Safeguarding the Soul: The Art of Protecting Your Heart (A Love Letter to the Mercy Design)
While this is written with the mercy design in mind, this is a love letter to all, especially the feelers, loved-filled ones, and sensitive types.
Note: As I use “mercy design” I am referring to redemptive gifts and the redemptive gift of mercy.
Nice is not a fruit of the Spirit of Almighty God!
Rashad R. Smith
There would be those who would argue, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be kind!” Precisely! Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit.
Of course, those who would arise who’d say, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we should be ‘jerks’!” Again, true! And that’s why the aspects of Holy Spirit’s fruit exist…because Yahweh is not a jerk; therefore, His Bride and children mustn’t be either.
The mercy design struggles with being nice, to a fault. Niceties maintain harmonies, and mercy-people disdain disjointedness. For they were created to bring alignment (structured order).
You might call these individuals “spiritual chiropractors” or “the chiropractors within the body of Christ.”
As feelers and sensers, a slight imbalance in the atmosphere, the mercy is ever attuned and desperately seeks to disempower the discord and rapidly close the gap it created. Oftentimes, the glue used to seal the gap is: being nice.
Nice isn’t wrong or necessarily sinful. But…nice can get us in trouble in at least four reasons I can detect:
- There are times God calls us to push back. Yet, when we’re too concerned with being nice, we overvalue feelings above non-optional principles that cannot and should not be transgressed (weakness)
- Predators. Predators aren’t necessarily the “stranger dangers,” the monsters in the shadows, or “green one-eyed monsters underneath our beds”. A predatory spirit usually comes from ones we know and love who can snuff out “easy prey” or see where they can take advantage (weakness)
- Lack of boundaries and fortitude breeds concession, passivity, and people-pleasing (weakness)
- It can become an enemy of kindness (weakness)
Emotional Armor: The Necessity of Guarding Your Heart
The result is always: weakness. Compassion is not weakness.
And this is not to be confused with meekness proverbially known as “power under control”. No, this weakness negatively affects emotions and mental and physical states.
It postures the mercy design to come across as this “hopeless romantic” whose feelings and heart are glaringly bouncing on their sleeves.
And typically, when there’s been mismanagement of emotions and unhealed emotional abuse and misuse, an inversion of mercy (compassion) shows up. It looks like defensiveness, apathy and indifference, passive-aggression, aloofness, being withdrawn (indolence), cynicism, and anger.
Guarding the Heart’s Gates
This births an offended heart (spirit of offense). And offense is likened to a nasty cold that leaves noticeable boogers for all to see……..and stay away from us.
I’d like to share some simple definitions to help conquer this battle of needing to be accepted:
- Superficiality vs. Depth: Being nice can sometimes be superficial, a social courtesy without more profound spiritual significance. “In contrast, the fruit of the spirit are deep-seated virtues that reflect character transformation through one’s relationship with God” 10 Things You Should Know About the Fruit of the Spirit (thegospelcoalition.org).
- Human Effort vs. Divine Production: Niceness can be produced by human effort and societal expectations. “The fruit of the Spirit, however, are not self-generated; they are cultivated by the Holy Spirit within an individual” Goodness: Starting Inside Out (lifehopeandtruth.com).
- Consistency: Niceness can be inconsistent and influenced by emotions or circumstances. “The fruits of the Spirit are consistent qualities that manifest regardless of external factors” Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness – Wednesday in the Word .
- Motivation: The motivation behind being nice can vary, including a desire for approval or avoiding conflict. “The fruit of the Spirit are motivated by love for God and others, not by self-interest” Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness – Wednesday in the Word.
- Transformation: Being nice does not necessarily indicate spiritual growth or transformation, “whereas the fruit of the Spirit are evidence of a maturing faith and a closer walk with God” 10 Things You Should Know About the Fruit of the Spirit (thegospelcoalition.org).
Fortress of Solitude: Why We Shield Our Hearts
Therefore, we must guard our hearts. We don’t guard it to completely disengage from or block people out. We guard it because the heart is desperately wicked and attention-seeking.
Our hearts are the wellspring of life…life springs up and flows from our hearts, especially when they’re whole and healed.
I’ve had many people tell me over the years, “You are guarded.” One person said this within the past two years and added to the guarded statement “…for good reasons.”
Allow me to share some impactful insights and firsthand experiences.
My darling bride, my private paradise,
fastened to my heart.
A secret spring that no one else can have are you—
my bubbling fountain hidden from public view.
What a perfect partner to me now that I have you.
- Song of Solomon 4:12 TPT
Solomon said this about his beloved, the Shulamite. Yeshua says this about us.
Feelers and sensitive people, let that verse sink in.
God calls us His private paradise. This tells me there are places in my heart and within my emotions reserved for Him. It also says to me that I have a responsibility to stand as a doorkeeper waiting to hear a distinctive knock: Yeshua’s.
That’s it. I am not eagerly waiting for the knock from someone to notice me. I am not hopelessly waiting for someone to see me how I want them to see me. And I am not expecting someone to love me only how Jesus can – and again this isn’t talking about courting or spousal love.
When we give our emotions and heart away – I don’t mean in an elicit or significant other manner – we are allowing access to precious, hidden things that are not appropriate for the time they’re being given, or aspects of our emotions aren’t crafted for everyone.
This isn’t to say we become hardhearted, which is an adverse reaction of unhealed emotional hurt.
It is to say that we are maturing by regulating our emotions, and, too, overcoming paranoia and the praise and fear of man. It is a most horrid battle to fight for the mercy design, but there can be victory.
Life Lessons
I’ve had to learn time and again that “nice not a fruit of the Spirit.”
Lots of hurt, even more turmoil. A ton of bitterness, seven tons of forgiveness and compassion.
Someone once told me, “[You have a sweet heart. You’re going to get hurt a lot]. You will need to forgive much!” I didn’t want to receive that exhortation, but it was life-giving, prophetic, and very true.
It all boils down to acceptance, wanting to be accepted by everyone. It won’t help to tell you that Abba already accepts you. Had you already trusted that truth, you wouldn’t be relating to this subject matter so deeply.
As I did, you’ll have to have a direct revelation of the pride and error of this “stinkin’ thinkin'”.
Though it has taken me a while to arrive now, I am here. For some it is uncomfortable. They don’t understand why the open door that once existed is closed or the welcome mat once forever rolled out is now put out less because it was toxic on either end with one main end enduringly suffering – mine.
The mercy design doesn’t want to hurt feelings because we like to heal people, alleviate pain (especially emotional pain), and we ourselves dislike hurting. The ever-considerate and preemptive one of “walking in another’s shoes”, we go before others’ emotions, shielding them from hurt.
Yet, in protecting others’ feelings flawlessly, we wind up bruised.
I have learned this has a negative relationship to upholding bad, manipulative, narcissistic, and poor behaviors. Again, who’s impacted the most? The feelers.
Two Words
There are two Greek words I’d like to bring to attention: (1) areskō and (2) euarestos.
- The first word is almost always synonymous with pleasing people and a striving to please
- The second word is almost always synonymous with pleasing God and a confident, secured and sure faithful focus to be ever yielding to Creator God and His plans
A pleasing and agreeable disposition is what God wants from us all, but especially from the mercy design. You’re being who you were created to be. Yet, there’s a little acridity someplace that causes us to miss the mark and go through seemingly perpetual lessons and cycles.
Hear me: We will never be able to please mankind. Mankind’s demands will always fall under dualism: (1) I’m happy with you right now and (2) You’re not making me happy enough. Dualism is nothing short of a forked-tongue.
And just as happiness, the feeling, is fleeting, so will mankind’s impressions and thoughts toward us flee, as well…but God’s remain the same. He’s not like us.
Heart Under Lock: Understanding Emotional Boundaries
The answer is “no”. That’s how we protect our hearts.
Next, it would be to tell the truth. Rather than coddle feelings (pacification), say the very thing that establishes boundaries and may very well also set someone free.
We’re neither bitter nor apathetic when we ascertain that boundaries matter.
Also, when we ourselves understand the motive behind pacifying others it is really to make us feel better about ourselves, which breaks down into (1) idolatry, (2) self-interest and (3) people-pleasing…
…we then know that there’d been improper thinking about God, those who we put on a pedestal, and even our own selves.
Improper thoughts open us up to being cursed. I am not talking about dark stuff here; I am talking about the non-optional principles in Deuteronomy 28.
Tough, huh? All our “nice” little hearts want to do is please others and act as a general anesthesia to block pain and we wind up being misused and cursed on top of that.
For that, God’s response is: Pleasing Me is your reasonable act of service to Me. Focus on Me. I am standing at the door knocking. Only I can give you an eternal seat as you seat Me on the throne of your heart. If you’re looking for acceptance, you’ve found it in Me. Obey Me and you will be blessed.
Or…you could just read the latter part of Yeshua’s words to the Laodicean Church in Revelation 3.
One Word
Chrēstotēs or kindness, the Holy Spirit’s fruit.
Niceness will only get you so far. However, structural reliance (integrity) will take you further. It’s because niceness makes us fit to be misused, while kindness makes us fit to be useful, mainly by God.
Your heart being well guarded and you being an avid watchman and doorkeeper, doesn’t mean entrance is denied.
It means you have learned your value and to see the treasure you are as God has always called and know you to be.
Heart’s Haven: The Final Reflection
Yes, God gave you a sincere, caring heart that is meant to be shared with others unto the world. All should feel your compassion and, therefore, know the compassion of the Lord God Almighty Himself through you.
Perhaps, though, the reason hurt forms so intensely is from an inversion of where concern and care are placed.
Instead of looking to please others, we should be looking to please Him. And it is in this place of preparing a solo seat where He sits in your heart, it “just don’t hurt no more” (Hurt No More, Buddy Ace).
And wouldn’t you know…when we please God, we’re doing what is exceptionally acceptable in His sight.
Have you ever considered that there is a secret place within us that is (and should be) only reserved for an audience of One?
Be kind…………………..
…………………..but firm.
