The past two years have been dizzying and highly unpleasant, like a Gravitron at the Ku Klux Klan's semi-annual block party. This is largely because our president, a hunk of boiled hot dog, seems to operate completely at random, without any sort of overarching logic or memory of what he's just done. But what if there was something, some sort of keystone idea or principle, that explained the last two years of domestic politics? That big why that is revealed like 12 minutes before the movie ends that could explain the tweets, the bluster, the almost-war, the sudden rage? Porn actress Stormy Daniels's new book may just have it.
The Guardian obtained a copy of the yet-to-be released book, Full Disclosure, in which she describes their sexual interactions in unfortunate, but politically important detail. His penis is shaped like a toadstool.
She describes Trump's penis as "smaller than average" but "not freakishly small."
"He knows he has an unusual penis," Daniels writes. "It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool..."
"I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...
"It may have been the least impressive sex I'd ever had, but clearly, he didn't share that opinion."
For reference:
Imagine waking up every morning, heaving your big, dumb body to your chilly bathroom, whipping your salume out of your sleeping trousers, and being faced with what you've been faced with every day for the past 70 years: your pink portobello dick, resting plaintively in a nest of golden Yeti hair. Would you vow to become president and, through your administration, seek wretched revenge on everyone who even looked at you a little like you might have such a downstairs situation? Maybe so.
But Michael Avenatti, Daniels's attorney and a Personality in his own right, wants us to look past the detailed, unavoidable, seared-into-our-collective-brains description of our Commander-in-Chief's Commander-in-Chief.
And definitely, yes, totally agree. But this is important, too.
The Guardian's piece focuses on other revelations from Daniels's book—how the two met, how Trump offered to rig The Apprentice for her, her experience as a target of Republican rage and national fascination—but you can read about that over there.
Joanna Rothkopf is the former deputy editor at Esquire.com and a writer for Last Week Tonight.
