Making Sex Lives Of The Potato Men look like Citizen Kane, Fat Slags is one of the most ill-conceived, unfunny movies to 'grace' cinema screens since the British sex comedies of the 70s. This painfully slapdash comedy - with caricatures instead of characters - lurches from one crude, staggeringly inept set-piece to another with the subtlety of a three-legged elephant. Quite why talented actors Fiona Allen and Sophie Thompson signed up for the prosthetic suits is a mystery far bigger than the film's eponymous heroes.

You don't expect subtlety from something based on a Viz comic strip, but the film can't even get the source's tone right. In place of the foul-mouthed fat lasses who'll shag anything with a pulse, we get the - for the most part - neutered Tracey Tunstall (Thompson) and Sandra Burke (Allen). Their kebab-fuelled lives change when they're invited onto a BBC breakfast programme. One viewer watching is multi-millionaire media player Sean Cooley (Jerry O'Connell) who, after a bump on the head - yep, it's that original - decides to make them stars.

"THE LONGEST FILM YOU'VE EVER SEEN"

Despite only being 75 minutes long, Fat Slags may well feel like the longest film you've ever seen. That is, unless you can't see what's going to happen when the girls walk out of a door bearing the sign 'Show Us Your Pass'. Or if you think "Our Sandra gives him a hard-on" being misinterpreted as "Osama Bin Laden" is genuinely funny.

The only reason to watch is to see which actors have fallen on hard times - or prey to blackmail demands - and taken supporting roles. One-time TV star Angus Deayton? Check. One-time pop star Geri Halliwell? Present. One-time supermodel Naomi Campbell? Yep. Watch them here and you'll be reminded of another Viz character, Buster Gonad - this really is the biggest load of b*****ks you'll ever see.