Big Throbbin’ Bobber’s GBAFG (GET BIG AND FAT GOOD) Diet
By Big Throbbin Bobber on April 1st, 2016
Hey fat friends, I have a diet that has been really good for me getting super fat and I want to share with you all. First of all you need the following things per day:
- 5 Heavy Creams
- 2 Litres of Olive Oil
- 1 Litre of Weight Gain mixture – The more proteins the better
- 2 Loaves of Bread
- 3 Litres of Coca Cola
- 64 Slices of American Cheese
- 2 Packs of Oreos
What you want to do is eat all of this each day of the week. It’s a shitfest at first, but trust me you will get so fat so fast you’ll be saying goodbye to your toes in a few weeks – trust me I’m fat now – big and fat good.
I start the day by having 2 heavy creams and a litre of olive oil. This lines my gut with enough oil to give me the spittybum right off the bat. Listen, you need this so your body clears out the junk you consumed from the night before. Once you get an empty stomach and those calories consumed you’ll be right as rain. Then I have a loaf of bread to absorb all of those fats.
“Bread makes you fat” – Scott Pilgrim
This is when I’ll nap for an hour so my belly absorbs the bread into it. When I wake up, I immediately have 1 Coca-Cola and 2 packs of oreos - boy will it give you the burples. Get all that bad air out so you can fill your gut with fatty goodness. After this is done, I’ll consume the weight gain mixture. At this point, you know you’re already going to be putting on some weight, but as I say “You always go big gut or not at all”.
At this point you want to keel over on the couch and rest for 3 hours. Let your body sleep off the bloating and give in to your gluttony. You might be thinking “Shit, I’m going to have food popping out my belly button” and let me tell you, this is the best way to measure if you’re doing it right.
When I wake up, I find a good comfy chair to sit in and line my gut again with the rest of the heavy creams and olive oils. Keep pushing, you’ll feel sick but it’s totally worth it! Now it’s time for the 64 Slices of American Cheese. If you have trouble, that’s what the 2 other coca colas are for. Wash it down and keep going – force yourself to become the cheesebeast you know you want be.
You’ll know you’re done when your belly is sounding like that local noise punk band. Grab a blanket and some bin liners to sit on, because it’s going to be a long night. You’ll get used to it, though. Soon enough you’ll be starting to look like Kirby but flesh color. You want to live like fat to become fat.
Thanks for reading, let me know how the GBAFG diet does ya and how fat you’re getting. Remember – GO BIG AND FAT GOOD OR NOT AT ALL.
This was an April Fools post, please do not take this seriously.