This post contains spoilers for All I See Is You.
This week will see the release of Blake Lively's new film All I See Is You, which for months has been gaining notoriety as "that movie where Blake Lively plays a blind woman." She does, but only to a point — Blake's character Gina is blind when the movie begins, but early on she undergoes a procedure that restores her vision. After that, the movie is mostly about her adjustment to life as a sighted person. This adjustment is made exponentially more difficult by Gina's husband, James (Jason Clarke), who is really not into her being able to see.
This is where the movie tries to turn into a thriller: Why is James so upset about Gina's newfound sight and confidence? Why does she start losing her vision again? Does James have anything to do with it? All three of those questions will be answered by movie's end, but there are plenty more that will not be. I usually don't mind unanswered questions in a movie — is Deckard a replicant, for example — but in this case there were too many, about too many subjects that didn't even matter. It was like the Varchie sex scene on Riverdale — you wouldn't have been thinking about Archie's cast if the scene had worked. If All I See Is You had worked as a thriller, then maybe I wouldn't still be thinking about why Blake Lively put a dead bird in the freezer. Here, a list of questions I have about this very confusing movie.
1. What doctor calls someone so late to schedule a surgery for the following day? I know, I know — things happen and he had a last-minute cancellation. But this wasn't an emergency surgery, nor was it one that she was going to have in a couple of days and the time frame got moved up a little bit. Was there no preparation required? I've had eye surgery before and I had to take drops for weeks before it happened! This seems sketchy at best, Gina.
2. What exactly was James doing for work in Thailand? Insurance, he says, but like, what kind of insurance? How long have they been living in Thailand? Do either of them speak Thai? Did they meet in Thailand? If they had just lived in the Chicago suburbs I wouldn't be asking any of these questions.
3. Why is there a kaleidoscope orgy, and why is that Gina's fantasy? This is a recurring image that appears several times throughout the film and is never explained. It seems to be Gina's favorite sexual fantasy, and it seems to be one that she thinks of often. Everybody has their thing, no judgment, you do you. But this one is weirdly specific and also pretty out there for a woman whose biggest kink is videotaping sex with her husband! It kind of feels like an unexplored plot point to have her fantasizing about kaleidoscopic orgies all the time, you know? How did she come to figure out that what she really wanted was an orgy with a thousand men?
4. Why was Gina bathing with Luca? I'm with James on this one — Luca's too old for this and also Gina is his aunt and not his mother and that somehow makes it more weird.
5. Why did Luca see that carcass? This was probably supposed to be symbolism of some sort, but it was like everything that happened in Mother! — I was so busy trying to figure out what it could possibly mean that I stopped caring about the movie's actual point.
6. Why did Gina freeze that dead bird? For a craft project? Because she felt like it was an omen she should cherish for all eternity? Throw me a bone here, Gina! But not one from that dead bird in your freezer because it probably has rabies.
7. Why was the brother-in-law naked and covered in paint? When it comes to the brother-in-law, all I have is questions. He interrupts Gina's conversation with her sister while he's naked and covered in blood and/or paint, yet neither of them questions why he's doing this. I guess they know something we don't, but just have one line that's like, "My husband is naked and covered in paint for X reason, don't worry about it." See? So simple!
8. Why did Gina know nothing about brachycephalic breeds? After Gina's neighbor's mom makes her get rid of her French bulldog, Gina kindly takes it in because it's extremely cute. But by the time the dog passes out from heat, Gina has already owned the dog for a while (and known it for even longer). Did she just not even bother to look up facts about French bulldogs on the internet? Just one Google search would have told her that she needs to take water along on walks because Frenchies get hot and can't always breathe well! Also, that she shouldn't even have taken the dog out in the Bangkok afternoon at all, but who knows? Maybe Gina just thinks the dog is wheezing for fun.
9. Why did Gina sing most of the song at the talent show? Are you a student at this grade school, Gina?
10. Why was she even in the talent show at all if she was just teaching the girl guitar? She's worse than Kris Jenner at a Kim Kardashian photo shoot.
11. Why did Karen, aka Yvonne Strahovski, only have two scenes? Karen, you need to come over and talk some sense into your friend Gina. She's having trouble with her dog, her eyes, her husband — really her whole life.
12. Who actually saw James take the dog? Someone sent Gina a letter claiming that James was the person who really stole the dog, but this person would have had to (1) know who James was, (2) know who Gina was, and (3) know that their apartment had been "robbed" and that the dog had been "stolen." It can't have been the neighbor girl, because the person who wrote the letter also said that they wanted to keep the dog and we've already established that the girl's mother didn't want the dog anymore. So who could this possibly have been? It's a mystery that will be lost to time.
13. And how did they know Gina's new address? She moved! This person knew that the dog belonged to James and Gina, knew that they had been robbed, knew their new address, and yet didn't know James's name? This is all very suspicious.
14. Did she just have the baby unsupervised? All of a sudden, there was a baby. I think James was dead already, but could she not have called Karen? Did she just have a home birth all by herself in an unfurnished house? I'm not saying I wanted the full rundown on her birthing plan, but any indication that this baby wasn't a figment of her imagination would have been nice. Was the baby a figment of her imagination? Was Karen a figment of her imagination? Was it all a dream? I'll never know, because I refuse to watch this movie ever again. (Please note: I also said this about The Age of Adaline, which I have now seen at least three times and own on DVD.)
