Two updates in one week, I am on a roll. Since I am off work until Thursday due to my jury duty I am able to get about an hour and a half maybe two hours in for writing while I wait. I really hope you all enjoy this chapter, I feel like I say that a lot. This chapter could be seen as a filler since not much happens but next chapter we will have the fashion show so fun times are going to be had! If you like the story please feel free to share it or send me an anon ask and let me know what you think. I really love getting feedback on my story because it does help me grow as a writer. As always thanks to my awesome beta @tears-of-orphans! I don’t have much to say so lets jump right into it.
The next morning, I had Gray drop me off at Ji Soo’s office to have a final fitting before the show. I couldn’t help but be distracted the whole time she was going over the clothes, with what happened with Gray the night before I don’t think anyone would be able to concentrate. I loved how caring and how sweet he was, but part of me wanted a little more. As much as I hated comparing the two I really wished Gray had been a little more rough….like Jay.
“Alright Sarah what do you think? I still have some alterations to make but for the most part its complete?”
Ji Soo’s voice pulled me from the dangerous mental path I was going down and brought me back to the now. I looked up in the mirror and loved the outfit. It was edgy just like she said and it was something I could see myself wearing.
“I love it!”
I turned my head back to give Ji Soo a warm excited smile and she patted me on the shoulder, “Good now go put the dress on so we can check that one as well.”
I tried on a couple of more outfits that would all have to be altered only a little bit and then have accessories added on at the show. After we were done with trying on the clothes she went over the schedule for the day of the event. I was getting more excited the more we talked about the event and even more so when she told me that Gray would be performing for the after party. I was looking forward to the after party since we all haven’t gone out together in such a long time and a night out as a group would be very much welcomed. I thanked Ji Soo again for this opportunity before leaving to head to the studio.
The rest of the day was spent working on music with Chase and Loco as he was going to lend his vocals to one of my songs. The album was just about complete and I was rather nervous on how this would go with presenting the music to Jay. It wasn’t so much of nerves because of what was going on between us lately but because he was my boss and I really wanted him to like the music. Simon had come in a few times to listen to what I had and he loved it and reassured me that Jay would too. As much as I appreciated Simon’s kind words I still worried over what Jay would say, he was the one who brought me here and gave me this opportunity and I didn’t want to disappoint him no matter what weird shit was going between us. Around dinner time Gray stopped in with some food just as I was about to take a break to go hunt down something to eat.
“You are a godsend Gray!” I smiled and got up giving him a kiss on the cheek before taking the food and setting it on the table. “I was just about to ask you if you were hungry.”
“Well I figured since you are always the one making sure us guys eat that maybe for once I should return the favor and make sure you are eating as well.”
“Well thank you, I just want to make sure you guys are taking care of yourself. I mean who knows how you guys even managed without me.”
Gray laughed while he opened the containers of the food handing me some chopsticks once he slid my food to me.
“So how are things going?”
“I am just about done with this last song and then I just want to go back over everything before I hand it off to Jay. I want to make sure everything is all good, the perfectionist in me can’t be 100% comfortable until I know it’s perfect.”
“Just don’t go over it too much, from what I have heard from the guys its already good the way it is. You don’t want to stress over this and end up changing something that didn’t need to be changed. I would honestly just leave the completed songs alone and once this one is done just send it off to Jay for the final approval. If he thinks anything needs to be changed then you can do it then, but I doubt anything will need to be changed. Just relax princess, everything will be fine.”
Gray scooted closer to me to give me a kiss on my head before going back to his food. I wanted to be able to do that and just let things be, but I needed things to be perfect. I was an outsider here still no matter how close I was to the guys. The fans could easily turn on me at any point over anything, the nietzens were like that. You could sneeze and they would rip you to shreds for not covering you face or not saying sorry for doing such a normal thing. I didn’t want to give them a reason to hate me over my music.
“Once Jay gives his final approval what would the next steps be? What comes next?”
Gray tilted his head looking at me while he chewed his food and swallowing it before replying. “Well once Jay approves he will figure out which song he wants to be the opener and then will give that song a release date along with the rest of the album. He will probably also want to starting thinking of a MV concept for the opening song and then you will work on that. So the song will drop first and then the MV followed by the rest of the album. After that it’s up in the air with what will happen, if the album takes and the fans respond well to it then I’m sure he will get you set up with some small performances or you might just tag along with me and Loco on our performances since you are on a couple of our tracks. That will give you a chance to perform some of your songs without having all the stress from having your own concert.”
I nodded my head, what Gray was explaining sounded normal from what I could think of about the other albums that AOMG released in the past. The outline was usually always the same, the guys would all promote a glimpse of the album or the MV on their social media accounts. I could feel the anxiety die down and be replaced with giddiness at the thought of my family back home being able to see everything. I couldn’t wait to get the release dates and talk to Hua and Park, thinking of their excitement was feeding into my own. Before I knew it, we were done eating and Gray said he would be back in a few hours for us to go home.
I was going solo for the rest of the night after dinner as Chase and Loco were stuck on something and wouldn’t be able to come back to work on this last song. I was fine with it and promised not to mess with the song too much. I was starting to feel a little more confident with my way around things. I had the music on and was tweaking a few things here and there when I heard the door open thinking it was Chase probably stopping in to check on me.
worry Chase, I didn’t screw it up too much, here listen to this.”
I didn’t even bother turning around as I played the part of the song I was messing with. I was bobbing my head to the music and singing along with a few parts. When the song ended I was smiling as I turned around ready to hear what Chase had to say but my smile dropped once I saw that it was Jay who was in fact standing behind me with his arms crossed.
“Sounds good, there was a spot that I think we should change a little bit. Here move down and let me see.”
I slid my chair down with my jaw a little slacked still surprised he was here. Jay started messing with some things and it was so weird to see him acting….normal would be the best way to describe it. These mood flips were starting to really throw me off.
“I’m not going to bite Sarah….unless you ask. Come closer so you can see what I am doing.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Sarah just get over here, I am here to help you since Chase sent me a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make it here to help you. You want your music to turn out well right?”
I scooted closer to him and he showed me what he was doing and didn’t try anything the whole time he was showing me around the board. It was really nice to have him back to the normal Jay that I missed. We were laughing and he was trying to sing along with the song doing his best impersonation of me. He even got up and started dancing around the room acting like such a dork that I couldn’t help but double over in laughter before I grabbed my phone and started to record a small video of him.
“You better get my good side on that video.”
“Oh my god do you even have a bad side?” I laughed out recording him while he was shaking his ass in front of the camera.
“We all have a bad side, now put that phone down and get your ass up.”
He grabbed my hand and I let the phone fall onto my chair still recording but unable to see us. Jay pulled me close to him as we danced around the room just letting ourselves act stupid not caring since we were the only two in the room. The song was ending when he grabbed my hand and had me spin around where my back was to his chest. We were still laughing with his hands on my hips making me move off beat to the song and causing me to laugh even more when he was singing super high pitched.
“Jay oh my god stop you sound horrible.”
“Who cares, we are having fun and we need to do more of that in this place.”
The song ended and I turned to face him, “I agree we do need to have more fun. I miss this.” I looked down to the ground before adding, “I miss laughing with you and how we use to be.”
Jay’s hand came up to my face lifting it so I was looking at him in the eyes, “Me too baby girl, me too.”
I pulled away from him not wanting to see that softness in his eyes and hearing him call me by my nickname. He was doing it again, confusing me with his mood swings and I was so tired of it.
“Then why did you change? Why did you push me away and act like such a jerk. We were good, we were great in fact. Did you get sick of it? Did you need some kind of excitement in your life? Was I only some kind of distraction? A spur of the moment project? I need to know why we changed? What happened between us that made us end up here!”
My voice that started out calm was starting to get higher but also shaky from the emotions I have had built up from the past few months. I looked at Jay and pleaded with my eyes for him to give me some kind of answer, to put me at ease. A part of me had always thought I had done something to cause him to pull away. The little girl inside me who still doubted everything about herself was always there worrying if maybe she wasn’t good enough for him. That he only fancied her because she was a shiny new toy but he had eventually grown tired of it and was moving onto something new. The longer he stood there silent looking at me the more I felt the anger build up inside me.
“Tell me! I need to know.”
“I would never had brought you here if you were just some kind of project to keep me busy. I would never had brought you into my home either if I didn’t have faith in you. Yeah I blow money on stupid things sometimes but I never do something stupid when it involves work.” He walked closer to me and his hand came again to my face. “Baby girl you have talent and I saw that. I knew I had to have you here so that you could grow. I wanted to be the one who helped you achieve your dreams. Don’t ever doubt my intentions on bringing you here, I don’t regret it one bit and you better not either.”
“Then what changed? Why are we like this, why are you sweet like this but then other days you are a fucking jack ass towards me?”
“That’s not something I care to talk about.”
“Well I want to fucking talk about it, I can’t stand this whole Jekyll and Hyde split personality game you are playing. I want you to pick one or the other. You can’t be sweet like this, being the Jay I fell for and then being the jack ass who makes me want to avoid you. You need to stop with this fucking game of yours.”
Jay tilted his head to the side and had a look in his eye that I was starting to recognize as his Hyde persona. I wanted to back away from him but his eyes and that grin he had on his face had me in some kind of trance. He had that way about himself and I hated it.
“Baby girl, I don’t feel like talking about this right now. Just take me for who I am right now. Come back home and get out of Gray’s bed. I already told you he won’t ever make you feel the way I do.”
“Fuck you Jay.”
“Come back home and we can do all the fucking you want baby girl. Just the thought of you being in my friend’s bed makes daddy angry. I just want to bend you over my knee and turn that ass of yours bright pink, but then again I don’t know how that would be much of a punishment since my baby girl loves having her ass spanked.”
I held back the moan and tried to clamp down on the arousal that was swimming through my veins. I hated how he could turn me by acting this way. I glared at him not wanting to speak about the matter anymore.
“Don’t deny it, you know damn well how much fun we can have together. How my touch can make your body awaken in the most sinful ways.” Jay got closer until his face was right by my ear before adding, “How my breath on your skin right below your ear can make you moan in such a way that it would surely offend the gods.” He emphasized his point by in fact kissing me right on my neck below my ear before blowing on it softly.
I shut my eyes as tightly as possible trying to stop myself from proving he was right. He knew how to play my body just the right way, he caused emotions to come to life with just being around me, his scent and the aura around him was like a drug that caused me to become intoxicated.
“Don’t fight it baby girl, just take the enjoyment while we can. That’s all I can offer you. I can’t offer you the whole white picketed fence and the 2.5 kids with the dog. I will only ever offer you this carnal pleasure and pain.”
Saddened by his words I pulled away from him. He was wrong, so very wrong. I leaned in and gave him a light kiss on the lips before pulling back.
“Jay you have no idea how wrong you are, you have so much to offer but you hide behind this other personality. I don’t know why since you won’t tell me but you are wrong.”
I stepped away completely and grabbed my phone before walking out the door and heading to the roof. I didn’t want to disturb the rest of the guys because I knew they were all working hard. So the roof was the only place I knew I could be alone and wouldn’t disturb anyone. No one really ever came up here but there were some folding chairs up here so I grabbed one of them and sat it by the railing allowing myself to look out over the city. The sun was setting casting an orange and pink color to the sky that made it look like it was on fire. I sat there with my arms wrapped around my body regretting the fact that I didn’t bring my jacket with as it was cold out. At the same time, I welcomed the cold as it helped bring me back to reality. There was obviously a turning point for Jay and me but I didn’t know what it was but I knew I needed to figure it out. That man had so much to offer to a girl. It wasn’t about financial stability either, Jay had such a big heart and if you were close with him then he would do anything in his power to help you. If you were special enough to him to be in his inner circle of friends the man would take a bullet for you. So I was at a loss for why he thought otherwise. I sat there for maybe another five minutes until it got too cold and made my way inside.
When I got back to my room Jay was thankfully gone. The rest of the night he didn’t come back to my room or try and contact me any other way. I was able to work on my song a little bit but really couldn’t do much since Chase wasn’t here. I decided to call it a night and saved everything I was working on before closing up the room. I stopped by the room where Chase and Loco were working to tell them I was going to head out before going to Gray’s room. When I walked in he wasn’t alone, Simon was in the room with him talking about a song.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t know he had company in here.”
“It’s ok Sarah.”
I smiled at Simon before turning my attention to Gray, “Hey I’m going to head out, Chase is busy so I can’t really get anything done for the night.”
“Do you want me to drop you off? I still have some work I need to get done before I can head home.”
I shook my head, “No I know my way home Gray.”
I said my goodbyes to them both before heading out and grabbing a cab ride home and going right to bed not wanting to think about what was going on between Jay and me.
Thankfully Chase wasn’t busy the next day and we were able to go over my last song. He was surprised it wasn’t done since Jay had told him he would help me out but I shrugged and said Jay just got busy. I was hoping that Chase didn’t think there was any kind of tension between Jay and me but I was starting to think other people were noticing it. Where Jay and I use to be together as much as possible we had drifted apart and are rarely seen together. The song didn’t take long for us to finish and I told Chase I wanted to go back over the other songs before submitting them to Jay but he shook his head no.
“Sorry Sarah, Gray told me that once this song was done I was to save everything and deliver it to Jay right away. Gray is under the assumption you might try and change the songs even though they are perfect just the way they are.”
“I just don’t want to give Jay anything that isn’t the best it can possibly be.”
“Sarah don’t over think this, your music is amazing and really I doubt Jay would have anything to say. Do you want to come with me when I bring this up to him or do you want to wait for him to call you up?”
“No I am coming with.”
We saved the current song and uploaded them onto the USB before Chase called Jay to make sure he was in his office which he was so we made our way up there. The whole way up I worried not only about if he would like the songs but also about who would be in his office. Would it be the jack ass Jay I have come to know, or would it be the Jay I missed. Chase knocked on his door before we walked in to find Jay at his desk going over some documents.
“Here yah go Jay, she did some really good work on these.”
“I don’t doubt it, why don’t you guys sit down and we will have a listen.”
Chase and I sat down on the same couch that Jay and I had messed around on while Jay sat down opposite of us with his laptop. Jay looked up and gave me a cocky smile probably also thinking about what we had done not too long ago on this very couch. I rolled my eyes and held back the sassy comments. Now was not the time to get into it with him, not when my whole life is on the line. I only had four songs on the EP, two of them were love songs and the other two were more upbeat club type of songs. Jay didn’t say anything the whole time we listened to the songs and I couldn’t help but fidget in my seat wondering what he was thinking. Once the songs were done Jay let out a sigh as he brought his hand to his face and rubbed his chin.
“Well Sarah I am not surprised one bit. I knew you had talent when I first met you and it was only backed up more when you were on Gray and Loco’s songs. Now that you have your own songs you can really hear how strong your voice is. I have no doubt that the fans will love them, especially the girls. They are going to eat those love songs up!”
I looked up at Jay with a big smile on my face, “Really? You think these will do?”
“Of course I do, Chase hasn’t shut up once about how much you have brought to the table with your voice and talent. I think for the EP we should lead with one of the love songs, maybe h1gh-luv. We could release some teasers over the next week and then release the song the following week. I think with the fashion show fresh in people’s mind we should get your song out there. I don’t have anything too important planned out next week so we should shoot the MV then. So why don’t you take the day and think of what you envision for h1gh-luv, tomorrow when you get in we can go over it. I know you are going to be pretty busy with the fashion show coming up so I just want to get this taken care of so you will be free to concentrate on that.”
“Sure I can do that.”
“Well if we have nothing left to talk about then Chase I think you are set to work finish up with Loco.”
Jay stood to dismiss us and Chase got up and walked out of the room shutting the door while I stood there looking at Jay.
“Was there something else you needed Sarah?”
“I just really want to thank you.” I looked down at the floor and put my hands in my pockets while I kicked some imaginary dirt around the floor. “It’s just you didn’t have to do anything for me but you have done so much. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. I just want you to be proud of me and of this.”
Jay walked up to me and grabbed one of my hands from my pocket and held it in his. He used his thumb to rub the top part of my hand while he spoke, “Sarah look at me.”
I looked up at him and stopped my fidgeting but started to chew on my lip, a nervous tick of mine.
“I am proud of everything you have done up to this point. Most girls would break being away from their family in a new place and singing in a different language. But here you are strong since day one of coming here. You don’t take shit from no one including me and you know how to have fun. I admire that, I wish some of my guys here had the same mind set as you do. Don’t for one second think that I don’t know how thankful you are. I will always be here to support you and help you anyway I possibly can. If you really wanna show me how much you appreciate me then you could always drop down on your knees.”
I laughed at how he can go from this sweet Jay to the jerk in seconds. “Wow, good to know the jerk is still there. You don’t always have to…”
Jay took his other hand and put a finger to my lips, “I was only joking baby girl, no need to get angry. Everything up until my joke was the truth. Now go and get to work on your vision. I want to hear all about it tomorrow morning.”
I smiled and nodded my head before walking past him. Just as my hand was set to pull out of his he held on stronger and stopped me mid stride to pull me to him. He pulled me so strongly that I came crashing into his chest.
“Sorry baby girl but I can’t pass up the chance.”
Jay’s hands went to cradle my face pulling me in so that his lips touched mine. The kiss wasn’t strong or forceful but it was sweet and gentle. My hands came up to his chest and held on to his shirt while I kissed him back with the same amount of gentleness. One of Jay’s hands left my face to come around my waist holding me closer to him while he swiped his tongue across my lip asking for entrance which I allowed. While we kissed I couldn’t help but to think why he would deny us this. Why he would still push me away yet pull me back. Jay brought me back from my thoughts when he pulled away to rest his forehead against mine.
“You better go baby girl before I lose control of myself. I want to ask you to come back home but I know you won’t. So I will see you tomorrow.”
With that Jay dropped his hands and walked back around his desk and sat down. I still a little dazed from kissing him walked out of his office and headed towards my room. Just as I was walking down the stairs to main floor still lost in my after-kiss bliss I was stopped by someone in my way. I lifted my head to apologies and to move but stopped myself when I noticed who it was.
“Well look who we have here, if it’s not the lost little orphan girl. Still getting in the way as usual I see.”
“Wow you must have taken my advice Baem because I didn’t even smell you slithering your way up here.”
“Oh the little orphan girl has jokes. Listen here little girl, you better start thinking of an exit strategy because you won’t be here much longer. I don’t know what you thought coming here and trying to attach yourself to Jay but whatever you thought you need to know it’s not going to work. You have nothing to offer him while I have so much. Everyone wants to see him settle down with a Korean woman and I plan on being that woman. I have the money that could help him achieve so much and more. So don’t get in my way and leave now while I am asking nicely.”
I glared at the snake pissed at what she said.
“Keep thinking that Baem, but it won’t work. I don’t plan on going anywhere and I won’t let you mess with Jay and his business.”
“I am not messing with anything, I am just helping him achieve greatness. Don’t be getting any delusional thoughts that you can stop this from happening. Jay doesn’t need your little girl body when he has me.”
“I am sure he has no problem with my body and that he in fact enjoys it very much Baem. So much that he wants me to move back in.”
“Oh please, if Jay has ever touched your body it was because he was a man and had needs that I couldn’t fulfil at that moment. You’re nothing but a convenience, with a man in that position he wouldn’t care who he was sinking his dick into as long as his needs were met.”
“Baem are you sure you’re not talking about yourself. I somehow feel like you are speaking from experience.” I looked at her from head to toe before adding, “A man has to have some pretty low standards to want to sink his dick in you. God who knows how many men have already been there, make sure to keep up on your Kegels. I also really hope Jay is remembering to wrap it up before messing with you, I doubt he wants to catch anything.”
“You little bitch!”
The snake moved forward ready to grab me when I heard Gray’s voice call from the bottom of the stairs. Both of us looked towards him.
“Hey Sarah, your needed down here.”
I smiled before moving to the side and walking past the snake joining Gray at the bottom only to hear the snake say “This isn’t over little girl.”. I didn’t stop to turn towards her and kept walking towards Gray’s room. When we got in the room I fell back onto the couch and let out a frustrating groan.
“Princess why are you picking a fight with her?”
“I didn’t do anything, she was the one that started it. All I was doing was walking and she got in my way and started talking shit.”
“Still, you need to ignore her. Just walk past her and don’t pay her any mind.”
“I try to do that but she just gets under my skin. I don’t even know why she is here or why Jay keeps messing with her.”
“All I know is that she has some kind of connection to a network and Jay was offered a spot on some show. I don’t know if that’s why they started seeing each other but that’s all I know. Why what did she say?”
“She was talking about helping him expand and achieve greatness, about how the fans want him to settle down with a Korean woman and she wants to be that woman.”
Gray laughed a little, “Well you know that won’t ever happen. I am surprised that this woman has been kept around this long. Jay doesn’t settle down, not for any woman. So don’t worry too much, I am sure once Jay gets what he needs he will kick her to the curb. Or he will just get sick of her bullshit and will again kick her to the curb. Either way her time here with us is on a countdown.”
I felt Gray sit down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder bringing me closer to him.
“So Chase said you need to think of some MV concept ideas, need any help?”
Gray always knew how to turn my sour mood into something better. I leaned into his embrace and started to rattle off ideas I had. Happy to have my mind on something other than the snake and her twisted plan.