Right person, wrong time: I (27M) fell in love with "the perfect person" (33F), but our relationship seems too impossible. Should I be sane and forget about it, or try to make the impossible work?

Background story: (skip if you want, it's a little long but I assume you guys like reading about the details of people's lives or you wouldn't be here)

I (27M) met this girl (33F) two years ago (25 and 31 at the time), and we had amazing chemistry from the start. We met in the gym, would see each other there and talk and flirt almost every day, and after a month of this I asked her out.

I had just ended a previous relationship by being cheated on, and was in a very hard-set mentality of "no relationships". I wanted to ignore women for a while, but our gym is tiny, and she beautiful, and I couldn't resist. We went on a date, I tried to kiss her, she declined, and I assumed she just wasn't into me. No big deal.

Then she asked me out again---I assumed as just friends. Then she asked me out a third time. I was going to live my city very soon, so there weren't very many expectations. See, my life is very unstable. I'm set in my mind that I want to dedicate my life and earn my living through making art, which is tough to say the least. I've made progress on the way, but I'm nowhere near where I want to be and where I can spend money on women or financially provide for a family. Yet, this is the path I'll take.

To add to that, I've been travelling around for the past few years, coming back home every now and then, and I plan to pick a city to settle in when I turn 30 (inner promise: no relationships until then!). I was about to embark in one of those travels when she asked me out a fourth time, the night before I was going to the airport, and we kissed. Then I left, and we stayed in contact and would speak every two or three days, and I could tell we were very much into each other. Then she "just so happened" to have a trip planned with her friends near where I was staying, and she visited me, and we spent a whole day together, and slept together that night, and it was beautiful.

When I came back to our city, 3 months later, she immediately wanted to start seeing me again. It was great for a month, and then I fell into a very strong depressive episode, for reasons unrelated to her. I struggled to do any basic human function, and met with her to tell her I couldn't see her anymore. I'm sure I looked like an asshole that had just gotten tired of her, but the truth was a lot more pathetic.

Eventually, I found a job in a far-away country which promised to get me some money, and the hell away from my toxic home environment. Before leaving, I wanted to see her again. I explained to her what happened, she understood, and we spent and amazing month together, for the first time acting as really "boyfriend and girlfriend". I fell madly in love with her. But, money and career-wise, I couldn't stay.

That was seven months ago. Ever since, I haven't stopped thinking about her. I have pondered about whether I should go back to her multiple times. I have asked many friends for advice. I've been only attracted to women who look like her. Every woman I've met, I've been comparing to her. I've slept with several women, but felt no bond with them, as if that place was already taken. I've felt no desire to be with a woman who isn't her.

Now, I've left that job and come back to my home city. I must decide what I want.

TLDR: I met an awesome girl and fell in love, but had to leave for work. Now I'm back and don't know what to do

Present:

I am torn at the decision staring at me.

On the one hand, I want to be single. Not to sleep with anyone I want, but because I can't provide a partner with the stability they need. I plan to keep travelling for the next 2-3 years, and I barely have any money to support myself and have even had to skip meals to make it through. And, I won't give up my career, for anything really.

Additionally, I want to eventually have a very big family, meaning several children (4-5). My plan has been to have them when I'm around 35-40, where (I reckon) I will be a lot more secure and stable.

This madly clashes with the reality of the situation. She is 33. She has money, but isn't super rich. She takes amazing care of herself and is very healthy, but if we wanted to start a big family it would be unadvisable to wait until she's 40. I'd happily compromise on my timeline if I had the financial means to do so, but that's not currently the case.
On the other hand, she has everything I look for in a woman. She's a very loving and caring person, someone who has no malice in her and wouldn't want to hurt someone else even if they wronged her deeply. She takes good care of herself and would make an amazing mother. She has a very calm and positive attitude towards life. She has my same sense of humour and spending time with her is amazing. She's smart, well-read and educated. She has even sent me quotes from my favourite movies and authors without knowing that I liked them. And, lastly, she loves me deeply and has shown that several times.

I have met many people in my life, men and women, and even from a very unbiased and objective point of view, she's at least in my top 5 favourite people. Probably higher, but just being conservative here. I see no point in spending the next few years dating several different women when I have already found someone who ticks all the boxes and then some.

Hence the conundrum.

The relationship would be perfect, if she was younger and/or I was more advanced in my career. I'm afraid of asking her to be together, then finding myself at 31, living in a place I don't want, having a job I don't want, and with the stressors of "making it" in the art world combined with the stressors of being a parent slowly eroding at what once was a beautiful relationship, then getting divorced at 36 and realizing, in hindsight, how stupid all my decisions so far have been.

I'm also afraid of letting the opportunity slip and then spending my life thinking "what if", looking for other women as a way to replace her. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but if I find a golden one it seems pretty stupid to just push her away. Maybe I'm just stupid and in love and have learnt nothing from my past relationships, and I just can't let go.

I'm posting this because I messaged her and we're meeting tomorrow to talk. I was pretty vague in my message and just told her I was back and wanted to see her. I don't want to get her expectations up or play with her feelings. I care for her deeply and would hate giving false promises just because I can't deal with my own emotions. Maybe she has a partner now, I don't know. I just want to be very clear in what I want, and then I'm okay with letting fate decide.

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Semi-throwaway account because irl people know my main.