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Lena Dunham

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Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned" Kindle Edition

by Lena Dunham (Author), Joana Avillez (Illustrator) Format: Kindle Edition

3.9 10,787 ratings

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#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Includes two new essays!

NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY MICHIKO KAKUTANI, THE NEW YORK TIMES • NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BUZZFEED, THE GLOBE AND MAIL, AND LIBRARY JOURNAL

For readers of Nora Ephron, Tina Fey, and David Sedaris, this hilarious, wise, and fiercely candid collection of personal essays establishes Lena Dunham—the acclaimed creator, producer, and star of HBO’s Girls—as one of the most original young talents writing today.

In Not That Kind of Girl, Dunham illuminates the experiences that are part of making one’s way in the world: falling in love, feeling alone, being ten pounds overweight despite eating only health food, having to prove yourself in a room full of men twice your age, finding true love, and most of all, having the guts to believe that your story is one that deserves to be told.

“Take My Virginity (No Really, Take It)” is the account of Dunham’s first time, and how her expectations of sex didn’t quite live up to the actual event (“No floodgate had been opened, no vault of true womanhood unlocked”); “Girls & Jerks” explores her former attraction to less-than-nice guys—guys who had perfected the “dynamic of disrespect” she found so intriguing; “Is This Even Real?” is a meditation on her lifelong obsession with death and dying—what she calls her “genetically predestined morbidity.” And in “I Didn’t F*** Them, but They Yelled at Me,” she imagines the tell-all she will write when she is eighty and past caring, able to reflect honestly on the sexism and condescension she has encountered in Hollywood, where women are “treated like the paper thingies that protect glasses in hotel bathrooms—necessary but infinitely disposable.”

Exuberant, moving, and keenly observed, Not That Kind of Girl is a series of dispatches from the frontlines of the struggle that is growing up. “I’m already predicting my future shame at thinking I had anything to offer you,” Dunham writes. “But if I can take what I’ve learned and make one menial job easier for you, or prevent you from having the kind of sex where you feel you must keep your sneakers on in case you want to run away during the act, then every misstep of mine will have been worthwhile.”

Praise for Not That Kind of Girl

“The gifted Ms. Dunham not only writes with observant precision, but also brings a measure of perspective, nostalgia and an older person’s sort of wisdom to her portrait of her (not all that much) younger self and her world. . . . As acute and heartfelt as it is funny.”—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times

“It’s not Lena Dunham’s candor that makes me gasp. Rather, it’s her writing—which is full of surprises where you least expect them. A fine, subversive book.”—David Sedaris

“This book should be required reading for anyone who thinks they understand the experience of being a young woman in our culture. I thought I knew the author rather well, and I found many (not altogether welcome) surprises.”—Carroll Dunham

“Witty, illuminating, maddening, bracingly bleak . . . [Dunham] is a genuine artist, and a disturber of the order.”—The Atlantic

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of the Month, October 2014: In an era where twenty-something women are told how to think, where to work, who to date, and what to wear, it’s refreshing that a voice has broken the mold to empower women to do one thing—be yourself, flaws and all. In Not That Kind of Girl, Lena Dunham takes readers on a voyage of self-discovery as she successfully navigates the often-perilous facets of womanhood, from dating and friendships to self-love and careers. Through her series of essays, Dunham shares what she’s learned on her path to self-awareness with a refreshing candor and raw honesty that emboldens readers. Her painfully-relatable stories of graduating from one-night stands with toxic men and dead-end jobs with no purpose, to loving relationships and a fulfilling career will leave you laughing, cringing, and sighing “me too.” Thoughtful, hilarious, and exquisitely-written, Dunham’s memoir is like reading your quirky big sister's diary. –Brittany Pirozzolo

Review

“The gifted [Lena] Dunham not only writes with observant precision, but also brings a measure of perspective, nostalgia and an older person’s sort of wisdom to her portrait of her (not all that much) younger self and her world. . . . As acute and heartfelt as it is funny.”—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times

“It’s not Lena Dunham’s candor that makes me gasp. Rather, it’s her writing—which is full of surprises where you least expect them. A fine, subversive book.”—David Sedaris

“This book should be required reading for anyone who thinks they understand the experience of being a young woman in our culture. I thought I knew the author rather well, and I found many (not altogether welcome) surprises.”—Carroll Dunham

“Witty, illuminating, maddening, bracingly bleak . . . [Dunham] is a genuine artist, and a disturber of the order.”—The Atlantic

“As [Lena] Dunham proves beyond a shadow of a doubt in Not That Kind of Girl, she’s not remotely at risk of offering up the same old sentimental tales we’ve read dozens of times. Dunham’s outer and inner worlds are so eccentric and distinct that every anecdote, every observation, every mundane moment of self-doubt actually feels valuable and revelatory.”—The Los Angeles Review of Books

“We are forever in search of someone who will speak not only to us but for us. . . . Not That Kind of Girl is from that kind of girl: gutsy, audacious, willing to stand up and shout. And that is why Dunham is not only a voice who deserves to be heard but also one who will inspire other important voices to tell their stories too.”—Roxane Gay, Time

“I’m surprised by how successful this was. I couldn’t finish it.”—Laurie Simmons

“Always funny, sometimes wrenching, these essays are a testament to the creative wonder that is Lena Dunham.”—Judy Blume

“An offbeat and soulful declaration that Ms. Dunham can deliver on nearly any platform she chooses.”—Dwight Garner, The New York Times

“Very few women have become famous for being who they actually are, nuanced and imperfect. When honesty happens, it’s usually couched in self-ridicule or self-help. Dunham doesn’t apologize like that—she simply tells her story as if it might be interesting. The result is shocking and radical because it is utterly familiar. Not That Kind of Girl is hilarious, artful, and staggeringly intimate; I read it shivering with recognition.”—Miranda July

“Dunham’s writing is just as smart, honest, sophisticated, dangerous, luminous, and charming as her work on Girls. Reading her makes you glad to be in the world, and glad that she’s in it with you.”—George Saunders

“A lovely, touching, surprisingly sentimental portrait of a woman who, despite repeatedly baring her body and soul to audiences, remains a bit of an enigma: a young woman who sets the agenda, defies classification and seems utterly at home in her own skin.”—Chicago Tribune

“A lot of us fear we don’t measure up beautywise and that we endure too much crummy treatment from men. On these topics, Dunham is funny, wise, and, yes, brave. . . . Among Dunham’s gifts to womankind is her frontline example that some asshole may call you undesirable or worse, and it won’t kill you. Your version matters more.”—Elle

“[Not That Kind of Girl is] witty and wise and rife with the kind of pacing and comedic flourishes that characterize early Woody Allen books. . . . Dunham is an extraordinary talent, and her vision . . . is stunningly original.”—Meghan Daum, The New York Times Magazine

“There’s a lot of power in retelling your mistakes so people can see what’s funny about them—and so that you are in control. Dunham knows about this power, and she has harnessed it.”—The Washington Post

“Dunham’s book is one of those rare examples when something hyped deserves its buzz. Those of us familiar with her wit and weirdness on HBO’s Girls will experience it in spades in these essays. . . . There are hilarious moments here—I cracked up on a crowded subway reading an essay about her childhood—and disturbing ones, too. But it’s always heartfelt and very real.”—New York Post

“We are comforted, we are charmed, we leave more empowered than we came.”—NPR

“Touching, at times profound, and deeply funny . . . Dunham is expert at combining despair and humor.”—Publishers Weekly (starred review)

“Most of us live our lives desperately trying to conceal the anguishing gap between our polished, aspirational, representational selves and our real, human, deeply flawed selves. Dunham lives hers in that gap, welcomes the rest of the world into it with boundless openheartedness, and writes about it with the kind of profound self-awareness and self-compassion that invite us to inhabit our own gaps and maybe even embrace them a little bit more, anguish over them a little bit less.”—Maria Popova, Brain Pickings

“Reading this book is a pleasure. . . . [Theseessays] exude brilliance and insight well beyond Dunham’s twenty-eight years.”—The Philadelphia Inquirer

About the Author

Lena Dunham is the creator of the critically acclaimed HBO series Girls, for which she also serves as executive producer, writer, and director. She has been nominated for eight Emmy awards and has won two Golden Globes, including Best Actress, for her work on Girls. She was the first woman to win the Directors Guild of America award for directorial achievement in comedy. Dunham has also written and directed two feature-length films (including Tiny Furniture in 2011) and is a frequent contributor to The New Yorker. She lives and works in Brooklyn, New York.

Joana Avillez is an illustrator and the author of Life Dressing, a tale of two women who live to dress and dress to live. Her artwork has been featured in The New York Times, New York, and The Wall Street Journal. More of her illustrations can be seen at joanaavillez.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

I worked at the baby store for nine months.

Just recently graduated, I had stormed out of my restaurant job on a whim, causing my father to yell, “You can’t just do that! What if you had children?”

“Well, thank God I don’t!” I yelled right back.

At this point, I was living in a glorified closet at the back of my parents’ loft, a room they had assigned me because they thought I would graduate and move out like a properly evolving person. The room had no windows, and so, in order to get a glimpse of daylight, I had to slide open the door to my sister’s bright, airy room. “Go away,” she would hiss.

I was unemployed. And while I had a roof over my head (my parents’) and food to eat (also technically theirs), my days were shapeless, and the disappointment of the people who loved me (my parents) was palpable. I slept until noon, became defensive when asked about my plans for the future, and gained weight like it was a viable profession. I was becoming the kind of adult parents worry about producing.

I had been ambitious once. In college, all I seemed to do was found literary magazines with inexplicable names and stage experimental black--box theater and join teams (rugby, if only for a day or so). I was eager and hungry: for new art, for new friendship, for sex. Despite my ambivalence about academia, college was a wonderful gig, thousands of hours to tend to yourself like a garden. But now I was back to zero. No grades. No semesters. No CliffsNotes in case of emergency. I was lost.

It’s not that I didn’t have plans. Oh, I had plans. Just none that these small minds could understand. My first idea was to be the assistant to a private eye. I was always being accused of extreme nosiness, so why not turn this character flaw into cold hard cash? After hunting around on Craigslist, however, it soon became clear that most private eyes worked alone—-or if they needed an assistant, they wanted someone with the kind of sensual looks to bait cheating husbands. The second idea was baker. After all, I love bread and all bread by--products. But no, that involved waking up at four every morning. And knowing how to bake. What about preschool art teacher? Turns out that involved more than just a passion for pasta necklaces. There would be no rom--com--ready job for me.

The only silver lining in my situation was that it allowed me to reconnect with my oldest friends, Isabel and Joana. We were all back in Tribeca, the same neighborhood where we had met in preschool. Isabel was finishing her sculpture degree, living with an aging pug named Hamlet who had once had his head run over by a truck and survived. Joana had just completed art school and was sporting the festive remains of a bleached mullet. I had broken up with the hippie boyfriend I considered my bridge to health and wholeness and was editing a “feature film” on my laptop. Isabel was living in her father’s old studio, which she had decorated with found objects, standing racks of children’s Halloween costumes, and a TV from 1997. When the three of us met there to catch up, Joana’s nails painted like weed leaves and Monets, I felt at peace.
Isabel was employed at Peach and the Babke, a high--end children’s clothing store in our neighborhood. Isabel is a true eccentric—-not the self--conscious kind who collects feathers and snow globes but the kind whose passions and predilections are so genuinely out of sync with the world at large that she herself becomes an object of fascination. One day Isabel had strolled into the store on a dare to inquire about employment, essentially because it was the funniest thing she could imagine doing for a living. Wearing kneesocks and a man’s shirt as a dress, she had been somewhat dismayed when she was offered a job on the spot. Joana joined her there a few weeks later, when the madness of the yearly sample sale required extra hands.

“It’s a ball,” said Isabel.

“I mean, it’s awfully easy,” said Joana.

Peach and the Babke sold baby clothes at such a high price point that customers would often laugh out loud upon glimpsing a tag. Cashmere cardigans, ratty tutus, and fine--wale cords, sized six months to eight years. This is where you came if you wanted your daughter to look like a Dorothea Lange photo or your son to resemble a jaunty old--time train conductor, all oversize overalls and perky wool caps. It will be a miracle if any of the boys who wore Peach and the Babke emerged from childhood able to maintain an erection.

We often spent Isabel’s lunch break in Pecan, a local coffee bar where we disturbed yuppies on laptops with our incessant—-and filthy—-chatter.

“I can’t find a goddamn fucking job and I’m too fat to be a stripper,” I said as I polished off a stale croissant.

Isabel paused as if contemplating an advanced theorem, then lit up. “We need another girl at Peach! We do, we do, we do!” It would be a gas, she told me. It’d be like our own secret clubhouse. “You can get tons of free ribbons!” It was such an easy job. All you had to do was fold, wrap, and minister to the rich and famous. “That’s all we did as kids, be nice to art collectors so our parents could pay our tuition,” Isabel said. “You’ll be amazing at it.”

The next day, I stopped by with a copy of my résumé and met Phoebe, the manager of the store, who looked like the saddest fourth--grader you ever met but was, in reality, thirty--two and none too pleased about it. She was beautiful like a Gibson girl, a pale round face, heavy lids, and rosy lips. She wiped her hands on her plaid pinafore.

“Why did you leave your last job?” she asked.

“I was hooking up with someone in the kitchen and the dessert chef was a bitch,” I explained.

“I can pay you one hundred dollars a day, cash,” she said.

“Sounds good.” I was secretly thrilled, both at the salary and the prospect of spending every day with my oldest and most amusing friends.

“We also buy you lunch every day,” Phoebe said.

“The lunch is awesome!” Isabel chimed in, spreading some pint--sized leather gloves that retailed for $155 out in the display case next to a broken vintage camera (price upon request).

“I’m in,” I said. For reasons I will never understand but did not question, Phoebe handed me twenty--five dollars for the interview itself.

And with that, Peach and the Babke became the most poorly staffed store in the history of the world.

The days at Peach and the Babke followed a certain rhythm. With only one window up front, it was hard to get a sense of time passing, and so life became a sedentary, if pleasant, mass of risotto and tiny overalls. But I will reconstruct it for you as best as I can:

10:10 Roll in the door with a coffee in your hand. If you’re feeling nice, you also bring one for Phoebe. “Sorry I’m late,” you say before flinging your coat on the floor.

10:40 Head into the back room to start casually folding some pima--cotton baby leggings ($55 to $65) and roll--neck fisherman sweaters ($175).

10:50 Get distracted telling Joana a story about a homeless guy you saw wearing a salad spinner as a hat.

11:10 First customer rings the bell. They are either freezing and looking to browse before their next appointment or obscenely rich and about to purchase five thousand dollars’ worth of gifts for their nieces. You and Joana try to do the best wrapping job you can and to calculate the tax properly, but there is a good chance you charged them an extra five hundred dollars.

11:15 Start talking about lunch. How badly you want or don’t want it. How good it will be when it finally hits your lips or, alternately, how little mind you even pay to food these days.

11:25 Call next door for the specials.

12:00 Isabel arrives. She is on a schedule called Princess Hours. When you ask if you can also work Princess Hours, Phoebe says, “No, they’re for princesses.”

12:30 Sit down for an elaborate three--course meal. Let Phoebe try your couscous, since it’s the least you can do. Split a baguette with Isabel if you can have half her butternut squash soup. Eat a pot of fresh ricotta to finish it off.

1:00 Joana leaves for therapy.

1:30 The UPS guy comes and unloads boxes of rag dolls made of vintage curtains ($320). You ask him how his son is doing. He says he’s in jail.

2:00 Isabel leaves for therapy.

2:30 Meg Ryan comes in wearing a large hat, buys nothing.

3:00 Phoebe asks you to rub her head for a while. She lies on the rug in the back and moans with pleasure. A customer rings the doorbell. She says to ignore it, and when her massage is done she sends you around the corner for cappuccino and brownies.

4:00 You leave for therapy, collecting your hundred dollars.

6:00 This is the time work was actually supposed to end, but you are already home, half asleep, waiting for Jeff Ruiz to finish his landscaping job and meet you on the roof of his building to drink beer and feel each other up. Only once in nine months does Phoebe admonish you for your poor work ethic, and she feels so guilty about it that at lunch she goes across the street and buys you a scented candle.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B00HTMC42E
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Random House; Reprint edition (September 30, 2014)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 30, 2014
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 27534 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 289 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #387,042 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
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Lena Dunham

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Lena Dunham is an American filmmaker and actress. She wrote and directed the independent film Tiny Furniture (2010), and is the creator and star of the HBO series Girls. In 2013, Dunham was named one of Time's most influential people in the world.

On October 8, 2012, Dunham signed a $3.5 million deal with Random House to publish her first book, an essay collection called Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's Learned.

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Mado

Thoughts Matter

Reviewed in the United States on October 3, 2014

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I devoured this book over two days. I made an emotional connection with these stories, the likes of which I haven't in a very long time. There was an underlying lyricism that took me a couple of chapters to pick up on. It seems people expected this book to read like a common "celebrity memoir"; plainly written accounts of their rise and days in the limelight. This isn't one of those - and I feel even readers who have approached it positively have missed the bigger picture in this collection of essays. Not That Kind of Girl is a work of literature, light, yet well written and organized. Overall, this book chronicled transition from youth, and the growth of ambition. What I took away was acceptance of past silly or petty thoughts and actions, past disrespect and misunderstanding of oneself. There is hope. Those actions won't necessarily define you forever.

While I recognize the items and themes that many have called "petty" and a result of Dunham's privilege; I think her lot in life has allowed for a lovely distilling of human emotion in our time. Lena captures things in words that I haven't had the time or perspective to do myself (probably due to the complications of being an underprivileged working millennial). For example, a number of her essays touch on what it feels like to have a sister. Enjoying their warmth, feeling possessive over them, desperation to understand them, wanting them to need you.

I feel the need to qualify this review. I am not privileged. I grew up without stability. I have struggled a great deal more than Lena financially, physically, and socially. Issues like poverty, race, mental illness, education and climate change enter my thoughts and actions daily. So does gender equality and intellectual freedom. Intellectual material we have abound, but It is rare that I am able to make a connection with anything "girly." When I do, I also feel the need to qualify those traits, defend them - balance them with my taste for beer, true journalism and lack of desire for marriage.

I shouldn't have to feel this way. Many girls, many women, do. There aren't many options for empowered intellectual women who desire entertainment that exudes hard work, deep thought, and talent. Not in the mainstream. This book is a burst of hope. Not just for women, but for freethinkers, subversive feelers, men, anyone seeking avenues for empathy. For everyone who can appreciate art. This being said, the book is not ideal entertainment for those who cannot easily empathize with the intimate thoughts of others.

Yes - the author's privilege causes a disconnect between me and some of the subject matter. But it does not disconnect me from her prose, from the underlying themes, curiosities and emotions. Many talented artists and entertainers arrive at success due to luck and privilege. Privilege sometimes allows for the distilling of other qualities. For example, how does anxiety manifest itself when it's not solely focused on paying the bills and avoiding risk? What is the mind capable of when not bogged down with common worries? What are the expectations of women in our society, without the context of subsistence activities? Public struggles are certainly more important to "the good of the many" than personal ones, but that does not diminish them. Feelings matter, voices matter, art matters. Empathy with all human experience matters.

"As hard as we have worked and as far as we have come, there are still so many forces conspiring to tell women that our concerns are petty, our opinions aren't needed, that we lack the gravitas necessary for our stories to matter. That personal writing by women is no more than an exercise in vanity and that we should appreciate this new world for women, sit down, and shut up."

I'm glad she didn't.

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Donna Hill

A Memoir That Combines Humor and Pathos

Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2014

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I found Lena Dunham's memoir to be interesting and well-written. It's quirky and humorous and also a bit sad. There is lots of meaningless sex--which occasionally is very ugly and very much akin to the R word (rape). Dunham has OCD and undergoes therapy, starting when she is a child. I didn't laugh very often, but I was amused. I found myself smiling a lot. Many of the stories were cringe-worthy. Her humor is natural and not forced. There are some books where the humor just seems like the author is trying way too hard. But I didn't get this feeling with her book. She is genuinely funny much of the time. It's not for everyone. You have to enjoy off-the-wall stories. I'm 67 and have been home with a cold for a couple of weeks, starting to get quite bored, and I needed something to pull me out of the doldrums.

Even though she comes from a so-called privileged background and her parents were much more understanding than mine were, I found myself feeling very appreciative of my life which had its own brand of quirkiness but seems more manageable compared with Dunham's. Books that make me count my blessings are good. I wasn't a hippie in the sixties--I was a deprived child--went to work instead of college and so missed out on most of the sexual revolution. But I love reading about people's sexual experiences even when they do induce nausea.

I love the fact that she reveals all her fears, many of them stemming from her OCD, especially her lifelong fear of death. I wish I could reach through the book and hug her and give her some of my faith.

She has a great talent for character study. Her characters come alive on the page--parents, grandparents, teachers, therapists, classmates, friends, lovers. She could certainly write a novel.

I wasn't hanging on every word of this book. There were a few too many words for me. And while some of it was amusing; for me some of it seemed too childish, even for young people, although I kept thinking that people under 40 would get more of the references and humor. In fact, I was wishing that I could share it with my niece who died last year. I could see her identifying with so many of the stories.

Some reviewers said that she didn't tell us what she learned. But she did. She did it in the way writing teachers tell us how to write. "Don't tell us--show us." By showing us her wild and crazy experiences she is telling us, "Who knows, maybe you could do it differently. This is what happened to me when I took too many drinks and too many drugs and went off with too many strange men." But there's nothing preachy about it. It's raw and powerful and tragic with an underlying irony and almost a lightheartedness. By the end, you feel that Dunham will survive--that she really has learned a lot.

By the way, I found her references to Helen Gurley Brown at the beginning of the book to be very funny. I read Brown's books back in the sixties and seventies. I had forgotten how weird some of her ideas were. I thank the author for the trip down memory lane. Funny--and a good opener.

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Priya

Excited to read. Based on HBO series 'Girls'

Reviewed in India on February 13, 2021

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Book was in very good condition. Absolutely great deal for price.

Ana Quireza

EXCELENTE LIBRO

Reviewed in Mexico on July 23, 2019

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MUY BUEN LIBRO.
LA CALIDAD DEL PAQUETE TAMBIÉN FUE MUY BUENA.

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Sergio

Todo correcto!

Reviewed in Spain on November 27, 2019

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El libro envió fue muy rapido y el libro encaja al 100% con la descripción!

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Client d'Amazon

Lena encore du Lena

Reviewed in France on August 8, 2017

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Ce livre a la pâte de Lena tout du long. Si vous avez aimé la série Girls ou le film The little things de Lena, vous aimerez ce livre.
Je le déconseille si vous n'avez pas un niveau avancé d'anglais, il y a beaucoup de second degré et d'expression familière.
Pour résumer, j'ai adoré, cela fait partie de mes livres préférés.

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Amazon Customer

Very enjoyable read

Reviewed in Australia on October 4, 2016

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Smart, funny, relatable... Very easy to devour quickly. Light entertainment that's both introspective and supremely intelligent.
Highly recommended.
Buy it.

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