Now, if you were following the race at that moment, you chuckled.
Kamala Harris was not a top-tier candidate, not then, not ever. Not since the day she actually announced. On paper, she’d seemed like a serious contender. She was a U.S. senator from the country’s biggest state, a former prosecutor, who enjoyed nearly universal support among Washington Post reporters and MSNBC anchors. It seemed for a while like it could work. The problem was, actual voters found her repellent. We don’t need to guess about this, we have the numbers.
The more Kamala Harris they got, the more repelled they became. By December, Harris was losing to Andrew Yang in her own state. The majority of California Democrats said they wanted her to drop out of the race. Harris was even getting crushed in Iowa, a tiny state where she’d spent virtually all of her money. So, even in a business famous for rewarding falseness, Kamala Harris was just too phony to win. She was too fake for politics.
So how did Kamala Harris wind up effectively in charge of the entire country? That’s a question that historians of democracy will ponder for decades — democracy being, you’ll remember from school, a system in which citizens get to choose their own leaders. Yet apart from a few handlers around Joe Biden, no one really chose Kamala Harris. It’s a pretty amazing story, actually. It’s frustrating, as well as deeply amusing. So, take a moment once in a while, just a pause, a respite, to enjoy the pure absurdity of Kamala D. Harris. You’ll find it refreshing.
This is a fully vaccinated person who recently kissed her fully vaccinated husband, while both of them were wearing surgical masks, and then pretended it was entirely normal. Just like you do at home. Kissing your husband with a surgical mask. This is the daughter of two college professors who tells you with a straight face she grew up poor and oppressed under Jim Crow in California.
This is a person who can’t stop lecturing you about American values, what this country stands for, despite the fact she didn’t grow up here. Harris went to high school in Montreal. Yet even in French-speaking Canada, she now tells us, quote "many generations" of her Indian and Jamaican family somehow celebrated Kwanzaa, a holiday that was invented in Los Angeles in 1966. And we could go on.
But let’s summarize it for you: How fake is Kamala Harris? Let’s put it this way: She can’t even decide how to pronounce her own first name. We’ve heard her say it at least two different ways with maximum confidence.
Imagine being her. What would your life be like? Among other things, you’d be terrified at any moment of being pulled off-script, because once you’re off the script, what would you say? How would you know? You don’t even know who you are. Something like that just happened, when Harris spoke to her friends at NBC News.
HOLT: Do you have any plans to visit the border?
HARRIS: At some point, you know, we are going to the border. We've been to the border. So this whole thing about the border. We've been to the border. We've been to the border,' she repeated.
HOLT: You haven't been to the border.
HARRIS: And I haven't been to Europe. (laughs) And I mean, I don't understand the point that you're making.
"I don't understand the point that you're making." Of course, she doesn’t understand the point. No one ever asks her real questions. When was the last time that happened? Tulsi Gabbard may have been the last person to do it. In the years since Harris has continued to ascend. How did she do that? Purely on the basis of how she looks. Meanwhile, because it is so improbable that someone this unimpressive has become so powerful, the people in charge are forced to assure us, almost with hysteria, that she is brilliant and impressive. In order to prepare the rest of us for the inevitable march to the White House, they’ve created a Soviet-level cult of personality around her.
We’re not exaggerating, look around. The Los Angeles Times, which was a news organization at one point, announced Harris was getting her own section in the newspaper. That is news dedicated exclusively to Kamala Harris. Readers can get their Business News, their International News, and their critical Kamala Harris News. She’s now her own category of news. The paper called the new section "Covering Kamala Harris."
Not surprisingly, the first dispatch from the LA Times' new Kamala Harris bureau didn't focus on her policy accomplishments. That would have been a pretty thin section. Instead, it covered how she looked.
"Kamala Harris is all kinds of firsts: the first woman, woman of color, Black woman, mixed-race woman and South Asian elected to national office."
So, in other words, what really matters about Kamala Harris, and what should matter to you, the LA Times told, is her DNA. Disney went further than that. Kamala Harris, the company explained to your children recently, isn’t actually a political leader. She’s more like a god:
NARRATOR: Once there was a young girl who used her voice to make the world around her a better place. Some say the odds were stacked against her but her mother had big plans for this little flower. She had freedom fighting in her blood. She led a successful protest so kids could continue to play … And became part of a divine group of leaders. She rose to places that no woman had. From front lawn activist to Madam Vice President. She will use her voice to run this nation and inspire it too. Kamala Harris: Making HERstory.
Next time you see someone walking across the top of your swimming pool it’s probably Kamala Harris. She became part of a "divine" group of leaders. Divine in the literal sense, like the Dali Lama or King Jong Un. She shot an 18 in her last round of golf.
Kamala Harris does have a kind of appealing humility, so she doesn’t compare herself to God, she prefers the superhero analogy.
In fact, her own book is called "Superheroes are Everywhere" -- that’s the one that wound up at a migrant detention facility recently. If you haven’t seen it, you can buy her niece’s book. That’s called "Kamala and Maya’s Big Idea."
Your kids can buy the "youth-oriented edition" of Kamala Harris' ghost-written memoir.
And of course — because why wouldn’t there be? — there’s now Kamala Harris-themed food, baked goods apparently made by the U.S. military. On her way to Guatemala this weekend, Kamala Harris walked to the back of the plane to hand out cookies. And not just any cookies. Not Oreos or fig newtons. Cookies in the shape of Kamala Harris. One USA Today reporter excitedly snapped a picture.
"The VP made a visit to the back of the plane and delivered cookies decorated with the shape of her likeness."
Kamala Harris is a star, a major historical figure, indeed she’s god. And if you say that enough, you tend to believe it. That’s where our media find themselves. They believe it unquestioningly. So, as she headed to Latin America this weekend, they had the highest possible hopes.
YLAN MUI, CNBC REPORTER: From the night that Kamala Harris made history as the first woman – the first person of color – elected vice president, she made clear that winning a seat at the table was just the first step. … And her highest-profile assignment so far: a solo trip to Guatemala and Mexico this weekend to tackle the root causes of migration
JOY REID: The symbolism of having a mom -- a mom of color up there talking, you know, about these situations. I think it is important
JESS MORALES ROCKETTO, FAMILIES BELONG TOGETHER CO-CHAIR: The child of immigrants, first black, first south Asian woman is going to rep[resent us in Guatamala today. I would really kill to be a fly on the wall in those meetings.
SERGIO GONZALES, FORMER SENIOR POLICY ADVISOR TO SEN. KAMALA HARRIS: The fact that Kamala Harris is visiting there as the first woman, female vice president, the first woman of color, to visit that region, herself a child of immigrants, that speaks as well to the people of those countries.
JASMINE WRIGHT, CNN REPORTER: Remember, she is the first woman vice president, the first woman of color vice president and this trip will start to shape how Americans view her…
SERGIO GONZALES, FORMER SENIOR POLICY ADVISOR TO SEN. KAMALA HARRIS: The fact that Kamala is visiting as the first woman, the first woman of color, the child of immigrants, that speaks volumes to the people of those countries.
The nub of the theme here is that she is a "person of color." So when a person of color goes to Latin America to be around other "people of color," it’s a love match. They’re going to love Kamala Harris in Latin America. It’s obvious. That’s how our credential class thinks. People of color love people of color. Unfortunately for Harris, that is not how Latin Americans think. Latin America is not America. Latin America is a traditional society. People in Latin America are still allowed, to their great credit, to say obvious things. They haven’t been trained by their leaders to censor their unapproved thoughts. So sometimes they just go ahead and utter them, as Kamala Harris found out yesterday when she arrived in Guatemala.
Her motorcade was mobbed by protesters, not trying to get her autograph or buy her superhero books, but telling her to get the hell out of the country. "Kamala, Go Home," read one placard.
Another sign near the presidential palace read, "Kamala, Trump won." To a certain sort of liberal, this was shocking, and some in the press pool seemed shocked by it.
But they shouldn’t have been shocked by it. Guatemalans know very well what political corruption looks like. They live in a corrupt system. They looked up to the United States and saw the presidential election wasn’t on the level, because it wasn’t. They knew that all the powerful people were on one side, on Joe Biden’s side. So they trusted the outcome left, and then they said it.
And, by the way, and this maybe hurts most of all, and MSNBC is going to have a lot of trouble digesting this, but it’s true, some Guatemalans actually support Donald Trump. That doesn’t shock people who have been paying attention. Who does your average Guatemalan have more in common with Kamala Harris or Donald Trump? Come on. It’s not even close. Among other things, Latin America, to this day, is still a vigorous patriarchy. It turns out gender-bending academic postmodern feminism doesn’t make sense there. It’s totally confusing to your average Campesino. They think it’s absurd, which of course it is. In Guatemala, it’s pretty hard to sell Kamala Harris as a god.
If Harris is looking to be greeted as a hero, she ought to go to London or some other population center where the people hate themselves and their own culture. That won’t work in Central America. The White House should have known that. The State Department too. Isn’t this their job? But they didn’t know it. Because it turns out, in addition to being hardened ideologues, the Biden people are incompetent. They have no idea what they’re doing. They fly BLM flags from American embassies around the world. Why are they doing that? So people will love us. But in real life, no one outside America is impressed by a BLM flag outside an embassy. In fact, they think it’s pathetic. Why? Because it’s an intentional self-conscious display of weakness. And guess what no one on earth respects: weakness.
If you wanted the world to like you, show strength. Fly the Gadsden Flag: Don’t Tread on Me. People in Guatemala would get that. They’d respect it. They might even like us more. You know what they don’t like? Cringing self-hated. It’s disgusting to them, and to most people. That’s a feature of human nature.
It’s universal. Tony Blinken, the Secretary of State, doesn't seem to understand that. At every opportunity, he self-flagellates in front of the entire world:
BLINKEN: For the United States to be a credible force for human rights around the world, we have to face the realities of racism and hatred here at home. We can’t sweep our shortcomings under the rug or pretend they don’t exist. We need to face them openly and honestly. Even if it’s ugly. Even if it’s painful. That’s how we live up to our values.
It’s not painful for the rest of the world to watch some moron like Tony Blinken talk about how terrible America is. It’s not painful. It’s laughable. It’s ridiculous.
This administration sincerely believes the rest of the world deeply appreciates when we get up and beat ourselves up for sins that took place 100 years ago. They think Central Americans are impressed by our BLM flags. No. They’re not impressed, and they’re not impressed by Kamala Harris. They just laugh and tell us to go away.
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