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I have a question out of genuine interest: What is normal when it comes to hospitality toward visiting family?
Background: I live in Germany and I consider myself pretty well integrated in almost all areas (deutsch kann ich auch, und kann sogar das Wahsystem inklusiv Überhangsmandat erklären). However, one area where I still constantly am surprised or fail is in hospitality.
The thing that triggered this post: I have a health thing that means I can't eat salt with Iodine. (Jodsalz). Is it normal, that a household of people born and raised in Germany would expect me to bring my own salt? if so, why? This goes for both short visits and longer stays.
This is not a loaded question. I ask because my limited experiences cannot be seen as representative, and I am genuinely curious what normal hospitality is. I really want to understand the attitudes and assumptions so that I can be a better guest. I've noticed other differences, like not being offered food when hanging out at a friend's house when it isn't explicitly a meal invitation (weird where I am from). So, if you have a non-salt related insight, that would also be appreciated!
Yes, that's normal, but it depends. If you're lactose intolerant, you usually wouldn't expect your host to have lactose free milk in their fridge just in case someone with lactose intolerance stops by. If you're a good friend and there's an occasion or it's more common for you to visit, most of my friends would buy lactose-free milk just for that friend. Most common example would be baking a safe cake so that the friend could eat it, too.
It is not common to be equipped with what's considered "special needs" stuff (like the salt you need) just in case and thus it's considered rude by the visitor to expect that it's there.
If you need it, you bring it.
That's not even Germany specific. That's common sense in any culture.
This!! It happens everywhere.
yes especially because there are so much allergies and food choices/practisis people have.
i personally know someone with a Allergie to Vitamin c, someone who is allergic to sunflowerseeds and thus the oil, someone who cant eat bell pepper and much more.
its hard to track who is comming and what restrictions they have. so its an easier solution that they Bring Something for themselves.
and this also gives yourself Security that you have Something to eat. its less Stress on the Host, less Stress on you.
Fun fact:
I am allergic to sunflower seeds but not sunflower oil.
(I actually only found out that I am allergic to it a few years ago)
I googled it back then and apparently this is actually very common
honestly, if someone says he is lactose intolerant, I would not get lactose free milk and cheese. I don't like cooking with "allergen free alternatives". Lactose intolerant? No milk on the menu. Gluten intolerance? You mean rice, corn, plenty of options! ... Vegetarian? Sure, vegetables are nice! Grilled, cooked, pie...; stay away with vegan sausages and cheese. Maybe it is just a mindset thing: I prefer to cook with a (new-) theme then to re-engineer something I know and like... but not as good. Why not something new where I am not tempted to naturaly handle and add allergenes?
Sure, there is double checking if for some moronic reason allergen are added to normal naturally unproblematic menu items, but there we have the part where my mind freezes: Iodine free? Iodine salt is one of the things that is mindlessly added to a lot of things and I highly doubt that things are labelled properly (as also the risk of serving something accidentally made containing Iodine is high and I do not know the reaction someone has with which contamination level)
As someone who has Basedow's disease and had to HEAVILY cut down on iodine before I could get treated: It is REALLY F*CKING HARD to find food in Germany that doesn't have added iodine. Even getting iodine-free salt is almost impossible!
Basically, EVERYTHING that is even a little bit processed has salt in it because it's cheap, acts as a preservative, filler AND seasosing. What do you think, what kind of salt do ALL food manufacturers in Germany used? IODINE. ENRICHED. SALT. Because it's produced in greater quantities in Germany due to us being an 'iodine deficient country' (We don't catch or eat enough fish!), the iodine enriched salt is actually CHEAPER than salt without iodine.
But that's also the reason why usually noone has these kinds of iodine free things in the house. It's just so uncommon here that this isn't even something most know exist. This isn't being unwelcoming towards guests, and please never understand it that way.
Luckily, now that I have been treated, it doesn't matter anymore how much of it I consume, but yeah, after seeing how hard it is to actually find something without iodine in it I wouldn't expect anyone to have it in the house just in case.
Completly normal for close friends and family. If you need something special you bring it yourself. I have to live gluten free. I will just ask if there are any meals planed and if yes I ask if I am able to eat it. If they are unclear. I bring it myself.
We do this to be polite. If the other person makes a mistake they are not responsible for your health. Nobody knows your condition as well as you do.
exactly
Kurz gesagt: Ja
Wenn man eingeladen wird oder irgendwo hinfahren würde wo es etwas gibt das man nicht verträgt dann ist es normal dafür zu sorgen es selbst mitzunehmen bzw bringen da man nicht erwarteten kann dass die anderen auf alles und jeden eine extra Wurst geben können
Wenn es um Familie und sehr enge Freunde geht kann man erwarteten dass diese Rücksicht nehmen bzw überhaupt davon wissen und ggf. etwas im Haus haben um nicht unhöflich zu erscheinen aber wie gesagt es ist nicht davon auszugehen dass es immer so ist dann bringt man halt selbst sein Kram mit und gut ist
Jo, habe ich gedacht. Und gut, dass ich gefragt habe. Nämlich, in meinem Kultur Wäre sowas ein Art zu zeigen, dass jemand eher geduldet und nicht wirklich Wilkommen ist. Culture - tricky stuff!
editied for typing mistakes
Wenn dich Leute nur dulden, würden sie dich nicht einladen. Sie geben dir einen Schlafplatz, kochen für dich etc etc. Das alles kostet Zeit und Geld. Als Gast ist es mir darum wichtig, meinem Gastgeber so wenig Extraaufwand zu machen, wie möglich. Dadurch zeigt man, dass man den Gastgeber wertschätzt.
Je näher man sich steht, desto weniger formell wird es auch. Bei Verwandten hilft man auch im Haushalt, beim Kochen etc, schließlich verursacht man diese Arbeit auch mit. Und wenn man sich wie Zuhause fühlt, sollte man auch wie Zuhause mit aufräumen :D
Spezielle Sachen nehm ich oft selbst mit, ZB Haarshampoo Zahnpasta etc., damit der Gastgeber keine extra Arbeit hat.
Wer bei mir übernachtet, wird allerdings mit Essen, Lebensmittel etc etc überschüttet und darf sich Gerichte wünschen, damit sich die Person wohlfühlt 😄
Ich hätte gerne n Schnitzel und zum Nachtisch ne brüllende Creme. Bin so gegen 18;00 da :)
So in very welcoming cultures they also adapt a whole meal to adapt to the special needs of 1 guest?
Yes.
Fyi: you posted this very comment 4 times
Yes. I come from India and this is very common in my culture. At the very least there will be a separate dish that this specific guest can eat. It's the host's responsibility to accommodate for all his guests.
I'm an American who has also lived in Germany for a bit (a while ago) and yes if I'm hosting a group of people and one person has a dietary restriction it seems very normal to me to make sure the whole meal meets that dietary restriction or prepare the meal in such a way where there are foods that meet their restriction and foods that don't but that the person with the restriction has an equal amount of things to choose from. (For example, providing both gluten-free and non-gluten free crackers.)
Um deine zweite Frage zu beantworten, mit ein Grund warum man dir nichts zu essen anbietet, ist das Fragen in Deutschland ganz normal ist. Sprich, wenn du hunger hast, frag ob du was zu essen haben kannst. Das wiederum wäre in manchen Kulturen eher unhöflich ist in Deutschland aber ganz normal.
Wie werden erzogen mit Dingen wie "Fragen kostet nix" oder eine der bekanntesten Kindershows hat das Intro "Wer? Wie? Was? Wieso? Weshalb? Warum? Wer nicht fragt bleibt dumm".
So ganz würde ich hier nicht zustimmen. Wenn man sich noch nicht so gut kennt, dann kann manch einer schon gehemmt sein, nach Essen zu fragen.
Auch in Deutschland ist ein guter Gastgeber jemand, der einem Gast immer irgendetwas zu essen anbietet - und sei es nur eine Kleinigkeit. Und im besten Fall bietet der Gastgeber eine Sache mehrmals an und nimmt ein erstes "Nein" noch nicht als endgültig an.
So in very welcoming cultures they also adapt a whole meal to adapt to the special needs of 1 guest?
Well yeah… most people use Jodsalz. If you can‘t use that it‘s expected that you‘d bring your own since you already own salt you can use. Less hassle for the host and you can be sure that the salt will be okay for you.
With food it‘s usually a „if you ask you‘ll get something but if you don‘t ask you‘re probably not hungry“.
Not being offered food outside of a time where the family eats can actually be a sign of a closer relationship, when you're part of the family rather than a special guest.
For instance, at my best friend's house, when I arrive they'll offer me something to drink, and there might be cookies, but they're not going to make a meal just for the time at which I arrive. I just eat regular meals with them.
On the other hand, some weeks ago my old professor came to visit me. Of course I made a cake (and of course he said that he totally had not meant to invite himself for cake... but yes, for an afternoon visit with someone I haven't met in many years, there will be a cake).
I m an immigrant living in germany and i also would expact you to bring whatever your special diet dictates. its only one special salt for you and sorry, i wont go shopping for salt that will only be used at your viste. Its easier you bring your own. You eat for free at my home allready. And germans dont even bring sweets and stuff if they visit.
Usually the one with the most restrictive diet will cook the food in my friend group. That way the others cant get blamed for doing it wrong.
Does that also go for visiting family for several days?
Yes. You ask them where the closest market is that sells that stuff so you can go buy it yourself or you ask for a ride there or for them to take you with them when they do their own shopping.
Wow! I'm American (but lived in Germany for a bit) and have dietary restrictions and whenever I've visited family they have filled the fridge with food for me without me asking. Usually it's way more than I could possibly eat during my visit.
I think salt will last you several days if you bring it.
Since i cant have milk because of allergies and i m also vegan, i m the one cooking for the whole family if i m visiting them. Or at least i make myself useful in the kitchen to take the stress from them. Milk-powder is pretty much hidden in a lot of stuff, and it really will ruin my whole day having dairy.
So yes, it will be extra work for me. But thats just how it is.
You bringing salt you can have is a pretty small price. Having your family cook with your salt will just be fine and you can take it back home to use yourself.
Honestly, I don't think anybody is going to be cooking for me, lol. There are going to be a lot of kids involved, and since I'm bringing the more difficult eaters in the herd.... I'll probably be doing all the cooking.
But yeah - that sounds pretty similar to my experience in Nordic countries. Anything you want to have there, you bring with you.
Op, i just think you are creating a lot of drama for a little bit of salt. I dont know if thats worth it. Its not like you were asked to bring your own kitchen because you want to have kosher stuff.
OP, I don't know why you are so stubborn and what point are you trying to prove here. You already eat, drink, live, your host's water and heating for free, and sleep for free for a few days, and causing a significant amount of extra work. A german home is not a hotel. If you want your whole self be worshipped like a god, STAY IN A HOTEL.
how you want somebody to buy a pack of YOUR special salt that then will rot in the cabinets forever, because nobody uses it, and then make your host to be the unreasonable guy is baffling. In Germany, if you're the guest, you show respect to each other. The host respecting you to have you there and asking you if there is anything they need to know (like vegan / vegetarian diet, allergies) and you, if you're a one time visitor, even for a week, throwing in whatever you need to have these met. This also includes doing some work like helping with setting the table ect.
I repeat myself: a home you're invited to is NOT a hotel.
I'd say both sides should chill a little. We are talking about ONE package of SALT. It's cheap, you get everywhere, nobody gonna die if they eat it instead of normal salt and it does not get bad(?)...
Depends on the circumstances. If I‘m hosting a dinner with several people that are let‘s say vegan or gluten intolerant, I will prepare food accordingly and probably also get some oat milk in case someone wants coffee. If one of my friends has a specific requirement probably less so since in most cases I would likely lack the knowledge on what exactly they need and they probably have it at home anyway.
Your condition is not so well known as e.g. lactose intolerance. Many people don't know that such a thing exists and it might have difficulties to find the right groceries. Also they might pick wrong ones and imagine: Sunday noon, in Germany, maybe the Monday is a Feiertag, with the wrong salt in the house?
Oh that would be bad for you. To avoid this, people are asking you to bring it yourself. Actually this is more "result oriented" than about hospitality. Some people have special needs and if they are insecure or the procurement of suitable items is hard: Hosts may ask to take care of it by yourself. You know best what's good for you.
Just FYI - Natursalz is available in every supermarket, drug store, and most kiosks/Tankstellen. It's just salt. Not an argument for or against bringing my own - just letting you know. It doesn't matter whether it's sea salt (Meersalz) or dug out of the ground (Steinsalz) or not stated - it just hasn't had iodine added.
And yes, I will bring my own salt. :-)
Thanks for letting me know that. But... see how bad the nonknowledge actually is? Even I didn't know about that before you told me. I proved my own point by being dumb. :')
in that case, I'd say that it's normal. if you need something special, you can't expect other people to go out of their way and go again to the store just to provide you with something, that no one else needs/wants. so here it's just easier if you bring your own stuff. i'm actually rather surprised that this isn't normal for you, I wouldn't expect anything else.
depends on the kind of "hanging out". if you just casually showed up unannounced, don't expect any food.
if it's just a quick visit, also don't expect any food. if you stay longer - and announced, there's usually at least always some snacks and often the suggestion is made to just order something. unless, like you said, you were specifically invited for food/bbq etc. that usually just has to do with the fact, that people often just don't have anything there that they could share, when it's not planned ahead.
About the salt:
Yes. That's normal. If you can't eat certain things, then you know best, what causes problems and can easily avoid them. In your case, it's easy, but if it comes to allergies like fructose or gluten, you cannot expect the host to know exactly what you can or cannot eat. So you bring it yourself. That's better than if your host bought something, he thought you can eat, but in the end causes issues.
About food:
Yes, that's normal, too. Usually, you can expect drinks and maybe snacks (chips, sweets...) depending on the occasion. It is not common to offer more than that except you are invited for a meal. Germans are quite direct. If they say, there's food, there will be food. If not, then there's not. If you get hungry, you can say that, too.
They might be unsure which salt you can eat and if they buy the right one.
That is a pretty common behaviour here— the thinking is not „I dont want to get you your extras“. It is more like common sense that when you need special prpducts (that probably no one needs after you are gone) you ALREADY own them. So ofcourse you should bring them. No extra work for me, no extra work for u.
We dont wanna give a bad time or make you feel unwelcome. It just makes sense for us like that.
But i do get your point that it might look a little harsh…
Well, it’s a health issue. If you are just a guest for a few days, bring your own salt. If you are there for longer (exchange, relationship etc) you can expect that the hosts will buy iodfreies salz, because ignoring health issues of a long time guest is beyond rude.
Salt isn’t a product you use up in a couple of days, so it’s assumed that you have an opened container that you can bring instead of them buying another half kilo of salt they don’t need because they probably have a kilo of iodsalz in the closet.
If the salt is an ingredient in a meal I prepare, I'd buy a different one so you can eat my food. If it's just a condiment for a BBQ you're expected to bring your own, I'd say.
That sounds pretty logical.
It depends on the length of the stay. If you came for a week, I would probably buy non-iodinised salt. If you just came for one meal, I wouldn't and would expect you to bring your own. Why should I buy something that I normally don't use for a single use by a guest?
This is just an example of how I would have handled it a while back. Since I bake bread now, I do actually have plain salt, but 10 years ago I wouldn't have. But the principle is the same for other things as well. For example, I have no sweeteners in the house. So anyone who wants to use artificial sweeteners needs to bring their own.
Again, it depends. When visitors come, they will always get offered a cuppa tea or coffee or some water. If we have some cookies we would offer them, but we would not offer any other food. However, if the guests (e.g. my children's friends) stay longer and we would be having lunch or dinner, then of course we would offer them to join us. However, I know that apparently, this is not something that is typically done in Germany.
Yes it's normal. If you visit several diffrent people all of them will have to buy non iodised salt seperately. If you bring it yourself only one person has to buy it and you allready know what to get and where. It's more convinient that way.
I have a more extreme version of your situation, and the answer is, no people are not bothered. If anything, they appreciate a heads-up about what you need, as it makes being good host easier.
The longer version is that I have celiac disease. This is an immune disorder that means that I can't eat gluten, or even invisible cross-contaminated traces of gluten. Celiac manifests differently for different patients. In my case it means that if I do eat gluten, I get neurological damage that is a challenge to deal with in the short term, and becomes worse, and ultimately permanent, with repeat exposure. Cross contamination means that, if I am to eat in someone's kitchen, they must seriously clean any kitchen area and utensil they would use, not cook with any gluten until my food has left the room, and avoid using any flour in the kitchen for 24 hours before (it lingers in the air).
What I'm saying is that hosting me requires much more from people here than my own salt.
My biggest problem in all of this has never been in anyone being unwilling to do what it takes for me to eat safely. Once someone has decided that I am welcome at their home, they have always also wanted me to be safe and unafraid in their home.
I feel the same way when I host - if I invite someone to be my guest, that means I want to be a good host. People put so much effort into "not wanting to be a bother," when really the easiest thing they could do for me would be to give me an exact list of what they want and don't want and save me the effort of guessing and doing more than I would have had to try and get it at least partially correct.
If there isn't a full dinner, and I'm just coming over snacks or the like, I sometimes bring my own, or eat in advance and then just have a drink. No one has ever shown sign of being offended or put-out.
In my case, I do tend to invite people to my place, or to meet at one of the handful of restaurants that I know are safe, because I want to spare people the effort and myself the mental load of having to explain it all (yes, stainless steel can be cleaned, no silicon can't, yes most soy sauce has gluten, no rice does not have gluten etc). In your case, as aggravating as I know it is for you, this is not a big deal for a host. Iodine-free salt is not expensive. Once someone is cooking for you, the ingredients are probably going to cost a lot more than some salt.
If your host will cook a meal, tell them in advance so that can do it right. If you just want to carry salt with you in case of any snacks or the like, just do it. No one cares. If anything, you are making it easy for them to feel good about their hospitality by providing such a clear way to do it.
This one kind of makes sense. If a friend has dietary restrictions, such as abstaining from red meat or alcohol, I can easily adapt to those preferences. However, accommodating someone with a specific medical condition, like iodine sensitivity, may present challenges and require more maneuvering.
The easiest solution would be that you bring the salt without iodine and the host can taste test to see if it can easily be incorporated in the dish they wanna prepare or can whip up a new one specifically for you.
Not taking away from the point, just, you do realize that iodine does not affect the taste of the salt?
Why do you expect that people will cater to your dietary needs? If it’s something like vegan or vegetarian sure but salt is such a small thing that buying extra salt for you would be more trouble than if you brought it yourself. In Germany we don’t want to be a burden for our hosts so it’s pretty normal for us to bring the stuff without asking so that we are not a burden
If this is an honest question: I am a little worried, since we're arriving pretty late in the day with kids, that they'll have already cooked dinner. First worry: They feel bad because they made food that I can't eat. I think that would be awkward for everyone. However, if that isn't awkward for Germans, the worst will be that I have to go out and get myself something after the kids are fed and taken care of. I'm a grownup and can deal with it.
In Germany a part of the hospitality falls to the guest.
It's a social contract. I invite you and have the work and costs associated with that and you do your best to keep those things as reasonably low as possible.
If you have any extra wishes or needs as a guest you provide them yourself.
I'm an American but I also can't have iodized salt because I'm allergic to dextrose. Dextrose is used to bind the salt to the iodine. I bring my own salt everywhere, I keep it in a little container in my purse.
I would say that is at least common but also normal. Hosts might not feel confident in meeting the exact range of dietary restrictions and thus often opt for putting the person, that knows the medical requirements best, in charge. The guest with the restriction.
I for one would not be confident to guarantee an iodine free party. I might think ahead and buy the right salt in my cooking for the day, but what about packaged stuff, my homemade Kimchi, is sushi okay, salad dressing, condiments. I would have to either check back all the time and ask for specifics or eyeball it and run the risk of missing something important.
I often cook vegan for friends and parties are by default vegan because it is just easier. But I am less willing to trust myself with someones health. It always depends I guess. I mean, this way of doing things is also often applied when it comes to alcohol. The host sets a certain baseline and guests bring the special stuff they like.
Culturally the Germans don’t like risks. By you bringing your own stuff they could avoid risk of blame if something were to happen to you.
Well, if I’m inviting someone to my home and know they have a food allergy, or simply don’t like a specific food, I make sure I provide food they can eat. I don’t tell a vegan: „well, I’m making steak today but you are free to bring your own vegan food“. I don’t buy peanuts as a snack, when I know my guest has a peanut allergy. I don’t ask someone who is lactose intolerant to bring his own milk for breakfast and I also wouldn’t ask someone who can’t eat iodine to bring his own salt.
Maybe I am misunderstanding the situation, but I find it kinda weird how all these comments are saying this is perfectly normal.
I had to scroll down way too long for this. I also would cater to my guests’ needs. Maybe I was raised non-German by my very German parents. Also it’s salt. Iodine free or not, it’s cheap and lasts forever.
the more problematic logistics for me would not be the salt, but that I have no idea what ingredients and products are made using Iodine salt. For e.g. I do not know what salt the local bakery is using and I somewhat doubt the accuracy of their statement if a friends well being during a visit is at stake. Meanwhile for our local super market... they essentially stock products without any idea or care what it is, so I would be reading the fine prints on containers.
I think it really depends. Are you close family, are you coming regularly? Then I’ll make sure to adapt to your needs depending on how difficult it is. If not, then I’m sorry. I have a friend abroad who has about 30 allergies and intolerance and he never expects anyone to cater for him and he always brings his own food, and that’s outside of Germany, so really, it’s not that uncommon
It depends. One of my friends had a phase where she claimed she couldn't have gluten (she doesn't have celiac disease or anything like that). So whenever I hosted I bowed to all her shit demands. Just for her to eat a piece of her boyfriend's croissant the next morning. Ever since that I'm not in a mood to accommodate if it means a lot extra work that likely goes unappreciated.
When I make a cake for work I'll substitute ingredients so my lactose intolerant coworkers can eat it too. But that's not much of an effort. I'll never not accommodate a vegetarian. One of my coworkers is vegetarian and when we go on a work trip together and share snacks, I keep that in mind. But again, all of this is low effort.
The salt however... I have limited kitchen space and it would bother me to have to waste more room on a different salt that will take years to be used up on top of the one I already have when I literally have no space left. I also hate clutter! In my circle of friends people will usually bring their 'special needs' products and not make a big deal out of it - as do I whenever I have an issue with something. So I guess the expectation here is: I won't be additional work for you and you will do the same for me.
I am a german and I would buy this salt for you. It is not this special work for me. You find iodine free salt everywhere in the supermarkets and everyone can use it.
But I am also a german who would bring sweets/crisps/wine if I visit friends and after reading the posts in this sub, this isn't common sense. I would also say hospitality differs from german Region to Region and from person to person.
So my advise: if you have special needs, communicate them and be better safe then sorry and take care for yourself
The more important question is: Are they planning to cook entirely without salt, then? Because what good is it if you bring your own salt in case you want a little more, but the food has already been prepared with salt that contains iodine.
Is that really so unexpected that they would expect you to make your own accommodations for out of the ordinary needs? In America the standard salt sold in grocery stores is iodized. I would never expect someone to have uniodized.
Many hosts do not feel safe navigating their guests' food intolerances or restictions, and prefer asking a guest to bring their own instead of trying to figure out what is OK and what isn't. Otherwise you'd might end up getting served lactose free milk (bought especially of you) when you are allergic to milk protein -- no one wants that. And not everyone is informed enought about food and nutrition to make good judgements (and the wiser ones know that they might not know enough).
Good friends or close family might ask for your specific wishes or favourite brands, work to understand what exactly is the problem and how to navigate around it, will manage to source the correct foodstuff most of the time, and keep it around for your next visit. But most people will feel that it's safer to let the guest manage their special nutrtition needs, as they are the expert on it.
I don't think this would be a country specific issue. There are so many allergens and health issues with foods. Should every family or host have every possible food alternative on hand in case somebody with such issue might someday come by?
I am German and I have a milk protein intolerance, meaning I have to avoid any dairy products made from cow's milk. If know that I'm going to visit friends who are vegan or who have dairy-free options, I wouldn't bring my own food. If I visit other people where I know that's not the case, I would never expect them to cater to my allergy needs if that is not in their normal routine. So then I either only eat the foods I know will be safe for me, or I bring my own oat milk or other dairy-free products I might want to consume while I'm there.
Not sure if that's a German thing or not, but I'd consider that common courtesy in other countries as well. Jodsalz is frequently used in German househoulds and I wouldn't expect for anyone to buy iodine free salt just for one person.
A friend of mine only drinks decaf coffee. I don't. I have a machine using beans which she also doesn't like, so I have a filter set here for grounded coffee for her. Since she rarely drinks coffee at all I don't have her decaf grounded coffee at home. Once I bought a package but she didn’t feel like drinking coffee at all for a longer time so I had to throw it away.
I got all the sodas we both like at home so she'll always has a cold drink here but if she wants and feels like coffee she brings a bit in a tupperware. It was her idea, when I asked if I should buy some again she said, she just brings it if she feels like. And I thought this was very nice of her so I don't have to worry.
It's so easy to just put your salt in your purse and take it with you. I carry sweatners in mine in case resteraunts only have sugar. I can't understand why this makes you offended.
How on Earth do you not realize they worry they might accidentally kill you?
Yes, this is quite normal. Anyone who's not "normal" and doesn't eat like everyone else brings their own food. If I recall, it's like that in the US as well. The main reason is people don't want to buy a pack of something for a single use.
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The people you talked to shy away from the responsibility to maybe buy the wrong salt on accident. Reading through the comments, and realizing salt is cheap, this is the only logical explanation.
There is difference between “preference” and “health requirements”. I don’t want(afraid) to cook or use salt that I assumed was safe for you, but it will not. It goes the same for highly allergic people-they know brands/products wich are safe for them and they usually bring their own food. On the other hand-if it’s preference, like “I don’t like chocolate”, I will buy a cream cake for this guest without any problem.
It can just be pragmatism in this case. They don’t have the special salt at home and weren’t planning another trip to the store. You have the special salt at home anyway so why not just bring it?
I may not be representative here but as a host I’m very focused on food and the needs of people. I’ll have gluten free, vegan, whatever options available if I know one of my guests needs them and I have time to plan for it. I’ll als offer food on any occasion. Most invitations revolve around food anyway. Brunch, lunch, quick bbq. dinner or at least some snacks/drinks. But if it’s spontaneous you can’t plan for everything of course so I think it’s understandable to bring stuff too. And most of my guests will ask everything what they can contribute to any given event. Sometimes I’ll say nothing just come hungry and sometimes I’ll have them bring something too.
The most important part is: if your relationship is good don’t worry too much about these details. They probably don’t mean to be rude or inconsiderate. Just pragmatic.
Some of it for sure comes from the fear of getting it wrong. If someone has an allergy I do not really know anything about I prefer them to bring their own stuff. If it is a regular visitor or a good friend I might ask about more info to be prepared next time
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I think it depends on the specific situation.
Salt, for example, is typically purchased in quantities that last for quite a while. To purchase a type of salt that one normally does not use, specifically for one dish, seems wasteful and inconvenient. Much more so than you just grabbing the salt you have at home anyway and then taking it back home when you leave. Same goes for any ingredient that´s not usually purchased for one single meal, like most spices or maybe even condiments.
If you´d stay for a whole month, maybe that would be different. I´d be using that salt for every single meal during that month, so it would probably be worth buying some especially for this occasion.
Another comment menthioned lactose free milk. That´s a different story to me. Even a liter of milk is used up in no time. We have a milk coffee in the afternoon, then I prepare dinner using that same milk, carton´s probably empty by then. So, any ingredient that is at least as good as used up once you leave, I´d have no problem purchasing specifically for you.
I guess, it comes down to what´s more inconvenient. You bringing something that you already have at home or I specificalls buying something that I might have no use for after you left.
That is normal. Normally, when you stay at someone's home, even family, you do your best to put them out as little as possible. It is unreasonable to expect them to run oout and get special items, especially ones not commonly available. It is also normal not to be offered food when it is not a meal time. Most people will offer water or maybe a beverage.
You do not say what culture you are from. I know this can vary widely. In college, my Chinese roommates would cook a multicourse meal just because somoene popped in. My Italian grandmother and her sister had a 3 decade feude because my grandmother did not offer my great aunt figs that were clearly visible on top of the fridge, but German culture is not like that. If you expect people to feed you at off hours or buy specialty items, you risk coming across as impolite and demanding.
Question to OP: Where would you draw the line if someone came over to your house for a few days and you consider them family? Would you stop at the salt? What’s normal in your culture or household?
Question: how critical is it for you to eat salt with iodine?
I would go lenghts to buy the stuff that my guest needs and i consider it kinda rude to ask my guest to bring his own. Its not a "German" thing i would say but i can only speak for me and my family.