I have no idea how they convinced the likes of Hugh Jackman and others into doing this film. I seriously can’t imagine Hugh Jackman looking at the script and saying, “Balls on my neck? Why, that’s hilarious!” Or Halle Berry going, “I get a guy to tattoo a dick on his face and I make guacamole with my breast? Oh, hell yes!” (Calm down, friends. it’s a fake breast.)
Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid) is desperate to sell his first script. So he goes to film executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear) and begins to read the terribly unfunny scripts. From here, we have the misfortune of diving into each tale. One of these brilliant segments involves a couple with different desires. The man (Chris Pratt) wants to propose to his girlfriend (Anna Faris), but before he can blurt it out, she says she wants him to poop on her.From there, the topic is discussed as if it’s having sex for the first time. His friend recommends for him to eat Mexican food to boost his endurance or even take “poop Viagra.” Also, he should practice pooping on some “skanks” first. According to him, you don’t poop on girls like that, you s**t on them (kind of like how your eyes and ears are being dumped on for this entire movie).
You see, they’re talking about it like it’s having sex for the first time with someone you love. That’s funny, right? No? Okay, if you think that’s not funny, then high five. But if you thought, “Yeah, bro! That’s hilarious,” then I guess this movie was made just for you. There’s also a DC Comics-inspired skit with Jason Sudeikis. I think he’s a funny guy and I’m a huge comic book fan, but somehow this movie managed to make both cringeworthy.
Surprisingly, one of the short stories wasn't that bad. It’s the one where a young girl (Chloe Grace Moretz ) has her period for the first time at her boyfriend’s house. The older brother (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) has a few humorous ideas for how to fix it and the girl’s dad (Matt Walsh) had a line or two that gave me one of the very few decent chuckles in the film. Then they had to go and ruin it. Guess how that segment ends? A freaking pull my finger gag. Come on, seriously?! Additionally, Terrence Howard's skit had two pretty decent quips, but it dragged on and on with the same punch line.
If you thought the trailers were funny then odds are you’ll probably have an alright time watching Movie 43. Maybe you'll even like it. Although, if you’re like me and thought the trailers were lame, then trust your gut and avoid this movie at all costs. I’m sure some of you out there will think I need to lighten up, but there’s just nothing here to appreciate.
The fact that Movie 43 made it to the big screen is depressing. Futurama’s Hubert Farnsworth best describes how I feel after watching it: “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”
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