35 Inspirational Woody Allen Quotes On Success

Woody Allen is an American film director, writer, actor, and comedian whose career spans more than six decades and multiple Academy Award-winning movies. He began his career as a comedy writer on Sid Caesar’s comedy variety program, Your Show of Shows, working alongside Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Larry Gelbart and Neil Simon. He also began writing material for television, published several books featuring short stories, and writing humor pieces for The New Yorker. In the early 1960s, he performed as a stand-up comedian in Greenwich Village alongside Lenny Bruce, Elaine May, Mike Nichols, and Joan Rivers. There he developed a monologue style (rather than traditional jokes), and the persona of an insecure, intellectual, fretful nebbish, which he maintains is quite different from his real-life personality. He released three comedy albums during the mid to late 1960s, even earning a Grammy Award nomination for his 1964 comedy album entitled simply, Woody Allen. In 2004 Comedy Central ranked Allen fourth on a list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians, while a UK survey ranked Allen the third-greatest comedian. By the mid-1960s, Allen was writing and directing films, first specializing in slapstick comedies such as Take the Money and Run (1969), Bananas (1971), Sleeper (1973), and Love and Death (1975), before moving into dramatic material influenced by European art cinema during the late 1970s with Interiors (1978), Manhattan (1979) and Stardust Memories (1980), and alternating between comedies and dramas to the present. He often stars in his films, typically in the persona he developed as a standup. May these Woody Allen Quotes On Success inspire you to take action so that you may live your dreams.

1. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” Woody Allen

2. “In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.” Woody Allen

3. “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” Woody Allen

4. “Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.” Woody Allen

5. “We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let’s hope we make the right choice.” Woody Allen

6. “If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.” Woody Allen

7. “A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings.” Woody Allen

8. “I don’t know what I’m doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.” Woody Allen

9. “I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.” Woody Allen

10. “I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.” Woody Allen

11. “More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” Woody Allen

12. “All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.” Woody Allen

13. “If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.” Woody Allen

14. “I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.” Woody Allen

15. “There is something about big cities that turns me on, and for whatever mysterious reason, places like New York and Paris inspire me. I think it’s because cities represent civilization, and as crime-ridden and broken down as some of them are, it’s still better than skipping through a meadow.” Woody Allen

16. “I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.” Woody Allen

17. “I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?” Woody Allen

18. “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” Woody Allen

19. “Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, ‘Be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.” Woody Allen

20. “I am not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Woody Allen

21. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” Woody Allen

22. “Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.” Woody Allen

23. “There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn’t all that important.” Woody Allen

24. “Who’s the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?” Woody Allen

25. “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” Woody Allen

26. “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.” Woody Allen

27. “I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘No.” Woody Allen

28. “I’ve become the person I’ve always hated, but I’m happier.” Woody Allen

29. “You’re still in love’ ‘No I’m not, I’m not She’ll always be a part of me, and she’s an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn’t working.’ ‘What element?’ ‘We never found out.” Woody Allen

30. “I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.” Woody Allen

31. “There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.” Woody Allen

32. “Why ruin a good story with the truth?” Woody Allen

33. “I know what I think but I don’t know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you.” Woody Allen

34. “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.” Woody Allen

35. “Everybody knows how awful the world is and what a terrible situation it is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things. Some people distort it with sports, with money, with love, with art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way.” Woody Allen

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