Coping With a Loved One's Diagnosis
- “Beatles” singer Paul McCartney, 81, says he cried for days after losing his wife of 30 years to breast cancer as he coped with grief. His wife, Linda Eastman, passed away in 1998 after being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer.
- Metastatic breast cancer means the cancer cells have spread from the breast to other parts of the body. Breast cancer spreads through the bloodstream or lymphatic system. The blood carries cancer cells to different body parts, where they grow as new tumors.
- Although metastatic cancer is not considered curable, many treatment options exist today that can extend your life and improve your overall quality of life.
- Grief is common after losing a loved one to an illness like cancer. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.
“She was fighting right up to the end,” McCartney told People Magazine of his resilient wife, who died in 1998.
“She didn’t know she was dying,” McCartney said. “She is such a strong, forward-thinking lady and such a positive girl.”
The day before she passed away, she was riding horses.
“She loved riding so much. Sometimes, she’d get up on her horse, and I’d say, ‘You don’t want to get down, do you?’ She preferred it up there than on the ground,” McCartney said.
After Linda passed away, Paul was overwhelmed with grief.
“I think I cried for about a year on and off. You expect to see them walk in, this person you love, because you are so used to them. I cried a lot,” McCartney previously told the BBC.
Help Navigating Grief and Cancer
How to Cope After Losing a Loved One to Cancer
Grief is defined as the devastation that occurs when we lose someone. Grieving typically comes in five stages, commonly referred to as the “five stages of grief.”
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These labels help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. These stages can occur in any order.
If you find yourself experiencing some of these stages, remember that the emotions you are feeling are meaningful but also temporary. If you approach them with compassion, kindness, and eventual acceptance, you will return from this period with a renewed sense of resilience and purpose.
WATCH: Managing the stages of grief.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
“They’re grieving the change in their life; the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be more challenging than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy can be helpful. For the help you need, it’s important to reach out to your doctor, a therapist, or support groups in your community.
For some people, turning to an outlet like art or music may help.
Art encompasses many forms, including acting, music, and painting. Engaging in a form of art is a healthy way to manage challenging emotions, such as those experienced after a cancer diagnosis or after losing a loved one to the disease.
A study published in the European Journal of Cancer Care examined the effects of art therapy in cancer care. The study involved 587 cancer patients and revealed that “art therapy significantly reduced anxiety symptoms, depression symptoms, and fatigue.”
It also “improved the quality of life of cancer patients.”
Understanding Metastatic Breast Cancer
Metastatic breast cancer (also called stage 4) means the cancer cells have spread from the breast to other parts of the body. Breast cancer spreads through the bloodstream or lymphatic system. The blood carries cancer cells to different body parts, where they grow as new tumors.
The cancer may spread to the lungs, bones, or, as was the case with Linda, the liver.
As the disease spreads to other areas of the body (metastasis), it may cause additional symptoms depending on the area the cancer has spread, such as:
- Bones: Severe bone pain or fractures
- Lungs: Difficulty breathing, chest pain, new cough
- Liver: Yellowing of the skin (jaundice), abdominal pain, nausea, and/or vomiting
- Brain: Headaches, memory loss, changes in vision, seizures
Although metastatic cancer is not considered curable, many treatment options exist today that can extend your life and improve your overall quality of life. There have been incredible advances when it comes to treating breast cancer in recent years, including major progress in treating HER2-positive breast cancer and triple-negative breast cancer.
WATCH: Understanding late-stage breast cancer.
Breast cancer is sometimes classified as either local, regional, or distant.
- Local: Cancer is located in the breast and has not spread
- Regional: Cancer spreads from the breast to nearby lymph nodes
- Distant: Cancer spreads to distant parts of the body, including bones, liver, lungs, and/or brain
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