City of Desire [Kingdom Building]

Story directly hooks you that this is a brothel management novel in a fantasy medieval world. 

Yet somehow author threats the brothel as some sort of mission complete hub where mc gets reward and upgrade his brothel.

Characters are fine. Mc are not dumb but also not a super genius one. Side characters also fine and feels human and believable.

Dont get me wrong, story is great if you just read it blindly. But I came here expecting management novel and got adventure novel instead.

I really love the plot and the idea of this story. However, the grammar of the story is horrible. It's my hope that the author works on his grammar. I do applaud the creativity displayed in his story and hope that there will be a rewrite, for there is so much untapped potential

I've enjoyed the story so far and feel like it's kept it quality. There are some Grammer issues but they are not disruptive to the story and don't detract from the interesting world building and characters. Overall this stories balance between the economic aspects, the day to day interactions and situations which are truly dangerous to the MC or his livelihood are one of the best things about this story. The MC is only overpowered in one axpect which is his decision making abilities and good people managing skills. It's a good slow burn (not too slow though) story, that gradually introduces us to the wider world one step at a time and brings in the supportive characters and issues the MC has on a reasonable and realistic time scale. Also I appreciate the lack of smut and fade to black approach in sex scenes, I do like to be able to read at least some of my followed novels at work during breaks or recommend them to friends safely.

I want to take my time with this and list all the issues and missed opportunities in the story, so that if the Author reads it, and decides to edit, rewrite it, or whatever, it'll improve. I don't want to flame this, its a great concept, but it fails in too many places for me to enjoy it. I hope it helps improve this, or failing that, future works. Admittedly I only made it to chapter 20, but thats as far as I could make it before it just started to aggravte me. I think despite that, theres plenty of use to say here.

--- Premise ---

First premise, its good. A person from our world is dropped in a merchant family, unwanted and unloved by mostly everyone, and after a betrayal that causes him to be branded with an unwanted class, hes driven to revenge through a morally grey path that challenges his ethics and boundaries.

The problem with that, is that none of this happens. Allow me to explain. We never see the MC be born, or interact with his family in any meaninful way. His transmigration/ reincarnation is relegated to like, a sentence in the first chapters and never brought up again.

He's unloved and betrayed by the merchants, but that all happens before the story, we have no insight as to motive, why they dislike him, how they accomplished what they did, and even what the one supposed caring member was like (or why they even cared)

He claims to want revenge, but never seemed to contemplate any plan, long term or otherwise, at all. Sure he wants to get on his feet first, but you're telling me he has no idea? and hasnt given it any thought at all.

And his ethics challenged? not at all. He throws money at the girls who dont want to be there, and makes great contracts to the girls who stay. A good moral choice and it made me like the main character, he also told them they can refuse to service people, which by his own admission is like executing his business before its started. None of that is the issue, I like the MC more for it. The problem is the potential that was wasted immediately after. The business booms on day 1. Theres no financial trouble, no issues, we never even hear minor gripes about the day. The MC never has to deal with his quest for revenge and its need for money, verses the ethical practices of his business and the health of those around him(choosing ethics in a situation like that would have made me like him even more)

Its just a waste, there was so much the author could have done here, with excellent character building opportunities and plot arcs, that was all ruined initially

--- Characters ---

There are none.

Okay not really, but they seem more like props than characters. The MC is there because we need someone to follow, but hes the definition of a blank slate. He has a past, but we're told none of it. He's from earth, but we know even less about his time there. He has family but we know none of them, just that he doesnt like them. He has experience, but we never see it applied we're just told. Hes a sprite we're following around for the plot, not a person really.

The girls of the place had so much potential as side characters. We could watch them scraping by before the MC turns up and raises them by his side, seeing the real impact he made on the world, and the good influence his "kingdom" has on those beneath its care. Instead they just act pleased at everything he says, and shocked when they talk money, the ones who stay after the introduction anyway, we never hear about their work, their personalities and how they interact with each other, we never see them interact with any clients at all, they barely even talk to the MC as he's just their boss, and they dont seem to want to make friends. Its just a waste of characters.

The mage girl who helps him renovate his location. She knows the MC somehow, though we're never told how. She seems to like him and his ideas (which shes somehow aware of) and yet screws him over with costs early on in the chapter, which she shrugs off with a "its just business" attitude, alright fair if thats so, but are they friends or not? that was the most vulnerable time for him, he had nothing left, no family or anything, and the plot just moves past it like its not worth note. So I think shes just some nosy business woman or smth, only for mixed signals to get sent later chapters.

--- Origins and mystery, or lack thereof ---

This story needed a lot in a prologue, to the point I think there should have been an entire story arc before we even got to the brothel. It relies too much on his connections to family and nobility, and his past, whilst explaining none of it.

We never see his arrival in the world. We never see him interact with his family, why they hate him. We never see how he meets the mage woman. We never see the betrayal that trapped him in these circumstances in the first place. We certiainly never see his think on his past life on earth, what he did, what skills hes bringing, very very important in a kingdom builder to know what the "king" is like, what he brings to the table.

Without such, the attempt to assert himself as "in charge" can be seen as villainous and selfish, you arent providing anything that another couldn't, you're nothing special in the grand scheme of things, and the "king" should always have something they can bring in a kingdom builder. in this case, earth knowledge of physics and science traditionally, maybe earth business sense. since the author hasnt demonstrated that 20 chapters in, I feel like this might be a doomed kingdom builder, maybe more slice of life?

Mystery can be good in a story, but why is information provided to the MC not given to us. he's always acting shocked when he reads things (if everythings dramatic, nothing is), or small smiles come onto his face, but we are never told what brought such a reaction in the first place. Its frustrating to view the world with half of the information, it distances the reader from the MC, and the "mystery" element comes off as shallow. Probably one of the biggest weaknesses at the beginning when plans and situational awareness are most important, later in a kingdom builder the "kingdom" should run itself anyway, but early on all that information is crucial.

--- Grammer ---

Ironically, this was my smallest issue with the entire story. Its still not good but every other review makes it sound apocalyptic. Its not, its easily readable, recoverable, and edited. The only chapter that I struggled with was, I think 11, where a word was repeated 8 times close together. Other than that it wasnt the issue the others make it out to be. It falls behind others of the genre of course, but an editor will quickly fix it and the story you're telling isnt really that harmed by it. There are other more pressing concerns, like the ones i've taken the time to list.

---

I really hope this helps, I dont want to flame it, but theres no much wasted potential in this story. If it ever got edited or rewritten id love to read it, but I cant endorse it as it sits now. I just hope this review helps improve it, and any future works

The overall premise is intriguing, it is somewhat hindered by the writing style of the author.

There are jumps in the story that leave gaps in possibly interesting interactions between the characters. These time jumps also happen quite frequently and are not always at the best spots.

This story also suffers a little bit in Charakter inflation in so far that there are many named characters that may or may not be more important to the story later on, but it's getting difficult to remember them all.

This is a very slow burn. Its a story of self development and business/politics growth. The mc has to deal with his own business and with the politics of the city. 
what's refreshing is that in 99% of this stories they either kill their boss, make him quit or they themselves quit. This is a very realistic approach to that where your boss is there to stay and you HAVE to deal with it. No easy way out. World building starts slow but surely enough at a certain point you realise it's rich in detail and pretty big in scope. 

There's also action, more in the style of "action is deadly I don't want to be any wear near it" which makes it really interesting. People die quite easily once action starts. 
Very enjoyable as long as your not expecting any fast growth. Read as a slice of life and you'll be waiting for a new chapter all the time. 

There's something promising about this story, that despite the very amateur writing, so many people still read it: The setting is unique, the story interesting, and shows a lot of promise.

However, the grammar and writing is terrible, and more importantly, hasn't improved since chapter 1, now that we're at chapter 200. This doesn't bode well for the future of this story, as it's on a tightrope, all it takes is one slightly less interesting section, and it will be dropped, because the negatives will overwhelm the positives.

I like the genre kingdom building and this work brought the thrill that novels like "release that witch" and "Magic industry empire" gave me. This is a great work, truly, got hooked fast BUT it really, really, really needs an exhaustive revision and editing.

I'll put a 3.5 star rating until some editing is made, because the story deserve a good polishing, and if the corrections are made a 5 stars rating is well deserved.

Starts out wonderful for the first 100-200 chapters, a bit light novel like but overall a fun and interesting concept done well. Unfortunately something happened that has caused the story to move along slower than an anime desperate not to finish. More filler than the last half of Shippuden. The last 30 "chapters" have advanced the story less than half a day.

That being said, the concept was interesting, and the world seems interesting. There's quite a bit of slavery apologia from the MC, which considering he runs 

Is still incredibly dodgy.

An interesting start to a logical world of magic and intrigue

No cheat for this MC exept his knowledge of business from Earth, like the struggle.

Grammer needs some work

Characters need some development

Edit: Bumped down to 2.5 stars as the grammar is becoming a major hinderence 

Worldbuilding was abrupt at first but satisfying as the story expanded

I enjoy your world author, keep up the good work