January | 2011 | The official BBMC Blog for Brian "The Naked Gun" Felts
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Archive for January, 2011

Director Roger Donaldson directs some of the more entertaining movies for me and The Bank Job is not an exception to the rule. As much as I enjoyed the film, the casting choices left something to be desired but overall it was a fun film that can kill a spring evening with the best of films.

Terry, played by Jason Statham (War,) is a low level thief who is convinced by an old friend, Martine, played by Saffron Burrows (Deep Blue Sea) to pull off the perfect bank robbery. The loot is the safety deposit boxes in the basement of the bank. The problem for Terry and his gang is that the loot stolen from the deposit boxes is just not money but secrets that many people are willing to kill to keep quiet.

For an action movie there is not a whole lot of action. Despite that the movie moves along quite well and at no time did I think it was slow or boring. It was also quite humorous in parts especially with the dialogue back and forth between the gang.

The casting was questionable for me just because the actors and actress the producers chose left a little to be desired. I have always thought that Saffron Burrows was a beautiful woman but I don’t think she could act her way out of a hat. In the only other movie I have seen with her in it, Deep Blue Sea, even the CGI sharks had a better personality and performed better than she did in that film. I enjoy Jason Statham as an action guy, however, his voice is the same in every movie. It’s almost a whisper that Stephen Segal would be proud of, not to say they are the same because Statham is much better but still, his voice is the same in every movie. Change it up at least once!

Another thing I did not like was the deaths of two of the smaller characters that helped in the robbery. All though I was saddened to see them go, there deaths didn’t add anything to the story so their deaths seemed kind of pointless. Since this story is based on true events, I would assume that the deaths actually did occur, but this would have been the time to take liberty with the story and keep them alive. It would have been more enjoyable.

Lastly, I don’t buy that Terry’s wife stayed with him after she found out he fooled around with Martine. Since this was the 60’s and the woman’s empowerment was starting at this time, I would of imagined that between the adultery and the bank robbing thing, she would of left him. But what do I know.

Anyway, for one of the first films that I saw in 2008, it was not horrible, but very mediocre. You can wait for DVD.

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bad news bearsThis movie should not have been made. This remake of the 1975 movie does nothing to address the issues that the original movie showed with parents getting out of control in little league sports. Rarely can you say that a movie made thirty years ago is more on the cutting edge then a movie made in 2005 but this is an exception.

The story is exactly the same as the original, a retired minor league baseball player named Morris Buttermaker, played by Billy Bob Thornton (Friday Night Lights,) is asked to coach a bunch of rag tag group of kids who join a little league baseball team. The kids have zero talent and Buttermaker is a drunk but after he recruits a bad boy Kelly Leak, and his ex-girlfriends daughter, Amanda Whurlitzer, whom he taught how to pitch, the team gets better until it makes the championship game.

Billy Bob is the only actor of note other than Greg Kinnear and both of them mail in their performances. In the original movie Walter Matthau played Buttermaker and was brilliant. Billy Bob didn’t match his performance. His motivation was all over the place and it didn’t make since, even if you didn’t see the original. Sammie Kane Kraft played Amanda and there was nothing she could do to compare herself to the previous actress who did the part, Academy Award winner Tatum O’Neil. There was no good acting in this movie.

The main problem is this, the modern movie became too PC. In the original there are two scenes where the two baseball coaches slap, and I do mean slap, their players when the screw up. Here, the closest we get to a slap is Greg Kinnear barely slapping the cap off of the pitcher. Those two scenes in the original show the depth of the problem that parents have with competition in little league, much like the latest incident just last week when it was revealed that a coach paid a kid on his team to throw a pitch and hit a handicapped kid to hurt him to keep him from playing, because rules of the league said all players have to play. That is real life and this movie didn’t touch on it at all. Why make the movie if you aren’t going to address the issues the original brought up? A complete waste of film.

I will tell you that this is a bad movie and with the exception of a few Billy Bob jokes it is not funny. I would venture that any one who saw this and said it was good did not see the original. Take the money you would use to see this movie at the theaters and go and rent the original, it simply is much better.

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The Bad News BearsThis is a cute, funny movie, however, it is very dated and the jokes today would NEVER fly in our sterilized post Clinton era, i.e. politically correct movie. This is Walter Matthau at his finest but he is an anti-hero who even though he does change somewhat in the end, it is still hard to root for him. This is a good movie, and I watched as a kid, but it is no longer a kids movie, 1970’s yes, 2000’s, no.

A competitive California Little League is sued by a rich city councilman who wants the league to expand to 17 teams. The councilman, Whitewood, played by Ben Piazza (Guilty by Suspicion), hires a retired alcoholic minor league pitcher named Morris Buttermaker, played by Walter Matthau (Grumpy Old Men), to hire this team that had the kids that weren’t good enough to make the other teams. They are so horrible that Buttermaker is forced to go and recruit the daughter of an ex-girlfriend of his who he taught how to pitch, named Amanda Whurlitzer, played by Tatum O’Neal (Paper Moon.) She eventually agrees but forces Buttermaker to buy her all sorts of girly things. Behind Amanda, and a bad boy named Kelly Leak, the boys fight their way to the championship game.

Now, the reasons why this movie isn’t politically correct are many. For starters, Buttermaker is never seen without a drink in his hands, even when he is coaching the games. A little kid named Tanner, played by Chris Barnes, is an 8 year old version of Archie Bunker. By my count he uses, the “N” word, “S” word, “J” word at least twice. Oh by the way he is constantly getting his but kicked but not for those reasons. There is a fat kid named Engleberg, who is the epitome of a stereotype. He is the catcher for the team who eats candy while he practices. Oh and in the end when the Bears lose, Buttermaker gives the kids each a beer to celebrate, yes 10-12 year old kids with beer.

Then there is the coach of the Yankees who also runs the league, Coach Roy Turner, played by Vic Morrow (Twilight Zone the Movie.) He slaps his kid to the point of knocking him down during the championship game and is the example of what happens when parents forget that it’s a game and not completely about winning. Side note, Vic Morrow was killed in the infamous Helicopter crash in his last movie, The Twilight Zone.

There is also a scene where Buttermaker slaps Amanda in the face because she is trying to get close to him but he is pushing her away for her own good. Like I said, not your PC movie.

You got to love the job Matthau did in this movie. He was able to keep the comedy going and he acted like the perfect drunk. I also like his relationship with O’Neal. The chemistry worked and that transferred over to the scenes that were difficult, especially the face slapping scene. He did a great job in showing that he loved her so much that he did not want her to be around a loser like him, and slapping her was the only way, in his eyes, an 11 year old would understand.

Despite these things this is a good movie. The father daughter relationship between Buttermaker and Amanda is quite good, and the ending does leave you with a warm feeling in the end with their relationship. Watching the kids come together is also entertaining. Writer Bill Lancaster does a good job of developing some of the characters quite well. Besides the obvious two (Buttermaker and Amanda) he does show that Tanner is just a scared child who makes fun of everyone else because of his own deficiencies.

The movie was directed by Michael Ritchie who also directed one of my favorite 80’s movies, Fletch. His directing was ok, filming your basic baseball movie, and since it’s the 70’s no real special effects.

On a personal note, I was 5 when this movie came out, but I did not see it until I was at least 7 or 8. After watching this movie, I fell in love with Tatum O’Neil. Which since she was 13 and I was 8 its ok, ya sick bastards. She won an Academy Award® for the movie, Paper Moon, as Best supporting Actress, becoming the youngest actress to ever win the award at that time, she was 10. After “The Bad News Bears,” she went on to do a few more movies, one of which being “Little Darlings,” who had my second love, Kristy McNichol in it. After that she pretty much stopped working and married the tennis star John McEnroe in 1986, forever breaking my heart.

Anyway, I like this movie, but it is not for everyone. Especially the liberal hippies out there who think sports are about fun and not winning and losing. But this movie will always have a special place in my heart for Tatum, sigh.

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Bachelor PartyThis is a classic 80’s movie that stars a two time Academy Award winner®, who would of thunk that? This is one of those great t*ts and a** movies that requires you to leave your brain at the door.

Rick, played by Tom Hanks (The Terminal,) is a school bus driver with a free spirit and minimal respect for authority. Rick gets engaged to girlfriend Debbie, played by Tawny Kitaen (Three of Hearts,) a woman with an upscale family who does not approve Rick and her father would do anything to break them up. Rick’s friends throw him a bachelor party to try and get him to enjoy one last night of freedom. Rick must decide to either be loyal to Debbie or have fun, while dodging Debbie’s father and ex-boyfriend who are in the same hotel that the party is located.

Like I said this is one of the simple stories that came out of the 80’s. This movie probably had its origins from the 70’s classic Animal House, and continued with Stripes, Porky’s, and Caddyshack. However, these movies that I have just mentioned, as well as this one, do have a small story in the background that usually test a moral issue that the 90’s and modern movies of this genre are missing. For instance, in this movie, the moral dilemma of should a man have sex with another woman before his wedding day. Believe it or not, there are moral issues that are similar in the other movies. We don’t see this in Dude, Where’s My Car, Road Trip and etc. This is an important difference between the movies.

The story of this movie is a “perfect” movie. What I mean is that every that happens in the story is perfect. Maybe a better explanation is that it is unrealistic. Every joke that needed to be delivered that required a prop, had the right prop for the funniest effect. The result is that this is a hilarious movie but not real, obviously.

Its amazing that Tom Hanks is in this movie. This is his 3rd movie, right after his success in the movie Splash, but still its so silly and the only other real stars were 80’s TV hunk Adrian Zmed (TV’s TJ Hooker), hot but psycho Tawny Kitean, and the recently departed Wendie Jo Sperber. I can’t imagine any other actor in this role and he is great in it, but I bet nobody would have imagined he would be an Academy Award® winner when this movie came out.

The writing is very good and there are many great repeatable lines. The creative team of Real Genius and Police Academy (the first one) Neal Israel and Pat Proft brought us this movie and are very good at dumb hilarious movies, but they have disappeared recently. That’s a shame because they are good at the dumb comedy.

Go ahead and watch this movie if you haven’t, it’s a keeper.

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This is such an awkward movie that when I walked out of the movie theater I was feeling awkward by the film.  This film goes awry for many reasons not the least of which is poor marketing and casting by the producers.  I would argue this film has no audience what so ever.

                Ronny and Nick, played by Vince Vaughn (Dodgeball) and Kevin James (Grown Ups) respectively are best friends who own a company that has won the right to give a presentation to a large automaker that can make them both very wealthy.  Problems develop when Ronny, who is looking for a place to propose to his girlfriend Beth, played by Jennifer Connelly (Blood Diamond,) stumbles across Nick’s wife Geneva, played by Winona Ryder (Black Swan,) who is making out with a guy that is not Nick.  Ronny then goes on a journey of pain trying to figure out if and when he should tell Nick knowing that it could jeopardize the presentation and put a strain on their relationship.

                The number one problem with this film is that in every way that I have seen this movie promoted, talked about, and hyped it was a comedy with some dramatic under tones.  That isn’t the case AT ALL.  This is a dramatic movie with a few spots of laughter thrown in to break up the tension.  Look at the big movie poster and you see Kevin James on the front with a big smile and Vince behind with his hands on his head with a confused look.  That screams comedy to me.  Also there was some publicity about the first trailer when Vince is giving the presentation and refers to electric cars are gay.  That scene is funny…one of the only truly funny scenes in the movie, but it doesn’t fit with the rest of the story.  Oh and the commotion about that scene also didn’t help with the promotion of the movie.

                Since this was a drama both Vaughn and James were miscast for the film.  Although to be honest I don’t know who the actors would be to do this film, but not these two.  I don’t know who could do these rolls.  Also miss cast was Queen Latifah who wasn’t believable as an executive with Chrysler who kept talking about female wood or woman wood or some BS that just didn’t make since…or work for that matter.

                The story, which is more about trust then adultery, doesn’t help the situation either.  Ronny is a recovering gambler and as his continues to try and figure out how to tell Nick about Geneva in a way that Nick will believe; see, Geneva was confronted by Ronny and she said she will deny it and tell Nick that Ronny has been hitting on her for 20+ years; the stress that Ronny endures causes both Beth and Nick to think that Ronny is gambling again.  That sounds more drama then comedy but I have been over that issue before.

                If you go see this movie, DO NOT go expecting laughs.  This movie has the look of a possible sleeper Academy Award hopeful by the producers when you have big guns like Ron Howard direct it and Jennifer Connelly star in it.  But it’s clear that they made some casting mistakes that immediately made this a January release.     I won’t say it’s any better if you go in looking for a drama, but at least you won’t spend the first 30 minutes of the film looking for the laughs that aren’t there.

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I have to apologize to Leonardo DiCaprio. He has shown me acting ability which I thought he would never achieve. So to you Leo, I prostrate myself before you. He does a fantastic job in yet another of the endless stream of bio-pics this year, starring as Howard Hughes, the eccentric airplane, Hollywood and industrial mogul.

“The Aviator” picks up as Hughes is producing and directing his war epic “Hells Angels.” Played by Leonardo DiCaprio (Catch Me If You Can), he is very much a hands on guy and has to be on top of everything not dealing with the family company, inherited from his parents after making their fortune. He hires a man to take over the family industry, Noah Dietrich, played by John C. Reilly (Chicago), who eventually takes over all financial matters. Meanwhile, Hughes spends his time between making movies and flying planes as well as inventing them. This goes on during the great depression, but as it gets closer to war, Hughes wants to trade making movies with his girlfriend Katherine Hepburn, played by Cate Blanchett (Lord of the Rings trilogy), for making military planes. Hughes and Hepburn split up, and he becomes a little more isolated and untrusting of other people. However, he does buy TWA (Trans World Airlines) and becomes in direct competition with Juan Trippe the owner of Pan American Airlines, played by Alec Baldwin (The Cooler). Trippe in turn uses his connections in congress, specifically Senator Ralph Brewster, played by Alan Alda (TV’s M.A.S.H.), attempting to frame Hughes into selling TWA to Trippe. There is a lot more to this story, but you get the jist of it.

The acting in this movie was great, particularly Leo. He showed a depth of character which I thought we would never see. He was very convincing in showing how Hughes goes from being quirky, to eccentric, to probably insane. Leo also is very convincing with his accent. It did not sound fake, unlike Cate Blanchett’s accent which did very much. She was also annoying as Hepburn, but as my friend pointed out Hepburn was probably annoying in real life, so I won’t fault Blanchett for her performance (update: Blanchett won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress…shows what I know.) I would also like to say it was nice seeing Alan Alda in a mainstream movie, even though his portrayal of a corrupt congressman, probably Republican, was uninspiring. He has played so many of those characters in past smaller movies, but I liked seeing him still. I also want to give kudos to John C. Reilly who did a great job as Hughes’ manager.

The story is quite good. Even though the movie did not seem to drag, it probably did not need to go three hours. Scenes which showed Hughes going off the deep end were interesting, but seemed to last one second too long. The ending very much seemed to show this problem with Hughes, staring at the camera, just a second too long. Also, I would liked to have seen a little bit more of how Hughes got this phobia of germs. The opening scene is of him being bathed by his mother as a child. As she does this, she warns him about the disease running around their neighborhood, and he is never safe. Obviously, this is used to set up his fear, but I would liked to have seen just a little more for clarification.

The special effects were great. Zooming in and out of the various cockpits which Hughes was in, I could almost not tell when the shot was going from computer generated to live action. The dog fight scene in the beginning of the film is great. Costumes and sets are also great and very detail oriented. Overall, a very nice job by director Martin Scorsese (Casino, Age of Innocence), which this is his second time working with DiCaprio; the first being 2002’s “Gangs of New York.” To me, the weakest link was the story for above reasons, but John Logan (The Last Samurai, Gladiator) did a nice job of bringing a difficult character to the big screen. His next project should be an even more difficult task, as he is the writer for the 2005-06 “Sweeny Todd.”

I had a hard time grading this movie. There has been so much Academy Award buzz, I thought this movie would be great, except for Leo. I left the theater thinking that Leo was great, and the movie was pretty good. So that is why my rating is as it is. “The Aviator” should get nominated, but there may be better out there. I do hope Leo gets a nomination as Best Actor. He deserves it.

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assaultonprecinct13When I walk out of the movie theater and start forgetting what I just watched, that is usually not a good sign. This is the case with this movie, because even though I enjoyed the movie while I watched, it became very forgettable the minute my foot hit the door. So, I guess I am saying is, while enjoyable, you won’t remember you saw this movie until you hear someone say, “Hey did you see the new Assault on Precinct 13?”

“Assault on Precinct 13” is a remake of John Carpenter’s 1976 movie, which he did right before making it big with “Halloween,” with the same name where a bunch of Los Angeles police officers are under siege in a soon to be closed police station in south central LA. The 2005 version takes place in Detroit on New Years Eve 2004 during a blizzard. Precinct 13 is going to be closed down the next day.

There are only three officers watching over the station, Sergeant Roenick, played by Ethan Hawke (Taking Lives), the old man soon to retire Jasper, played by Brian Dennehy (Romeo + Juliet), and the female cop who likes bad boys Iris, played by Drea de Matteo (TV’s Sopranos). All is supposed to be peaceful during this blizzard except a bus transporting convicts get stuck in the blizzard and is forced to go to precinct 13 for the night. On this bus is the high profile killer named Marion Bishop, played by Lawerence Fishburne (The Matrix), a cop killer with a secret.

The 2005 movie is different in that the bad guys are not gang members of Detroit but a dirty cop named Marcus Duvall, played by Gabriel Byrne (End of Days), who partnered up with Bishop years earlier. Now Duvall needs to kill Bishop, so he won’t come clean with his Detroit Police connections. Standing in Duvall’s way are the three above mentioned police officers, the two cops on the bus, three convicts who were in transport with Bishop and one Psychiatrist named Alex, played by Maria Bello (A History of Violence). These people have to fight against two dozen of Duvall’s special weapons units.

The story is just that plain, a few nice twists with the exception of making the cops be the bad guys again. In the beginning of these kinds of movie’s, I always like to write down who I think is going to make it and who are the “red shirts” of the movie. I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised that I was wrong on a few of them. So, I do give credit to screenwriter James DeMonaco (The Negotiator), for making a very PC Hollywood script mildly entertaining.

The directing was very adequate, and it was nice to see a violent movie again which didn’t deal with war or genocide, kind of a throw back to the 1980’s, during which I am thankful Jean-Francois Richet (De l’amour – France), directed it in that style.

Yet even though there were things I enjoyed about the movie, I can say with the exception of Maria Bello–I think it’s just because I think she is attractive, the acting was poor. Ethan Hawke did nothing to inspire me to root for him. His acting was very tiresome and to say that about a character who has been written 1000 times is not a good thing. Fishburne was in his usual mode of overacting, which is great for “The Matrix” movies, but not for this. The rest of the performances are not even worth mentioning, including the other actors who are well known, but I will not mention their names. They do not deserve it.

There were other things which didn’t make sense, like the magical appearance of a forest in downtown Detroit where the final part of the last act took place. Or, a Tommy gun that must have been 50 years old which worked better than the M-16 weapons both good and bad guys were using. That is just a few of the problems; small, but annoying.

In the end, I enjoyed the movie, but I don’t think it will find its way into my collection, because the acting was just plain horrible. Go ahead and rent it at Blockbuster or what ever rental company you use, but don’t waste the $8 at the movie theater.

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I went to a movie about a man from the wrong side of the tracks getting into the Naval Academy and a boxing match broke out. This movie is about a child growing into a man set against the backdrop of a boxing competition at the Naval Academy, kind of like Officer and A Gentleman meets Rocky. The combination is uninteresting, unoriginal, oh, and not very good.

So, Jake Huard played by James Franco (Tristan + Isolde,) back doors his way into the Naval Academy even though he had mediocre school grades and issues with authority. Once at the Academy, he fights with his fellow students and particularly dislikes his cadet commander Cole, played by Tyrese Gibson (Four Brothers.) Huard continues to but heads with Cole and thinks about quitting until a female cadet commander Ali, played by Jordana Brewster (The Faculty,) convinces him to stay and ultimately competes in the Brigade Boxing Championship where he fights Cole.

There is only one good scene in the movie. Jake’s roommate, Twins, played nicely by Vicellous Reon Shannon (Hart’s War), explains to Jake why he is staying as his roommate when the rest have moved out. Twins, who has a weight problem, explains that because Jake has an attitude problem, all of the instructors and cadet commanders are focusing on him. Twins nicknames Jake Mississippi because Twins is from Arkansas and he tells Jake that Arkansas would be the worst state in the country in everything if it weren’t for Mississippi. Shannon approaches a paper-thin character with the right amount of humor and drama, and if his character wasn’t written so poorly, his performance may have been remembered six months down the road, but it wasn’t and like the rest of the movie, two weeks from now people will say, “Wasn’t there a movie about a military academy out?”

I want to know who thought this movie was a good idea. Actually, it was a good idea, when it was called An Officer and a Gentleman. Why do we need to se this example of the kid from the wrong side of the tracks learning about teamwork and commitment?

WARNING: Even though it’s ripped from “Officer and a Gentleman,” a major plot point is given away in the next paragraph.

The writer, Dave Collard, even goes so far as to have Twins try and commit suicide after he is told that he will be forced out of school for his weight problem. As I said, have you heard of a movie name An Officer and a Gentleman? Now, let’s talk about the boxing match. In the three round match, Cole kicks the hell out of Jake for two rounds and then, in the third round, Jake digs deep down and starts pounding on Cole to the point where he is on the verge of winning when the bell rings ending the round. Cole is declared a winner in the decision. Hmm, what does this sound like? Oh, I don’t know, maybe ROCKY? It’s bad enough that a movie is a rip-off of a mediocre movie like An Officer and A Gentleman, but stealing the last scene of the first Rocky movie, and having a basic story that is similar to ALL of the Rocky movies is pathetic. Dave, what are you thinking?

I won’t fault the young actors in the movie, its not there fault and they need the work. I would like to give kudos to Jordana Brewster for being hot in this movie and yet not showing any skin. This movie is like spending the money on a root canal only to discover that you have to get the tooth pulled, paying for pain that only that is supposed to prevent more pain, and being painful and worthless in the end anyway. Do I have to tell you not to see this movie?

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I am trying to find a reason why you would do a sequel to what is universally considered a horrible movie. Anaconda did not make that much money at the box office and it was released seven years ago. Anaconda had two well-known actors and the rest was a bunch of up and comers in the acting world, but you had the two, to draw attention too. The sequel does not have that and the story is worse and they make the same mistake with special effects and the snakes, how could this be better? Why would you make it? The producers need to be spoken of very badly.

This time a bunch of idiots run into the same jungle to search for this plant that can cure everything from the ingrown toenail to A.I.D.S to mites. The boat gets driven off a waterfall and then the students and professors and the boat captain have to walk through the jungle to get to help. What they don’t know is that it is mating season for the Anaconda’s and every male within a light year of the female snake is trying to get to get its leg over her. Whoopee.

I would like to talk about the actors but there really is nobody of importance. Two guys have been in other notable movies but I don’t want to talk about them. Since they agreed to be in this movie I will not promote the mistake they made by being in it.

The director of this film was Dwight H. Little and the screenwriters were John Clafin, Daniel Zelman, Michael Miner, and Ed Neumeier. If you see any of these people walking along the streets, you must shun them, laugh at them. Get them to leave the movie industry and move on to pursuits more according to their talents, street sweepers after an elephant parade.

Once again these above people made the mistake of making the snakes ultra fast. The problem created, like in the first movie, is that it is not believable. I am not scared of something this unbelievable, which is saying something because I am fairly jumpy in any suspense movie. I guess I don’t know how to make the snakes menacing but the introduction of speed was just a poor choice.

Once again this movie, like the original, sucks. Avoid this movie at all costs or you will need a transplant. Brain, eyes, ears, stomach, liver, and testicles, and that is a lot to replace. If you are a woman skip the testicle part, but you may be in danger of not being able to conceive a child after watching this movie, which will be punishment from a higher being for renting this movie.

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anacondaWell, this movie just sucked. I would like to compliment it on its cinematography or its direction or casting, but I can’t. With J-Lo’s million dollar ass, and Jon ‘Liverspot’ Voight overacting, and the completely un-realistic special effects of the snake make for a recipe of crap. Let’s face it, how good can a movie be when the best thing you can say about it is Ice Cube’s acting was ok.

A group of National Geographic film makers hire a boat to go down the Amazon in search of the Shamalama ding dong tribe, pick up a Portuguese hunter on a stranded boat, with a Columbian accent may I add, and he takes them hostage and tries to capture the world’s most dangerous animal, the deadly Anaconda, which spans 500 feet, weighs 1000 lbs, and can leap tall alligator’s in a blink of an eye, Super Anaconda with a big red cape with the letter A in the middle.

Like I said, Ice Cube (XXX : State of the Union) was pretty ok. He was quite humorous with his constant jokes of the ghetto being safer than the jungle. I don’t see him being a former USC student with a film making background, but I can ignore that fact. I will also give an honorable mention to Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers) and Jonathan Hyde (Titanic) who didn’t do anything to hurt the film. It was one of Wilson’s first movies and you get an early taste of his sarcasm and humor.

Now for the bad acting, I give you Jennifer Lopez (Monster-In-Law.) Her performance is no different than any other she has given (except for her role in Selena,) it is horrible. Is she a powerful woman who can save the day or is she a damsel in distress? She fluctuates from each one throughout the entire movie. Then there is ‘Liverspots.’ Where did Jon Voight (Tomb Raider) get his Portuguese accent, from a Columbian drug lord? Plus he was just over acting in every scene, although he did have a few humorous moments.

Who made the decision to make the snake faster than the speed of light, the director Louis Llosa or writers Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, Jack Epps Jr.? Because whoever did decide this needs to be fired. It makes for a totally unrealistic monster, worse than Jason, and therefore comical and not scary. I am guessing that it’s the writers since they have come up with such classics as Komodo, Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas, and the sequel to this horrid epic. The ending to this movie is the tell tale sign. After the entire crew is killed, there is only three left and two of them just had a life or death struggle with the snake, what do you do? You start filming your documentary because you happen to float by the missing native tribe that you were looking for in the beginning?  Dumb f*cks, all of them. If you see these writers run away as fast as you can.

Avoid this movie at all costs, it is not worth it, even when you see J-Lo and Kari Wuhrer in wet shirts it doesn’t even save it. Just plain crappy.

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