How to refer to a young woman without insulting her

Question

Another question brought up something that I have long wondered about.

How do you refer to a young woman, probably unmarried, and around eighteen to twenty-five years old?

I do not want to insult her by calling her "girl", but "woman" sounds too old to me -- like I should use that for women over thirty, married, with kids in tow, with a career.

I have a tendency to prefer "gal" in those situations, but I am not sure that is right and it sounds too informal for some settings.

For additional points: am I showing a gender bias? I think I would mostly refer to male friends of that age as "the guy over there" instead of "the man over there". I think that I reserve "man" for someone past similar milestones in life: over thirty, married, with kids, in a career.

Answer 1

In the U.S., the most common word I hear for women that age is "girl". Unfortunately, there's isn't an age-neutral word like "guy" that you can use for women. Note that "boy" always refers to a child, but "girl" does not. (Even older women sometimes refer to themselves are girls. For instance, if a group of women spend an evening together without any men around, they might call it a "girls' night out".) This is probably because of differing social pressures. Women are taught to value youth and beauty, while men are taught to value power and experience.

The common options are:

• Girl: Very common, especially among 18- to 25-year-olds themselves. Somewhat informal. Usually paired with "guy".
• Woman: More formal. Often used to refer to women in abstract instead of a specific woman. Usually paired with "man". Sometimes used to emphasize maturity.
• Lady: Common in plural form, as in "ladies' night". Can be formal or informal depending on the tone and circumstances. Usually paired with "gentleman". In the singular form, usually refers to an older woman. Sometimes used in the traditional sense of "a woman with class".

Some less common options are:

• Young lady: Don't use this unless you want to sound old or archaic. People under 70 mostly use this phrase when disciplining their children.
• Young woman: If you use it informally, this will also make you sound old, but less old than "young lady". Like "woman", it's often used to refer to women in abstract.
• Lass: If you use this in front of Americans, they will think you sound Scottish. (Or Irish. We're easily confused.)
• Gal: Informal. If you are not a native of the southern or southwestern United States, this will sound a bit silly.
• Miss: Very formal. Normally only used in second-person. ("Excuse me, Miss? You dropped your bag.")
• Chick: Very informal and a bit demeaning.

If you see any others, post them in a comment and I'll add them to the list.

So here's my advice. If you're speaking casually, use "girl". If you're speaking formally or technically, use "woman" (or "young woman" if her age is important). If you're ever in doubt, use "woman". Only use the other options for deliberate wordplay.

I don't think you're showing a gender bias. This is a real problem in English, and even native speakers have trouble with it.

Answer 2

As a woman in the age category you are describing (18-25), I would find it very insulting if someone (male or female) referred to me by calling me a girl. The definition of a girl is a young female child-dictionary.com

It is safe to call a female under the age of 13 a girl. They are pre-teens who have not hit puberty. Ages 14-15 range you can usual refer to as a girl or young lady. Once you hit ages 16-17 you need to refer to them as young women (Because that is what they are: They are young and they have the body of a woman). After 18 it is woman all the way. It does not matter if they are married, unmarried, have children or no children, career or not...they are women. A 52-year-old woman can be unmarried with no children, that does not mean she is a girl.

If you are unfamiliar with the females age, young woman or woman is always safe.

You state that you reserve the title "men" for individuals over 30 years of age who have children, a wife, and a career. There are men everywhere of every age who are not married and do not have children. Would you refer to them as boys? Of course not, so why the stereotype of men (and women) have to have a spouse and children. A 25-year-old could have a child and wife and a 55-year-old may have neither. Anyone above the age of 18 is a man, no matter what.

Answer 3

It depends on a context. You can either use the word 'lass' or with informal touch 'miss'.

Both words are used specially for unmarried young woman. But again, depending on the context any of word can be used.

Hope this would help.

Answer 4

While it's not unusual for some people to refer to a woman in their early 20s as a "girl," it's increasingly less common, and you risk offending them and others. People will differ on their personal stance of whether they find the word appropriate. Some will find its use sexist while others won't see a problem. But note the number of people who find the term problematic is very high among those under 35 (roughly half in the UK). Considering a woman under 35 is the type of woman you might refer to as a girl, its important to note that you have nearly a 50% chance of offending them.

I think females age 14 - 18, typically, wouldn't find being referred to as a girl as problematic as they would if they were 18+, as they are not legally adults yet in several respects. Additionally, males in this age group are often referred to as boys. You could draw arbitrary boundaries such as the minimum legal driving age (14.5 - 17), the average age of ending puberty (15 - 17), the age of consent (16 - 18), or the minimum allowable voting age (18). Some people might refer to females in the 14-18-year-old age group as young women as @olivia suggests, but I don't find this usage common, and it feels even more formal than referring to them more simply as women. So I'd suggest using either girl or woman for this age group depending on the situation. If it's a formal or professional situation (such as at work), lean towards using "woman."

The test I use is -- would it be strange to refer to a similar-aged male as a boy? Only in situations where referring to a male as a boy feels normal is "girl" appropriate [without prior consent to use the term]. While I sympathize with the fact that there is no commonly used female equivalent to the word "guy", it just isn't worth upsetting someone over calling something they don't want to be called. So I'd avoid the use of the word "girl" in pretty much all situations where the female is over 18.

This answer is similar to @olivia's, but since my age cut-offs are slightly different, and because I disagree with using the word "young woman," I think it's worth a separate answer. Note that many of the more popular answers saying "girl" is acceptable are nearly 3 years old, and language is continuously evolving. 3 years ago using the word "girl" in this way would have been more acceptable. It is less acceptable now, in 2020.

Answer 5

Here’s a little food for thought. My youngest daughter is six, but very bright and, I’ve lately noticed, gender-conscious. This evening over dinner she announced that she was “a very talented woman.”

I knew immediately that my wife was as temporarily stunned as I was, but rather than take her statement as “cute” or “precious,” we answered her in all seriousness, “You certainly are.”

I think this illustrates a few things. First, the world, and the way we see ourselves in it, is constantly evolving. It’s arguably better to be ahead of the curve than behind.

Second, by defaulting to the high (woman) instead of the low (girl/lass/gal) we err on the side of respect.

Third, because our use of any descriptive word (with respect to others) says as much about ourselves as the person we’re describing, use of the description that best elevates the subject elevates us as well. I think there’s a reason why Alcott wrote “Little Women,” and not “Little Girls.”

Answer 6

A girl is between the ages of birth to approximately 13 years, dependent upon beginning of menstrual cycle.

After Menstrual cycle the girl either married or unmarried is a woman physically because she can give birth. Again within the age bracket of 14 years to approximately 30 years she is considered as a young woman.

After the age of 30 she is a full grown woman / lady. One would refer to her as Ms./ Miss or in case of marriage Mrs. This is proper etiquette.

It is derogatory to refer to a fully grown woman as a girl.

Answer 7

I've seen this in many Hollywood movies (names, I don't remember though) where such girls are called...

Hello, young lady! (Don't forget 'young', that's the key!)

And trust me, in most of the scenes, the expressions of those all 'young ladies' were so happy! I'm pretty sure, no one felt insulted.

I think calling someone a young lady (replacing 'woman') might serve the purpose especially when the age span is what you have defined.

However, natives are the better judges here! :)