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oliveScales. Cragger's #1 fan
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    claudiamatossilva

    Hilda by Duane Bryers

    just-fic-me-up

    More Hilda!!

    themockingcrows

    in this family we love and support Hilda.

    luidilovins

    What i love about this artist’s depictions of women is even the sexualized ones the woman is always genuinely happy and enjoying herself. Frolicking or making funny faces, she’s living her life and looking sexy while doing it, not sitting in a sexual pose for the audience’s view.

    squish-this

    I always forget about Hilda and am so pleased when she randomly shows up on my dash. Always makes my day

    snailfarts

    I love Hilda so much and I want her to be happy

    numinous-queer

    My favorite thing is how Hilda is always doing something and having a BLAST! She’s not posing coyly for anyone, she’s having her own adventures and it’s not about the viewer at all

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    rosellacwrites

    Always reblog Hilda!

    sumi-sprite

    HILDA MY LOVE

    antirpg

    I’m glad ppl on tiktok are doing ok

    ofide

    good lord

    normal-horoscopes

    YEAH I GOT NOTHING

    vonlipvig

    i don’t understand a single sentence in this and i’m ok with that

    queer-qunari

    I haven’t stopped saying “it’s called quantum jumping, babe”

    thebuttkingpost

    I would genuinely like to know who to blame for making these children so disconnected from the concept of imagination that they think the simpler explanation for what they’re doing is that they’re projecting their consciousness into one of infinite realities where fictional characters are real.

    goldcrescent

    WHY IS IT TOPICAL

    animefacialrecognitionsoftware01

    Me shouting at my rash ointment

    gallows-alligator

    great post everyone

    So you want to write about horses.

    (Part 3! Enjoy this post? Want to know more? Check out So You Want To Write About Horses Part 1 and So You Want To Write About Horses: Medieval Edition)

    Maybe your character is a jockey, or a rancher, or a stablehand, or the ever popular cowboy in the wild west. Maybe they have a whole team and an Olympic dream. But what do people even do with horses? I can help.

    First, some vital terms

    The equipment that a horse wears is referred to as Tack. Tack can be minimal or incredibly complex. The part that goes on the horse's head when riding is the bridle, and the part that goes on the back for the person to sit on is the saddle.

    ^ Got that? Good, there will be a test at the end.

    Now, What do people even do with horses?

    To know the jobs around horses, you should know that the equestrian world is divided into very distinct and separate realms, and the further you delve into these realms, the more specific and specialized the horses, equipment, and terms become. Broadly, there is "pleasure" horses and "working" horses. Working horses are relied upon for physical labor to support their humans. Pleasure horses fall into more of a hobby for their humans.

    There is also the Western riding style and the English riding style. The Western style descends from the Spanish saddle, and is used throughout the world, but most commonly in the Americas, where it is closely tied to herding cattle. The English style is a bit harder to clearly pin down the original influences, but has history in military uses throughout the European continent, and currently exists internationally. The English style is the style used at the Olympic games and in jumping competitions, whereas Western is not.

    ^ this is an example of a Western Style working horse. Western describes the style of equipment as well as the riding style. This horse is dressed for herding cattle, with a large comfortable saddle and simple rope bridle.

    ^ This is also a working horse, this time in the English riding style. Notice the saddle is much smaller, without a large 'horn' at the front of the saddle, and the bridle on the horse's head is much more complex. This horse is a Police horse.

    ^ and there are many combinations, variations, or lack ofs that exist. Some people have trained their horses to not need any tack, and need only the tiniest movements of their rider's body. Don't ask me how, I am not one of them.

    Finally, Professions involving horses.

    For ease of understanding, I will break this into segments that involve all horses, English horses, Western horses, and then the even more specific horses like racehorses, ect.

    This edition will deal with professions involving All Horses.

    Equine Veterinarians

    Veterinarians that work with horses in rural areas are usually more generally large animal veterinarians, while equine vets, often attached to an equine hospital or clinic, have specific and in-depth knowledge of equine medicine, rather than equine and bovine medicine. Both large animal vets and equine vets administer vaccines, diagnostic tests, and certificates of health, as well as diagnosing and prescribing treatments of injuries and sicknesses. Vets also aid in breeding horses, caring for pregnant mares, birthing foals, and handling semen collection or injection for artificial insemination.

    One of the most common reasons for a vet call is for the treatment of colic, any horse owner's nightmare. Horses have a massive system of intestines, and any change to a horse's diet, stress, or exercise, as well as many other causes, can lead to a backup of food or feces in the digestive system. Minor cases can resolve with pain treatment, but in severe cases surgery is required, and horses can die very quickly from what is essentially an extremely dangerous stomach ache. It is one of the most common causes of death for horses.

    ^ In very severe cases, parts of the intestine tie themselves into knots, lose blood flow, and die within the horse. I know many horses that have died from colic, and some that have survived.

    Farriers

    Farriers are pedicure specialists for horses. The hoof of a horse is simply a very large and thick fingernail, and a farrier is an expert in trimming, shaping, and even repairing that massive fingernail, as well as tacking on metal shoes to the bottom of a horse's foot. Farriers are also sometimes blacksmiths, and will create their own shoes, while others use premade shoes and nails.

    ^ (1)A farrier tacking on a shoe to a horse's hoof. (2) Shaping hooves with a rasp. Farrier treatments cause no pain to the horse when done correctly, and the specialized knowledge of which is why many farriers are expensive. Horses will need this redone every 4-8 weeks, depending on the horse and the environment. Even more than the vet, a good farrier is vital to the health and use of a horse, while a bad farrier can ruin a horse in less than the swing of a hammer.

    (Side note: This is not a shoe, and no person putting that on a horse should be considered a farrier. I don't take many strong stances in informational posts, but this is one.)

    Saddlers

    These expert leather workers fit and shape the tack to the shape of the horse and the shape of the rider. Many serious riders have custom fitted tack, where a base saddle or bridle has been reworked after purchase to perfectly fit the riding pair in question. (I have one, it was expensive, and it continues to be worth it). Historically, tack has always been made with leather, which allows for stretch and molding of the tack, as well as decades of longevity, and still today, only the cheapest of tack is made with plastics. Saddlers often specialize in English or Western style tack, and many old brands are still known today for certain fits.

    ^ An expert Colorado saddler at work.

    Trainers

    Horses do not naturally trust humans, even after thousands of years of domestication, nor do they automatically know how to be ridden. Trainers are experts not only in their discipline, but also experts in horse behavior, communication (with humans and horses), basic first aid, common sense, and the rarest of all, the elusive 'horse sense'. Horse sense give a trainer the understanding of a horse's personality, and allows them to form a bond that not only teaches the horse to trust them, but to trust all humans. A trainer's job is to discover the horse's potential abilities, as well as the horse's fears, dislikes, and any pain or mis-training that could impede a horse's progress. Across the world, there are many style of training, many jobs that horses must be taught to preform, and a lot of misunderstandings. A good trainer can save the lives of horses and humans alike, a bad trainer can ruin both. The first steps of training a horse can be referred to as 'starting', 'breaking', 'training', 'backing', and many more.

    Grooms

    Grooms are the beauty professionals of the horse world, as well as the people getting everything done behind the scenes at high level barns or shows. In some places, grooms bring the horse in from the field or stall to be brushed, put the tack on the horse, warm the horse up, and then hand the horse over to the rider. In other places, grooms are a luxury as much as a butler for your horse. Grooms may also be responsible for managing the stables and tacking areas, keeping those areas clean through sweeping or removing mess, and potentially feeding, moving horses from pasture to stable, or whatever else needs to be done at a large stable. In other situations, the more grunt work will fall to part-time stablehands, while the grooms focus on working with the horses and riders.

    ^ Racehorse Groom Stephanie Searle grooms a racehorse.

    Floaters/Equine Dentists

    Horses are unique animals, with unique digestive systems, as has already been discussed, and with unique teeth. Due to horses' diets involving primarily hays, grasses, or grains, the teeth of a horse receive a great deal of wear from the tough nature of these foods. The wear patterns are so well documented that they have for thousands of years been used to tell the age of a horse with a great deal of accuracy.

    Floaters are equine teeth experts, and receive their name from the practice of 'floating', or grinding sharp areas of horses' teeth down to prevent these sharp points from slicing into the horse's cheeks or stopping a horse from properly chewing.

    ^ Floating a horse's teeth. Also not painful, but like many people, horses tend to prefer being sedated for the dentist.

    Professional Transport

    In the modern age, as well as to a certain extent, the past, horses are constantly being moved, shown, sold, and shipped. Professional horse transport exists in the form of semi-trucks, ships, and planes, as well as trains. The transport of horses, usually very expensive and valuable horses, requires a team of professionals including veterinarians to ensure the horses' safety in transition.

    ^ Horses ready to go on a plane. Personally, a terrifying sight.

    Alternative Treatments

    Just like human medicine, horse medicine has a proliferation of supplements, alternative treatments, folk magic, and home treatments. Professional equine nutritionists work with feed companies as well as feed supplement companies (think herbal food additives as well as fish oil, ect.) to create supplement brands that claim to calm or energize horses, ease pain, prevent colic, or treat any number of issues. Horses may receive any number of visits from such varied services as equine massage therapists, equine physical therapists, equine chiropractors, equine spirit mediums, animal communicators, and so on. The scientific basis for these professionals ranges from well supported to lacking support, but such services remain popular regardless.

    ^ No matter what the profession with horses ends up being, just about everyone starts here: mucking out the stalls.

    This post will end here, but keep an eye for the extended cut with the English and Western specific professions!

    Media Representation and Writing Characters with Facial Differences

    [Large Text: Media Representation and Writing Characters with Facial Differences]

    A writing (?) guide (?) consisting of an explanation of what facial differences are, some basics about the community of people with facial differences, a terminology guide that is extremely subjective, a very long explanation of the real-life effects of misrepresentation of facial differences, a subjective guide on why most tropes surrounding facial differences are awful and unoriginal, and the part that people actually want to see (I hope at least) AKA "types of characters I do actually want to see". As always, this post is meant for people who have no experience with the subject, and not in any way an attempt to tell writers with facial differences on what to do in their own writing.

    What Does "Facial Difference" Mean?

    [Large Text: What Does "Facial Difference" Mean?]

    "Facial Difference" (FD for short) is an umbrella term for any kind of scar, mark, or condition that makes your face visibly different. This encompasses anything from not having parts of the face or having less of them (e.g. anophthalmia, anotia, hemifacial microsomia), having "more" to the face (e.g. tumors, neurofibromatosis), conditions affecting how the face moves (e.g. facial paralysis, ptosis, cranial nerve diseases), ocular differences (e.g. hypertelorism, nystagmus, strabismus), conditions affecting the colors of the face (e.g. rosacea, vitiligo, pigmentation conditions in general), a "look" that signals a specific disability (e.g. Down Syndrome) and approximately a million more things - scars, burn marks, craniofacial conditions, ichthyosis, cancer, and a lot more.

    Despite popular opinion (popular ignorance would be more accurate because no one knows about it in the first place but opinion sounds better-) people with Facial Differences have both a movement (Face Equality) and a specific word for the oppression we experience (Disfiguremisia). There is even the Face Equality Week that happens every year from 17 to 24 of May! This is a real thing that has been happening, and we are generally going unnoticed, even in the "representation matters" circles, the body positivity movement, disability spaces, and so on. There is an alliance of organizations dedicated to this called Face Equality International, who can help you learn about the real-world community and movement! They even have sections specifically about media representation, which is foreshadowing for how important this topic is to the community and for how long the "explaining the issues of representation" part of this post is.

    And of course, if you have a facial difference/disfigurement, you can do whatever the hell you want when writing! Call your characters how you call yourself, subvert the tropes you want. I don't want to preach to people who already know all of this firsthand. This post is meant to explain some things to people who don't have experience with having FD.

    Terminology

    [Large Text: Terminology]

    There is a lot of words to describe people with FD. Some of them are alright, most of them are awful.

    Please keep in mind that all of these terms (maybe except for the... last one...) are used by real life people. This isn't me saying "you can't say that about yourself" (more power to you!) but rather to educate able-bodied people that some words they refer to use with aren't as neutral as they think (at least not to everyone).

  • "[person] with a facial difference" - generally the most polite and widely accepted way to refer to us. That's what is generally used in the Face Equality movement, sometimes alongside the next term which is...
  • "[person] who has a disfigurement" - an alright term (that I kinda dislike for personal reasons that I don't really think matter here). However, most things that involves the term "disfigurement" to me sounds kinda medicalized and/or like lawyer speech. It's not offensive, but just generally used in more official ways etc. Has the potential to make you sound like a medical report or a legislature sometimes. lol.
  • "A disfigured [person]" - starting to steer into the "uhh" territory. Describing a whole person as disfigured is, to me, just plain weird. I get that some communities push for the identity first language, but this just isn't it most of the time. Could be way worse, could be slightly better.
  • "[person] who has a deformity" - "deformity" is such a negatively charged word that I don't understand how people (without FD) still use it thinking it's neutral. This sounds awkwardly medicalized in a "case study from the 80s" way which is definitely not a good thing.
  • "A deformed [person]" - pretty much the jackpot of bad terminology, the term deformed, the calling of an entire person by it, it has everything I hate about writers describing people like me. The only one that I think is even more awful is...
  • "Horribly/gnarly/nasty/monstrous deformity/scar/[name of the specific condition]" - again, I'm impressed by what some people think is neutral wording. If you're searching a thesaurus for synonyms of "scary" to describe your character, I think it's time to just stop writing them. This is about using ableist terminology, sure, but I just can't imagine that someone calling their character that actually will represent FD well. It shows the negative bias and attitude of the writer.
  • However, there is also one pretty awesome and simple way to describe them!

  • Say what they have specifically. Really. Assuming you know what condition your character has (which... you should) it should be very easy. "She has Treacher-Collins Syndrome." "Xyr forehead has a port wine stain on it." It's clear and lets your readers know what you mean. You also don't always have to throw around euphemisms to describe someone not having a nose.
  • Tropes and Current State of Representation

    [Large Text: Tropes and Current State of Representation]

    If you have read basically any of my previous posts about FD then you probably know what I'm about to say in this section. Still worth a read though? I hope. Warning that this is long, but you probably expected that already.

    One thing I will note at the start is that I'm aware that a lot of writers were already turned off from this post just because of the terminology section. I know that artists love describing people like me as ugly deformed monsters! It's literally a tale as old as antiquity, and that's how overdone and stale it is. Visibly disabled = ugly. I get it, I heard it a thousand times before, I hear it majority of the time someone is excited to tell me about how horrible and gross their OC's scar is. But now some guy (me) from that group is telling you to like, maybe stop calling your disgustingly deformed character that!

    I want to make it very clear that FD representation in media is not treated like a real thing that's worth anyone's time, even by the most "representation is so important!" writers. I guess it's too inconvenient to unpack the amount of baggage and uncomfortable implications this would cause. It's too good of a device in writing; everyone knows that if a guy with a scar shows up that it means he's evil, the easiest way to make a villain visually interesting is to make them a burn survivor, and if you need a tragic backstory for a serial killer just give them a congenital disability that caused literally everyone in the world to treat them horribly, so of course they started killing people. It's such a good moral signifier that literally every book and tale has done - pretty is good, ugly is bad. Dichotomy is so helpful. What is less helpful in the real world is that what is considered "ugly" is generally very tightly bound to what visibly disabled people look like. Ugly Laws weren't just like, coincidentally including disabled people and disability activists aren't still forced to speak out against being put in those "Ugliest People" lists by accident. This is all to say that facial differences are considered to be "ugly" completely uncontested, and you probably have this bias too, as the vast majority of people do. The whole "the character is ugly, then they become evil, if they're evil, they become ugly"... you need to be conscious to not do that. Don't make them evil if they're visibly disabled because it will always end up being the same old trope, no matter how many weird excuses and in-universe explanations you give. I want to put it in people's heads that you are writing about a community of people who are technically visible in real life, but have no large voices that the general public would listen to when it comes to how we are seen. The general public relies on media to tell them that.

    Putting people with FD in your books or your art seems to suddenly be intimidating for a lot of artists when they realize that not only is facial difference a real thing, but people who have it can see what you write or draw (and your other readers will take some things out of what you write, subconsciously). When an author is faced with the fact that maybe they are doing harm with their writing, they either: suddenly don't want to do that anymore at all, or say: "I don't care! I'm going to be very innovative and make my very evil OC be deformed!" which is kinda funny to me that people actually seem to think it's edgy and cool to repeat the most tired Hollywood tropes but that's the best we can get I guess lol...

    The attitudes that people have around the topic of facial difference and the whole "media impacts reality" are very interesting to me in general. On one hand, when I tell someone that I was bullied or ostracized because of my disabilities, no one is ever surprised. On the other hand, everyone is for some reason uncomfortable when I say that this doesn't just... appear out of thin air. People are taught from childhood that facial differences and the people who have them are scary, untrustworthy, or literal monsters. Media is a major factor in that. Like, looking back at it, it makes sense that my parents told me not to stare at other kids because they would get scared. After all, I looked like a kindergarten version of the bad guy from some kid's book. Other kids were able-bodied and looked like the good guy, I was visibly disabled and looked like the bad guy. That's the lesson kids get from media on how people with visible disabilities are: evil, scary, not to be interacted with. So they avoided me because of that while I had adults telling me to not even look in their direction. Dichotomy is so helpful, right?

    And this doesn't magically stop at children. When I post a self-portrait or a selfie, I usually deal with multiple grown people comparing me to sometimes an animal, usually a specific character from a movie, sometimes even making my face into a meme right away. But if people don't generally see people with facial differences on the daily, then how are there so many specific reactions and so many similar problems that we go through? If it's so rare, then how are people so quick to tell me the character I remind them the most of- Yeah, media. It's always media. It's almost funny how everything circles back to one thing.

    I want you, the author, to understand the impact of misrepresentation of facial difference. If you feel uncomfortable because you have done these tropes before, good! That's a sign of growth. If you want to help instead of harm, you need to get over your (subconscious) biases for a minute and think about how a person with the same condition as your character would feel like reading about them. Maybe you are even currently realizing that that one OC with scars is just five harmful tropes glued together. Maybe you are going to reblog this and tell me in the tags that somehow your character decided to be like that, as if they have free will instead of being written by a biased human being. Or, as I said earlier, a lot of people will be annoyed by this post and keep doing their thing. Which is like... whatever, I guess ?? There are a dozen huge movies and TV shows every year that do this. It's so basic and normalized that whatever reach this post will have will change very little. I have been signaled "we don't care what you think about how we portray people like you" my entire life, I'm frankly more surprised when people do actually claim to care. You can, practically speaking, do whatever because the FD community is fully ignored by uh, everyone, and even if I'm disappointed or annoyed I'm just one man and I know (from experience) that most people won't have my back on this topic. It's too ingrained in our culture at this point to challenge it, I suppose. I mean, there have been multiple media campaigns telling writers to treat us as people, and they had practically zero impact on the writing community. But even with my absurdly pessimistic view on this subject, I still decided to write all this. Sure, there are no signs of the industry changing and the writing community doesn't seem to care much, but I still naively hope that maybe the right person will read this and at some point in the future I will be watching or reading about a character that looks like me and actually have a good time, and even more naively that maybe people will gain some amount of awareness of the damage that has been and still is happening to people with FD through media, so that the next time they see that the villain has facial scars for no reason they will think "damn, this sucks" the same way I do. And very, very naively, I hope that people who read this will start seeing us as people. Not villains, not plot devices, not monsters.

    Sad part over(?), now the fun(?) part. AKA the tropes! Yay.

    "Dramatic Reveal of The Deformity".

    Use of the word "deformity" very much on purpose here. This is arguably the most common trope when it comes to FD, and it's always awful. At the very best it links FD with trauma and talks in a Very Sad Voice about how having a FD is the worst thing imaginable, I guess (think a "X did this to me... now I'm Deformed For Life..." type of scene) and at worst it does the classic revealing that the main villain actually was a burn survivor under his mask, because of course he was. In media, people with FD are evil. If they're not, then it's because someone very evil did it to them (the most evil thing of all - causing someone to have a facial difference. the horror!). It can't be a thing unrelated to someone's morality, there's gotta be evil somewhere around it. There is literally nothing good about this trope. Showing FD as something to hide? Check. Dramatizing FD? Check. Placing the way someone's face looks as the worst thing possible? Check. General treating FD as some kind of circus attraction to stare at with your mouth open? Check!

    "Wearing a Mask*."

    I made a whole post about this one actually, that's how much it annoys me. Putting your character with FD in a mask is so overdone, lazy, and boring I'm not even offended as much as I thought I would. It's like... really? Again? For the millionth time, the character with FD is forced to hide their disability? Is the author, like, scared..? And yes, I know that your character chose to do that for reasons that you as a writer somehow can't control. It's always so strange how it's the character that's in control and the writer is in the passenger seat when it comes to annoying tropes.

    *mask here refers to anything that covers the character's facial difference (e.g. eye covering, surgical mask, whatever. it's about hiding it and not a technical definition of "what is a mask")

    "Good Guy has the Tiniest Scar You Can Imagine, but Don't Worry! The Villain is Deformed As Hell."

    Truly a genre on its own. In the rare instance that a positive character has a facial difference, they have a curiously limited choice; you can have the thinnest, definitely-very-realistic straight line going through the eye (the eye is always either perfectly okay or milky for reasons the author couldn't tell you), the same exact line but going horizontally across the nose, and if you're feeling spicy you can put it around the mouth. Just make sure it doesn't look like a real scar and is instead a straight line done with a red or white crayon. Interestingly, villains have unlocked more options which stem from scars, craniofacial conditions, burn marks, cleft lips, ptosis, colobomas, tumors, facial paralysis, to pretty much everything that's not infantilized, like Down Syndrome. These are always either realistic or extremely bloody. I sound like a broken record by now, but no, your morality has nothing to do with your physical appearance and being evil doesn't make a visible disability get more visible. Shocker. And don't get me started on...

    "The Villain turned Evil Because They Have Scars."

    Ah, how nice. Disabled people are evil because they're disabled, truly a timeless classic for able-bodied writers whose worst fear in life is being disabled. In case that needs to be said, having a facial difference doesn't turn you evil, doesn't make you become a serial killer, doesn't make you violent, doesn't turn you into an assassin with a tragic backstory seeking revenge for ruining their life. If anything, having a FD makes it more likely for other people to be violent towards you. Speaking from experience.

    "The Villain Just Has Scars."

    An impressive attempt at cutting out the middleman of "clumsily and definitely not ableist-icly explaining why getting a scar made them evil" and not even bothering with a tragic backstory or anything. They are evil, so of course they have a facial difference, what were you thinking?

    "Facial Difference is a Plot Point."

    As anyone who's read like A Book will tell you, the only way to get a facial difference is to be in a very dramatic fight or an extremely tragic accident who will become a plot point and thus the facial difference is now Heavily Emotionally Charged and a symbol of The Event/The Tragedy. If you look at media, congenital FD isn't a thing, illness-related FD doesn't exist and boring domestic accident or a fall causing FD has never been seen. It has to be dramatic and tragic or else there's no point in them having it. A true "why are they [minority]" moment, if you will.

    "Character gets a FD but then Gets Magically Cured Because They're Good."

    Truly one of the tropes that make me want to rip my hair out. Curing your character with FD sucks just as much as curing a disabled or neurodivergent character. Who is this even for? That's not how real life works. This is some actual Bible shit, that's how old this trope is. The only thing you're doing here is making people think that those who do have FD just aren't "good enough". Every time I see it, I wonder what the author would think of the congenital disorder I have. According to this kind of in-universe rules, was I born evil and just never got good? or ??

    "Character with FD has Self-Esteem Issues and Hates Their Face."

    I admittedly mocked all the previous tropes because they're absurd, ridiculous, offensive, boring, all of the above, and have zero basis in reality. This one however... ouch, right in my own tragic backstory. This is unfortunately a very real experience that a lot of people with FD go through. I even have a hunch there wouldn't be as many if the general public didn't think of us as monsters, but I digress. Yes, a lot of us have or had self-esteem problems, and a lot of us wished that we wouldn't have to go through all the BS we were put through because of it. Thankfully for you, you don't have to write about it! Seriously. You don't need to. As one million people have said before me, "maybe don't write about things you haven't experienced" and I agree here. I have yet to see an able-bodied author get anything about this right. Instead of the deeply personal, complex experience that involves both you, everything around you and the very perception of what others think of you that this is, somehow writers keep giving the tired "character crying and sobbing because they're "ugly" now", because the author thinks we're ugly. Or maybe they're sad because all the other characters with facial differences are evil, and they didn't have the time to prepare their evil monologue for when they inevitably become evil in the sequel? Who knows.

    "The Author Doesn't Know."

    I'm not sure if a trope can be the lack of something like this, but the author not knowing what their character actually has going on medically is common to a ridiculous extent - this applies to all kinds of disabled characters as well. You don't need to name-drop the Latin term for whatever your character has, but you should know what it is behind the scenes! You should know the symptoms! You should know the onset and the treatment! Please do your medical research.

    Things I Want to See More of in Characters with Facial Differences

    [Large Text: Things I Want to See More of in Characters with Facial Differences]

    The thing you might have noticed is that I want Facial Differences and People with Facial Differences to be presented as normal. Not killers, not SCP anomaly whatever, not monsters. I'm aware that the term is tired, but I absolutely want Facial Differences normalized as much as possible.

    I want to see more characters with facial differences...

  • who have friends that don't bully or make fun of them because of their appearance
  • who have support from their family
  • who are queer
  • who aren't only skinny white cis dudes in general
  • who are disabled in other ways! a lot of us are Blind, Deaf, both, unable to speak, intellectually disabled, having issues with mobility. not necessarily all at once.
  • who are fantastical in some way - preferably not the "secretly a monster" way. but a mermaid with CdLS or an elf with neurofibromatosis? that's cool as hell
  • who are allowed to be cute or fashionable
  • who have jobs that aren't "stereotypical bad evil guy jobs". give me a retail worker with a cleft lip or a chef with Down Syndrome!
  • who are reoccurring characters that just happen to have a FD
  • who are those stock/generic characters that aren't typically associated with FD. Hero's mom has septicemia scars? Cool! The popular cheerleader at school has alopecia? Awesome! The bartender of the place the heroes secretly meet up at has Möbius Syndrome? Goes hard! The kid that the MC used to hang out with before they moved to the Different City has Crouzon Syndrome? Great!
  • who have their FD be visible
  • who aren't ashamed of their FD
  • who are feeling very neutral about their face
  • who are proud of how they look
  • who got their FD in a very boring way or were just born with it (and maybe make up very silly, obviously not real ways of how it happened when annoying people ask them. think "oh, I was fighting a shark")
  • who have facial differences other than small scars
  • who's angst is fully unrelated to their FD. I love me an angsty teen character! even more if they are angsty about their crush, or basically anything that's not their disability.
  • who have a significant other who doesn't do the whole "I love you despite your looks" thing. it just kinda sucks. sorry. I would hate if someone said this to me.
  • who are children and aren't implied to be "cursed" or "demonic"
  • in genres that aren't just horror or thriller. RomCom or slice of life, anyone?
  • who aren't evil.
  • ...and again, I want to see multiple characters with facial differences!

    Facial difference and the media is a topic that plagued me for the past almost two decades and won't stop ever, I think. It's a very unique relationship of a group of people who just aren't allowed to get into the industry and an industry that clearly hates them, loves to use their image, and defines how people see them all at once. There's this almost overrepresentation that is consistently awful and damaging to an absurd degree. Most people know more villains with FD than actual people. Certainly doesn't feel great to be one of the aforementioned actual peoples. But I hope that this will change - the negative portrayals that are plaguing the FD community will slowly fade out and a newer wave of portrayals will come in, hopefully this time realizing that we are real people and care about us a bit more.

    The thing with facial difference is that it's pretty much impossible to make a specific guide of what it's like and what to do in context of writing because it's an incredible vast category that includes conditions that are very different from each other. That's why this post was more focused on "why you should care in the first place" (sorry for the clickbait) rather than being a straightforward guide that would still be very lacking even if 20 different people were collaborating on it. I really, really encourage everyone who got through this rather long post to do their research on what they plan to write about, be conscious of their own biases, don't pull inspiration from movies because they're all hellholes full of tropes and just sit down for a minute, think of the real-world people with facial differences, and read what we have to say. I know that drawing a guy with a line across his eye is more fun than realizing you're low-key scared of or uncomfortable around the real-world equivalent, but sometimes you have to get over yourself and try to be a better person. Caring about the people you write about is, dare I say, essential. That will certainly make your writing of us better :-) (smiley face with a nose)

    If you have any specific questions, feel free to send an ask

    mod sasza

    jasper-the-menace

    Hey, since you're interested in scorpion biology, I thought you'd be interested in the idea of... intersex Chima scorpions! Well, sort of.

    There's a specific character that's been bugging me a bit. Scutter is kind of the scorpion equivalent of a centaur; he has two torsos, one anthropomorphic, and another of the scorpion body. With scorpion anatomy in mind, it's easy to reach the conclusion that Scutter's reproductive organ would be heavily altered because of his body, making him intersex to a certain extent.

    I hope this makes sense. I'm trying to look for possible trans rep in Chima characters (like in this example). What do you think of this idea?

    Oh friend, you don't know the essay you just inspired.

    You Opened This Can Of Worms, Now Lie In It

    Some important bulletpoints before I get going, just to get all of my followers on the same page:

  • Disclaimer: I am a transgender nonbinary perisex individual. This means I am not intersexed (to my knowledge), I don't identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, and I don't identify as male or female. The closest thing to describing my gender is literally "no".
  • I am a strong advocate for making as many characters transgender as possible, regardless of "realism". That's why, in my own writing, half of the Scorpions are retroactively transgender (though they don't understand gender on the whole and most of them would probably be nonbinary if someone took fifteen minutes to explain gender, variable social constructs, and the concept of genitalia tying to gender roles) and also Razar is too on account of I said so.
  • Being intersexed does not inherently mean being transgender. There is a lot of discussion and individual choice between intersexed people about whether or not they're part of the queer community. It's a very individual thing, and I am not part of those discussions on account of not being intersex myself.
  • When it comes to humans and other beings with a level of sentience and sapience, the term "hermaphrodite" and its derivates are considered slurs. When talking about animals, hermaphrodite and its derivates are scientific terms. So in something like the Legends of Chima series and other humanoid-animal media, the proper term is "intersexed". (I noticed you used the term "intersex" in your ask, and I appreciate it!)
  • I know too much about scorpion mating and birth.
  • We're talking way too much about genitalia and gender tonight in regards to fictional characters.
  • I am genuinely delighted that you decided to drop in here to discuss this, because boy howdy do I have a lot of thoughts about transgender headcanons/representation and scorpions specifically! Scorpions are just. So damn cool.

    Note for my fellow arachnophobes: There are no images attached to this post, but it's really easy to find videos of scorpions doing various things on YouTube, which is actually how I've been studying them.

    Scorpion Sex, Mating, and Genitalia

    Scorpions of both "genders" have genital opercula (singular: genital operculum), and their asses run up into their tails. In order to mate, they don't just do like horses. No no, buddy, they have a really weird, specific method!

    In order to start wooing his potential mate, the male scorpion will lock chelae (pincers) with the female scorpion, and they will start to "dance". The male scorpion will drop a sperm packet onto the ground and lead the female scorpion over it. If the female scorpion is down, she'll basically squat and absorb the sperm packet into her body, which is then followed by a "mating plug" to keep it in while it does the fertilization thing.

    (It's important to note that the courting process also contains "juddering", aka the male scorpion doing the dance that the stickbug meme did, and may also contain clerchical "kisses". Honestly, pretty romantic for an arachnid. And possibly tail-rubbing and sexual stinging. Scorpions are very kinky!)

    (It's also important to note that some species of scorpions have been reported, though not reliably, to reproduce through parthogenesis.)

    Post-coitus cannibalism has not been scientifically seen in scorpions, so the male scorpion is generally safe as long as he scadoodles.

    Gestation in some scorpion species can last over a year, and different species can have anywhere from 2 to 100 little scorplings - the physical size of the scorpion is not necessarily tied to how many babies they'll have.

    Also, scorpions give live birth!

    The baby scorpion is essentially folded like a Fedex package and launched out of the womb. It will then unfold and climb on top of the mother to make way for its next sibling. These will hang onto the mother until their first molt, which happens as a group and launches them into the juvenile stage. After this, they will still stay with their mothers until their carapace finishes hardening and gaining color, at which point they hunt prey on their own and will wander off on their own terms.

    Hey, Jasper, That's Pretty Fucked Up, But How Does This Tie Into Chima?

    I'm getting there, hold your centaur scorpions!

    This is where we get into the worldbuilding of the Legends of Chima series, the Character Encyclopedia, and our poor boy Scutter.

    See, the Legends of Chima as a series is very much a product of its time. There is some rife ableism and questionable word choices in regards to the Crawlers (and Sir Fangar, but this isn't about him). According to the Character Encyclopedia, Scutter is "less evolved". There's a looong history of racism in using phrases like "evolution" in regards to other humans, so taking that and applying it to an animal world leaves us with some very strange dissonance, because it's used in Chima to mean animals turned into a more humanoid form by the Chi.

    Because really, what is the Chi? It's a magical substance that, depending on how you read it, could be the animist spirit of the land (I say, as an animist myself), or it could be drugs. Or it could be any number of other things! I know one person who writes Chi as the blood of dead gods, which is metal as fuck!

    Ultimately, it depends on how one is writing the Chi that makes the usage of phrases like "less evolved" more or less questionable than it was intended. We're all dragging around the corpse of a Lego theme across our writing desks anyway. And the way I go about answering the question of "what is Chi" is definitely different from others. (Again, see the dead god blood part.)

    The question of whether or not the Scorpion Tribe, namely Scutter, would count as intersexed relies on 1) defining intersexuality in regards to genitalia arrangement (scorpions don't have penises and vaginas by default; and the Wikipedia article on scorpions just uses "genital orfice" or "genital opercula"); 2) determining if the Chi has magically changed how genitalia works for Scorpions (admittedly, I do this because I didn't want to have to use the term "genital opercula" over and over); 3) determining the humanization extent of the Scorpion Tribe as you write them (I lean more towards human than you do, just from what I've seen of your work); and 4) deciding if such terminology even exists in Chima.

    But looking at Scutter and going with the assumption that the back end is fully scorpion... No, I wouldn't count him as intersex by default. Intersex implies landing between the two human biological extremes (which, as we all know, is not as cut-and-dry as high school biology taught us), when really he's kind of a secret third thing (a Scorpion who probably doesn't have either a penis or a vagina).

    (Of course, there's also what you said, paraphrased to my own wording: the Chi may have just decided to fuck up this poor man's genital situation and do a half-ass job.)

    That's not to say he can't be trans. I mean, I made Scorm and about half of the Scorpion Tribe trans already. That's also not to say they're not all trans by default, considering scorpions without the ability to think wouldn't have the concepts of genders anyway.

    Okay Jasper, So How Do You Write Him?

    So, here's the thing. I'm aromantic-asexual, and I also write smut and, to a lesser extent, romance, which means I think about fictional character genitalia too much. But thinking about Scutter has left me utterly baffled.

    On one hand, I usually write the Chi as a magical animist force of the land of Chima on the whole, and part of that is that the Chi tries to get everyone on the same playing field, physically speaking, which is how we get retroactive transgender man Scorm in my Tales of Chima series.

    On the other hand, look at him. Look at him. He's a centaur arachnid. I know he can pass the Harkness Test, but I still feel weird thinking about his genitalia. If I go with my theory of the Chi giving everyone penises and vaginas at random, then I don't want to think about how much that would get in the way for the poor boy! On the other hand, his lower body is still mostly scorpion instead of, well, Scorpion, so who's to say he doesn't have a genital operculum?

    Too Long, Don't Want Details About Scorpion Sex

    Alright, spoilsport. Here's your TLDR:

    It genuinely depends on what the Chi does in your version of the story and how bad it fucks up. It depends on how dedicated you are to scientific accuracy. It depends on how much you want to think about scorpion genitals.

    And being intersex is not necessarily trans rep, unless it is, unless it isn't. I'm not intersexed, so I'm not going to say what that falls on myself. There is an intersex pride flag that was created by Morgan Carpenter in 2013.

    Trans characters can exist outside of being intersexed, you don't have to conflate the two in order to have transgender representation. Just hit the characters with the Transgenderinator 5000 Beam. Fuck realism, this is a series about walking talking animal people. Who's going to stop you? The fun police? Transphobes? Eat them.

    Further Reading

    Start at Wikipedia and go from there through its sources for anything of particular interest:

    Intersex flag (in case you're curious about it and its history, which can also launch you into further reading about humans being intersex)

    Scorpion (morphology section)

    Scorpion (mating subsection)

    Scorpion (birth and development subsection)

    So, uh, yeah! Thanks for coming to me with these questions, it's really touching that you value my thoughts this much, and I love talking about my boys and scorpions and the complicated web! I apologize for any errors or too-crass sections, because I wrote most of this in one sitting after playing wayyy too much Skyrim today.

    ~Jasper

    olivescales3

    Thank you, very interesting!

    I'd like to point out that (just to avoid misunderstanding) it might seem like ableism, but technically, Scutter is really in the middle between animal and anthro, however, evolution isn't something that ends, so that kind of wording used in the encyclopedia is very awkward. The encyclopedia did use a distasteful description for Scutter, but about Sir Fangar it's actually intentional, since Fluminox is meant to be a racist colonizer, but unfortunately this flew under the radar for most lol.

    (sorry to derail in this paragraph but that's why i am genuinely against, and why it goes against canon, to see each chima tribe as a human ethnicity, since this kind of interpretation is perfectly aligned with pseudoscientific racism).

    Also, something about how I see Chima: there is no gender in Chima, and "gender roles" are actually just normal roles for both sexes, but instead of being about gender, it's about the individual (eg. if an animal is strong they could be a warrior, but if their body is more sensitive to pain or they have a physical condition, they might be a historian or something else). So transgender isn't really a thing in Chima in how I see it, unless someone analyzed the characters using human lenses, which creates possibilities for transgender allegories in the characters. It's interesting to see how Chima animals would see themselves if they're intersex, and I think they'd see themselves more like your first description of perisex, but instead of it being influenced by gender, it would be by behavior, similar to how maned lionesses act like males.

    I am definitely against giving Chima characters penises and vaginas for non mammals because.... honestly it falls under the fetishization of anthros, since Chima animals are supposed to be animals and not humans. But that is literally an entirely different subject.

    Scutter, in how I see it, would be trans because his genitalia doesn't work like the others, as in he doesn't have the necessary bits, but his body's behavior is male. This is what I'm trying to find in Chima characters, or at least see how I can fit in. Chima, for me, is heavily based on animals, so I'm trying to adapt human ideas into animals without making the latter stop being animals...

    I don't know if what I said makes sense, but I hope my point came across well lol. Your post was very informative, thank you!

    the-decapod

    *incoherent grumbles*

    @the-crab-demigod @anne-is-okay @jarondont @nyx-of-darkness-1620 @crab-princess and the rest of the world who sees it who aren’t my mutuals.

    cosmic-muses

    Balanced... as all things should be

    tranny-alcchemy

    fellow larper :3

    ash-the-tiefling

    i think everyone i know is in the larp category including myself

    tranny-alcchemy

    tbh, tumblr users probably self-select for the bottom right area. thats not even counting bias from other things too

    ash-the-tiefling

    i almost didn't get larp and because i was too much of a nerd

    whoevenisoliver

    why r we all gothic nerds..

    tags: @kalsamurai @bugsoda @eyebagtree @indecisiveenby @always-tired-musician @kakaowymordulec @nina-tina + anyone else that's wants to join :3

    always-tired-musician

    yet another goth nerd lol

    not sure who to tag so like if you see this and want to join feel free!!

    sylvr7070-evolved

    Here on tumblr we have goths and nerds

    @totallynotaraccoonindiscuise

    totallynotaraccoonindiscuise

    How are all of us in the goth/nerd corner

    @plural-void @myomya2

    plural-void

    yeah makes sense

    -Phil (missa chimed in too)

    hybridcrows

    watch me dance, fellow roleplayers. witness me

    @mossathenium-time @lunozapp

    olivescales3

    I didn't get more "nerdy" just because I put the maximum negative output for the last two questions lol

    sic-semper-hominibus

    re: that last post, ive said it before and ill say it again: no one deserves to die (deserving is fake and death is bad) but some people need to be stopped and choose to make death the only way to stop them

    richard-lengthenhancer

    I disagree. Pedophiles 100% deserve death.

    sic-semper-hominibus

    you are moralizing and weaponizing your disgust in order to construct and justify a category of person you're allowed to murder

    what do you think you deserve for this?

    richard-lengthenhancer

    Sorry, no person deserves to die, thankfully child molesters and pedophiles aren't human, so this doesnt apply to them.

    sic-semper-hominibus

    denying the humanity of people who do horrible things accomplishes exactly three things:

    • give cover to people who haven't been caught yet by allowing them to use their humanity as "proof" of their innocence
    • silence any criticism of societal structures and institutions that facilitate those horrible things by putting the focus on individuals who are assumed to be so uniquely monstrous that the ways it was made easy for them are irrelevant
    • provide a shortcut to dehumanize anyone you feel like killing: simply accuse them of doing a horrible thing

    3.a. if you've already established that only an inhuman monster could kill a child, then all you have to do to get people to burn down the jewish quarter is say that jews kidnap christian children to bathe in their blood

    3.b. if you've already established that only an inhuman monster could commit rape, then all you have to do to get people to string up a black man you don't like is find a white woman who's willing to point at him while she cries and babbles

    3.c. if you've already established that only an inhuman monster could molest a child, then all you have to do to get people to drag gay people behind their trucks is say that since gay people can't have babies, the only way they can make more gay people is by following a nefarious Agenda to "convert" children by molesting them

    3.c.a. meanwhile if you try to address the rampant sexual assault of catholic altar boys, you're met with "don't be ridiculous, he's a priest!" (see #1) and with assertions that even if it does happen sometimes, those priests are just infiltrators who don't represent the church and there's no reason to make sure priests and altar boys are never alone together (see #2)

    tl;dr: your disgust-based violent politics are not less reactionary than any run-of-the-mill homophobe or racist's disgust-based violent politics

    richard-lengthenhancer

    I realized how bad of a take this was after I added my last bit, i apologize for the idiocy i portrayed in my half thought out statements. And I appreciate the way you rebutted this with reasonable statements rather than going hog wild because I said something you didnt agree with.

    sic-semper-hominibus

    hey no worries. we've all been there, and anyone who says they havent is either 11 or afraid of their social circle

    unlearning our kneejerk reactions is a process, and it's not a linear one. its good to practice thinking before we post, but sometimes thinking after we post just has to be good enough

    anonymous

    Hey I saw you claim that Ninjago was somehow "pro-war" and that sensei WU groomed lloyd to be the green ninja????? I'm curius about the first part, as for the second part Wu didn't even know lloyd was green ninja how the heck?

    Okay so. I had an unfinished text about this. At least someone gave me the chance to post it. Though, please keep in mind that, even though I did my research, Ninjago is still a long story and I'm not going to look at everything, JUST THE BEGINNING.

    About the second part: that was OP's post, but even if Wu didn't know Lloyd was the green ninja, he still taught a minor how to kill and use tremendous amounts of power. I don't know if Lloyd's troubled past was already exposed from the beginning, but if so, this makes the entire context even worse.

    Ninjago basically places genocides in front of the audience (Serpentine War), with Wu being a major war criminal and participant in this, and expects the audience to be okay with it; plotlines like these where the show solves literal allegories of real-life issues with war is a common occurrence.

    Lloyd was groomed by both his father and Wu to be drafted into wars that mostly end in misery and more wars— and everyone, including the people who live in Ninjago, is okay about it, with even the show itself trying to make the viewers choose a side.

    To understand what happened, it needs to be understood that wars are bad, first and foremost, because it kills people (it's more deep than that). Secondly, children nor teenagers shall ever go to war, because TO KILL and to BE KILLED has an abhorrent toll on a minor's mental health— especially since they're developing their brains. To make a kid's show where characters, who started as minors, go to war and *kill*, the show is giving a horrible message to the audience (speaking from experience, I've seen Ninjago kids be very aggressive). Furthermore, Lloyd, the character in question, has been manipulated since childhood by both his mentor and his father, two characters who are meant to be trustworthy figures. Of course, Garmadon IS evil, but, as I said, the show expects us to pick a side. Grooming is a strong word, used to describe the mind-washing and manipulation of kids into conditioning them for becoming victims of CSA; I chose to use this word because Lloyd was mentally washed by both of his important parental figures to kill, and is conditioned to continue killing because the plot needs— in other words, he has to kill evil people.

    Why am I complaining about the show's characters killing evil, you may ask? That's because the show doesn't even *try* to find solutions for war; Ninjago, in the lore, was created exactly to avoid facing issues outright by the First Spinjustu Master, which snowballed into innocent civilians being killed with no end in sight. All of Ninjago's wars were started because of characters portrayed as 'evil', either by pure evil nature or revenge, and they are all fought back against just because they are 'evil', without exploring *why* wars happen in the first place. Everything is black and white, with the ones who start revolts being the ones to lose, and a few evil characters being brushed away as victims of those revolts, such as Garmadon who became evil because of the Overlord, in an attempt to make the audience feel bad for irredeemable characters, and to stretch the show longer. Harumi, one of the few important and main women of the show, goes on a targeted rampage against Lloyd because he 'owed' her saving her parents, and wanted to sacrifice him for his father— some could say that she was going through trauma, but we are quite literally showing kids that evil starts from evil, and that because she wants to kill Lloyd and serve Garmadon, we have to root against her— which in majority of the cases means death.

    Sacrifices of characters are constantly being shown as self-righteous and selfless, glorifying martyrism to a young audience, without the issues of death being shown as permanent (main characters get revived), or why should minors even be drafted into war. The quantity of characters who die just for plot or to give the show some 'depth' is absurd. Death is serious and countless people in real life suffer because of it. This returns me to Lloyd and Wu, who are considered good guys but have committed horrible crimes.

    I don't know if I'm 100% lore correct, but I did my research. Here it is. So no, Ninjago is not "somehow "pro-war"", it IS pro-war.

    For contrast: Chima's plot always ended with pacifism. I'm not saying that you can't make characters kill each other, but Chima, as a kids show, has a decent message of respecting diversity, including showing the evils of colonialism. It also shows how people can be skewed into committing bad actions and how they can be forgiven (Laval forgave Cragger even if the latter tried to wipe out the entire Lion Tribe; Flinx forgave the Ice Hunters even when his own father kept talking about how 'evil' the Hunters were)

    I'm not in the mood to argue or discuss. I don't know how to block the comment section, but if anyone somehow wants to, please don't. I'll ignore the comment. Also, I am genuinely sorry if I sound aggressive or cranky— it's not my intention.

    This is a Chima blog, so I'll end this here.

    I’m sure someone has talked about this before but one thing I absolutely love about tbosas is how Snow’s descent into villainy is never once presented as something that was inevitable

    So many villain origin stories portray this idea of a person who tries incredibly hard to be a good person, who takes every opportunity to be kind and to better themselves, but are ultimately doomed to fail by the narrative. Their environment and their circumstances make it impossible for them to be a good person, and while this is effective from a storytelling point of view it’s not exactly accurate to real life

    In real life there is always a point where a bad person makes the decision to do something bad, they make the decision to prioritise themselves, their own power, money or desires over someone else. That’s how real life dictators are made, they are presented with every opportunity to be good, and they purposefully choose to not take it

    This makes Snow’s storyline so effective because he is given so many opportunities to do the right thing and yet, at every single turn, he chooses to serve himself instead, exactly like how real dictators are made

    Snow, unlike most people we see in the capitol, is in a unique position where he could genuinely have the chance to understand and relate to the people from the districts. He, unlike his classmates, is poor and spends most nights going hungry, he witnessed firsthand the cruelty of the capitol when Clemensia was bitten by the snakes for nothing more than lying about doing her homework, when his sister was forced to sell herself on the streets in order to feed the both of them

    Throughout his book, the three people he is closest to are Tigris (who dislikes the hunger games, is a rebel, and a victim of the capitol forced to turn to prostitution), Sejanus (who is originally from district 2, dislikes the capitol and knows he will never be accepted there, and also a rebel) and Lucy Gray (who is a victim of the hunger games, from district 12, and is also treated horribly by the capitol). These are all people who gave him an opportunity to realise the cruelty of the system he was in, a chance to directly confront his prejudices and see that people from the districts are just the same as him, and yet he still refuses to take the chance to change

    He is given every opportunity, he’s sent away from the capitol to be a peacekeeper in the districts, he forms personal connections with people from the districts, he helps Sejanus perform funeral rites, and yet at every moral crossroads he comes to he makes the wrong decision. He didn���t have to become a villain, and yet he made the choice to do so anyway, despite every chance he was given

    I think it’s a really effective portrayal of Snow as a character, and it’s a very effective villain origin story for the type of villain that Snow is. It never once excuses him from his actions because it highlights just how accountable he was for his actions

    cypric-rat-hyperfixation

    Hey, you. I… I couldn’t help but notice you are having a rough day… May I offer you some snuggie rats in consolation?

    godlikevampire

    Thank you these are very good snuggie rats

    isavella5834

    Sir… please Sir…May I..May I have s-some…some more??????????????

    cypric-rat-hyperfixation

    *extends my hand and gently places them in your palm*

    thisismisha

    Thank you op

    mute-chaos

    Thank you op, but um can I ask for more please?

    scattereda

    Here’s my badly lit addition :)

    anelfisfinetoo

    Some modest additions…

    just-a-little-anxious

    …Here’s my rats too

    surlifen

    NO ONE knows how to use thou/thee/thy/thine and i need to see that change if ur going to keep making “talking like a medieval peasant” jokes. /lh

    They play the same roles as I/me/my/mine. In modern english, we use “you” for both the subject and the direct object/object of preposition/etc, so it’s difficult to compare “thou” to “you”.

    So the trick is this: if you are trying to turn something Olde, first turn every “you” into first-person and then replace it like so:

    “I” →  “thou”

    “Me” →  “thee”

    “My” →  “thy”

    “Mine” →  “thine”

    Let’s suppose we had the sentencesYou have a cow. He gave it to you. It is your cow. The cow is yours”.

    We could first imagine it in the first person-

    ��I have a cow. He gave it to me. It is my cow. The cow is mine”.

    And then replace it-

    ��Thou hast a cow. He gave it to thee. It is thy cow. The cow is thine.”

    some-stars

    This is perfect and the only thing missing is that when “thy” comes before a vowel it’s replaced by “thine”, i.e. “thy nose” but “thine eyes.” English used to do this with my and mine too (and still does with a and an).

    fremedon

    The second person singular verb ending is -(e)st. In the present tense, it works more or less like the third person singular ending, -s: 

  • I sleep in the attic. Thou sleepest in the attic. He sleeps in the attic.
  • I love pickles. Thou lovest pickles. He loves pickles.
  • I go to school. Thou goest to school. He goes to school.
  • The -(e)st ending is only added to one word in a compound verb. This is where a lot of people make mistakes:

  • I will believe it when I see it. Thou wilt believe it when thou seest it. He will believe it when he sees it.
  • NOT

  • *thou willst believest it! NOPE! This is wrong
  • If you’re not sure, try saying it in the third person and replacing the -(e)st with -s:

  • *He will believes it when he sees it. ALSO NOPE!�
  • In general, if there’s one auxiliary, it takes the -(e)st ending) and the main verb does not. If there are multiple auxiliaries, only one of them takes -(e)st:

  • I could eat a horse. Thou couldst eat a horse. He could eat a horse.
  • I should go. Thou shouldst go. He should go.
  • I would have gone. Thou wouldst have gone. He wouldst have gone. 
  • You can reduce the full -est ending to -st in poetry, if you need to drop a syllable:

  • thou sleepst, thou lov'st.
  • In some common words–mostly auxiliary verbs, or what you might have learned as “helping verbs”–the ending is always reduced:

  • I can swim. Thou canst swim. He can swim.
  • Sometimes this reduction takes the last consonant of the stem with it:

  • I have a cow. Thou hast a cow. He has a cow. 
  • Or reduces the -st down to -t:

  • I must believe her. Thou must believe her. He must believe her.
  • I shall not kill. Thou shalt not kill. He shall not kill.
  • However! UNLIKE the third-person singular -s, the second person -(e)st is ALSO added to PAST TENSE words, either to the past stem in strong (irregular) verbs or AFTER THE -ed in weak (regular) verbs: 

  • I gave her the horse. Thou gavest her the horse. He gave her the horse.
  • I made a pie. Thou mad’st a pie. He made a pie.
  • I wanted to go. Thou wantedst to go. He wanted to go.
  • This is different from the third person!

  • *He gaves her the horse. He mades a pie. He wanteds to go. SO MUCH NOPE!
  • It’s not wrong to add -(e)st to a long Latinate verb in the past tense, but it’s unusual; it’s much more common to use a helping verb instead:

  • I delivered the letter. (Great!)
  • Thou deliveredst the letter. (Not wrong, but weird)
  • He delivered the letter. (Great!)
  • I did deliver the letter. (Normal if emphatic, or an answer to a question; otherwise, a little weird.)
  • Thou didst deliver the letter. (Great!) 
  • And a couple last things:

    1.) Third-person -(e)th is mostly equivalent to and interchangeable with third-person -s:

  • I have a cow. Thou hast a cow. He hath a cow.
  • I love her. Thou lovest her. He loveth her.
  • I do not understand. Thou dost not understand. He doth not understand.
  • HOWEVER! Third-person -(e)th, unlike -s but like -(e)st, can, sometimes, go on STRONG past-tense verbs:

  • I gave her the cow. Thou gavest her the cow. He gaveth her the cow.
  • This never happens with weak verbs:

  • *He lovedeth her. NOPE NOPE NOPE!
  • And even with strong verbs, from Early Modern (e.g., Shakespearean) English onward, it’s quite rare. But you will see it from time to time.

    2.) In contemporary Modern English, we invert the order of subjects and auxiliary verbs in questions:

  • Will I die?��I will die. 
  • Has she eaten? She has eaten.
  • If there’s no auxiliary, we add one���do–and invert that:

  • Do you hear the people sing? You (do) hear the people sing.
  • In Early Modern English, this process was optional, and mostly used for emphasis; all verbs could be and were moved to the front of the sentence in questions:

  • Hear ye the people sing? (Or singen, if we’re early enough to still be inflecting infinitives.)
  • Do-support was also optional for negatives:

  • I don’t like him. I like him not.
  • Thou dost not care. Thou carest not.
  • She does not love thee. She loves thee not.
  • 3.) Imperative verbs never take endings:

  • Hear ye, hear ye!
  • Go thou and do likewise!
  • Give me thy hand. Take thou this sword. 
  • 4.) Singular ‘you’–that is, calling a singular person by a plural pronoun–arose as a politeness marker; and ‘thou’ fell out of use because it eventually came to be seen as impolite in almost all contexts. In general, once singular ‘you’ comes into use, it is used for addressing

  • people of higher social status than the speaker
  • or of equivalent status, if both speakers are high-status
  • strangers
  • anyone the speaker wants to flatter
  • ‘Thou’ is used for

  • people of lower social status than the speaker
  • family and intimate friends
  • children
  • anyone the speaker wants to insult
  • It is safer to ‘you’ someone who doesn’t necessarily warrant ‘you’ than to ‘thou’ someone who does.

    5.) And finally, that ‘ye’? That’s the nominative form of you–the one that’s equivalent to ‘I’ or ‘we.’ 

  • I  → thou → he/she/it  → we → ye → they
  • Me → thee → him/her/it → us → you → them
  • My → thy → his/her/its → our → your → their
  • Mine → thine → his/hers/its → ours → yours → theirs
  • Any time you’re using ‘thou’ for the singular, the second person plural– ‘y’all’– declines like this:

  • ye:  Ye are all a bunch of weirdos.
  • you: And I love you very much.
  • your: This has been your grammar lesson.
  • yours: This grammar lesson is yours. 
  • alphabetcompletionist

    made this in advance of the next time it happens

    ABCDEFGHI KLMNOP RST V XY

    21/26

    recipe-unlocked

    Recipe Unlocked! The Gimmick Cake!

    Cook time - 2 hours

    Ingredients - 2 flour, 3 eggs, 1 water, 3 sugar, 1 soul of a Tumblrina

    This cake shows that your post has been hijacked by gimmick blogs! It is given to you by someone else as an apology for the other gimmick blogs flooding your notifications

    Cook now?

    [YES] [NO]

    status-updates

    What have you done. And do you like the color the sky is

    epprbcu-shipping

    Recipe × Status

    Do you like the color of the sun?

    pointless-achievements

    Achievement Unlocked:

    What Else Did You Expect?

    You made a post about gimmick blogs dogpiling a post, you had to see this coming.

    bible-word-counter

    SORRY THE OTHER GIMMICK BLOGS MADE THIS POST A MILE LONG

    ✝️Nine of these words are in the Bible!✝️

    parentheses-posts

    There are two sets of brackets in this post.

    bad-tf-ideas

    A cake laced with a poison that starts a new gimmick blog in your name.

    is-this-a-cat

    This is not a cat

    jasontoddiefor

    I need minors to learn how to lie online again. Your name is Derek, you’re 25 and work in accounting now. Please for your own safety learn how to fucking lie. And if you don’t want to lie, then don’t put your age anywhere. Don’t even say whether you’re a minor or not. It is perfectly easy to avoid adult spaces without signposting that you are doing so because you���re a child.

    Stating your age doesn’t protect you this only makes you a target.

    giritina

    Tbh this is kind of absurd victim-blame-y advice phrased as anti-grooming information. I'm sure it's well-meaning, but lying about your age does not protect you from abuse. You're presenting it as if we, the generation who lied, were very safe from abuse. Lying about or otherwise obfuscating my age did not protect me from abuse. First of all, lying about being an adult can make people treat you in a way that is completely inappropriate even if they aren't pedophiles... because they are assuming they are speaking to an adult. The other side of it is that most people seeking to abuse children know how to spot them whether they lie or not. Children are largely not capable of convincingly posing as adults and we should not hold them to that standard. This is advice meant to comfort an adult audience into believing there is a simple solution to online grooming.

    Instead of encouraging children to lie, we might try and educate them about online safety in a more productive way. We should spread information about grooming, what it looks like and the consequences of it. Children usually begin talking to adults because that adult is charismatic and kind and gives them attention they aren't receiving. If we can help children understand that this relationship is a traumatic one, we can help them not fall into the cycle of abuse. Adults who are in online spaces with children should understand their power and help the children in that community if they are able. I see better education about these issues in younger people, which is part of why they ID as minors and reject adults from entering their spaces. It is an imperfect, potentially dangerous solution, but it isn't any worse than lying about your age and operating online as though you were an adult.

    As an example, when I entered a relationship with an adult, they did not know my age at all until we were already together. They did not know my legal age, legal name, or where I lived. I knew that I was entering this relationship, but had never been taught that a relationship looking like that, one that I entered willingly, could be pedophilic or abusive. They accepted my age and continued the relationship because the illusion of consent had already been manufactured. Lying about my age did not help me, but what would have helped me was an actual understanding of what grooming is and that it isn't just "being tricked into having sex with an old man" or anything else I could avoid via internet safety smarts.

    softecat

    It’s time to activate it…

    Bites The Dust!
    now this entire post will be reversed!

    averruncusho

    Am I having a fucking stroke

    hkayakh

    Besides posts that are downright terrible like bigotry, this is my least favorite post

    yalikejazz1234

    this felt like a fever dream

    chuuya-fan-page

    SO THERES THIS ISONG IVE BEEN LISTENTING TOO. RIGHT. ITS CALLED BELIEVING AND ITRS BY BABYMETAL. i m gonna throw up its so skk coded

    I don't wanna be confused anymore

    There's no safe space

    We just can't go back to the way we were

    Leave everything in God's hands

    The seasons change

    You are not the same

    The seasons change

    We are not the same

    Don't go back

    All the things you said, all the things I know

    All the things you said, all the things I know

    Believing, believing you, believing you

    I don't wanna be afraid anymore

    There's no middle ground

    We just can't go back to the way we were

    It's kind of like heads or tails

    The seasons change

    You are not the same

    The seasons change

    We are not the same

    Don't let go

    All the things I said, all the things you know

    All the things I said, all the things you know

    Believing, believing you, believing you

    Wherever you are

    Wherever we are

    Wherever you are

    Wherever we are

    The seasons change

    You are not the same

    The seasons change

    We are not the same

    Don't forget

    All the things I said, all the things I know

    All the things you said, all the things you know

    Believing, believing you, believing you

    LIKE?????? IM???????????? ??? ???? ?? ??V ?? ?VWDEFDBHCUFIBHGWVDBSHKFGEBHR4HVFGTUWSRHTBERYGDJRTBH G

    Anyway. Brb time to write an in depth analysis essay on. Them. and. This. sigh

    if you write an analysis ill write you a one shot

    how to write fight scenes

    many people have told me that Chum has good fight scenes. a small subset of those people have asked me on advice for how to write fight scenes. i am busy procrastinating, so i have distilled my general ethos on fight scenes into four important points. followed by a homework assignment.

    • Fight scenes take place on two axii - the physical and the intellectual. For the most interesting fight scenes, neither character should have a full inventory of the other's abilities, equipment, fighting style, etc. This gives you an opportunity to pull out surprises, but, more importantly, turns each fight into a jockeying of minds, as all characters involved have to puzzle out what's going on in real time. This is especially pertinent for settings with power systems. It feels more earned if the characters are trying to deduce the limitations and reach of the opponent's power rather than the opponent simply explaining it to them (like in Bleach. Don't do that). 1a. Have characters be incorrect in their assumptions sometimes, leading to them making mistakes that require them to correct their internal models of an opponent under extreme pressure. 1b. If you really have to have a character explain their powers to someone there should be a damn good reason for it. The best reason is "they are lying". The second best reason is "their power requires it for some reason".
    • Make sure your blows actually have weight. When characters are wailing at each other for paragraphs and paragraphs and nothing happens, it feels like watching rock 'em sock 'em robots. They beat each other up, and then the fight ends with a decisive blow. Not interesting! Each character has goals that will influence what their victory condition is, and each character has a physical body that takes damage over the course of a fight. If someone is punched in the gut and coughs up blood, that's an injury! It should have an impact on them not just for the fight but long term. Fights that go longer than "fist meets head, head meets floor" typically have a 'break-down' - each character getting sloppier and weaker as they bruise, batter, and break their opponent, until victory is achieved with the last person standing. this keeps things tense and interesting.
    • I like to actually plan out my fight scenes beat for beat and blow for blow, including a: the thought process of each character leading to that attempted action, b: what they are trying to do, and c: how it succeeds or fails. In fights with more than two people, I like to use graph paper (or an Excel spreadsheet with the rows turned into squares) to keep track of positions and facings over time.
    • Don't be afraid to give your characters limitations, because that means they can be discovered by the other character and preyed upon, which produces interesting ebbs and flows in the fight. A gunslinger is considerably less useful in a melee with their gun disarmed. A swordsman might not know how to box if their sword is destroyed. If they have powers, consider what they have to do to make them activate, if it exhausts them to use, how they can be turned off, if at all. Consider the practical applications. Example: In Chum, there are many individuals with pyrokinetic superpowers, and none of them have "think something on fire" superpowers. Small-time filler villain Aaron McKinley can ignite anything he's looking at, and suddenly the fight scenes begin constructing themselves, as Aaron's eyes and the direction of his gaze become an incredibly relevant factor.

    if you have reached this far in this essay I am giving you homework. Go watch the hallway fight in Oldboy and then novelize it. Then, watch it again every week for the rest of your life, and you will become good at writing fight scenes.

    as with all pieces of advice these are not hard and fast rules (except watching the oldboy hallway fight repeatedly) but general guidelines to be considered and then broken when it would produce an interesting outcome to do so.

    okay have a good day. and go read chum.

    Duolingo is NOT what it used to be.

    “Duolingo is ‘sunsetting the development of the Welsh course’ (and many others)”.

    I’ve used Duolingo since 2013. It used to be about genuinely learning languages and preserving endangered ones. It used to have a vibrant community and forum where users were listened to. It used to have volunteers that dedicated countless hours and even years to making the best courses they could while also trying to explain extremely nuanced and complex grammar in simple terms.

    In the past two years it feels like Von Ahn let the money talk instead of focusing on the original goal.

    No one truly had a humongous problem with the subscription tier for SuperDuolingo. We understood it: if you can afford to pay, help keep Duolingo free for those who couldn’t.

    It started when the company went public. Volunteers were leaving courses they created because they warned of differing longterm goals compared to Duolingo’s as a company; not long after it was announced that the incubator (how volunteers were able to make courses in the first place) would be shut down. A year goes by and the forums—the voice of the users and the way people were able to share tips and explanations—is discontinued. A year or two later, Duolingo gets a completely new makeover—the Tree is gone and you don’t control what lesson you start with. With the disappearance of the Tree, all grammar notes and explanations for courses not in the Big 8 (consisting of the courses made before the incubator like Spanish/French/German/etc. and of the most popular courses like Japanese/Korean/Chinese/etc.) are removed with it. Were you learning Vietnamese and have no idea how honorifics work without the grammar notes? Shit outta luck bud. Were you learning Polish and have absolutely no clue how one of the declensions newly thrown at you functions? Suck it up. In a Reddit AMA, Von Ahn claims that the new design resulted in more users utilizing the app/site. How he claims that statistic? By counting how many people log into their Duolingo account, as if an entire app renovation wouldn’t cause an uptick in numbers to even see what the fuck just happened to the courses.

    Von Ahn announces next in a Reddit AMA that no more language courses will be added from what there already is available. His reasoning? No one uses the unpopular language courses — along with how Duolingo will now be doing upkeep with the courses already in place. And here I am, currently looking on the Duolingo website how there are 1.8 million active learners for Irish, 284 thousand active learners for Navajo, and even 934 thousand active learners for fucking High Valyrian. But yea, no one uses them. Not like the entire Navajo Nation population is 399k members or anything, or like 1.8 million people isn’t 36% of the entire population of Ireland or anything.

    And now this. What happened to the upkeep of current courses? Oh, Von Ahn only meant the popular ones that already have infinite resources. Got it. Duolingo used to be a serious foundational resource for languages with little resources while also adding the relief of gamification.

    It pisses me off. It really does. This was not what Duolingo started out as. And yea, maybe I shouldn’t get invested in a dingy little app. But as someone who spent most of her adolescence immersed in language learning to the point where it was literally keeping me alive at one point, to the point where languages felt like my only friend as a tween, and to the point where friendships on the Duolingo forums with likeminded individuals my age and other enthusiasts who even sent me books in other languages for free because they wanted people to learn it, the evolution of Duolingo hits a bitter nerve within me.

    ~End rant.

    rotclaw

    You ok?

    i'm just in shock right now really. i know i shouldn't subject myself to it, but i've been up all night watching the news about the whole thing

    maine is such a quiet state. sure if you live here you might be like "oh avoid such and such city it's a dump" but major crimes are such a rare occurrence that it's really hard to say any cities here are dangerous.

    i'm an hour away from the area, give or take twenty minutes, but this kind of thing will send a huge shockwave throughout the whole state. it's the worst thing to ever happen in maine. it happened an hour away from me. it's another mass shooting by a white terrorist but this time he was a firearms instructor with 20 years of military experience and easy access to assault weapons. and nothing will change.

    nothing will change. in this country we can ban books and illegalize abortions, yet if we try to argue for proper gun control after the 600th mass shooting of the year they argue about how stupid we are and refuse to budge on the subject. it's all in the name of capitalistic greed.

    when's the time to talk about gun control? after the next shooting maybe? but not right now, no. not now. i just don't understand why people are so obsessed with defending guns.

    but yes anon, other than feeling a numb rage deep in my heart, i'm ok. i'm just so sad for maine; for my home. there's already been so much horror in the world to deal with, and now it's right next door.

    stealingyourbones

    did u know that there's no character limit for an ask if it's not anonymous? it just can't be over 4k characters in a block. :D

    According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.Barry! Breakfast is ready!Coming!Hang on a second.Hello?Barry?Adam?Can you believe this is happening?I can't.I'll pick you up.Looking sharp.Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those.Sorry. I'm excited.Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.A perfect report card, all B's.Very proud.Ma! I got a thing going here.You got lint on your fuzz.

    Ow! That's me!Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.Bye!Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!Hey, Adam.Hey, Barry.Is that fuzz gel?A little. Special day, graduation.Never thought I'd make it.Three days grade school, three days high school.Those were awkward.Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive.You did come back different.Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.Hear about Frankie?Yeah.You going to the funeral?No, I'm not going.Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.Don't waste it on a squirrel.

    Such a hothead.I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.That's why we don't need vacations.Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances.Well, Adam, today we are men.We are!Bee-men.Amen!Hallelujah!Students, faculty, distinguished bees,please welcome Dean Buzzwell.Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15.That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries!Will we pick our job today?I heard it's just orientation.Heads up! Here we go.

    Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.Wonder what it'll be like?A little scary.Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group.This is it!Wow.Wow.We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive.Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey!

    That girl was hot.She's my cousin!She is?Yes, we're all cousins.Right. You're right.At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence.These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.What do you think he makes?Not enough.Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.What does that do?Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.Can anyone work on the Krelman?Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones.But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.

    The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.What's the difference?You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years.So you'll just work us to death?We'll sure try.Wow! That blew my mind!"What's the difference?"How can you say that?One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?Why would you question anything? We're bees.We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?Like what? Give me one example.I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.Wait a second.

    Check it out.Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!Wow.I've never seen them this close.They know what it's like outside The Hive.Yeah, but some don't come back.Hey, Jocks!Hi, Jocks!You guys did great!You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!I wonder where they were.I don't know.Their day's not planned.Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.Right.Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?Distant. Distant.Look at these two.

    Couple of Hive Harrys.Let's have fun with them.It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock.Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!Oh, my!I never thought I'd knock him out.What were you doing during this?Trying to alert the authorities.I can autograph that.A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades?Yeah. Gusty.We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.Six miles, huh?Barry!A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.Maybe I am.You are not!We're going 0900 at J-Gate.What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough?I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means.

    Hey, Honex!Dad, you surprised me.You decide what you're interested in?Well, there's a lot of choices.But you only get one.Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day?Son, let me tell you about stirring.You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around.You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing.You know, Dad, the more I think about it,maybe the honey field just isn't right for me.You were thinking of what, making balloon animals?That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger.Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!

    Barry, you are so funny sometimes.I'm not trying to be funny.You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!You're gonna be a stirrer?No one's listening to me!Wait till you see the sticks I have.I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!Let's open some honey and celebrate!Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!I'm so proud.We're starting work today!Today's the day.Come on! All the good jobs will be gone.Yeah, right.Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...Is it still available?Hang on. Two left!

    One of them's yours! Congratulations!Step to the side.What'd you get?Picking crud out. Stellar!Wow!Couple of newbies?Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!Make your choice.You want to go first?No, you go.Oh, my. What's available?Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.Any chance of getting the Krelman?Sure, you're on.I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.Wax monkey's always open.The Krelman opened up again.What happened?A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one.Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!Oh, this is so hard!Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler.

    Barry, what do you think I should... Barry?Barry!All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine...What happened to you?Where are you?I'm going out.Out? Out where?Out there.Oh, no!I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?Another call coming in.If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today.Hey, guys.Look at that.Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.Really? Feeling lucky, are you?Sign here, here.

    Just initial that.Thank you.OK.You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain.So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats.Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us.Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada!That's awful.And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions!

    Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

    Black and yellow!Hello!You ready for this, hot shot?Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.Wind, check.Antennae, check.Nectar pack, check.Wings, check.Stinger, check.Scared out of my shorts, check.OK, ladies,let's move it out!Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers!All of you, drain those flowers!Wow! I'm out!I can't believe I'm out!So blue.I feel so fast and free!Box kite!Wow!Flowers!This is Blue Leader, We have roses visual.

    Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.Roses!30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick.That is one nectar collector!Ever see pollination up close?No, sir.I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic.That's amazing. Why do we do that?That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.Cool.I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don't we need those?Copy that visual.Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move.Say again? You're reporting a moving flower?

    Affirmative.That was on the line!This is the coolest. What is it?I don't know, but I'm loving this color.It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it.Yeah, fuzzy.Chemical-y.Careful, guys. It's a little grabby.My sweet lord of bees!Candy-brain, get off there!Problem!Guys!This could be bad.Affirmative.Very close.Gonna hurt.Mama's little boy.You are way out of position, rookie!Coming in at you like a missile!Help me!I don't think these are flowers.Should we tell him?I think he knows.What is this?!Match point!You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it!Yowser!Gross.There's a bee in the car!Do something!I'm driving!

    Hi, bee.He's back here!He's going to sting me!Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze!He blinked!Spray him, Granny!What are you doing?!Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable.I gotta get home.Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain.Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!Ken, could you close the window please?Ken, could you close the window please?Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out.Oh, no. More humans.

    I don't need this.What was that?Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes!That is diabolical.It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.What's number one? Star Wars?Nah, I don't go for that... kind of stuff.No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds.When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it.I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me.Wait! Stop! Bee!Stand back. These are winter boots.Wait!

    Don't kill him!You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me!Why does his life have less value than yours?Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement?I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling.My brochure!There you go, little guy.I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure.My whole face could puff up.Make it one of your special skills.Knocking someone out is also a special skill.Right. Bye, Vanessa.

    Thanks.Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.You could put carob chips on there.Bye.Supposed to be less calories.Bye.I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something.All right, here it goes.Nah.What would I say?I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human.I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to.Oh, I can't do it. Come on!No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't.How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good.Here she comes! Speak, you fool!Hi!I'm sorry. You're talking.Yes, I know.You're talking!

    I'm so sorry.No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed.Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting.This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee!I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me.And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised.That was a little weird. I'm talking with a bee.Yeah.I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me!I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now.Wait! How did you learn to do that?What?The talking thing.Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey."

    You pick it up.That's very funny.Yeah.Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with.Anyway... Can I... get you something?Like what?I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee?I don't want to put you out.It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.It's just coffee.I hate to impose.Don't be ridiculous!Actually, I would love a cup.Hey, you want rum cake?I shouldn't.Have some.No, I can't.Come on!I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.Where?These stripes don't help.You look great!

    I don't know if you know anything about fashion.Are you all right?No.He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison.He finally gets there.He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on.And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan.Why would I marry a watermelon?"Is that a bee joke?That's the kind of stuff we do.Yeah, different.So, what are you gonna do, Barry?About work? I don't know.I want to do my part for The Hive, but I can't do it the way they want.I know how you feel.

    You do?Sure.My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.Really?My only interest is flowers.Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan.Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it?You're in Sheep Meadow!Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once.Why do girls put rings on their toes?Why not?It's like putting a hat on your knee.Maybe I'll try that.You all right, ma'am?Oh, yeah. Fine.

    Just having two cups of coffee!Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee.Yeah, it's no trouble.Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life.Are you...?Can I take a piece of this with me?Sure! Here, have a crumb.Thanks!Yeah.All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not.OK, Barry.And thank you so much again... for before.Oh, that? That was nothing.Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...This can't possibly work.

    He's all set to go.We may as well try it.OK, Dave, pull the chute.Sounds amazing.It was amazing!It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life.Humans! I can't believe you were with humans!Giant, scary humans!What were they like?Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy.Do they try and kill you, like on TV?Some of them. But some of them don't.How'd you get back?Poodle.You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see.You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal.Well...Well?Well, I met someone.You did? Was she Bee-ish?A wasp?!

    Your parents will kill you!No, no, no, not a wasp.Spider?I'm not attracted to spiders.I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face.So who is she?She's... human.No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law.Her name's Vanessa.Oh, boy.She's so nice. And she's a florist!Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!We're not dating.You're flying outside The Hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite!She saved my life! And she understands me.This is over!Eat this.This is not over! What was that?They call it a crumb.It was so stingin' stripey!And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat!You know what a Cinnabon is?No.

    It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up...Sit down!...really hot!Listen to me!We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them!Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning?There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me!You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee!Thinking bee.Thinking bee.Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee!There he is. He's in the pool.You know what your problem is, Barry?I gotta start thinking bee?How much longer will this go on?It's been three days! Why aren't you working?

    I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about.What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee!Would it kill you to make a little honey?Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you.Martin, would you talk to him?Barry, I'm talking to you!You coming?Got everything?All set!Go ahead. I'll catch up.Don't be too long.Watch this!Vanessa!We're still here.I told you not to yell at him.He doesn't respond to yelling!Then why yell at me?Because you don't listen!I'm not listening to this.

    Sorry, I've gotta go.Where are you going?I'm meeting a friend.A girl? Is this why you can't decide?Bye.I just hope she's Bee-ish.They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena?To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream!Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering.A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events?No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere?It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster.Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn.TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane!You don't have that?We have Hivo, but it's a disease.

    It's a horrible, horrible disease.Oh, my.Dumb bees!You must want to sting all those jerks.We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us.So you have to watch your temper.Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust.Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?Yeah.What is wrong with you?!It's a bug.He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep!What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?Yeah, it was. How did you know?It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.You've really got that down to a science.I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.I'll bet.What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this?

    How did this get here? cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select?Is he that actor?I never heard of him.Why is this here?For people. We eat it.You don't have enough food of your own?Well, yes.How do you get it?Bees make it.I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it!There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing!It's organic.It's our-ganic!It's just honey, Barry.Just what?!Bees don't know about this!

    This is stealing! A lot of stealing!You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have!And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this.I'm getting to the bottom of all of this!Hey, Hector. You almost done?Almost.He is here. I sense it.Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around.You're busted, box boy!I knew I heard something.So you can talk!I can talk. And now you'll start talking!Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier?I don't understand.I thought we were friends.

    The last thing we want to do is upset bees!You're too late! It's ours now!You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword!You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio!Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where!Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!Crazy person!What horrible thing has happened here?These faces, they never knew what hit them. And nowthey're on the road to nowhere!Just keep still.What? You're not dead?Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed?

    To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here.I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off!I'm going to Tacoma.And you?He really is dead.All right.Uh-oh!What is that?!Oh, no!A wiper! Triple blade!Triple blade?Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?!How much do you people need to see?!Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window!From NPR News in Washington,I'm Carl Kasell.But don't kill no more bugs!Bee!Moose blood guy!!You hear something?Like what?Like tiny screaming.

    Turn off the radio.Whassup, bee boy?Hey, Blood.Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see.Wow!I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours.Bees hang tight. We're all jammed in.It's a close community.Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own.What if you get in trouble?You a mosquito, you in trouble.

    Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack!At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls.Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.You got to be kidding me!Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee!Hey, guys!Mooseblood!I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw?We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit.What is this place?A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead.They are pinheads!Pinhead.Check out the new smoker.Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000!Smoker?Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

    Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out.They make the honey, and we make the money."They make the honey, and we make the money"?Oh, my!What's going on? Are you OK?Yeah. It doesn't last too long.Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls?Our queen was moved here. We had no choice.This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen!What is this?Oh, no!There's hundreds of them!Bee honey.Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale!This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something.Oh, Barry, stop.Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor.Do these look like rumors?

    That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this?He's been talking to humans.What? Talking to humans?!He has a human girlfriend. And they make out!Make out? Barry!We do not.You wish you could.Whose side are you on?The bees!I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night.Barry, this is what you want to do with your life?I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees!Dad, I remember you coming home so overworkedyour hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop.

    I remember that.What right do they have to our honey?We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!Even if it's true, what can one bee do?Sting them where it really hurts.In the face! The eye!That would hurt.No.Up the nose? That's a killer.There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters.Hive at Five, The Hive's only full-hour action news source.No more bee beards!With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi.

    And Jeanette Chung.Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.And I'm Jeanette Ohung.A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally!Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon.Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.Did you ever think,

    "I'm a kid from The Hive. I can't do this"?Bees have never been afraid to change the world.What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.We were thinking of stickball or candy stores.How old are you?The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century.You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too.It's a common name.

    Next week...He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots...Next week...Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em.Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live.Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish.In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness!It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that?Quiet, please.

    Actual work going on here.Is that that same bee?Yes, it is!I'm helping him sue the human race.Hello.Hello, bee.This is Ken.Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.Why does he talk again?Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working.But it's our yogurt night!Bye-bye.Why is yogurt night so difficult?!You poor thing.

    You two have been at this for hours!Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help.Frosting...How many sugars?Just one. I try not to use the competition.So why are you helping me?Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now.Those are great, if you're three.And artificial flowers.Oh, those just get me psychotic!Yeah, me too.Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

    Bees must hate those fake things!Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done.Maybe this could make up for it a little bit.This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.I guess.You sure you want to go through with it?Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty!It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak.What have we gotten into here, Barry?It's pretty big, isn't it?

    I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day.You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers?Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade.What's the matter?I don't know, I just got a chill.Well, if it isn't the bee team.You boys work on this?All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding.All right. Case number 4475,Superior Court of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session.Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively?A privilege.Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world?I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed.Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please.

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us.If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean.I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches!Talking bee!How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry?They could be using laser beams! Robotics!

    Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids!Mr. Benson?Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives.Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are!I wish he'd dress like that all the time.

    So nice!Call your first witness.So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have.I suppose so.I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron!Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms.Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term.I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you?No.I couldn't hear you.No.No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

    They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.You mean like this?Bears kill bees!How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away.So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before?I was with a band called The Police.But you've never been a police officer, have you?No, I haven't.No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name.Oh, please.

    Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!That's not his real name?! You idiots!Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005.Thank you. Thank you.I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow.I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?Not yet it isn't.

    But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir?Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now!This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella!Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?!Order in this court!You're all thinking it!Order! Order, I say!Say it!Mr. Liotta, please sit down!I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side.Are we doing everything right, legally?

    I'm a florist.Right. Well, here's to a great team.To a great team!Well, hello.Ken!Hello.I didn't think you were coming.No, I was just late I tried to call, but... the battery.I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.Oh, that was lucky.There's a little left. I could heat it up.Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby.

    That's where I usually sit. Right... there.Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill.You think I don't see what you're doing?I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common.Do we?Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out.That's just what I was thinking about doing.Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz.

    I hope that was all right.I'm going to drain the old stinger.Yeah, you do that.Look at that.You know, I've just about had it with your little Mind Games.What's that?Italian Vogue.Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.A lot of ads.Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine?Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here!I love the smell of flowers.How do you like the smell of flames?!Not as much.Water bug! Not taking sides!Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat!This is pathetic!

    I've got issues!Well, well, well, a royal flush!You're bluffing.Am I?Surf's up, dude!Poo water!That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings!Kenneth! What are you doing?!You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it!We need to talk! He's just a little bee!And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time!Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them!Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster!

    Goodbye, Ken.And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man!I'm sorry about all that.I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it!I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well.Are you OK for the trial?I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas.We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers...Yeah.Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over.Don't worry.

    The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees.You got the tweezers?Are you allergic?Only to losing, son. Only to losing.Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know.What exactly is your relationship to that woman?We're friends.Good friends?Yes.How good? Do you live together?Wait a minute... Are you her little... bedbug?I've seen a bee documentary or two.

    From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children?Yeah, but...So those aren't your real parents!Oh, Barry...Yes, they are!Hold me back!You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson?He's denouncing bees!Don't y'all date your cousins?Objection!I'm going to pincushion this guy!Adam, don't! It's what he wants!Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit!Order! Order!The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see?

    You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way!Adam, stay with me.I can't feel my legs.What Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks?I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please!The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery.Hey, buddy.Hey.Is there much pain?

    Yeah.I... I blew the whole case, didn't I?It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died.I'd be better off dead. Look at me.They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it.What was it like to sting someone?I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy!All right.You think it was all a trap?Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this.What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world.

    What will the humans do to us if they win?I don't know.I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad.Adam, they check in, but they don't check out!Oh, my.Could you get a nurse to close that window?Why?The smoke.Bees don't smoke.Right. Bees don't smoke.Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking.That's it! That's our case!It is? It's not over?Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can.And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.Mr. Flayman.Yes? Yes, Your Honor!Where is the rest of your team?Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

    Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time.I actually heard a funny story about...Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on?They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses.I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case!Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion.But you can't! We have a terrific case.

    Where is your proof?Where is the evidence?Show me the smoking gun!Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun.What is that?It's a bee smoker!What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee.Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps?Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man?What are we gonna do?He's playing the species card.

    Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees!Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees!

    The court finds in favor of the bees!Vanessa, we won!I knew you could do it! High-five!Sorry.I'm OK! You know what this means?All the honey will finally belong to the bees.Now we won't have to work so hard all the time.This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson.You'll regret this.Barry, how much honey is out there?All right. One at a time.Barry, who are you wearing?My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.What if Montgomery's right?What do you mean?We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years.Congratulations on your victory.

    What will you demand as a settlement?First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps.Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop.We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine.We're all aware of what they do in the woods.Wait for my signal. Take him out.He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine.And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames...But it's just a prance-about stage name!...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments.

    Can't breathe.Bring it in, boys!Hold it right there! Good.Tap it.Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups and there's gallons more coming!I think we need to shut down!Shut down? We've never shut down.Shut down honey production!Stop making honey!Turn your key, sir!What do we do now?Cannonball!We're shutting honey production!Mission abort.Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base.Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there.

    Oh, yeah?What's going on? Where is everybody?Are they out celebrating?They're home.They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in.I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket.At least we got our honey back.Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't?It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it.This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now...Now I can't.I don't understand why they're not happy.I thought their lives would be better!

    They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people.You don't have any idea what's going on, do you?What did you want to show me?This.What happened here?That is not the half of it.Oh, no. Oh, my.They're all wilting.Doesn't look very good, does it?No.And whose fault do you think that is?You know, I'm gonna guess bees.Bees?Specifically, me.I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things.It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.That's our whole SAT test right there.Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom.And then, of course...The human species?

    So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it?I know this is also partly my fault.How about a suicide pact?How do we do it?I'll sting you, you step on me.That just kills you twice.Right, right.Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going.I had to open my mouth and talk.Vanessa?Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going?To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena.They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying.It's the Last Chance I'll ever have to see it.Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this.I know. Me neither.Tournament of Roses.

    Roses can't do sports.Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?Roses!Vanessa!Roses?!Barry?Roses are flowers!Yes, they are.Flowers, bees, pollen!I know.That's why this is the last parade.Maybe not.Could you ask him to slow down?Could you slow down?Barry!OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault.Yes, it kind of is.I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse.Actually, it's completely closed down.I thought maybe you were remodeling.But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined.I don't want to hear it!All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen.

    I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park.All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got.Bees.Park.Pollen!Flowers.Repollination!Across the nation!Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California.They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy.Security will be tight.I have an idea.Vanessa Bloome, FTD.Official floral business. It's real.Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.Thank you. It was a gift.Once inside, we just pick the right float.How about The Princess and the Pea?I could be the princess, and you could be the pea!Yes, I got it.Where should I sit?What are you?I believe I'm the pea.The pea?It goes under the mattresses.

    Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.I'm getting the marshal.You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco!Let's see what this baby'll do.Hey, what are you doing?!Then all we do is blend in with traffic... without arousing suspicion.Once at the airport, there's no stopping us.Stop! Security.You and your insect pack your float?Yes.Has it been in your possession the entire time?Would you remove your shoes?Remove your stinger.It's part of me.I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight.

    Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job.Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job!I think this is gonna work.It's got to work.Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay.Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it.I gotta get up there and talk to them.Be careful.Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.Captain, I'm in a real situation.What'd you say, Hal?Nothing.Bee!Don't freak out!

    My entire species...What are you doing?Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!Who's an attorney?Don't move.Oh, Barry.Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry!What happened here?There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded.One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious!Is that another bee joke?No!No one's flying the plane!This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status?This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York.Where's the pilot?He's unconscious, and so is the copilot.

    Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience?As a matter of fact, there is.Who's that?Barry Benson.From the honey trial?! Oh, great.Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee.It's got giant wings, huge engines.I can't fly a plane.Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?Yes.How hard could it be?Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning.This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing.Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory...That's Barry!...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew.

    Flowers?!We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience.Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane.I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres.They've done enough damage.But isn't he your only hope?Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all.Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times?"The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense."Get this on the air!Got it.Stand by.We're going live.The way we work may be a mystery to you.

    Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs.But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference.More than we realized. To us, to everyone.That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O.We get behind a fellow.Black and yellow!Hello!Left, right, down, hover.Hover?Forget hover.This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep!Barry, what happened?!Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time.That may have been helping me.

    And now we're not!So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out!Move out!Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane!Don't have to yell.I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble.It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice!It's not a tone. I'm panicking!I can't do this!Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it!You snap out of it.You snap out of it.You snap out of it!You snap out of it!You snap out of it!You snap out of it!You snap out of it!You snap out of it!

    Hold it!Why? Come on, it's my turn.How is the plane flying?I don't know.Hello?Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there?The Pollen Jocks!They do get behind a fellow.Black and yellow.Hello.All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop.Where? I can't see anything. Can you?No, nothing. It's all cloudy.Come on. You got to think bee, Barry.Thinking bee.Thinking bee.Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something.What?I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.Bring the nose down.Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

    What in the world is on the tarmac?Get some lights on that!Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Vanessa, aim for the flower.OK.Cut the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys?Affirmative!Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.Land on that flower!Ready? Full reverse!Spin it around!Not that flower! The other one!Which one?That flower.I'm aiming at the flower!That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees!Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.Rotate around it.This is insane, Barry!

    This's the only way I know how to fly.Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern?Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse!Just drop it. Be a part of it.Aim for the center!Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!Come on, already.Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly!Yes. No high-five!Right.Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower?What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius!Thank you.But we're not done yet.Listen, everyone!This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth.That means this is our Last Chance.

    We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this.If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say?Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains?We're bees!Keychain!Then follow me! Except Keychain.Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this.Yeah!I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.Oh, yeah.That's our Barry.Mom! The bees are back!If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time.

    I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight!Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next?Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel!Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat!I had no idea.Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment?Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you.Sorry I'm late.He's a lawyer too?I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase.Have a great afternoon!Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere.No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me.

    You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next?All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly.Thank you, Barry!That bee is living my life!Let it go, Kenny.When will this nightmare end?!Let it all go.Beautiful day to fly.Sure is.Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office.You have got to start thinking bee, my friend.Thinking bee!Me?Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it.I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here?I'm not making a major life decision during a production number!All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys.I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

    :000

    Dude that’s positively incredible. What a wonderful prompt.

    You can go in so many directions with this one. Like, what if the plane didn’t land properly? What if the Bees were never subjected to the smoke? What if this idea focused more on the ideals of capitalism rather than the ideals of communism.

    The best prompt I’ve gotten in the entirety of my existence on tumblr. Thank you for such a wonderful ask <3

    Hi there. I'm going to be vulnerable for a moment. I wrote this book (working title "Synia") over the last 5 years, and finished it up back in April. Since then, I've been holding onto it, willing myself to send out queries. But the fear of rejection, and the knowledge that it's likely not a "sellable" book, has kept me back from actually sending out any letters. To force myself to do something, I'd like to share the prologue with you all. The story is about a pair of siblings who are Syniae, or creatures who have magical gifts based on synesthesia.

    If you would like to know more, I'll be happy to blab on about it ad nauseam. If you know of any publishers or literary agents who are interested in such a story, please let me know. If this falls into the empty void, well...that's also feedback that I need. Thank you for reading the above, and I hope you enjoy the prologue below:

    -----------------*-*-*-*-*---------------

    Grey.

    Everything was grey. The sky, the walls, the fog inside her head. Even her tormentor’s eyes were a piercing, unforgiving grey. It was the color that invaded her every thought from the moment she awoke until the moment she finally passed out.

    Long ago, there used to be a spectrum. She vaguely recalled the melody of a forest green, the sweet sound of a tempting red, the echo of a vibrant yellow. That was an æon ago. Now, she was reduced to monochrome, the lifeless color of a rainy day.

    Today, she had opted for a change of scenery. Instead of spending the entire day in bed, staring at the grey ceiling, she instead sat next to the grey-filtered transpane along one of the walls, watching the mist that enveloped the view.

    Suddenly, a low, silky voice called from behind through the mental mist:

    “Oh good, you’re up. I was beginning to wonder if I had finally broken you.” The disembodied tone had an air of amusement to it, as though it had told a clever inside joke.

    She scowled in reply, but did not turn to search for the source of the voice. She had no words for the man. Words had color to them, and this Orb didn’t allow for that.

    “I see. Just as conversational as ever,” mused her captor. “Come now, have I not earned some conversation at this point? We’ve both held up our ends of the bargain. You’re fully cooperative now and haven’t tried to escape in quite some time, and you can clearly see the benefits. Your living quarters are quite generous, and I do try to make sure you’re well fed. For all intents and purposes, you are far more my guest than my prisoner at this point.”

    And it was true. The sleeping room she was currently sitting in was rather large, and contained a bed, a small table, and two chairs, one of which she occupied. Attached to it was a respectable bathing room, complete with a tub. There was even a small cooking and eating room across a small, narrow hallway. She should have been comfortable. There were just two major problems: she was here against her will, and everything was that same damnable shade.

    When she didn't hear the sound of her "host's" footsteps echoing away from her prison,

    her curiosity and anger got the better of her. Almost subconsciously, she turned and gave him a withering glance. The man lurked in the entryway. To the prisoner, he was barely more than a silhouette. What little she could see was distorted by the filtered light, which was designed to reduce everything to the same washed-out shade. Slate shoes and the bottom half of a charcoal suit protruded into frame, along with a pair of ashen hands clasped in front of his sharkskin belt.

    He responded to her glare by tugging slightly at the cuff of his sleeve, almost as if he were uncomfortable. It was a ruse, she knew; they had played this scenario out before. She turned back to face the table and transpane as the Grey Man strode in from the entryway behind her. His footsteps tapped a muffled rhythm on the shaggy grey carpet. In another life, she could have made a song from it. Now, it was just another sound to interrupt the monotony echoing pointlessly in her mind.

    When he reached the remaining chair across from her, he paused before sitting, and instead looked down at her calculatedly for a moment. Then, he pulled her forward across the small, round table by her chin, forcing her brown eyes to meet his grey, only a couple centimeters apart. She was a bit in shock at the action, but did not dare show it on her face. He had never been this aggressive before.

    “Tell me, Synia, what makes you hate me so much? After all, you invited me. I merely gave you everything you asked for,” he purred.

    Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then just as quickly returned to the hostile glare she had perfected in the last year. He had just given her the ability to escape, but he didn’t know it.

    Yet.

    She fought to keep her thoughts from showing on her face, taking care to ensure that the mask was firmly in place. Fortunately, he misunderstood the lapse.

    “Ahhh, yes. The truth is rather uncomfortable, isn’t it? Just think: if your curiosity and desperation hadn’t gotten the better of you, you wouldn’t be here, and this whole mess could have been avoided. How selfish of you,” he said, almost a whisper. The man thrust her chin away, forcing her to break eye contact and instead focus on her balance. He smirked slightly as he stood up and faced the entryway.

    “Still, thanks to you, I have been given the greatest gift of all! Thanks to you, I’m free to move as I wish, and every whim I could think of is catered to my specific design!” His voice rose slightly with each sentence, as if convincing himself that it was true.

    He paused and when he spoke again, his voice was back to its usual silk: “Before too long now, I'll have cracked the code and you will truly be at my mercy. I’m getting oh so close. And when I do figure it out, I will be able to be rid of you for good. Until then..." He trailed off dramatically as he walked towards the door. She did not turn to watch him leave.

    His footsteps paused behind her, and there was complete silence for several seconds. Her curiosity once again betrayed her. As she turned, she saw him standing with his back to her, the grey fob in his hand extended to unlock the door. However, he didn’t activate it. Instead, he had waited until he knew she was watching to leave his parting shot. His voice returned to the deadly not-quite-whisper:

    “Well, that’s the only reason you’re still alive.”

    He activated the fob; the door clicked open. She had already turned her back to the door once again by the time he had crossed over the threshold. There was a sound of the electomag lock bolt sliding back into place, followed by gentle footsteps that retreated back into the silence.

    She closed her eyes and exhaled softly, like she had a million times before. Only this time, there was a monumental difference: he had finally made an error. He had been so careful in the last four-hundred-and-thirty-two days, sixteen hours, and twenty-two minutes to make sure that her entire life had no color except grey. Every single surface and feature had been carefully selected to prevent her from using her gift.

    They had shaved her head every other day or so, leaving nothing but a faint, grey stubble. Her now threadbare clothes had been carefully selected to be comfortable, but monochromatic. There were no mirrors, and every surface that could have possibly held a reflection was scratched or matted down, so she could not see herself. And her tattoos…she still couldn’t think about that, even as she subconsciously touched the scars on her left forearm where one of them used to be. She was to be as much grey as the room itself. But they could not change her eyes.

    Her brown eyes.

    For an instant, as he held her gaze so close to his own, the filtered light was broken by his own shadow, and his wintery stare became twin mirrors. For the first time in three-hundred-and-ninety-six days, eight hours, and twenty minutes, she saw a color. And she remembered.

    She remembered what brown felt like.

    That tiny glimpse was all she needed. It was the spark of hope she had been waiting for, that she had almost given up on. She had a color; a good one, even. For the first time in her life, she was grateful that her eyes were the color of cesspools, as he had once described them.

    Now all she had to do was focus, plan, and wait for the perfect moment. She had all the time in the Orb. After all, he stupidly thought she was beaten.