The Funniest Quotes From 'Coming to America'
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1289 VOTES
Good Morning
Prince Akeem: Behold, Semmi. Life. Real life! A thing that we have been denied for far too long! (shouts from balcony) Good morning, my neighbors!!
Neighbor: Hey, f*ck you!
Prince Akeem: (very excited and happy) Yes, yes. F*ck you too!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2137 VOTES
He Did Not
Clarence: You know, Sweets, I met Dr. Martin Luther King once.
Sweets: You lyin'. You ain't never met Dr. Martin Luther King.
Clarence: Yeah, I met Dr. Martin Luther King in 1962 in Memphis, Tennessee. I walkin' down the street minding my own business, just walking on. Feelin' good. I walk around the corner, a man walk up, hit me in my chest, right. I fall on the ground, right. And I look up and it's Dr. Martin Luther King. I said 'Dr. King?' and he said 'Ooops, I thought you were somebody else.'
Sweets: Oh man, you lyin'. You ain't never met Martin Luther the King.
Clarence: Knocked the wind out of me, yes he did.
Sweets: No, he didn't.
Clarence: Yes, he did.
Sweets: No, he did not!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures3186 VOTES
Stay Off Drugs
Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H." It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son, I'm only going to tell you this one time.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures4165 VOTES
Unchanging Hands
Reverend Brown: Now I want you to reach onto God's unchanging hand. He helped Joshua fight the Battle of Jericho. He helped Daniel escape the lion's den. He helped Gilligan get off the island.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures571 VOTES
Never Tied His Own Shoes
Prince Akeem: But when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before!
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a Prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures6106 VOTES
Joe Louis
Clarence: Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their *ss. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't sh*t.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures751 VOTES
Putzes
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali!
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures851 VOTES
My Loins
Prince Akeem: I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures9113 VOTES
Forced To Thrash You
Prince Akeem: It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.
Hold-Up Man: Who the f*ck is this a**hole?
Prince Akeem: Please refrain from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people.
Hold-Up Man: What?
Prince Akeem: I'm warning you. I will be forced to thrash you.
Hold-Up Man: F*ck you!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1066 VOTES
Bathroom By Myself
Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my twenty-first birthday. Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?
Oha: Most amusing, sir. Wipers!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1197 VOTES
Velvet
Clarence: Hey, what's up, brother? You a little late for the Christmas pageant.
King Jaffe Joffer: I am King Jaffe Joffer, ruler of Zamunda.
Clarence: Have a seat. Chair number two will be ready in a second.
Saul: This is beautiful. What is that? Velvet?
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1267 VOTES
What About Darryl
Lisa McDowell: What about Patrice?
Prince Akeem: I am not interested in Patrice.
Lisa McDowell: What about Darryl?
Prince Akeem: I am not interested in Darryl either.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1362 VOTES
What Does
Prince Akeem: What does dumb f*ck mean?
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1450 VOTES
Think Of Garbage
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1554 VOTES
Hundred And Thirty Seven
Clarence: Joe Louis had come out of retirement to fight Rocky Marciano the minute he was 76 years old. Joe Louis was always lying about his age. He lied about his age all the time. One time Frank Sinatra came in here and sat in this chair. I said Frank 'you hang out with Joe Louis, just between me and you, how old is Joe Louis?' You know what Frank told me, he said "Hey, Joe Louis is 137 years old." A hundred and thirty-seven years old!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures16101 VOTES
Journey
Lisa McDowell: So why did you come here?
Prince Akeem: To find something special.
Lisa McDowell: It's a long way to travel.
Prince Akeem: No journey is too great when one finds what he seeks.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1726 VOTES
Good Girls
Clarence: Heyyy, it's the boys from Africa, how y'all doin this evenin'?
Prince Akeem: Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?
Clarence: You gotta get out and look, they ain't just gonna fall on your lap.
Semmi: We've been to every bar in Queens.
Clarence: Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1887 VOTES
Time Does Fly Fast
King Jaffe Joffer: Time does fly fast, my son. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed. Now you're a man about to be married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?
Prince Akeem: I'm not sure if I'm ready.
King Jaffe Joffer: Son, I know we never talked about this. I always assumed you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures1934 VOTES
Met In The Bathroom
Vendor: This is the greatest day of my life!
Lisa McDowell: Who was that?
Prince Akeem: Oh, just a man I met in the bathroom...
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2048 VOTES
Only God Above You
Reverend Brown: I didn't come to preach to you today... But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me, please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but they can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2133 VOTES
Come In Gentleman
Landlord: Okay, now what the f*ck do you want?
Prince Akeem: We desire a room.
Landlord: Look, you better not be wasting my time. You got money?
(Semmi holds up lots of money)
Landlord: Come on in, gentlemen.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2221 VOTES
Always Do Change
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2327 VOTES
Give It All Up
Lisa McDowell: Would you really have given up all of this just for me?
Prince Akeem: Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now.
Lisa McDowell: Nah!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2432 VOTES
There Is Football
Darryl: So, what do you people play in Africa? Chase the monkey?
Prince Akeem: No, our favorite game there is football, but I believe you call it. SOCCER!!!
- Photo: Paramount Pictures2527 VOTES
This Is Perfect
Cab Driver: This sh*tty enough for ya?
Prince Akeem: Yes, this is perfect.
