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We're less than six months away from another fraught election in the United States, and it's really underlining how divided and polarized our politics have become. I've noticed lots of conversations online about what it's like dating in this political environment, so I asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share whether or not they'd be willing to date someone from the opposite political party. Here's what people had to say:
1. "I don’t really follow politics, so I just prefer to date someone who isn’t hardcore one-sided. That’s a turn-off for me because it shows me that they’re not willing to listen to or consider another perspective."
2. "Nope! I honestly don’t think I could trust someone who’s 'neutral,' because how will I, a woman of color, feel comfortable around someone who’s neutral about things that affect me as both a woman and a POC?"
3. "Not in a million years. I met my wife online, and one reason was that we both wanted to get the dealbreakers out of the way before devoting our time to anyone IRL. Your politics are so much more than a word on paper. What we call politics speaks volumes about who you are and what matters to you."
4. "I’m not from a country that has this as an issue. I actually don’t think I’ve even asked anyone I’ve dated who they vote for. Yes, we talk about politics frequently, but who you vote for is your opinion and doesn’t affect me that much."
5. "Hell no, I would not. I'm a lifelong liberal and have only had long-term relationships with people who share my political beliefs, including my current partner/spouse. We started dating a few months before the 2016 election, and on election night, I cried myself to sleep in his arms. At that point, I knew that I couldn't be with anyone who didn't understand the gravity of what had just happened and how terrible it would be for the country. I've briefly dated people who call themselves moderate Republicans, and ultimately, those relationships always fizzled out because we realized that we held strong opposing opinions on issues we cared about."
"The handful of Republicans I dated inevitably would make some racist/misogynist/bigoted comment that would allow me to see their true colors, and I would end things soon after. Due to our current political climate in the US, I hate to say it, but if someone identifies as Republican or conservative, I automatically assume that they are racist, or that they don't believe in bodily autonomy for women, or that they care about guns more than they care about keeping kids safe in schools, and many other horrific views that I don't share.
IMO, anyone who could vote for Trump (or most other GOP politicians, for that matter) holds some belief that I would categorize as unfair, bigoted, delusional, dangerous, or anti-democratic. And they are such hypocrites! They whine about Democrats or the media doing something, but when one of their own exhibit the same behavior, they always have excuses, try to spin it in some way, or outright lie and deny that it happened. As President Biden would say, 'This ain't your father's Republican Party," and I 1000% agree. It used to be much easier to find common ground with them, but now the GOP has become the party of cruelty and chaos."
—Lina, 42
6. "I would not date a conservative. It's not just politics, like everyone said, but how we choose to look at the world. I've met so many conservatives who excuse every prejudice I can think of, from A to Z: from ableism (Trump mocking the reporter with a disability) to xenophobia (travel bans and jailing unaccompanied children). I've tried listening to understand their reasoning and to set better boundaries in the 2010s. My patience just ran out in 2020 during lockdown, and I can't get it back. So, not a good fit romantically."
7. "Political party in and of itself probably doesn’t matter, it’s their values that count. I’m a male, and I would advise other men not to get involved with progressive, liberal women or strong feminists if they want peace in their lives. Find an agreeable conservative woman, treat her with great respect, and value her opinions and perspectives, and you will live a much easier and happier life."
—Glenn, 55
8. "It used to be that everyone had the same goals. People would say, 'We want everyone to have access to healthcare.' And each party came up with a different method to make that possible. That’s no longer the case. One party thinks people should have healthcare, and the other doesn’t. One party thinks guns should be monitored. The other doesn’t. One thinks everyone deserves to live and love however they choose. The other wants to dictate exactly how you should live and who you can love. It’s not about the method anymore. The parties have opposite goals."
9. "I’m gay, nonbinary, neurodivergent, and disabled. Those things do not coexist well with the opposing political party. Plus, gay Republicans confuse the hell out of me. Why would you support a party that’s currently trying to get your existence banned?"
10. "Years ago, I may have dated someone who wasn’t aligned politically because it could result in constructive conversations about economic issues. I could respect different political beliefs because it wasn’t such a venomous discussion. Now, instead of it being a discussion, it’s a terrible argument fueled with hate towards others. Politics has become so heavy with social issues that affect the core of who we are and threaten a peaceful existence. I can’t even be friends with someone who thinks bodily autonomy, who to love, or the rights of human beings would be up for a vote. It’s not about politics anymore; it’s about human rights."
—Jackie, 29
11. "Yes, and I did. We got married last September! When I was dating, political orientation was not a deal breaker, but there were some specific issues that were (eg, I'm pro-choice). I grew up in the liberal Northwest, but my family is from the Midwest and is largely conservative, so hearing different political viewpoints was the norm for me. When I met my now husband, I identified as a Republican-leaning moderate, and he was a Democrat. He admitted to me after a year of dating that he really struggled with my political orientation initially."
"But some of our political conversations were the best, and we agree that they brought us closer. Those conversations challenged us to really listen to the other person and search for common ground. I think political orientation labels prevent a lot of relationships — romantic or platonic — from happening. During our seven years together, our political views have shifted to become more similar, but there are still things that we respectfully agree to disagree on."
—Tracy, 33
12. "I married someone who aligns with a different political party than I do. It works because a) we're not absolute children, b) we are both aware that both political parties are actually atrocious, and c) the things that are most important to us we agree on, such as being pro-choice, pro-LGBT, etc. Oh, and we both hate Trump."
13. "I am currently dating someone in a different political party. We’ve been together for three years. It works because we don’t push our views on each other, and we respect each other’s opinions. However, we can still have hard conversations about politics without fighting. It can be nice to see another perspective on a matter. I think it all just depends on how mature you can be on a given subject."
—Alex, 22
14. "I've thought about this a lot, and I don't care so much about the party the person supports (it depends on where you live and how many options there are) but where they are on the left-to-right spectrum. I personally couldn't date anyone right-leaning because my left politics come from my set of values and morals. If we don't share the same general direction on a moral compass, then we aren't compatible. I'm center-left, and my husband is further left because he's slightly more environmentally conscious than me, for reference."
15. "I absolutely would never date someone who didn't share my political stances. I would never date someone who didn't believe in my bodily autonomy. I have friends who went through devastating news of a fatal diagnosis at their 20-week scan that risked my friend's health and future fertility. Now imagine going through that with a partner who didn't support your rights or prioritized a doomed pregnancy over your health."
"Imagine raising kids with someone who's anti-LGBT. What if your kid comes out or has friends who do? What will your spouse do?
What if your kid's teacher reads a book at school that your spouse doesn't like? Would they talk to your kid or try to get the book banned or the teacher fired?
Politics absolutely interacts with your day-to-day."
16. "Absolutely, I'd date someone from a different political party because I married one! My wife and I come from opposite ends of the political spectrum — I'm liberal, and she's conservative. Initially, it did feel a bit uneasy for both of us. We were navigating uncharted territory. As we've loved each other and built a life together, our diverse perspectives have become an unexpected gift. Our discussions force me to move beyond canned responses and delve deeper into my beliefs."
"I worked to see conversations not as battlegrounds for political conversion but as an opportunity to understand why someone so smart believed something so different from myself. Moreover, actually articulating why I hold certain beliefs to someone with different views deepened my own understanding.
Our marriage has been an interesting contrast to how I've noticed political conversations unfold within politically homogenous groups — we construct straw-man arguments of the other party's view and self-satisfyingly tear them down without doing the work to understand the other side. Before my marriage, I reduced the 'conservative view' to something held by those less enlightened, educated, or moral than myself.
But being in a deep relationship with a conservative — someone I regard as a genius, no less — challenged me to move past my preconceptions. I had to confront the fact that my failure to understand the other side wasn't just about politics; it was about empathy and humility. I once staunchly believed that I would 'never date a conservative,' not because their ideas were wrong, but because they were immoral. Without realizing it, I bought into a narrative that tacitly placed me as morally superior to half the country.
By equating political views with morality and intelligence, I bolstered my pride and diminished my empathy. But through my marriage, I learned that, more often than not, political views are informed by identity, not the other way around.
I experienced firsthand how love and understanding transcend political differences. There will be struggles as we raise our children, but I'm content knowing that our children's politics will stem from their own weighing of each side without being pressured one way or the other. As my wife and I build a life together, we clarify and deepen our understanding of our own and the other's beliefs against the backdrop of mutual respect."
—Jay, 31
17. "No. I already dated someone who either changed their views or started being more open about them to the point of defending people who were actively harming marginalized groups that I was a part of, all in the name of being a devil's advocate. It destroyed a very long-term relationship. I don't expect someone I date to agree with me on everything politically, but supporting politicians or public figures who are in favor of taking away my rights or making the world less safe for already marginalized groups is a deal breaker."
—L, 38
18. "I would possibly date a conservative, but never ever anyone who supports the current Republican candidate. Those among my family and friends who do are absolutely hate-filled, and it has ruined those relationships. I've been told by other siblings that a brother dislikes me because of my political views. I don't believe I've ever talked politics with him. And I avoid talking politics with almost everyone to avoid possible unpleasantness."
—Suzanne, 69
19. "I’m a bisexual right-leaning moderate man. I only date people who are moderates, like me. One time, I dated this straight girl who kept talking to me about how I was so oppressed since I am disabled and queer. I told her, 'I am not oppressed. My life is wonderful, and I have never faced discrimination in my entire life.' She said I was brainwashed. Obviously, that’s one example, but stuff like that happens to me from the far left all the time. The right, on the other hand, I have never received hate. They treat me like an equal but still say things like, 'You don’t need *insert accessibility accommodation* since it will cost taxpayers money,' so yeah, I only date moderates cuz both sides are incredibly missing the mark of LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIVES!"
—Joe, 27
20. "I would, but I also live in central Europe, where we have lots of different parties that would basically all fall within the range of US Democrats in their policy views. I would never date someone with far-right views, which for me includes everyone voting Republican in this day and age. One thing is disagreeing on certain policies, on the allocation of tax money etc. As long as we respect each other's differing views, that's okay. The other is disagreeing on all basic morals and values, and I could never do that. You don't agree that everyone deserves basic human rights, you are racist, sexist, homophobic or at least vote for someone who is? Hard pass!"
—Anna, 32
21. "Absolutely not. As an American woman, I have too much self-respect to date someone who is part of a party that doesn’t see me as a person on the same level as a bunch of cells with vague electrical activity. You can tell me you don’t think that way all you like, but you’re still voting for candidates who absolutely do think that way and are actively enacting legislation as we speak. To say nothing of their other platform goals. I don’t need someone’s political views to match mine 100%, but we have to match on big-ticket issues, and too many of those are a 180 from the values of the modern Republican party. Anyone who is 'politically conservative' on dating apps gets an automatic swipe left. I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with it. I have a family who has been mired in Fox News brain rot since the 2016 election, and I don’t need to bring that voluntarily into my love life."
—Aly, 33
