How do I even start? How do I hold a swallow or raise my larynx I can’t even start I don’t know how to do this how how how

You are already starting on the wrong foot if you think about swallowing and raising the larynx (not your fault, it's the fault of some people out there that are irresponsible...)

Start from making sure you understand that when it comes to voices, people assess the level of maturity and androgenization (child?/female?/male?) by the balance of two key components: vocal size and vocal weight. Get to know what they are about and then start training your ear to hear them in your voice so you can start exploring changing them. Use Selene's clips page for demonstrations and explorations. Join the TransVoice Discord server (link on the sidebar if you need guidance; upload clips there and ask people for feedback.)

Some tips:

• Make sure you focus on size and weight, but start by placing your pitch in some reasonable place, above C3 for most people, for further work (getting the weight right under C3 will work only for small selection of people.)

• Make effortlessness your top priority: do not tolerate strain, pain, irritation.

• Do not think about training as "making your muscles stronger" - it does not work this way, and in fact it works the opposite way: your goal is finding muscular coordinations and selections of muscles that do the job, but do not require strength.

• Do not try to manipulate your anatomy directly (so no swallowing, larynx raising, and so on): become good at hearing what needs to be heard (that's the ear-training part.)

• Don't be afraid of exploring higher ranges even if they sound funny (do not avoid exploring "falsetto"-like sounds: you can learn a lot about light weight there.)

• Do not use applications that try to gender your voice (they cannot.) All you need is a pitch monitor (I recommend Vocal Pitch Monitor) to verify that you are not conflating pitch with size change during explorations and to, at least initially, make sure you are not floating down too low. Over that something to record your clips, of course (like free Audacity on PC.)

• Know your role in the training process: do not try to do take over your autonomic brain functions; that is, do not try to micromanage your anatomy; you are to be a guidance counselor to your brain and become good at steering it where you want (you cannot do the micromanagement yourself: there's over 100 muscles around the vocal tract and you cannot control them directly.)

• Do not watch too many different videos coming from different people with different ideas about training in place: 90% of them will make a sponge of your brain, likely confusing you and implanting into you all sorts of horrible ideas about training. Stick with size/weight methodology and channels like TransVoiceLessons and Selene's clips.

• Do not think that stylistics like pronunciation and intonation can be a substitute for getting the size/weight balance right - they cannot do that reliably.

• Don't make hasty assumptions about where you are going on the basis of intermediate stages: if something sounds weird, don't necessarily run away from it even if you feel bad about it overall: try to focus on the singular part that you are trying to take control of and assess if it's moving into the right direction anyway.

• Just to stress: do not underestimate the importance of ear training.

Here is a playlist for voice training.

Also don’t hold a swallow it will damage your voice.

The very first tip I ever learned is using silly voices. Like if you can do an impression of Elmo, or Mickey Mouse, then try and speak lower and lower while still using the technique of speaking like Elmo or Mickey Mouse. Just as a first step. Try and make it make it fun and silly, and use that as practice for feeling out your larynx, how it feels to talk from your mouth, etc... Every journey starts with a step, and that was mine.

Committing too it.

Haven't had professional training, watched many videos over the years.

Started it the same time as social transitioning.
Part of puberty #2 (wasn't on HRT for another 2 years) as I learned from my peers (woman).

Was gentle on myself, learning from many mistakes, only after 4 years did I have the courage too record my voice. Had no idea and wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear.

Heard a voice that was totally femme passing and didn't should like how I remember at all.

The thing that I feel has helped the most is singing gentle songs of my favourite blues / jazz singers like Sarah Vaughan, Billy Holliday, etc.

You can do it, you can start today.

Look, all I'm saying is play. Like, pretend your a Muppet. Like even if the Muppet is the one that's big and brown furry, with a really deep voice. Experiment with voice, try talking nasally, like a "nerd" (did I do that?), etc. Have you ever practiced basic vocal excersizes? Do re mi, etc.? Try to find your basic range, and play with it. I'm no vocal coach, I can only give tips that helped me.

look up transvoicelessons on YouTube she is byfar the most qualified to talk about trans voice