Love, Mum: Despite financial struggles, mother puts the needs of her twins with autism above everything else

SINGAPORE — Even after learning that her pregnancy would a complicated one that involved several risk factors, Madam Lim Pei Hoon cared only about one thing.

She wanted her twin boys delivered safe and healthy.

"I was already mentally prepared about my sons possibly getting autism so I was only afraid that they would die in the womb," Mdm Lim, 39, told TODAY.

She had a complicated birth at 30 weeks with doctors having to deliver her twins by Cesarean section as there was a size difference of more than 20 per cent between her two boys. A normal pregnancy is about 40 weeks.

The doctors had also found that one of the boys had an abnormal heart arch when scanning the blood flow.

Despite all this uncertainty, the boys were delivered without further issues arising, and Mdm Lim stayed in the hospital for three days after the delivery.

The older twin, Hao Zheng weighed just 1.04kg, while the youngest Hao Ping was slightly bigger at 1.4kg.

Her twins were diagnosed with autism after they took tests in the hospital and she was able to seek assistance on how to care for them soon after with the hospital's early intervention services. 

"The boys are placed in different schools though, as they had taken an IQ test and scored differently," said Mdm Lim, who has no other children.

CHANGING TO WORK PART-TIME

As a full-time working mother, Mdm Lim had ensured that her now eight-year-old sons were well taken care of throughout the day by sending them to after-school care programmes such as MINDS Raintree Special Student Care Centre at Fernvale Gardens School, and tapping on her family members to look after them. 

But, she soon realised that her schedule had not afforded her enough time to be with her children and that it had also taken a toll on the wellbeing of the two boys.

"When I return home, it is already quite late for them especially when they have to wake up early to go to school, but they have to wait up for me in order to tuck them into bed and coax them to sleep," she said.

She knew that the arrangement was having some impact on her children, but the full extent became clear only when their teachers would send her photographs of the boys sleeping in class or while they were meant to be eating.

The teachers had also spoken with her, suggesting a possible change to her job. This prompted her to make a change from working full-time to part-time.

As she worked in the retail industry, Mdm Lim discussed the situation with her boss who later helped to arrange her hours so that she could finish her shift in the evening around 6pm.

One other reason why Mdm Lim wanted to make the switch to part-time was so that she could alleviate her husband's stress from having to look after the children while she is not home.

"My husband has to work even after he comes home and the boys would quarrel and fight over things like food," she said.

Mdm Lim also mentioned an incident where one of her sons was playing with her husband's mobile phone when a call came in from her husband's boss and client.

Instead of handing the mobile phone back to her husband, her son "swiped" the calls away without telling him.

"The next day, my husband got scolded by his boss," she said.

FINANCIAL STRUGGLE

Since working part-time for close to a year, Mdm Lim has been able to spend more time with her children. However, the change has come with more financial strains, especially when it comes to medical bills.

"When the boys get sick, both of them don't want to take their medicine so then the virus will start to spread amongst the family, resulting in everyone falling sick," said Mdm Lim.

She added that when this happens, her entire family might need to take multiple trips to the clinic before going to the hospital, if the general practitioner's medicine does not work.

Mdm Lim said that the boys would sometimes have to be hospitalised for three to four days due to the viral infection and high fever. They would also be required to be placed on drips to ensure that they are sufficiently hydrated and able to take their medication.

These additional medical bills, in addition to her other financial commitments such as insurance and her children's school fees, have made it challenging for her to make payments on time.

Even though she struggles financially, Mdm Lim said that she would always prioritise anything to do with her children, ensuring that their needs are paid for on time while she prolongs the payment for other things.

"I would always tell my husband, both the insurance and school fees will need to be paid promptly, other payments that can be dragged, we will drag," she said.

In order to help save wherever she could, Mdm Lim also resorted to skimping on new clothes for herself even when she requires them.

"My husband will often say that I wear my clothes even though they have holes in them but I will tell him that I still can wear them," she said.

She shared that she only decided to purchase a new dress for S$20 from Shopee after her husband's constant nagging but even then, she bought a dress that would last.

LEARNING TO BE PATIENT

While she would say that she had done enough research to be mentally prepared to care for two autistic boys, Mdm Lim said that she had to learn patience when caring for them.

"It's hard to handle them especially my oldest son who often throws things when he loses his temper," she said.

Mdm Lim recounted a time where her son threw his teddy bear and water bottle out the window when it was raining, and would later cry to ask her for help because his things were downstairs.

Although her youngest son does not lose his temper in the same way, Mdm Lim said that he had a tendency to model after his brother.

"One time I caught him when he was about to throw his teddy bear out the window and I said if you throw it downstairs, I will make sure you can't find your teddy bear," she said.

She added that the scenario where patience is especially needed was when she had to deal with the boys when they fought.

"I have a lot of methods. One is to separate the two of them, another is to confiscate their phones and make them count loudly from one to 20," Mdm Lim said.

One other method she used was to ask if they "want mummy's knuckle", where she would playfully use her knuckle to tickle their foot, which she said would often end in laughter and peace between the two brothers.

Even though Mdm Lim has encountered days where she would get angry with the boys, she said that it is always difficult to stay angry at her sons, especially when they smile and call her "mummy".

"When I see them like that, it melts my heart and I just cannot be angry with them anymore."