر، تحصیل کرده تر؛ اما اینکه چرا هنوز در مک دونالد کار میکند، خدا میداند؛ طرح داستان: چند سگ آبی تالار کارنگی را تصرف میکنند، و اپرای وُتزِک را اجرا میکنند؛ -تم خوبی است؛ اما ساختارش را چه کار کنم؟-؛ ای خدا، این همه احساس گناه برای چیست؟ برای اینکه از پدرم متنفر بودم؟ لابد به خاطر آن ماجرای خوراک گوشت گوساله و پارمزان است؛ خب توی کیف پولش چه کار میکرد؟ شانس آوردم به حرفش گوش نکردم، وگرنه الان قالبزن کلاه بودم؛ هنوز صدایش توی گوشم است: «قالبزنی کلاه، بهترین شغل دنیا.»؛ قشنگ یادم است وقتی بهش گفتم میخواهم نویسنده شوم چه واکنشی نشان داد؛ «تنها کاری که در ارتباط با نویسندگی خواهی کرد با یک جغد خواهد بود»؛ هنوز هم که هنوز است منظورش را از این حرف نفهمیده ام؛ چه مرد غمگینی! وقتی اولین نمایشنامه ام، «کیستِ گاس» در تالار لایسام روی صحنه رفت، شب افتتاحیه با کت فراگ و ماسک ضد گاز به نمایش آمد؛ امروز غروب زرد و قرمزی را دیدم و مرا به این اندیشه فروبرد، که چقدر حقیرم! البته، دیروز هم که باران میآمد همین فکر آمد سراغم؛ دوباره احساس تنفر از خود و افکار خودکشی بر من چیره شد، و دست به خودکشی زدم، اینبار با نفس کشیدن کنار یک بازاریاب بیمه؛ داستان کوتاه: یک روز صبح مردی از خواب بیدار میشود و میفهمد که به کفی طبی خودش تبدیل شده؛ -این ایده در لایه های گوناگونی قابل اجراست؛ از دیدگاه روانشناسی، جوهر اصلی آثار کروگر، شاگرد فروید، است که کاشف جنسیت در بیکن نیز بوده-؛ امیلی دیکینسون تا چه حد در اشتباه بود! امید «موجودی با پر و بال» نیست؛ اینگونه که پیداست، آن موجود دارای پر و بال برادرزاده ی من است؛ باید او را پیش یک متخصص در زوریخ ببرم؛ تصمیم گرفته ام نامزدیم را با دابلیو به هم بزنم؛ او نوشته های من را درک نمیکند؛ همین دیشب گفت که «نقدی بر واقعیت متافیزیکی» او را یاد فیلم «فرودگاه» میاندازد؛ حرفمان شد و او دوباره موضوع بچه ها را پیش کشید، ولی من قانعش کردم که بچه ها زیادی کوچکند؛ آیا من به خدا اعتقاد دارم؟ تا پیش از تصادف مادرم اعتقاد داشتم؛ ماجرا از این قرار است که مادرم روی یک چونه گوشت افتاد و گوشت در طحالش فرورفت؛ الان ماههاست که در کماست و نمیتواند هیچکاری انجام دهد به جز این که آواز «گرانادا» را برای یک شاه ماهی خیالی بخواند؛ چرا این زن در بهار زندگی اش، به چنین روزی افتاده است؟ چون در جوانی در برابر سُنتها ایستاده، و هنگام ازدواج یک پاکت کاغذی روی سرش کشیده است؟ چگونه میتوانم به خدایی اعتقاد داشته باشم وقتی همین هفته ی پیش زبانم بین غلتک دستگاه تایپ برقی گیر کرد؟ شک و تردید تمام وجودم را فراگرفته؛ اگر همه چیز توهم باشد و هیچ چیزی وجود نداشته باشد چه؟ اگر اینطور باشد که بدون شک پولی که بابت خرید فرشم دادم ارزشش را نداشته است؛ کاش خدا نشانه ای برایم میفرستاد! مثلاً یک حساب پرپول در یک بانک سوئیسی به نامم باز میکرد.)؛ پایان نقل

تاریخ بهنگام رسانی 29/05/1399هجری خورشیدی؛ 03/03/1401هجری خورشیدی؛ ا. شربیانی
Profile Image for Luís.
2,070 reviews846 followers
March 8, 2024
Without Feathers, Book of Notes allowed me, as a fan of the comedian who became one of the greatest filmmakers ever, to learn some of his letters. Some would come to give rise to some of his cinematographic works that we have all had the opportunity to see by the time they have become timeless. Others are mere drafts, notes with biting humor, ironic and rich as Woody Allen always gifted us.
Profile Image for Manny.
Author 34 books14.9k followers
September 17, 2012
If you haven't already read The Whore of Mensa , then do so now! Here's a trailer:
"Hi, I'm Sherry." They really knew how to appeal to your fantasies. Long, straight hair, leather bag, silver earrings, no make-up.

"I'm surprised you weren't stopped, walking into the hotel dressed like that," I said. "The house dick can usually spot an intellectual."

"A five-spot cools him."

"Shall we begin?" I said, motioning her to the couch. She lit a cigarette and got right to it. "I think we could start by approaching Billy Budd as Melville's justification of the ways of God to man, n'est-ce pas?"

"Interestingly, though, not in a Miltonian sense." I was bluffing. I wanted to see if she'd go for it.

Profile Image for Sofia.
293 reviews111 followers
February 9, 2018
Το Χωρις φτερά αποτελείται απο μια σειρά μικρών διηγημάτων και 2 θεατρικών. Τα διηγήματα ηταν κατα την γνώμη μου μετριότατα με καποιες εκλάμψεις χιούμορ. Τα θεατρικά ηταν εξαιρετικά! Σίγουρα θα ξαναδιαβάζα κάτι από τον Γουντυ Άλλεν γιατί ακόμα δεν έχω καταλήξει πόσο μου αρέσει στο ρόλο του συγγραφέα..
Profile Image for Nicholas.
5 reviews
May 24, 2010
"I ran into my brother today at a funeral. We had not seen one another for fifteen years, but as usual he produced a pig bladder from his pocket and began hitting me on the head with it. Time has helped me understand him better. I finally realized his remark that I am "some loathsome vermin fit only for extermination" was said more out of compassion than anger. Let's face it: he was always much brighter than me--wittier, more cultured, better educated. Why he is still working at McDonald's is a mystery."

Woody Allen: A name which I'd only been familiar with on a very shallow level before reading this book, will now go down as one of the most hysterical people to ever grace this earth, in my book. His mixture of intellect, seemingly random tangents, and borderline psychopathic ravings kept this book glued in my hands from start to finish. I found either his personal thoughts or his descriptions of mythical creatures to be the most intriguing (by intriguing, I mean entertaining). He fills each page with a seemingly vast knowledge of these unheard of topics, giving the illusion of validity. And for that, he is a genius.
Profile Image for W.
1,185 reviews4 followers
August 14, 2020
It is such a pity that Woody Allen's considerable comic talents and his genius as a film maker have been overshadowed by the controversies in his personal life.

I've loved those hilarious early Woody films like Bananas,Sleeper and Love and Death,which were full of sight gags and side-splittingly funny.

So,it was a bonus to find this book,which is from Woody's early phase.Just a bit disappointed,however.I expected a five star book,which this one isn't quiet.

However,there are some brilliant pieces in this collection,particularly The Whore of Mensa,and a guide to civil disobedience.

As the introduction to the book states,"Woody Allen's humour defies categorisation.Forever at war with just about everything,he plays the role of the all time loser with riotous aplomb."

As the years have gone by,Woody's personal life has taken on a darker shade and his later films are devoid of humour.But this book is still a good example of how funny he could be.
Profile Image for فرشاد.
150 reviews296 followers
July 14, 2015
یه اثر خیلی متوسط از وودی آلن.. اصلا شبیه به کارهای جالبش نبود.. شاید خیلی سرسری نوشته شده بود..
Profile Image for Anne.
81 reviews9 followers
August 20, 2007
Loved the title! (a take on "hope is the thing with feathers" from Emily Dickinson). Disliked pretty much the rest of the book. I disliked it for apparently the same reasons that someone else liked it... the book is self-indulgent and weird.
Profile Image for D.A..
Author 25 books319 followers
September 8, 2015
I practically memorized this entire book when I was a sophomore in high school, so it probably brings a lot of bad memories to people who knew me then. But seriously, this was the funniest book I'd ever read up until that point. The humor is a strange mix of borchst-belt one-liners and sophisticated critiques of man's faculty for reason and speculation. It's an odd mix, that manifests in truly odd, esoteric pieces of intellectual inquiry. What, for example, would be the main difference if the Impressionist painters had been dentists instead? Or how does Greek tragedy work if the chorus is borrowed from a production of "My Fair Lady" and the main spectacle of the performance is a machine that delivers God to the stage, but God arrives dead? Most of the problems W. Allen poses will never have to be encounterd in real life, but their deadpan humor often relates us back to our own place in the cosmos. For example, in "But Soft....Real Soft," Woody Allen takes on the age-old intellectual argument over the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. Everyone from Pope Alexander to Alexander Pope pops up as a possible subject. The essay reminds us that ideas of immortality in literature are inherently dependent upon an education system that encourages memorization and interconnectedness. This book makes those very concepts seem dear and impractical.

Favorite bits: from "THE ALLEN NOTEBOOKS" he writes, "Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the rest of the letters in her name." The tone is half-literary convention; half punchline. Having cut his teeth in writing television gags and one-liners, Woody Allen can write good jokes and he can write interesting situations of philosophical interest. The crazy thing is that he makes both kinds of tone work well together.

The centerpieces of this book are 2 plays. The first, God, pays tribute to the theatre festivals of the ancient Greeks but with a delightful intertextuality that also allows characters such as Stanly Kowalski and Blanche Dubois from "Streetcar Named Desire" to infiltrate the new theatre, as imagined by playwrights Diabetes and Trichinosis. The cross pollination of ancient Greek ideas of art and the universe along with contemporary questions of existence makes for a lively inquiry into the meaning of the universe. The second play,"Death," didn't work all that well, and I remember hearing parts of the dialogue reworked into "Shadows and Fog," one of Allen's less interesting films. But the pacing of the humor is admirable, and it certainly is refreshing to read plays that, like Pirandello's, break down the conventions of theatre and remake them in new, exciting ways.

This book is a appropriate for precocious kids, college students, New Yorkers, intellectuals and anyone who wants to laugh deeply at the folly of human existence. Even after all these years, I still laugh out loud at the twists, at the timing, at the vocabulary of humor ("ruptured her spleen" is funny, anything involving an insurance salesman is funny, and of course meditations on life and death are funny, funny, funny). One of his best.
Profile Image for Drew Canole.
2,216 reviews1 follower
April 10, 2023
Another collection of short humorous Woody Allen stories. I certainly don't agree with the people that think his best work is to be found in his prose pieces. To me these are supplemental material to his movies. The audio book read by Allen himself is great, it does feel like a lost Allen film.

Profile Image for Amene.
622 reviews76 followers
September 13, 2016
خدایا چه جوری یک ادم انقدر نابغه میشه!
Profile Image for Agris Fakingsons.
Author 5 books134 followers
November 15, 2022
..ilgi domāju, vai manā grāmatplauktā šo vajag (kaut baigi nopriecājos, kad ieraudzīju šo iznākam), vai varu samierināties vien ar bibliotēkā aizlienētu eksemplāru. taču grāmatu svētkos šo tomēr iegādājos un īsti sajūsmināts par izlasīto neesmu. vietām, protams, bija ļoti smieklīgi, taču pārsvarā – tā ne visai. tāda garāmejoša literatūra. tad jau labāk skatos Allena vecās filmas.
Profile Image for Tristan.
112 reviews249 followers
October 4, 2016
An occasionally highly amusing compilation of slices of absurdist humour and satire by that most famous of neurotic Jews, Woody Allen. As quite the fan of his directorial efforts, my recognition of his idiosyncratic brand of comedy was instantaneous. It reminded me in particular of his delightful Love and Death (1975), which came out in the very same year as this book.

However, rating this is tricky indeed. Some pieces rightly deserve to be called comedic genius ( The Whore of Mensa, Death - A Play, If the Impressionists Had Been Dentists, A Brief Yet Helpful Guide to Civil Disobedience), but unfortunately I didn't care as much for the others. These alone would deserve a 5 star rating, but as a whole package, this book is more of a three.

In these times of societal unrest, It would be apt to provide some levity, and leave you good folks with some passages from A Brief Yet Helpful Guide to Civil Disobedience. If you find yourself to be receptive to the tone of them, I do suggest you might want to pick this collection up:


Hunger Strike

Here the oppressed goes without food until his demands are met. Insiduous politicians will often leave biscuits within easy reach or perhaps some cheddar cheese, but they must be resisted. If the party in power can get the striker to eat, they usually have little trouble putting down the insurrection. If they can get him to eat and also lift the check, they have won for sure. In Pakistan, a hunger strike was broken when the government produced an exceptionally fine veal cordon bleu which the masses found was too appealing to turn down, but such gourmet dishes are rare.
The problem with the hunger strike is that after several days one can get quite hungry, particularly since sound trucks are paid to go through the street saying, "Um . . . what nice chicken - umm . . . some peas . . . umm. . . "

A modified form of the Hunger Strike for those whose political convictions are not quite so radical is giving up on chives. This small gesture, when used properly, can greatly influence a government, and it is well known that Mahatma Gandhi's insistence on eating his salads untossed shamed the British government into many concessions.
Other things besides food one can give up are: whist, smiling, and standing on one foot and imitating a crane.



Demonstrations and Marches

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass."
A fine example of a demonstration was the Boston Tea Party, where outraged Americans disguised as Indians dumped British tea into the harbour. Later, Indians disguised as outraged Americans dumped actual British into the harbor. Following that, the British disguised as tea, dumped each other into the harbor. Finally, German mercenaries clad only in costumes from The Trojan Woman leapt into the harbor for no apparent reason.
When demonstrating, it is good to carry a placard stating one's position. Some suggested positions are:
(1) Lower taxes
(2) Raise taxes
(3) Stop grinning at Persians.



Miscellaneous methods of Civil Disobedience:

Standing in front of City Hall and chanting the word "pudding" until one's demands are met.
Tying up traffic by leading a flock of sheep into the shopping area.
Phoning members of "the establishment" and singing "Bless, You Is My Woman Now" into the phone.
Dressing as a policeman and then skipping.
Pretending to be an artichoke but punching people as they pass.
Profile Image for Ted.
515 reviews742 followers
April 26, 2015
Was about to toss this book, then realized that shit who knows when a day might come when I'm really down and this could cheer me up. If you have it unread, take it on a vacation sometime and enjoy yourself. (That's what my beach-fun-fiction shelf is for.)
Profile Image for Erik Graff.
5,065 reviews1,231 followers
October 15, 2010
I believe this was read just after graduation from Union Theological Seminary in New York, during the first visit back to the Michigan cottage in four years. At that time Dad was on his second marriage. Her name was Lin, she was right between his age and mine and, so, easy to relate to. She was also a Scott Foresman and freelance editor, the author of a successful Spanish textbook and polylingual--quite an impressive person! In any case, I think the book was hers and I read it with much enjoyment as a release from years of serious study.
The title, while normally credited to Emily Dickenson, has a double meaning. Other than her reference, it also reminds one of Socrates' famous definition of a human being as "a bird without feathers."
Profile Image for Emad.
149 reviews24 followers
June 19, 2022
کتاب با چند مقالۀ فوق‌العاده و آتشین آغاز شد و همان موقع که شروعش کردم با خودم گفتم این قطعاً پنج ستاره را دارد. افسوس که هنوز به میانه نرسیده به تکرار افتاد نتوانست خود را نگه دارد. البتّه هر تکراری مایۀ ملال نیست. از آن‌جا که اساس این کتاب یاوه‌سرایی و ربط دادن چیزهای بی‌ربط به هم برای رسیدن به نوعی انبساط خاطر است، تکرارش می‌تواند برعکس خسته‌کننده باشد. خلاصه به آخرش که رسیدم گفتم سه ستاره بیشتر نمی‌خواهد. امّا انصافاً مقالۀ دوّم کتاب (روسپی منسا) آن‌قدری نبوغ، نوآوری و خلّاقیّت داشت که یک ستارۀ دیگر را برای کتاب داشته باشد. خلاصه چهار تا بیشتر سهمش نشد. البتّه این برای حالاست. شاید روزی دیگر، طیّ قرائتی دیگر باز یک دانه دیگر هم بهش دادیم.

ترجمه بدک نبود، امّا این که پاورقی‌ها را به آخر هر مقاله منتقل کرده و زیر همان صفحه نیاورده بودند، از آن عذاب‌های الیمی است که واقعاً آدم را کفری می‌سازد. شیطان رجیم می‌گوید یک ستاره هم به خاطر این کم کنیم ها! امّا نه، ارزش ندارد به‌خاطر این گناه آهنگر بلخی لعن و نفرین وودی آلن را برای خود بخریم. امّا واقعاً کاش ناشران به بعضی ریزه‌کاری‌ها از این قبیل توجّه بیشتری داشتند. خصوصاً وقتی در شناسۀ کتاب پشت سر نام مترجم بی‌چاره سه چهار تا اسم دیگر ردیف کرده‌اند از مقابله با متن اصلی و ویراستار و نمونه‌خوان و ... الخ. خلاصه این‌که گاهی با اندک عنایتی می‌توان تجربه‌ای بسیار شیرین‌تر برای خواننده رقم زد و این خودش می‌تواند در افزایش تعداد کتاب‌خوان‌ها نیز مؤثّر باشد.

بیست و نهم خرداد صفریک
Profile Image for Ensiform.
1,405 reviews140 followers
March 26, 2013
A collection of Allen’s comedic writings. This is for the most part solid, laugh-out-loud Allen parodies and absurdity. Allen is at his best when parodying, say, the great Russian writers (“Should I marry W.? Not if she won’t tell me the other letters in her last name.”) or Ibsen, as in “Lovborg’s Women Considered,” or just being plain absurd, as in the superbly useless “Slang Origins.”

Throughout, the neurotic Allen themes resonate – fear of death and intimacy, etc. There are a couple of low points, like “God (A Play),” which is somewhat flat compared to the true absurdity of the meta-textual pioneers whom it parodies, like Pirandello and Ionesco. But in all, this is prime, vintage Allen, and at his best, he’s note-perfect.
Profile Image for Mads.
107 reviews16 followers
July 8, 2007
I first read this in high school and I've been re-reading this for years--and I must say the humor is still effective. It doesn't sound dated at all. If I were stranded on an island with a choice of one book: I'd probably choose this or Groucho Marx's. Lines that still make me laugh after all these years:

"Scholars will recall tht several years ago a shepherd, wandering in the Gulf of Aqaba, stumbled upon a cave containing several large clay jars and also two tickets to the ice show."

"Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable, with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats."
19 reviews3 followers
July 21, 2007
I didn't quite know what everything meant, but I remember sitting in the back of the room at school when I first bought this book and laughing maniacally at each and every page.
Profile Image for Huyen Pham.
205 reviews89 followers
January 23, 2019
Đọc ngay tiểu luận đầu tiên là mình đã thấy may là hôm đó không nghe lời chị bán sách mà mua nốt Lộn tùng phèo cho đủ bộ. Đậm đặc Woody Allen. Nếu trong phim, những nhân vật nam của Woody Allen, hay chính Woody Allen đóng đều chung nhau ở những lời liên tu bất tận, nhắc đủ tên mọi nhà văn, nhà viết kịch, đạo diễn, biên kịch trên đời để mỉa mai châm chọc và hẹp hòi một cách kỳ lạ mà hiếm lắm mới có một lần mình hiểu được. Những nhân vật trong phim ấy, ít ra còn có lúc bị ngắt lời, hoặc chuyển cảnh nên không chiếm màn hình toàn bộ thời gian, thì trong cuốn này, bạn phải chấp nhận rằng họ luôn ở đó, lải nhải vào tai liên tùng tục những điều không tài nào hiểu nổi. Thứ tư duy kỳ lạ này, mình đúng là đến tuyệt vọng lời, không cảm nhận nổi. Với tầm hiểu biết hạn hẹp của bản thân, tốt nhất nên dừng lại và chỉ xem phim Woody Allen thôi. Từ giờ xin được phép không bao giờ chạm tay vào bất cứ thể loại "chữ" nào được viết ra bởi Woody Allen.
Profile Image for Stephen McQuiggan.
Author 76 books25 followers
April 22, 2020
Better known for a string of classic films - such as Zelig, Annie Hall, Bananas, and Honey, I Fucked The Kids - this is a collection of some of Allen's early writing. A mixture of the whimsical, the surreal, and the downright absurd that's reminiscent of Python - and like Python, it tends to be a bit of a hit and miss affair at times. The Whore Of Mensa is a classic though, and there are enough bizarre flights of fancy throughout to recommend it.
Profile Image for Roberto.
139 reviews20 followers
April 12, 2021
Desigual, sino de muchas recopilaciones. Junto a textos realmente ingeniosos, como “Dios (una comedia)”, otros son anodinos. El estilo de algunos diálogos, comentarios y expresiones que pueden resultar brillantes en las películas de Woody Allen, incluso traducidas e interpretadas por el actor de doblaje, resisten con dificultad expuestos negro sobre blanco. Recomendable para aficionados de Allen.
Profile Image for Ibrahim.
19 reviews12 followers
April 4, 2016
Kitap Woody Allen'ın en azından benim için yeni ve farklı mizah anlayışıyla bezenmiş notları, öyküleri ve oyunlarından oluşuyor. Benim için farklı bir mizah anlayışından kastım; saçma(absürt)* anlayışı. Ancak kitapta ciddi manada beğendiğim 3 bölüm var. Birinci sırada: "Ölüm" isimli oyun geliyor ki kesinlikle anlamlı, düşündürücü ve güzel bir oyun. İkincisi: "Mensa Orospusu" adlı hikaye. (Hikaye demek uygun olur sanırım) Adı ön yargı oluşturmasın içeriği hoş, gayet güzel, özgün ve farklı bir metin. Üçüncü sıradaysa "Tanrı" oyunu var. Bu oyunda oldukça özgün, farklı ve düşündürüc�� bir oyun.

*"Dünyadan o kadar uzakta ki ışık hızıyla seyahat eden bir adamın oraya varması altı milyon yılını alsa da, yeni bir ekspres hat ile yolun iki saat daha kısalacağı söyleniyor."
"Quelm'deki ısı sıfırın altında yedi yüz elli derece olduğundan suya girmeye izin verilmiyor..."
Profile Image for Leftbanker.
878 reviews400 followers
March 29, 2021
All of the recent hubbub about Woody Allen made me think of how much I loved his kooky books. I think I read this the year it came out and thought he was just about the funniest person ever. I still thought he was funny, but ever since I saw Manhattan in 1979, the movie where his character (in his 40s) dates a 17-year-old girl still in high school, I started to see what a total creep he was. Then he married his step-daughter, or whatever creepy relationship they shared before he married her. File Allen under “Ew” for me please, I don’t want to touch him.

Then we learn in this documentary that Allen’s favorite foreplay is watching his partner play with Lego®.

OK, I didn't actually watch Allen vs Farrow (too creepy and I don't give a shit about celebrities), but this could be true.
Profile Image for Sebastian.
Author 8 books31 followers
June 30, 2018
There are two ways one can go about reviewing this book; either try to match its top-notch absurdist humor and witty wordplay (and fail miserably), or write the most mind-numbingly humdrum review ever. So I'll do neither.
June 10, 2008
Just pure silliness from beginning to end. Most of it does not make a lick of sense but that is the beauty of it. If you can read this without laughing, I worry about you.
Profile Image for Leo Robertson.
Author 36 books475 followers
August 5, 2015
Woody Allen does The Day Today a day days and days before The Day Today. Today remains a day The Day Today and these stories are still funny.
Profile Image for Rodrigo Gómez Morales.
21 reviews12 followers
January 3, 2015
This is the first Woody Allen book I've read. At times, it does feel like one of his movies. It reminded me of "To Rome with Love", where we get to see different stories, some of them quite good, and some of them quite cheesy. It got time before I could understand the tone and humor of each story, but once you get into them, most of them are quite enjoyable. I especially loved "The Whore of Mensa"; I've never payed for sex, but I could consider paying for a smart girl to talk to. That's actually more difficult to find and arguably, more pleasurable. "God (A Play)" was delightful from beginning to end. I often wondered how it would be like to be in a New York theater listening to this meta-play that is so keen on philosophy and humor. I would love to see the characters in a play calling the author to understand the future, like an ancient oracle. It reminded me of that Borges poem "Ajedrez" ("Chess") where he writes "¿Qué Dios detrás de Dios la trama empieza [...]?" ("What God behind God starts the plot?"). At times, hilariously funny; at times, dreadfully boring, but overall, a good achievement on Mr. Allen's defense.
Profile Image for Jude.
154 reviews159 followers
July 9, 2018
Tóm tắt việc sử dụng não của mình cho quyển này:
- 30% thời gian sử dụng não một cách có thành ý, bị tác giả xoắn não vài cú ngoạn mục và rõ ràng là có để lại vài nếp nhăn, đồng thời với việc bị xoắn não là miệng bị méo vì cười không đúng cách :)_). Điển hình là chương "sách cuộn" với ông "Chúa" level nói đùa với tổ phụ Abraham, hoặc trong "chỉ dẫn ngắn nhưng hữu ích về bất tuân dân sự", "đừng đùa với thanh tra Ford",...
- 30% thời gian ráng sử dụng não hết công suất mà chỉ cảm thấy não hơi "ong ong", miệng ú ớ vài tiếng: chắc mình hiểu đúng. Ví dụ: "Chúa (kịch)", "Khi họa sĩ phái ấn tượng làm nha sĩ"...
- 40% còn lại cũng ráng sử dụng não hết công suất nhưng sau đó lại ước gì mà mình đã không dùng, vì có dùng cũng như không. Ví dụ "Chết (kịch)","Không có kinh cầu cho Weinstein",...
P/s: đúng là tuyệt vọng lời =))
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