UPDATE on finding my wife unattractive after her plastic surgery.

Agreed. I want to hang with DeviousWhippet!

That’s the problem with funny people.

Laugh, laugh, and then bam, naked.

There are a few different ways to handle such situations. One effective approach I've found is often successful 99 times out of 100. However, consistently managing it can be challenging as it doesn't involve engaging with them for a while. In a nutshell, for all these types, ego plays a significant role in their identity, and being triggered is something most of them cannot handle.

Systemically, many family members, out of a safety instinct, tend to ignore the behavior, make excuses for it, and quickly forget about it. Unfortunately, the person pointing it out often receives more hostilities and may be isolated. It's like killing the messenger.

A shorter version of dealing with them involves treating everything they say as a joke. Whether it's a rude comment, an attempt to exclude you, or embarrassment, never take offense. Act as if everything they say is the funniest thing in the world. When their serious demeanor clashes with your lighthearted approach, they may become agitated, angry, or even break physically or verbally. Your job is to act surprised, hurt, and only repeat, "I thought you were making a joke. You have a great sense of humor, and I thought we were getting along great." You’ll know the exact type of language to use based on the interactions and the type of environment, and the family members themselves involved. It might need to be simpler language or it may be more sophisticated, but the general approach is the same.

Consider a simple example to illustrate how this approach can be effective. Picture a moment in your past – perhaps in school, university, at work, with family, friends, or in a public setting. You find yourself surrounded by individuals laughing about something. It's evident they aren't laughing at you or discussing you. However, there's a brief moment, if not longer, when you instinctively pause and wonder: Are they talking about me? Are they making fun of me? Am I the odd person out? In that moment, you might experience a subconscious or unconscious negative emotion – perhaps anger or discomfort…

Now, magnify this scenario for a Cluster B person. Unlike you, they often won't exhibit the same impulse control. Their immediate reaction to feeling disliked is likely more intense and less restrained. It is then only a matter of time.

Never let them or your family and friends know your strategy. By consistently triggering negative reactions, they may isolate themselves by acting out, and others will begin to see them differently. Avoid giving them emotional energy, as these people thrive on causing disruption and separating you from other family members. If you don't react and even support them leading to their misbehaving, they may lose out, and people won't want to be around them anymore.

When they realize they won't win, they'll likely stop showing up because they won't get any more emotional energy.

After about six months, my mother-in-law stopped coming to social events. After a year she stopped harassing and abusing other family members. She was no longer getting what she was used to getting from people - disrupting and hurting them.

My background was / is 30+ years talent management. I’ve interviewed six figures of individuals, from every walk of life. I’ve written workbooks and textbooks sections on interpretations, and behavior. I’m modestly known in my circles, background and expertise. so this was an area that I felt comfortable with when I first met my future mother-in-law, and found out the behaviour that they were used to dealing with from her.

My wife, her younger sister, and family were so much happier in the years to come. Her mother and father got a divorce. Her father remarried. An amazing woman who’s made him so happy. She’s fit in so well with the family. And we haven’t heard from my mother-in-law in two years. Now to be clear, if she wasn’t so horrible to my wife, and wasn’t so nasty to me, and everyone else, I would’ve never looked to use this method. But she was, and so I did. I don’t like to casually advocate for treating people in such a matter. Unless it is an extreme situation.

Nope! But I’m beginning to think OP secretly has a movie character assigned to every person he knows. I’m not exactly mad about it. I needed the laugh.

😂 I had to google it too 😂 I think I did in the last post with a different moviereference op made. OP this update was good news. I feel bad for your wife honestly. My mom has been victim to unnecessary plastic surgery and injections that have ruined her face and it was all because her mother and sisters did it too and convinced her to. The same exact thing basically. Now my mom will never look the same. It’s especially sad because she was a professional model when she was younger and was invited to compete in Miss Universe. My father loves her regardless though and even though he begged her not to and she did the surgery anyway, they have a great relationship and he is still very attracted to her. They’ve been married 42 years.

I didn't know what that reference was... Now I hope I do not have nightmares about it tonight 

🎶 Regrets, I have a few…. 🎶

I swear the movie references 🤣...I am now compelled to watch them

Looked it up. Realized I know a woman that looks exactly like that naturally with no plastic surgery. Actually probably more like a love child between Bruce Campbell and jay leno.

I came out in 97 too 😅😂

In the 1900s

Don't worry guys I did the math and we are closer to 2050 than 1997.

I did not. The closest I got was pointing out that a bad haircut and a kimono and I could pass for a skinny version of Associate Bob

I think this is a really good way to look at these things. I think I’ve always felt similar, but never thought to make a direct comparison.