Trading Places (1983)
Dan Aykroyd: Louis Winthorpe III
Louis Winthorpe III : I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me, and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro!
Billy Ray Valentine : [watches Louis clean his shotgun] You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis Winthorpe III : Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine : It's called assault with a deadly weapon. You get twenty years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III : Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine : Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman : You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.
Pawnbroker : Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis Winthorpe III : I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker : Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis Winthorpe III : Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker : I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis Winthorpe III : Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker : You got a receipt?
Louis Winthorpe III : Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker : In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III : Just give me the money.
[looking in display case]
Louis Winthorpe III : How much for the gun?
Louis Winthorpe III : He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard.
Louis Winthorpe III : [to Penelope] Those men wanted to have sex with me!
Billy Ray Valentine : [as Louis is choking him] lt - was - the - Dukes! lt - was - the - Dukes!
Louis Winthorpe III : YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, VALENTINE!
Billy Ray Valentine : [gasping, after Ophelia and Coleman stop Louis from choking Billy Ray] The Dukes used us as guinea pigs, man! It was an experiment, to see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.
Coleman : I'm afraid it's true, sir.
Ophelia : I believe him, Louie.
Louis Winthorpe III : The Dukes... ruined my life... over a bet. For how much?
Billy Ray Valentine : A dollar.
Louis Winthorpe III : One dollar. Fine. That's the way they want it - no problem.
[cut to Louis cleaning and loading an array of shotguns in the den]
Louis Winthorpe III : [approaching the New York Commodities Exchange] Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine : Yeah, we got to kill the motherf... - we got to kill 'em!
Louis Winthorpe III : [after ruining the Dukes] Happy New Year!
Randolph Duke : [hoarsely] Winthorpe.
Mortimer Duke : [stunned] Valentine.
Billy Ray Valentine : Hey! How'd y'all make out today?
Mortimer Duke : How could you do this to us after everything we've done for you?
Billy Ray Valentine : Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won.
Louis Winthorpe III : [grinning] I lost... One dollar.
Billy Ray Valentine : Thank you, Louis.
Louis Winthorpe III : After you.
Billy Ray Valentine : Certainly.
Louis Winthorpe III : Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray Valentine : Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis Winthorpe III : Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray Valentine : I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both : Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah!
Billy Ray Valentine : Oh, memories!
Louis Winthorpe III : Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke : Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III : Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke : We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III : [laughs] Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
Corrupt Cop : [finds a baggie in Winthorpe's coat at his arrest] One cellophane bag...
Louis Winthorpe III : Now that's not mine! I've never seen that before in my life!
Corrupt Cop : [takes some PCP out of the baggie and tastes it] That's PCP! Phencyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You are looking at three to five MANDATORY - Louis.
Coleman : My life's savings, sir. Try not to lose it.
Billy Ray Valentine : Lose it? Why, in a couple hours you gonna be the richest butler that ever lived, man.
Ophelia : I worked real hard for this, Louie. I hope you know what you're doing.
Louis Winthorpe III : Thank you, Ophelia.
Ophelia : What are you doing?
Billy Ray Valentine : [Their train number is called over the loudspeaker] That's us, Louie.
Louis Winthorpe III : Coleman, could you hold this?
[handing him Ophelia's envelope of money before he kisses her for good luck. Then just before they embrace she takes her chewing gum out of her mouth, smiles and hands it to Coleman, who rolls his eyes upwards in subtle gee-thanks look]
Coleman : [He turns to Ophelia] I could use a stiff drink. Would you care to join me?
[With a slight smile to each other, they lock arms walking of together]