Fuller House's Andrea Barber Opens Up About Postpartum Anxiety: "I Was Unable to Take Care of My Children Or Myself"
Andrea Barber stars as bubbly Kimmy Gibbler on the Netflix series Fuller House. And while the star is always happy-go-lucky on screen, that hasn’t always been the case behind the scenes. Barber struggles with anxiety, a condition that has reared its ugly head at various times throughout her life, and sometimes in debilitating forms. She found the condition to be particularly challenging while in her postpartum stages and early motherhood. Fortunately, Barber sought out help from mental health professionals and has found some self-care practices that she uses to manage her anxiety. These include everything from going for a long run to taking a hot bath or making the decision to clear her schedule for the weekend.
After coming through the other side, Barber is now an advocate for speaking up about your mental health struggles, seeking out a support system, and helping those suffering to know that they are not alone in their battles. She discusses her plight with anxiety in detail in her new memoir,
Parade.com caught up with Barber to chat about her decision to write a tell-all, how she is still pinching herself over the opportunity to reconnect with her childhood television character, and which of her Fuller House co-stars she is plotting to get matching tattoos with. She also revealed which TV series she grew up with that she would totally binge if it was rebooted.
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What inspired you to write this book?
I've wanted to write a book ever since I was a little girl. I would create my own books at my mom's house out of construction paper and this has kind of always been a bucket list item for me. I went to college and majored in English literature and then went on to get a master's degree. So I've always been a writer and a lover of reading and writing. And I thought, “Well, I will write my memoir when I'm an 80-year-old woman who can reflect back on the entirety of my life and tell my stories.” But then I was approached by my publisher and they were like, “Well, you have the audience now. So you should write your story now.” Even though I haven't completed living my story, I've at least lived 43 years and I've had a lot of life experiences.
And I think I have a lot of great things to say that will hit home with people who have ever suffered from anxiety or depression or new moms who have been experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression. I talk a lot about that in great detail. So I'm hoping to connect with my audience on some of those deeper issues. My greatest hope is that that my book will help people feel a little less alone and more willing to talk about it. I wish more books like this had existed 10 years ago when I when I was in the depths of my problems. I really wish there had been more celebrities or just even notable people who had opened up and talked about this. So we're headed in the right direction. We are absolutely much farther along than we were 10 years ago.
Walk us through your battle with anxiety and what you learned around along the way that has helped you.
Well, I've always been an anxious person ever since I was a child. I just didn't know that it was a mental illness that had a diagnosis, and not a cure, but coping mechanisms. And it wasn't until I was well into my 20s and 30s and had my children that it really became debilitating. It went from nervous habits like throwing up before performances and biting my nails, to not being able to get out of bed for two weeks and losing a very significant and unhealthy amount of weight in a really short amount of time. That's what I experienced with the birth of my second child, Felicity. I was unable to take care of my children and I was unable to take care of myself. And so that's when I really started to seek help for what was a debilitating illness. I found a wonderful therapist and I got on some medications and I started exercising regularly and I overhauled my diet. And with all of those changes, that's how I sort of found myself again and was able to heal and become healthy again. And the anxiety is still a part of me. It will never not be a part of me. But I've learned healthier ways of coping so that I don't fall back into that deep, dark hole ever again. I can keep my head above water and just deal with it on a daily basis but maintain my healthy habits so that I can be happy and a productive member of society.
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What are some of the things that you default to now to keep anxiety at bay?
Well, my biggest coping mechanism is running. I found running very late in life. I was 34 or 35 when I started running for the very first time in my life. But I realized just how important that physical exercise and the endorphins, but also kind of the meditative quality of running, as far as clearing my mind and just being able to focus on my breath and my breathing and the rhythm of my feet on the pavement. And it became almost like a spiritual experience for me as well as a physical experience. So running for me has been my biggest coping mechanism to combat my anxiety.
I also just know and accept things about myself. Like there's some days where I just need to turn down all the social invitations that have come my way for the weekend. I just thought, you know what? I'm an introvert and I'm an anxious introvert and I just need to not overextend myself and I need to be at home to be alone and to recharge. My alone time is very precious to me now. And I realized that, and I recognize when I'm starting to feel overly anxious and overly high strung. And I know I just kind of need some downtime to just focus on me and reset my brain a little bit.
In recent years there's been a push to get rid of the stigmas around mental health challenges. When you were at your peak of struggling, was it harder for you to manage since people weren't talking about it as much?
I think that's why, when I was younger, I didn't identify it as anxiety for so long, because it just wasn't talked about. People didn't talk about it as openly as they do now. So I just sort of went through thinking, “Well, this must be normal.” Or, “this is something that makes me feel really uncomfortable and it hurts me physically and mentally. But I guess that's just the way it is.” And I didn't know that it had a name or that there were coping techniques. So I am thrilled that people are talking out about it more. And it’s way more than a hashtag or an Instagram post. People are actually sharing their personal stories. And I think that is what's the most effective thing is when you can share your personal journey.
Not only does that help other people, but it will in turn help you. When I started sharing my story, I really accepted it as a part of me. And it's not a terrible part of me. It's not a bad part of me. I don't hate it anymore. I just accept it. It's just a part of me. This is who I am and if you love me, you accept all of me and the anxiety as a part of me. So yeah, sharing my story has been very powerful for me. And I'm hearing that it's helping other people too and that makes me thrilled. I hope that my book continues to open up conversations like this because anytime somebody shares their own story with me, it helps me in turn.
What got you through the postpartum anxiety and what would you say to new moms who are facing it?
Motherhood rocked my world. It’s such a game changer. The enormity of being suddenly responsible, 100% responsible for another human being is very overwhelming. And combine that with the lack of sleep and your insecurities about "Am I doing this right?" And it's all very overwhelming. And I know a lot has been talked about postpartum depression. And I experienced that as well. But my specific brand of illness was more the anxiety side. Anxiety and depression are like first cousins. You very often have both of them. It was overwhelming for me and the biggest thing that helped me was being honest about it and asking for help.
I was lucky to have a great support system, especially with my parents, who understood and they were there for me. They literally moved me and my children and my husband into their home so that they could take care of me and my babies when I couldn't. And they were the ones who forced me to eat every day, even though I didn't want to, they forced me to go for a walk, even though I thought that was a stupid idea because I was just so overwhelmed with my anxiety and my anger and my sadness. And they were the ones who called my doctor for me and said, “Andrea is going through a really, really debilitating time and she'd like to speak to you about possibly going on some medication.” Just having somebody in your corner who will make that phone call when you can't or who will get you out of bed when you can't, even if it's just for like a 10 minute walk around the block—that is really what got me out of my slump.
And I know not everybody is lucky enough to have family close by. So it doesn't have to be parents or relatives or even a spouse. It can be friends, it can be other moms, it can be a neighbor. You just have to look in and find your tribe, find your people. And don't be afraid to ask for help because when I first admitted that I was going through this problem, so many people said, “Yeah! I went through that, too." Or, "you know what, I'm on antidepressants too.” And I had no idea. I was floored with the number of people that experienced the same things that I did. So I would encourage new moms, even if you feel afraid or you feel shameful about reaching out, don't feel shameful at all because guaranteed you are going to find other people who have gone through the exact same thing.
What are some of the other self-care practices that you've implemented since really coming to this realization that you need to really tune into your body?
My go-to is a nice hot bath when I get home from work. I communicate to my family, “I know I'm mom and I know that you want to tell me all your problems and tell me all the things you need me to do for you right when I walk in the door.” But there are days where I'm like, “OK, kids, I just need a timeout for 10 minutes and I'm going to go take a bath.” So that really helps me.
I really swear by meditation and I thought for a long time, what good would that do? How am I supposed to stay silent for 10 minutes? Because that's the worst thing you can do when you're anxious is be alone with your thoughts—they just started spinning out of control. But it’s like a muscle. The more you exercise the art of meditation, the better you get at it. And so I've used several apps. Right now I'm using an app called Calm. And, it's been a game changer. It helps me sleep better. It helps me get perspective. You wouldn't think that 10 minutes of silence a day could change your whole life, but amazingly it really can.
I love also being outdoors and being near water—I'm a cancer sign so that's a water sign. And so being near fountains or the ocean is very rejuvenating for me. And cuddling with my poodle, Holly. She brings me so much joy and happiness and peace. I sleep with her every single night. She's my buddy.
In your book, you said that the timing of your return to Hollywood was kind of crazy. You had just finished finalizing your divorce and then you got that phone call asking if you wanted to do Fuller House …
When I received a phone call from Jeff Franklin asking me if I wanted to come back and play Kimmy Gibbler as an adult, it was the biggest blessing of my life. I was so consumed with my divorce for many years, that when I finally signed the divorce papers, I was kinda like, "What do I do now? I've been a wife for 10 years. I've been a mom for almost 10 years." And here was an opportunity for me to not only go back to work again, which was also super important, but to find meaning and rediscover something that I was really good at, which is physical comedy and making people laugh. And not only getting to do that job again, but being able to do that job with people that I love and I feel so comfortable. I received that phone call from Jeff the same day that I signed my divorce papers. It’s very meant to be. Somebody up there in Heaven is looking out for me. And it has never been more evident than it was that day that I received that phone call. And it's been five years of just this wonderful blessing of reconnecting with people that were such an important part of my childhood. And now they're once again, such an important part of my adulthood. It's been awesome.
When Full House wrapped, had you put Kimmy Gibbler to rest? Did you ever think you’d get to revisit her one day?
When I was 18 and Full House wrapped, I put Kimmy Gibbler to sleep. I never thought about her again. I went straight into college and started exploring new passions. And no, I never planned to go back to acting. I was going to work as a study abroad coordinator sending American students abroad for their semester or a year abroad in college. That was my new life trajectory. So I never planned to go back to Hollywood and I never thought it would be possible. That wasn't a thing. Reboots weren't a thing five years ago. Fuller House was really the first. And now everybody's doing it.
It really caught on. And there's something to be said for nostalgia. Nostalgia is a really powerful feeling. And I think our audience loves reconnecting with characters that they already know and love and grew up with. We as actors love it for the same reasons that our audience loves it. It was very easy to step back into my character’s shoes. It was almost effortless. And I'm not saying that in a bragging way, I'm just saying it's almost like muscle memory. It’s been just the most awesome thing.