The Onion: 25 favorite headlines

In August 1988, college juniors Tim Keck and Christopher Johnson founded a satirical newspaper. They called their creation The Onion, published it for about a year, then sold it for $16,000—likely never dreaming that it would grow into one of the comedy world's most venerable institutions.

The paper has since become a national juggernaut that shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon. "There's always a slight looming terror of running out of jokes because we've done so many jokes, and we have this...insistence on never repeating a joke that we've done," former editor-in-chief Will Tracy told NPR's Renee Montagne. "But then, we're able to remind ourselves that, oh no, there's still awful people doing awful things every day, so that'll give us more material in reality to draw from."

Of course, awful people doing awful things aren't the only subjects of Onion headlines. The satirical giant has made fun of everyone and everything—and while trying to name the paper's 25 greatest heds is a little like trying to choose between your own wild children, there are undoubtedly several that stand the test of time. Check out a list of favorites below—and don't let this story stop you from citing more greatest hits in comments sections far and wide.

1. "Study Reveals: Babies are Stupid"

2. "World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percent"

3. "Perky 'Canada' Has Own Government, Laws"

4. "Black Guy Asks Nation for Change." And don't miss the sequel: "Black Guy Given Nation's Worst Job"

5. "CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years"

6. "Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality"

7. A classic from Our Dumb Century: "New President Feels Nation's Pain, Breasts"

8. One more from that collection: "WA-" (headline continued on page 2)

9. "Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up in Harry Potter Craze"

10. "Drugs Win Drug War"

11. "Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has a Gay Cult Following"

12. "Kitten Thinks of Nothing but Murder All Day"

13. "Winner Didn't Even Know It Was Pie-Eating Contest"

14. "Outdoor Advertising Is a Blight on Our Society" vs. "I Just Wanted to Tell the Nice People About the Yogurt" (by Karen McClary and a Yoplait Yogurt Billboard)

15. "Dolphin Spends Amazing Vacation Swimming With Stockbroker"

16. "Exercise Ball All the Way Over There"

17. The Onion's take on World War I: "Austria Declares War on Serbia Declares War on Germany Declares War on France Declares War on Turkey Declares War on Russia Declares War on Bulgaria Declares War on Britain: Ottoman Empire Almost Declares War on Itself"

18. "Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be"

19. "Fall Canceled After 3 Billion Seasons"

20. "God Answers Prayers of Paralyzed Little Boy: 'No,' Says God"

21. "Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race of Skeleton People"

22. Yet another gem from Our Dumb Century: "Holy S---! Man Walks on F---ing Moon"

23. Point/Counterpoint: "My Computer Totally Hates Me!" vs. "God, Do I Hate That Bitch" (by Vicki Helmholz and Dell Dimension 4100)"

24. "Loved Ones Recall Local Man's Cowardly Battle With Cancer"

25. And just because I can't resist ending on a note of self-awareness: "Pop Culture Expert Surprisingly Not Ashamed of Self"