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Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Hardcover – November 5, 2019

by David Kessler (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,535 ratings
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In this groundbreaking new work, David Kessler—an expert on grief and the coauthor with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross of the iconic On Grief and Grieving—journeys beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: meaning.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom earned through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage.

Many people look for “closure” after a loss. Kessler argues that it’s finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.

In this book, Kessler gives readers a roadmap to remembering those who have died with more love than pain; he shows us how to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones. Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son.

How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth state of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.

Finding Meaning is a necessary addition to grief literature and a vital guide to healing from tremendous loss. This is an inspiring, deeply intelligent must-read for anyone looking to journey away from suffering, through loss, and towards meaning.
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  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Scribner
  4. Publication date
    November 5, 2019
  5. Dimensions
    5.5 x 1.2 x 8.38 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1501192736
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1501192739
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Helping others is one way to heal; that’s a message readers will find in Kessler’s new book, [which] contains many messages about the nature of grief and how society supports, or doesn’t, the basic human need to mourn…Finding Meaning is Kessler’s poignant response to society’s insensitivity, [a] how-to in the very best sense…With an accessibility reminiscent of author and neurologist Oliver Sacks, Kessler writes of how our brains are wired for grief — how survivors often become trapped in guilt and relive their loved one’s final moments without remembering happier times too.”
—Nick Owchar, Los Angeles Times

“Some people find meaning through belief in an afterlife; for others it comes from recalling fond memories of the loved ones they lost…The pain of grief is a natural reaction to the loss of someone you love. But, as Mr. Kessler points out, suffering ‘is what our mind does to us,’ and it can be mitigated by finding meaning in what we’ve lost.”
—Jane Brody, The New York Times

"Kessler is the renowned author, with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, of 2005's seminal On Grief and Grieving: Finding Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss and a top expert on grief — a painful subject that Kessler approaches with compassion and intelligence in his new guide to healing during this theoretically sixth and last stage of grieving: meaning."
—Christina Ianzito, AARP.org

"Excellent ... Anyone who has lost a loved one will find solace in Kessler’s comforting words."
—Publishers Weekly, starred

“An excellent addition to grief literature that helps pave the way for steps toward healing.”
—Library Journal

“Finding Meaning is a brilliant, caring, practical guide to help us understand grief and embrace this important “sixth stage” … David Kessler gifts us with deep insights and life-affirming wisdom that can support our well-being.”
—Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of Aware, Mind, and Mindsight

"David Kessler’s work with us was the first moment of healing that we felt after our daughter’s death."
—Jayson Greene, author of Once More We Saw Stars

“David Kessler writes of a world that is rarely examined with such sensitivity. Now he has gone to an even deeper and more soulful place. He is a healer par excellence to others who are in pain.”
—Marianne Williamson, author of Return to Love

“This beautiful, tender, wise book will help the many of us who struggle, for years or even decades, after losing someone we love. To take our pain and transmute it, and to find in our suffering a way of relieving the pain of others, can be a powerful form of healing. Whether our grief arises after a suicide, a difficult relationship, the death of a child or newborn, even the ambiguous losses that accompany mental illnesses and addiction -- David reassures us that we can find in our deep pain an opportunity to contribute to the wider human story. Grief may not end, but David reassures us that it can change shape and be a source of generosity, love and meaning. David Kessler shows us how. Soulful, warm, friendly, and clearly written, the fruit of much personal suffering and of David's years of professional expertise helping others. I only wish I'd had David's book soon after my mother's death. I will give it to others.”
—Katy Butler, author of Knocking on Heaven's Door and The Art of Dying Well

"Grief is ultimately experienced by everyone. The sad truth is that loss leaves us not knowing what to do or to feel. David Kessler has provided us with a grief compass and a way to find meaning in loss. I will be going back and re-reading it for years to come."
—Denise Jablonski-Kaye, PhD, LAPD Police Psychologist

"David has eloquently articulated an essential component of living with grief: the ability to construct meaning out of tragedy. The book is filled with wisdom and heart, beckoning and inspiring readers to live their lives in harmony with their loved one’s legacy."
— Fredda Wasserman, MA, MPH, LMFT, CT, Our House Grief Support Center

About the Author

David Kessler is the world’s foremost expert on grief. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a fulfilled life, even after life’s tragedies. He coauthored On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons with Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce or Death with Louise Hay. He is the author of Finding Meaning; Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms; and The Needs of the Dying, praised by Mother Teresa.

David’s work has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Business Week, and Life Magazine, and on CNN, Fox, NBC, PBS, and CBS. David has served on the Red Cross Aviation Disaster Team and has volunteered for decades as a Los Angeles Police Department Specialist Reserve Officer. He lectures for physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders and leads talks and retreats for those dealing with grief.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Scribner; Later Printing edition (November 5, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1501192736
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1501192739
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.9 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1.2 x 8.38 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,535 ratings

About the author

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David Kessler

David Kessler

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David Kessler is the world’s foremost expert on grief. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a fulfilled life, even after life’s tragedies. He coauthored On Grief and Grieving and Life Lessons with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce or Death with Louise Hay. He is the author of Finding Meaning; Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms; and The Needs of the Dying, praised by Mother Teresa.

David’s work has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Business Week, and Life Magazine, and on CNN, Fox, NBC, PBS, and CBS. David has served on the Red Cross Aviation Disaster Team and has volunteered for decades as a Los Angeles Police Department Specialist Reserve Officer. He lectures for physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders and leads talks and retreats for those dealing with grief.

In addition, David worked with the late actors Anthony Perkins and Michael Landon. The founder of the cancer support group The Bogeyman in the Closet, he lectures on living life fully in the face of cancer.

A frequent guest on The Dr. Oz Show, David has also appeared on CNN, NBC, PBS, Fox, and Entertainment Tonight. He has written for The Boston Globe, the San Francisco Chronicle, Anderson Cooper 360°, and Oprah.com. David has volunteered with the Red Cross, and he also serves on the board of the Farrah Fawcett Foundation. For more information on David and live events, please visit www.Grief.com

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Top reviews from the United States

Alona
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2024
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This book is not only beautifully written, it is logical and practical. It gives you a new way to approach grief. The author shows different perspectives of viewing grief which shows to be truly important for the healing process. It has been good to have my feelings be validated and to learn a new layer to the process of grief.
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Jeane M
5.0 out of 5 stars For anyone suffering from grief this book really helps
Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2024
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This book provides real help and suggestions for dealing with grief. The author teaches ways to live with grief through helping others and honoring your loved ones. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is stuck in grief and needs help moving on with their life.
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Veena Choudary
5.0 out of 5 stars Comforting.
Reviewed in the United States on November 26, 2021
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I picked this book up during the week when my daughter would have been eleven years old had she lived. I found myself filled with emotion and so much pain. Having been through so many losses in my life- I felt that I had understood how to make meaning and to keep moving forward- changed forever but moving forward. I had marked this book in my samples to read one day when I am ready to write more than I had already written about my losses. I viewed reading it academically, clinically almost. Research.
Till this week.

Feeling so much pain and sadness and feeling lost- I started listening to David Kessler on a few podcasts. And then started reading this book.
His clarity and kindness is evident in his words and writing. Every sentence is filled with warmth and caring. The stories and examples he shares are shared with a reverence and caring. The book is filled with personal lessons he has learned from his many losses and his own post traumatic growth. And the narrative leaves so much room for all stages of grief. He does not force a single idea on you but repeatedly reminds us to honor our pain- exactly how it is- right now. And to lean into trust that it gets easier.
It does get easier and we do find meaning. I can attest to that. And then we do go back to grief bursts as he calls it. We also live in awe again. Our grief is individual and we learn and grow when we are ready. And layers come back to visit…. To remind us again of the love and connection we had.
What this book does so well is remind anyone going through a loss that they have the permission to hurt as much and however they want to. This is a beautifully written book full of hard-earned wisdom from a life lived- you will find comfort, peace, strength, warmth and direction as you navigate your own grief or transformation journey. Please read it. Please live it. You too can move forward. The author illustrates this beautifully. 💜🙏🏽
60 people found this helpful
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GrooveGirl
5.0 out of 5 stars Helpful and supportive information
Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2024
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Read the authors grief storyat the end of this book before reading the rest. You will realize you are not alone in your grief and can find a path through it. Also recommend a a gift for those experiencing a loss.
One person found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Not a comedy
Reviewed in the United States on September 16, 2023
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….but very well crafted if you are interested in its main thesis.
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Dirk Wright
5.0 out of 5 stars A new Angel is born
Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2024
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Congrats David! I'm sure you'll receive your angel wings soon. Your depth of compassion far exceeds anyone I have ever known. Your emotional maturity is way up there, beyond everyone else. You have turned tragedy into wisdom, and grief into compassion. I'm grateful for the experience of reading your work, as well as participating in your training. I can only hope that I can become as compassionate and emotionally mature as you are right now.
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clarejnorth
5.0 out of 5 stars love kessler's work
Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2023
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really enjoy kessler's work and his own personal journey that contributed to this book. it was helpful during my own grief journey
One person found this helpful
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Cathy Cheshire
5.0 out of 5 stars Heartfelt Hope and Loving Inspiration
Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2019
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I wish there were more books like this where grief education is enveloped in hope about the possibility to fully live when we are ready, especially after feeling despair wants to keep us lost in darkness. Although every grief journey is different, I believe the genuine sharing of grief experience and how we can go on as David lovingly expresses, can inspire so many to find their own way after loss. We can feel less alone and an easing of the terror that every second our heartache will always feel the worst. I so much agree with what he says about not having to be destined for eternal pain or controlled by our despair. Our spirit doesn’t have to die when a loved one does. David reminded me of the power I have to tend to my thoughts and well-being so I can feel connection with the love I share whether it’s with someone I cherish in physical form or not. The meaning I made from the death of my loved ones is that being with them again someday in spirit is my eternal life, and how I embrace the experience of love and adventure in this limited human life is in my power to be wonderful. A greatest lesson I have learned about love is how it feels when someone is there for you at the worst of times. I am grateful to have had this book to read on this Thanksgiving. It made me feel alive.
59 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Laureen
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
Reviewed in Canada on November 8, 2023
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I highly recommend this book to anyone that has lost a loved one.
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U. Schmelter
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish this book will be available in the german language soon, too
Reviewed in Germany on May 4, 2024
Verified Purchase
Although some of David's co-authored publications (i.e. with Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross and Louise Hay) have been published in German, too, I feel this book also could be very helpful for monolingual people in D-A-CH.

Thank you everyone within the publishing market for considering this and also considering re-issuing the other aforementioned publications which appear to be out of print, thus preparing for a higher demand.

For me, this is one of those books that I wish to keep and not put into circular economy.

🧡💙🙏
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U. Schmelter
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish this book will be available in the german language soon, too
Reviewed in Germany on May 4, 2024
Although some of David's co-authored publications (i.e. with Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross and Louise Hay) have been published in German, too, I feel this book also could be very helpful for monolingual people in D-A-CH.

Thank you everyone within the publishing market for considering this and also considering re-issuing the other aforementioned publications which appear to be out of print, thus preparing for a higher demand.

For me, this is one of those books that I wish to keep and not put into circular economy.

🧡💙🙏
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Af
5.0 out of 5 stars Satisfecho
Reviewed in Mexico on May 22, 2021
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Buen libro
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Bauchet Grégory
5.0 out of 5 stars life-changing
Reviewed in France on December 8, 2022
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This is a must-read to everyone: to find meaning in grief and to help people do. It is a life changing book.
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whispering breeze
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 8, 2022
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I lost my mother just over a year ago after six years of caring for her with Dementia. It happened at the height of the second Covid19 lockdown and I remained therefore in isolation, after a year of shielding with mum. The initial period of intense grief on my own was the hardest period of my life. I ordered several books of Amazon to try and make sense of where I found myself. Everyone is different and each case of grief is to a degree unique. That said this book really eloped me put matters into some type of perspective.

Not only did it help with my grieving but it got me thinking about the future. I intend to take on some voluntary work and more in the future when I retire. I realise now as a single person with no direct family such work can give me purpose, but just as importantly it can honour my mum’s good name. In that way she will live on in my heart and memories. I cannot with confidence say this book got me through my initial intense grieving period, perhaps I would have slowly recovered any way. What I can say is it helped the healing process to really get started, gave me food for thought and guided me about what I might do in the future.

Again a tricky review to end. In am ideal world no one would have to face grief at the loss of a loved one. That said the world is not ideal. This book helped me and I would recommend giving it a read if you are trying to get over the grief of losing a loved one and make some sense of what the future might look like, particularly after a full time caring role ends with the death as well.
25 people found this helpful
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