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Silent Bob Speaks: The Selected Writings

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Here, at last, is the book his legions of fans have been waiting for. Kevin Smith, the legendary independent film-maker, columnist and cultural commentator, launches himself on an unsuspecting world with a series of hilarious rants on the absurdity of just about everything. Unlike his unforthcoming screen alter-ego Silent Bob, Smith is ready to let rip at maximum volume, whether it be on the madness of Hollywood, 'The Unholy Tale of Greasy Reese Witherspoon', his bloodcurdling hatred of Britney Spears or the highly-sexed comics industry. Along the way we get a shocking insight into the making of Smith's movies, and learn far more than is necessary about his bathroom habits.

330 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

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About the author

Kevin Smith

450 books943 followers
Kevin Patrick Smith is an American screenwriter, director, as well as a comic book writer, author, and actor. He is also the co-founder, with Scott Mosier, of View Askew Productions and owner of Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash comic and novelty store in Red Bank, New Jersey. He also hosts a weekly podcast with Scott Mosier known as SModcast. He is also known for participating in long, humorous Q&A Sessions that are often filmed for DVD release, beginning with An Evening with Kevin Smith.

His films are often set in his home state of New Jersey, and while not strictly sequential, they do frequently feature crossover plot elements, character references, and a shared canon in what is known by fans as the "View Askewniverse", named after his production company View Askew Productions. He has produced numerous films and television projects, including Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks II.

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5 stars
502 (24%)
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827 (39%)
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582 (28%)
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27 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews
Profile Image for Debbie.
231 reviews14 followers
November 18, 2008
This is a collection of articles Kevin Smith wrote for magazines. Interesting enough. I for some reason found myself somewhat psychoanalyzing him from what he wrote. He seems to have a pretty poor self image. I mean, I could easily believe that the self depracating humor he throws in is just an act, but when you combine that with the number of times he brags about having sex with his apparently extra hot wife it's pretty indicative of a hell of an inferiority complex. Maybe it comes a bit from the fact that his feedback is almost always to the extreme. It makes sense, who wants to send a letter or email to a director that they feel lukewarm about? But the fact that he either hears from people practically worshipping his work or tearing it apart in the most creative ways they can imagine (which probably still winds up being rather pedantic) makes for a tenuous hold on his self esteem.
Profile Image for Dustin.
92 reviews16 followers
April 21, 2008
I admit it: I love almost everything 'Kevin Smith.' While I have loved all of his movies, I actually prefer his writing (non-screenplay) to the movies. In the movies, you have someone else doing their best to give life to his words, but in writing, as on stage with the 'Evening Wasted with Kevin Smith' DVDs, it's straight from the man himself. Always brutally honest and humble, you get to the end of one of his books, and feel like you are already good friends with him, and have been for a long time. He pours so much of himself, self-deprecating humor and all, into every story and diatribe, you end up feeling like you went to high school with him, otherwise how could you know so much about him.

I was most impressed by his upfront attitude regarding the big issues in his life: marriage, fatherhood, weight management, discovering and falling in love with New Jersey. While the funny stories and behind the scenes essays are always interesting and fun to read, its his approach to the big things in life that consistently leave my jaw dropped, that anyone could be *that* earnest and have managed to be successful in life absolutely floors me.

While I gave this five stars, I would say that his next book, "My Boring Assed Life" deserves 5 1/2 stars. It's just that good.
17 reviews1 follower
September 22, 2014
Kevin Smith is an amazing writer. The way he speaks his mind on certain topics is fascinating and intriguing. While including the Kevin Smith trademark of profanity and vulgarity, he explains how he was lucky enough to enter the film industry and his adventures while working on "Jersey Girl." Readers can see the true nature of Smith as he expresses his humbleness and fondness for most of the people he works with. I highly recommend this book for mature audiences. Read with caution- you might be offended.
Profile Image for Lottie.
40 reviews4 followers
March 21, 2024
This did not age well. Lol.
Written in 2005 and most of it is during Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Jersey Girl.
Reading Kevin Smith's book "Silent Bob Speaks" from 2005. Things that have not aged well:
Thanking Harvey Weinstein in the introduction.
Talking about how Charlie Sheen cleaned up his act and "not everyone can be a ticking time bomb forever. Soon or later, we all grow up"... This is pre- tiger blood incident. Lol.
Affleck commenting how the Daredevil costume is better than the Batsuit (not really cringe worthy, but funny knowing who plays Batman in the future).
And saying "Jersey Girl is, hands down, the best movie we've ever made."
Lollollollollol.
It get 3 cause it was entertaining as a fan.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Lana.
301 reviews1 follower
June 11, 2019
This book was alright. It is crass but it is funny.

A fair bit of the interest for me was only a result that it is so old. For example, this is during the Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez love affair and we all know how that turned out… There are also references to Weinstein (who Financed many of Kevin Smiths films). I think there was even reference to Weinstein discouraging Smith from hiring an actress Smith liked for a role . So there is that. (although maybe that was Bill Weinstein; but still telling).

I received this book as part of a “blind date with a book” that took place at book club.
Profile Image for Doug Brunell.
Author 32 books29 followers
October 31, 2021
Smith can tell a funny story. I say as someone who started out as a big fan of Smith's movies, though that love of his films seemed to wane a bit with every project he did. I still think "Clerks 2" is brilliant, and I still like hearing the guy's adventures in the land of movie and comic making.

This book begins with the making of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" and ends with "Jersey Girl" with a whole lot in between. There is also a really dated interview with Ben Affleck and a surprising one with Tom Cruise, too. The bottom line is, if you like Smith, you'll like this book. If you hate him you have no reason to read it.
Profile Image for Jack.
130 reviews
March 30, 2022
A really fun and topical time capsule to the early 2000s. Love hearing about the casting for J&SBSB and all the celeb interactions. Interesting meditation on the inauthenticity he detected with Britney Spears. Smith could use a strong editorial hand to remove all of his “which” and distracting undercutting of himself. His “Morbidly Obese” entries are a grim look into how long he’s struggled with weight and his appearance. Tom Cruise interview is wild: Kev completely buys into the charm and fame and lets Cruise spew his Scientology and anti-medication rhetoric. The falling in love with a stripper story was very transparent and honest but also kind of great as a short story/missed connection thing with the ambiguous ending. Lots of politically incorrect things in here with modern eyes. The optimism for Jersey Girl is kind of heartbreaking. I completely see why the British magazine didn’t publish his raunchy fantasy comic con piece at the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Cameron Johnson.
151 reviews
October 14, 2020
I hope I can get Kevin to autograph this one day. This is a time capsule. This was a fun and fast read. I recommend this. Now for a little more detail.

Reading this, fifteen years after it was published, was a treat. A little cringe, a little groan, but mostly hilarious. It is a candid reflection of someone who doesn't know how time will tell for him and his topics.

I want to read his more up to date published works so I can see how he feels about those things now. Did he and Reese make up? Does he care since her career took a nosedive? How much did he freak out when Affleck told him he would be Batman? How did he flip out when he knew Harley was going to be in a Tarantino movie? Did he and that stripper reconcile?

I could probably look this stuff up, but I would rather read one of his books again. Kevin is someone I wish I had grown up with. Affleck has a good friend.

This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Jess.
242 reviews13 followers
February 7, 2019
Ive been a fan of Kevins since I can remember. Ive been to the stash, met Walt, seen comicon panels (in person)- the whole gamut (except pay to meet him because no). I even used to visit the view askewniverse. So, I was always destined to read this collection of his writing from the 90s and early oughts. It was good. I laughed. Sometimes I skimmed because there is only so much Affleck fanfic a girl can read before she gets uncomfortable. But mostly I just enjoyed my favourite fan boy in the world - even if I think he was wrong about Tobey Mcguires spiderman (cmon kev....it really did suck. It's ok. You can admit it now).
Profile Image for David.
79 reviews
December 21, 2020
While the book is easy to read and accessible there's not a lot of depth to it. a series of meet and greets for potential actors, lots of name dropping and KS throws lots of bones to the people he likes and dishes on those he doesn't. I think the self-deprecation is a front to show he's not prententious, that he's just a fat guy from Jersey but I get the feeling he's as egotistical as say Mel Gibson. And though i haven't seen all of his movies, i think he's victim of his early success with Clerks and nothing he's done since is half as good.
d
Profile Image for Rumi Bossche.
908 reviews8 followers
May 21, 2022
Silent Bob speaks !

Found this at the thrift shop and it was a nice find, it collects most of Smiths writings from varies columns and articles, and reads like a charm. Kevin Smith has to be one of the coolest dudes in Hollywood and man i dig his writing,  this collection ranges from stories from his movies,  interviews,  him in a stripclub and how he started collecting comics, him gusshing over Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise and all in a bizarre readable style, i already loved the guy for his movies and podcasts and stuff,  guess i love him even more now.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Great fun read !
12 reviews
January 19, 2023
Published in 2005 (but containing articles from as early as 2001 and the late nineties), this book has aged like milk. Lots of Weinstein praise, outdated language, and the sex talk like that of a teenage boy.
If you don't like Kevin Smith I'm not sure why you'd read this, but if you do then you might enjoy it. I haven't read his other books yet, but hoping they'll be better as they are more recent, and I do find his podcasts and other work interesting.
On a positive note, I really liked reading about the casting process and other film making experiences.
Profile Image for Brad McKenna.
1,215 reviews1 follower
April 16, 2023
I do enjoy his movies and expect nothing from them other than what they are; a bunch of fart and dick jokes surrounding references to comics and movies. This book dished some dirt on those actors he's worked with and the movies he's made. But his humor works better for me in the movies and does get a bit old after a while. Which does track with my first sentence, a movie lasts for a much shorter time than a book.
Profile Image for The Rudie Librarian (Brian).
439 reviews9 followers
April 25, 2018
To be honest I was a bit disappointed in this book. Although Smith is known for his foul mouth and inappropriate sense of humor, he also is an intelligent and kind-hearted person. You don’t see the positive qualities he possesses as much in his writing. It instead showcases all of his sophomoric side. There were a few shining moments, but overall this was not my favorite read.
180 reviews1 follower
July 19, 2020
A collection of articles from Kevin Smith. Covers production stories from Jersey Girl. There's a fake "Comic-Con" article that was never published for a British magazine. The interviews with Tom Cruise and Ben Affleck are surprisingly good.

The self-deprecation on some of the articles gets old, but if you like Kevin Smith its a solid read.
Profile Image for Chloë.
6 reviews4 followers
May 6, 2020
I’ve always enjoyed Smiths humour but this book has aged so badly
Profile Image for Chris Simerly.
141 reviews3 followers
February 13, 2021
I’ve always been a Kevin Smith fan and this was the second time reading this book! The diary about going to San Diego’s Comic Con is worth the read! Haha!
Profile Image for Alexander C.  Bailey.
Author 2 books6 followers
March 24, 2021
An entertaining collection of old articles Smith wrote. Would recommend for fans of Kevin Smith
Profile Image for E.Y.E.-D.
342 reviews40 followers
March 13, 2017
I enjoyed parts of this book but, I really feel like I got around to reading it entirely too late. If had I read it when it came out I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more.
Profile Image for Luke.
13 reviews
August 23, 2016
This book is funny for sure, but what makes it even better is it's an unintentionally hilarious look into certain moments in entertainment history from a totally different perspective. It's truly a sign of the times. Specifically, this concerns the movies "Daredevil" and "Jersey Girl", and the infamous relationship Bennifer. All of these things Kevin Smith pegged as being big, milestone successes, but history would prove that wrong. Now there's obviously no way he knew at the time these things would take the turns they did, but knowing what we do now, it's just funny seeing what perception used to be.

"Daredevil" was a big one for me. An entire chapter is dedicated to interviewing Ben Affleck, and the guy praises how amazing this movie is. Collectively, Affleck and Smith wax poetic about how it capitalizes on the success of "Spider-Man", gives Affleck the superhero role he dreamed of, and how it's poised to be the next big thing. This all made sense back in 2003 before the movie came out. 13 years later, "Daredevil" is widely viewed as a massive misfire that both severely damaged Affleck's credibility with fans and the character he tried to play. It wasn't until Charlie Cox appeared on Netflix in 2015 that people felt Matt Murdoch got his due.

That same chapter focused heavily on Bennifer, the infamous relationship between Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. It talked all about how in love they were, how perfect they were together, and how this was the life Affleck always wanted. Love right? They ended in 2004.

Lastly, "Jersey Girl". Three chapters were dedicated to the creation of this movie. I personally never saw it, but after history presented "Daredevil" and Bennifer way differently than Smith intended, I had to look up how "Jersey Girl" did. It got very mixed reviews and barely made its budget back in the Box Office. Obviously this was a passion project for Smith, but it's funny to see how different opinions can be when you're both directly involved with something and you have nothing by hype around you.

Please don't misunderstand. I love Smith's work and have visited his Red Bank store several times. He's right up my ally. Yet while this book is very well written and at times very funny, it's even better as a time capsule from someone in the industry and what people thought in the early 2000s.
Profile Image for Justin.
122 reviews23 followers
January 6, 2008
I picked this one up because I was mesmerized by Kevin Smith's other book, My Boring-Ass Life . Where that one was a 500-page collection of blog entries and diary scribblings, Silent Bob is a much slimmer collection of "polished" essays that some magazines hired Smith to write at some point. Weirdly they're not nearly as interesting. I think Smith is much better as an off-the-cuff storyteller than he is as an actual writer who puts text down then tries to refine it. This is why his collection of hastily composed blog entries and his DVDs in which he just stands there and answers questions for four hours are both fascinating while his films and this collection of essays are mostly mediocre. His true calling is as a standup comedian in my opinion. The highlights in Silent Bob are an essay about his own morbid obesity and the greasy shits he takes now that he's been prescribed fat-blocking pills (it's strangely fascinating, if disgusting), and... that's about it. I can't think of much else that stuck with me that you wouldn't find discussed in far more detail in Boring-Ass. The lowlights are several, including two starry-eyed, pandering interviews with Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise respectively (his unadulterated love and admiration for Affleck is baffling), a lengthy, rambling jizz-fest on his own movie (the awful Jersey Girl) and how great all the actors are in it (not true outside of George Carlin), and a stupid, vulgar fake essay about how much pornographic sex goes down at comic book conventions. You could get about one of these essays in while taking a dump; they're a good length for that. Otherwise, this one's worthless.
Profile Image for Jaimee.
9 reviews2 followers
May 24, 2008
This book is a collection of Smith's articles from Arena magazine. The first half was very good, and also incredibly funny. It made me want to watch his movies, and he also convinced me that I should reconsider my dislike of Ben Affleck. His story about meeting David Duchovny was so funny, and Smith seems to be at his best when he's being the ultimate fanboy.

However, the second half of the book became very tedious and mostly consisted of unfunny dirty jokes and name dropping. Just because you have interacted with a celebrity does not mean said celebrity is awesome. He also spent a lot of time defending the Bennifer relationship, and after about the third announcement of his love for them it just got embarrassing. I had high hopes concerning his Tom Cruise interview, but he basically did exactly what every other celebrity does when they interview Tom Cruise: they're all, "See? He's awesome. He talks about everything, including Scientology!" when in reality they've just taken Cruise's ambiguous sentence fragments and made them sound coherent. The last essay is just stupid, and the magazine that had hired him to write it refused to publish it. Since Arena published it Smith is under the impression that they thought it was as awesome as he did, but it was probably more like Arena was kissing his ass because he's a celebrity in the exact same way that Smith kisses the asses of every celebrity he encounters (except, of course, for Reese Witherspoon). To be fair the last half does include one of his best essays, in which he discusses Attack of the Clones and the reasons behind Anakin turning to the dark side.

I would still recommend this book because the first half is so funny that it almost makes up for the tedious downslope of the rest of the book.
Profile Image for Brandon.
24 reviews5 followers
February 15, 2009
I have been a major fan of Kevin Smith's films for years. Not only do I love his films, but I am inspired by his rise to stardom as an indie filmmaker. The writer/director, famous for his sharp dialogue coupled with vulgar humor, has also branched out into other mediums through the course of his career. This book collects a series of essays and articles he had written for various magazines and websites, giving the reader a glimpse into both his private life and the filmmaking process.

The first half of the book flew by, entertaining with stories of the casting for Smith's Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back or snippets from Smith's home life. I did feel the book shifted gears and slowed down a bit once I reached the interviews with Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise. While insightful, reading as Smith fawned over each actor brought the book's pacing to a halt. Regardless, this one hiccup was my only negative concern with Smith's collection. Smith has a knack for storytelling and anecdotes, as is apparent from his college Q&A sessions, and we're treated to more of the same here.

For those who are familiar with Smith's style, this book will be a fun read, short enough to blast through in an afternoon. It's got his trademark humor and, while at some points almost cringe-worthy, is hilarious throughout (especially the final article, one that had originally been intended for a British magazine but was rejected and never printed). Any fan of Kevin Smith and his Jersey "trilogy" would be doing themselves a favor in giving this book a read-through.
Profile Image for Richie.
19 reviews
August 1, 2008
If you know who Kevin Smith is, this is a great book. If you have seen some of his movies and think they were alright, then you will probably enjoy reading this book. If you have no idea who Kevin Smith is, then this book will do nothing to persuade you to like him.

K. Smith is a great film writer, putting together some of the best dialog that flows so well, even though much of it is nonsense. He writes like you and your friends would talk, just on film.

Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl and Clerks II, all movies written and directed by Kevin Smith. Each with some serious thoughts, and varying levels of sophomoric humor. Never one to hold back a curse word or a poo joke in his movies, this book is no different.

This book is technically not new material. All the sections or chapters are collections of previous writings done for various magazines like face or arena. There is also a web blog that Kevin did for a while and a few interviews. All in all good fluff reading. An extra bonus if you know Kevin's movies, as he outlines the casting, pre production and filming of some of his movies.

A good read, but a mid range rating due to the fact that it wouldn't appeal to everyone, as it is pretty much Kevin Smith talking about himself.
Profile Image for Jeffrey Belcher.
42 reviews14 followers
April 1, 2010
From previous reviews, I do not hide the fact that I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith. Every facet of his work intrigues me, from his movies, to his book, and even to his blogs. At the same time, though I have tried to keep my political views out of my reviews, it’s pretty obvious where I stand. So, when I opened this book, I was truly excited to read more about a guy that I look up to, and I read the first few pages, I was nearly tempted to put the book down and even possibly never read a piece if Kevin’s work again, as I am, to say the least, not a supporter of Michael Moore. With that being said, the book lost 1 star immediately for the mentioning of Moore alone.
That being said, I chose to not be a closed minded, angry, hateful conservative as some liberals may label all conservatives, I elected to continue reading. It turned out to not be a disappointment. I did enjoy the read, though it was nowhere as good as his other book, “My Boring Ass Life”. This book did have its moments. I love the fact that Kevin fully admits his lazy approach to things. Posting letters from people following his blog and responding, and getting paid for posting that, and laughing all the way to the bank, PRICELESS. Though the book did lack the punch that I have come to expect from Kevin, it was a good read.
Profile Image for Tyler.
134 reviews
November 4, 2009
1: I just love Kevin Smith. I'm the kind of guy who can sit and watch youtube videos of him talking about people pooping and I'll be genuinely entertained because the guy is a fantastic talker.

2: I'm also the kind of guy who likes (and loves a bunch) of his movies just because of the writing, so it makes sense to read this and his other collection (which I'm about to start).

3: I just read Infinite Jest before I read this and I really needed something quick and dirty.


So, knowing I'm a bit of a fanboy I guess, I liked this a lot. It's just him expressing his views on certain matters in his typical Kevin Smith way, but that's all I wanted.

Like another reviewer said, he thinks poorly of himself. I already knew that. It's really not hard to tell, but this is where I find myself relating to the guy: he clearly knows all his flaws but he'll still make jokes about himself (moreso than about anybody else). And that is one of the reasons he's so entertaining. That and even though he uses a lot of dick and fart jokes, he's really clever.

So yeah, if you want something easy but fun, definitely try this out. Don't expect tons of insight into that many issues unless his relationship with Ben if something you consider meaningful insight.
Profile Image for Rebecca.
856 reviews60 followers
June 19, 2011
Another book made up of articles that have been published else ware. Seriously, who would pay for this? Yay for the library! I like Kevin Smith and most of his movies, so this book was a really quick read. Man, I miss hearing him on KROQ in the morning. The only downside (because I always must talk about the negative) of this book is his obsession with his junk, him being fat and his hot wife. Seriously, it was like an episode of According to Jim, in book form. But to spin in positive, I do like his reasons for moving out of Jersey to Los Angeles. It’s for the welfare of his child, he doesn’t want her turning into a lard like him. His family spent a few months in Los Angeles while he filmed Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and he noticed what a positive change in his child it was with her spending loads of time outside and he liked that, so him and the family moved permanently out to LA. I liked that reasoning. Otherwise, I can’t really remember what else was in the book. Since it was articles, it was mainly randomness. There was one where he interviewed Tom Cruise. And all his comic-book shit, I could careless about. But otherwise, just his everyday dribble, which I like, like half the time.

Grade: C+
Profile Image for SadieReadsAgain.
473 reviews38 followers
November 26, 2011
It was a nice easy read, very funny and it was interesting to get an insight into a director who I really like. Some bits did disappoint me, like his chapters on Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise & the comments about Jennifer Lopez. It was just a little full on, kind of ass kissy and I expected someone like him to be a little more cutting. Of course, that's kind of unfair as we all have people we admire and I suppose if he were writing that way about people I also liked then I'd have simply seen it as him showing his respects. Still, it got kind of nauseating. But that was really the only negative thing I can say. I love the passion and honesty with which he talks about his work, and how he's not egotistical at all, not even in a thinly disguised way. Even though there were parts of the book on subjects I dislike (Tom Cruise, need I say more), I found myself reading because of his style. Hell, I even read and really enjoyed his whole take on Star Wars...it was brilliant! So yeah, this is my long winded way of saying that its a must for any fan.
Profile Image for Bonnie.
230 reviews16 followers
August 17, 2009
I agree with other reviews in that this book will probably only appeal to people who already like Kevin Smith. It's a little haphazard for those who don't know his movies. However, if you like his work, you'll most likely enjoy the essays here. I did! It has me thinking about going to see him speak live, so it must've done something right! The essays can feel a bit dated - references to a young Britney Spears or to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's romance (and there are essays that are just *admittedly* love letters about his man-crush on Affleck). Mostly I enjoyed getting to read about Kevin Smith himself - some of the funniest essays are about his wife's self-portrait, his history with comic books and Jersey, or his issues with lap dances. I think my personal favorite was his depiction of the seedy underworld of San Diego Comic Con.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews

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