How Has Your Family of Origin Affected You?

Source: Christian Collins, Flickr, CC 2.0

I often ask clients to describe how their family of origin affects their behaviors, feelings, and values. Here’s a composite story that embeds common answers. That example may jump-start your own thinking on how your family of origin affects you today. To help further, I’ll then ask you seven questions.

My brother was the handsome one and I was the brainiac—I must have read Anne of Green Gables ten times and watched the movie three times. But I didn’t get praised for being a brainiac. I got praised when my parents showed me off. When they had parties, they had me read aloud to everyone and showed my drawings. I was embarrassed but I also loved it. I think that’s why I like to perform today: give presentations at work, and yes, I display my art in local restaurants and banks. Otherwise, I remain quiet, hide how much I read, embarrassed that I don’t like parties much. I go because if feels wrong to always beg off, but after just an hour, I’m already ready to leave.

My dad was a hard worker, working his way up at UPS from warehouse foreman to manager to regional director. My mother taught flute a little but mainly was a stay-at-home mom. She loved to throw parties. I felt bad for my dad because I think she was flirting with other men while my father sat quietly. That may partly explain why I don’t flirt much or dress sexily.

Does reading that evoke thoughts on how your parents or siblings affect you today, whether your behavior, your feelings, beliefs, relationships, career, attitudes, values, whatever? Perhaps it will help if you answer these questions.

• Think of your mother (and/or if relevant, stepmother.) What if anything about your mom has rubbed off on you?
• Think of an important thing or two that your mom did or said to you? How, if at all, does that affect you today?
• Think of your father (or, if relevant, stepfather). What if anything about your dad has rubbed off on you?
• Think of an important thing or two that your father did or said to you? How, if at all, does that affect your behavior or feelings today?
• Think of the sibling or two who most has influenced you. What about your sibling has rubbed off on you?
• What did that sibling(s) do or say to you that affects you now?
• Now review your answers. Does that make you want to try to change anything about yourself or how you interact with your children or parents?

I read this aloud on YouTube.