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Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned" Kindle Edition

3.9 3.9 out of 5 stars 10,787 ratings

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#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Includes two new essays!

NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY MICHIKO KAKUTANI, 
THE NEW YORK TIMES • NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BUZZFEED, THE GLOBE AND MAIL, AND LIBRARY JOURNAL

For readers of Nora Ephron, Tina Fey, and David Sedaris, this hilarious, wise, and fiercely candid collection of personal essays establishes Lena Dunham—the acclaimed creator, producer, and star of HBO’s
Girls—as one of the most original young talents writing today.
 
In
Not That Kind of Girl, Dunham illuminates the experiences that are part of making one’s way in the world: falling in love, feeling alone, being ten pounds overweight despite eating only health food, having to prove yourself in a room full of men twice your age, finding true love, and most of all, having the guts to believe that your story is one that deserves to be told.
 
“Take My Virginity (No Really, Take It)” is the account of Dunham’s first time, and how her expectations of sex didn’t quite live up to the actual event (“No floodgate had been opened, no vault of true womanhood unlocked”); “Girls & Jerks” explores her former attraction to less-than-nice guys—guys who had perfected the “dynamic of disrespect” she found so intriguing; “Is This Even Real?” is a meditation on her lifelong obsession with death and dying—what she calls her “genetically predestined morbidity.” And in “I Didn’t F*** Them, but They Yelled at Me,” she imagines the tell-all she will write when she is eighty and past caring, able to reflect honestly on the sexism and condescension she has encountered in Hollywood, where women are “treated like the paper thingies that protect glasses in hotel bathrooms—necessary but infinitely disposable.”
 
Exuberant, moving, and keenly observed,
Not That Kind of Girl is a series of dispatches from the frontlines of the struggle that is growing up. “I’m already predicting my future shame at thinking I had anything to offer you,” Dunham writes. “But if I can take what I’ve learned and make one menial job easier for you, or prevent you from having the kind of sex where you feel you must keep your sneakers on in case you want to run away during the act, then every misstep of mine will have been worthwhile.”

Praise for Not That Kind of Girl
 
“The gifted Ms. Dunham not only writes with observant precision, but also brings a measure of perspective, nostalgia and an older person’s sort of wisdom to her portrait of her (not all that much) younger self and her world. . . . As acute and heartfelt as it is funny.”
—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times
 
“It’s not Lena Dunham’s candor that makes me gasp. Rather, it’s her writing—which is full of surprises where you least expect them. A fine, subversive book.”
—David Sedaris
 
“This book should be required reading for anyone who thinks they understand the experience of being a young woman in our culture. I thought I knew the author rather well, and I found many (not altogether welcome) surprises.”
—Carroll Dunham
 
“Witty, illuminating, maddening, bracingly bleak . . . [Dunham] is a genuine artist, and a disturber of the order.”
The Atlantic
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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of the Month, October 2014: In an era where twenty-something women are told how to think, where to work, who to date, and what to wear, it’s refreshing that a voice has broken the mold to empower women to do one thing—be yourself, flaws and all. In Not That Kind of Girl, Lena Dunham takes readers on a voyage of self-discovery as she successfully navigates the often-perilous facets of womanhood, from dating and friendships to self-love and careers. Through her series of essays, Dunham shares what she’s learned on her path to self-awareness with a refreshing candor and raw honesty that emboldens readers. Her painfully-relatable stories of graduating from one-night stands with toxic men and dead-end jobs with no purpose, to loving relationships and a fulfilling career will leave you laughing, cringing, and sighing “me too.” Thoughtful, hilarious, and exquisitely-written, Dunham’s memoir is like reading your quirky big sister's diary. –Brittany Pirozzolo

Review

“The gifted [Lena] Dunham not only writes with observant precision, but also brings a measure of perspective, nostalgia and an older person’s sort of wisdom to her portrait of her (not all that much) younger self and her world. . . . As acute and heartfelt as it is funny.”—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times

“It’s not Lena Dunham’s candor that makes me gasp. Rather, it’s her writing—which is full of surprises where you least expect them. A fine, subversive book.”
—David Sedaris

“This book should be required reading for anyone who thinks they understand the experience of being a young woman in our culture. I thought I knew the author rather well, and I found many (not altogether welcome) surprises.”
—Carroll Dunham

“Witty, illuminating, maddening, bracingly bleak . . . [Dunham] is a genuine artist, and a disturber of the order.”
The Atlantic

“As [Lena] Dunham proves beyond a shadow of a doubt in
Not That Kind of Girl, she’s not remotely at risk of offering up the same old sentimental tales we’ve read dozens of times. Dunham’s outer and inner worlds are so eccentric and distinct that every anecdote, every observation, every mundane moment of self-doubt actually feels valuable and revelatory.”The Los Angeles Review of Books

“We are forever in search of someone who will speak not only to us but for us. . . .
Not That Kind of Girl is from that kind of girl: gutsy, audacious, willing to stand up and shout. And that is why Dunham is not only a voice who deserves to be heard but also one who will inspire other important voices to tell their stories too.”—Roxane Gay, Time

“I’m surprised by how successful this was. I couldn’t finish it.”
—Laurie Simmons

“Always funny, sometimes wrenching, these essays are a testament to the creative wonder that is Lena Dunham.”
—Judy Blume

“An offbeat and soulful declaration that Ms. Dunham can deliver on nearly any platform she chooses.”
—Dwight Garner, The New York Times

“Very few women have become famous for being who they actually are, nuanced and imperfect. When honesty happens, it’s usually couched in self-ridicule or self-help. Dunham doesn’t apologize like that—she simply tells her story as if it might be interesting. The result is shocking and radical because it is utterly familiar.
Not That Kind of Girl is hilarious, artful, and staggeringly intimate; I read it shivering with recognition.”—Miranda July

“Dunham’s writing is just as smart, honest, sophisticated, dangerous, luminous, and charming as her work on
Girls. Reading her makes you glad to be in the world, and glad that she’s in it with you.”—George Saunders

“A lovely, touching, surprisingly sentimental portrait of a woman who, despite repeatedly baring her body and soul to audiences, remains a bit of an enigma: a young woman who sets the agenda, defies classification and seems utterly at home in her own skin.”
Chicago Tribune

“A lot of us fear we don’t measure up beautywise and that we endure too much crummy treatment from men. On these topics, Dunham is funny, wise, and, yes, brave. . . . Among Dunham’s gifts to womankind is her frontline example that some asshole may call you undesirable or worse, and it won’t kill you. Your version matters more.”
Elle

“[
Not That Kind of Girl is] witty and wise and rife with the kind of pacing and comedic flourishes that characterize early Woody Allen books. . . . Dunham is an extraordinary talent, and her vision . . . is stunningly original.”—Meghan Daum, The New York Times Magazine

“There’s a lot of power in retelling your mistakes so people can see what’s funny about them—and so that you are in control. Dunham knows about this power, and she has harnessed it.”
The Washington Post

“Dunham’s book is one of those rare examples when something hyped deserves its buzz. Those of us familiar with her wit and weirdness on HBO’s
Girls will experience it in spades in these essays. . . . There are hilarious moments here—I cracked up on a crowded subway reading an essay about her childhood—and disturbing ones, too. But it’s always heartfelt and very real.”New York Post

“We are comforted, we are charmed, we leave more empowered than we came.”
—NPR

“Touching, at times profound, and deeply funny . . . Dunham is expert at combining despair and humor.”
Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Most of us live our lives desperately trying to conceal the anguishing gap between our polished, aspirational, representational selves and our real, human, deeply flawed selves. Dunham lives hers
in that gap, welcomes the rest of the world into it with boundless openheartedness, and writes about it with the kind of profound self-awareness and self-compassion that invite us to inhabit our own gaps and maybe even embrace them a little bit more, anguish over them a little bit less.”—Maria Popova, Brain Pickings

“Reading this book is a pleasure. . . . [These
essays] exude brilliance and insight well beyond Dunham’s twenty-eight years.”The Philadelphia Inquirer

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00HTMC42E
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Random House; Reprint edition (September 30, 2014)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 30, 2014
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 27534 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 289 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    3.9 3.9 out of 5 stars 10,787 ratings

About the author

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Lena Dunham
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Lena Dunham is an American filmmaker and actress. She wrote and directed the independent film Tiny Furniture (2010), and is the creator and star of the HBO series Girls. In 2013, Dunham was named one of Time's most influential people in the world.

On October 8, 2012, Dunham signed a $3.5 million deal with Random House to publish her first book, an essay collection called Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's Learned.

Bio and photo from Goodreads.

Customer reviews

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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on October 3, 2014
I devoured this book over two days. I made an emotional connection with these stories, the likes of which I haven't in a very long time. There was an underlying lyricism that took me a couple of chapters to pick up on. It seems people expected this book to read like a common "celebrity memoir"; plainly written accounts of their rise and days in the limelight. This isn't one of those - and I feel even readers who have approached it positively have missed the bigger picture in this collection of essays. Not That Kind of Girl is a work of literature, light, yet well written and organized. Overall, this book chronicled transition from youth, and the growth of ambition. What I took away was acceptance of past silly or petty thoughts and actions, past disrespect and misunderstanding of oneself. There is hope. Those actions won't necessarily define you forever.

While I recognize the items and themes that many have called "petty" and a result of Dunham's privilege; I think her lot in life has allowed for a lovely distilling of human emotion in our time. Lena captures things in words that I haven't had the time or perspective to do myself (probably due to the complications of being an underprivileged working millennial). For example, a number of her essays touch on what it feels like to have a sister. Enjoying their warmth, feeling possessive over them, desperation to understand them, wanting them to need you.

I feel the need to qualify this review. I am not privileged. I grew up without stability. I have struggled a great deal more than Lena financially, physically, and socially. Issues like poverty, race, mental illness, education and climate change enter my thoughts and actions daily. So does gender equality and intellectual freedom. Intellectual material we have abound, but It is rare that I am able to make a connection with anything "girly." When I do, I also feel the need to qualify those traits, defend them - balance them with my taste for beer, true journalism and lack of desire for marriage.

I shouldn't have to feel this way. Many girls, many women, do. There aren't many options for empowered intellectual women who desire entertainment that exudes hard work, deep thought, and talent. Not in the mainstream. This book is a burst of hope. Not just for women, but for freethinkers, subversive feelers, men, anyone seeking avenues for empathy. For everyone who can appreciate art. This being said, the book is not ideal entertainment for those who cannot easily empathize with the intimate thoughts of others.

Yes - the author's privilege causes a disconnect between me and some of the subject matter. But it does not disconnect me from her prose, from the underlying themes, curiosities and emotions. Many talented artists and entertainers arrive at success due to luck and privilege. Privilege sometimes allows for the distilling of other qualities. For example, how does anxiety manifest itself when it's not solely focused on paying the bills and avoiding risk? What is the mind capable of when not bogged down with common worries? What are the expectations of women in our society, without the context of subsistence activities? Public struggles are certainly more important to "the good of the many" than personal ones, but that does not diminish them. Feelings matter, voices matter, art matters. Empathy with all human experience matters.

"As hard as we have worked and as far as we have come, there are still so many forces conspiring to tell women that our concerns are petty, our opinions aren't needed, that we lack the gravitas necessary for our stories to matter. That personal writing by women is no more than an exercise in vanity and that we should appreciate this new world for women, sit down, and shut up."

I'm glad she didn't.
21 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2014
I found Lena Dunham's memoir to be interesting and well-written. It's quirky and humorous and also a bit sad. There is lots of meaningless sex--which occasionally is very ugly and very much akin to the R word (rape). Dunham has OCD and undergoes therapy, starting when she is a child. I didn't laugh very often, but I was amused. I found myself smiling a lot. Many of the stories were cringe-worthy. Her humor is natural and not forced. There are some books where the humor just seems like the author is trying way too hard. But I didn't get this feeling with her book. She is genuinely funny much of the time. It's not for everyone. You have to enjoy off-the-wall stories. I'm 67 and have been home with a cold for a couple of weeks, starting to get quite bored, and I needed something to pull me out of the doldrums.

Even though she comes from a so-called privileged background and her parents were much more understanding than mine were, I found myself feeling very appreciative of my life which had its own brand of quirkiness but seems more manageable compared with Dunham's. Books that make me count my blessings are good. I wasn't a hippie in the sixties--I was a deprived child--went to work instead of college and so missed out on most of the sexual revolution. But I love reading about people's sexual experiences even when they do induce nausea.

I love the fact that she reveals all her fears, many of them stemming from her OCD, especially her lifelong fear of death. I wish I could reach through the book and hug her and give her some of my faith.

She has a great talent for character study. Her characters come alive on the page--parents, grandparents, teachers, therapists, classmates, friends, lovers. She could certainly write a novel.

I wasn't hanging on every word of this book. There were a few too many words for me. And while some of it was amusing; for me some of it seemed too childish, even for young people, although I kept thinking that people under 40 would get more of the references and humor. In fact, I was wishing that I could share it with my niece who died last year. I could see her identifying with so many of the stories.

Some reviewers said that she didn't tell us what she learned. But she did. She did it in the way writing teachers tell us how to write. "Don't tell us--show us." By showing us her wild and crazy experiences she is telling us, "Who knows, maybe you could do it differently. This is what happened to me when I took too many drinks and too many drugs and went off with too many strange men." But there's nothing preachy about it. It's raw and powerful and tragic with an underlying irony and almost a lightheartedness. By the end, you feel that Dunham will survive--that she really has learned a lot.

By the way, I found her references to Helen Gurley Brown at the beginning of the book to be very funny. I read Brown's books back in the sixties and seventies. I had forgotten how weird some of her ideas were. I thank the author for the trip down memory lane. Funny--and a good opener.
7 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Priya
5.0 out of 5 stars Excited to read. Based on HBO series 'Girls'
Reviewed in India on February 13, 2021
Book was in very good condition. Absolutely great deal for price.
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Priya
5.0 out of 5 stars Excited to read. Based on HBO series 'Girls'
Reviewed in India on February 13, 2021
Book was in very good condition. Absolutely great deal for price.
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Ana Quireza
5.0 out of 5 stars EXCELENTE LIBRO
Reviewed in Mexico on July 23, 2019
MUY BUEN LIBRO.
LA CALIDAD DEL PAQUETE TAMBIÉN FUE MUY BUENA.
Sergio
5.0 out of 5 stars Todo correcto!
Reviewed in Spain on November 27, 2019
El libro envió fue muy rapido y el libro encaja al 100% con la descripción!
Client d'Amazon
5.0 out of 5 stars Lena encore du Lena
Reviewed in France on August 8, 2017
Ce livre a la pâte de Lena tout du long. Si vous avez aimé la série Girls ou le film The little things de Lena, vous aimerez ce livre.
Je le déconseille si vous n'avez pas un niveau avancé d'anglais, il y a beaucoup de second degré et d'expression familière.
Pour résumer, j'ai adoré, cela fait partie de mes livres préférés.
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Very enjoyable read
Reviewed in Australia on October 4, 2016
Smart, funny, relatable... Very easy to devour quickly. Light entertainment that's both introspective and supremely intelligent.
Highly recommended.
Buy it.

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