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No More Mr. Nice Guy Kindle Edition

by Robert Glover (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
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“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models.

“I have read every self-help book out there, but this was the first that put everything together in a way that made perfect sense to me.”

“Every page of my copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy is highlighted in yellow. How did you know me so well?

A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Robert Glover, a pioneering expert on the Nice Guy Syndrome, is a man who believes he is not okay just as he is. He is convinced that he must become what he thinks others want him to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.

The Nice Guy Syndrome typically begins in infancy and childhood when a young boy inaccurately internalizes emotional messages about himself and the world. It is fueled by toxic shame and anxiety. Rapid social change in the late 20th century and early 21st century has contributed to a worldwide explosion of men struggling to find happiness, love, and purpose.

The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts. Nice Guys believe:

  • If I am good, then I will be liked and loved.
  • If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  • If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.
The inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to often feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, dishonesty, caretaking, fixing, codependency, people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, unsatisfying relationships, issues with sexuality, and compulsive masturbation and pornography use.

Since the publication ofNo More Mr. Nice Guy in 2003, hundreds of thousands of men worldwide have learned how to release toxic shame, soothe their anxiety, face their fears, connect with men, embrace their passion and purpose, and experience success in work and career. These men have also learned to set boundaries, handle conflict, make their needs a priority, develop satisfying relationships, and experience great sex.

This process of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome allows men to move through:

  • Depression

  • Social anxiety and shyness

  • Codependency

  • Low self-esteem

  • Loneliness and hopelessness

  • Feelings of failure

  • Lack of confidence and purpose

  • Compulsive behaviors and addictions

  • Feeling stuck in life

Contrary to what the title might seem to imply,No More Mr. Nice Guydoes not teach men how to be not nice. Dr. Glover shows men how to become what he calls Integrated Males. Becoming integrated does not mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of oneself. An integrated male can embrace everything that makes him unique – his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his fears, his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side.

If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how.

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  1. Print length
    204 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publication date
    November 10, 2010
  5. File size
    1187 KB
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  1. It is actually a person's rough edges and human imperfections that give others something to connect with.
    Highlighted by 13,195 Kindle readers
  2. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means letting go of what one can't change and changing what one can.
    Highlighted by 12,784 Kindle readers
  3. My definition of integrity is "deciding what feels right and doing it."
    Highlighted by 7,256 Kindle readers
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Robert A. Glover holds a PhD in marriage and family therapy and is himself a recovering Nice Guy. As a result of over thirty years of clinical work with countless men and women, Dr. Glover has become widely recognized as a leading authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome.

Dr. Glover lives in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, where he writes and leads workshops and seminars for men. His website drglover.com features numerous online courses focusing on personal growth, relationships, sexuality, and career.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B004C438CW
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Recorded Books (November 10, 2010)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ November 10, 2010
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1187 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 204 pages
  • Customer Reviews:

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  2. Dr. Robert A Glover

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    Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan For Getting What You Want in Love, Sex and Life (Running Press, 2003)

    Dr. Glover is an internationally recognized authority on the Nice Guy Syndrome. He is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous local and national publications.

    Through his book, online classes, workshops, podcasts, blogs, consultation, and therapy groups, Dr. Glover has helped change the lives of countless men and women around the world.

    As a result of his work, Dr. Glover has helped thousands of Nice Guys transform from being passive, resentful victims to empowered, integrated males. Along with these personal changes have come similar transformations in these men's professional careers and intimate relationships.

    Dr. Glover is the creator of Dating Essentials for Men, the director of TPI University, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Washington.

    Dr. Glover divides his year between Bellevue, WA and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
14,172 global ratings
BECOME THE ALPHA MALE. This book is the path to true masculinity
5 Stars
BECOME THE ALPHA MALE. This book is the path to true masculinity
SoWhat I liked-COMPREHENSIVE PLAN.In this book, Dr. Glover gives a very detailed and thorough plan for recovering and kicking the "nice guy syndrome". This plan will 100% work if you execute it.-CUTTING TRUTHmany sentences and descriptions in the book left me openmouthed, swearing under my breath, and even in tears once. This book can see right into the soul of the Nice Guy. The Truth about the way I lived life was a hard pill to swallow but one of the best things I have ever done-CONCRETE EXERCISESthe Book includes some 50 step by step exercises designed to make you happier, more attractive, stop seeking approval, and enjoy life-CURED ME OF THE NICE GUY SYNDROMEThe Nice guy syndrome caused some major issues for me mentally when I was younger. To be able to break free of old patterns and create the future as something new Is a something that will stick with me for a long time.What I didn't like-EXCESSIVE NICE GUY MENTIONINGthis book mentions the opposite of the nice guy the Integrated Male only ONCE. I really wished that the contrasted the two figures against each other to see how they handled different situations.Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy is a book for almost every man in this day and age. If you are intruiged by the concept, buy the book. It is something you will not regret.
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Top reviews from the United States

shintell izquierdo
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2024
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My boyfriend asked me to read this book with him, and I am glad I did! The author is clear and applies principles in practical ways.
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Nicholle Pierro
5.0 out of 5 stars My First Book Review: Buy it NOW! ♾️⭐️
Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2024
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I have read so many books in my lifetime, I actually earned a Literature degree. And yet...this is the first time I ever felt compelled to write a book review. So best believe, this book IS DEFINITELY A FIVE STAR READ. Honestly, this book deserves Infinity stars!

As a woman reader, I quickly realized that I am a Ms. Nice Girl...from a long line of Nice Girls (who have internalized sexism). Also, about halfway through this book, I was able to Fully accept myelf. And then...I healed my deepest hidden shame...I honestly admitted to myself that I am on The Spectrum! I am NOT a lifelong introvert, I am actually an Autistic Individual. It all makes so much sense now--Awesome!

Needless to say, this is a life-changing book. EveryBody on Earth should read it at least once. So stop hesitating...read it NOW!
12 people found this helpful
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Anonymous
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2024
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Great book. Really got me thinking. Didn’t have as many solutions as I was hoping for, but then again, that’s just my take. I’ll reread and update my review accordingly. Definitely thought provoking.
One person found this helpful
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Bob B.
5.0 out of 5 stars I wish I had read this 45 years ago
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2024
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It is scary when a book written by someone you have never met knows your secrets so well. Dr. Glover’s book helps you face that fear. I am 66 years old and looking forward to retirement in 95 weeks. I’ve learned several of the things he goes over in an indirect way, but this book helps to bring those lessons together and formulate a plan. Retirement will be more fulfilling than I ever dreamed.
3 people found this helpful
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Kyle Moore
5.0 out of 5 stars changed my life perspective
Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2024
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Described my old me to a T. Now I’m empowered to make a lasting healthy difference for me first and then those I love. Incredibly powerful book.
2 people found this helpful
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Wazu
5.0 out of 5 stars A great book! Highly recommended!
Reviewed in the United States on January 9, 2007
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No More Mr. Nice Guy is a GREAT book However, the title is misleading, the purpose of the book is to boost confidence and help men reclaim power in their lives, it does not make men jerks. The author points out that you are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness. By boosting a man's confidence and ensuring the man's needs are met, women are naturally more attractive to these men. The greatest aphrodisiac is self-confidence.

The characteristics of "Nice Guys" are men who have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships with women and become doormats. The men often feel as helpless victims and seeing another person as the cause of problems. Many nice guys live life trying to gain approval for others.

Many nice guys did not have their needs met as boys. As a coping mechanism to try to get their needs met, they try to be nice. Later in life, Nice Guys apply the skills learned as a boy in dealing with women - by being nice - it does not work. When being nice does not work, the Nice Guys try to be even nicer.

Men need to set healthy boundaries in relationships with women. Avoiding conflicts in relationships is problematic - Women do not feel safe with a man they know they can push around. A woman wants to know you will stand up to her. That is how she will feel secure in the relationship. There is a catch - she has to test to see if she can trust you. When you set a boundary, she may strongly test and push against the boundary. She will tell you that you are wrong for having the boundary and do her best to find out if the boundary is for real. Generally, when women feel secure, they feel loved. When a man stands up to a woman, she believes he will likely stand up for her. Setting boundaries creates respect and makes women feel secure and feel loved.

Around 50%+ of marriages end in divorce and usually the mother has primary custody. This places the boy in a subservient position to women and minimizes the father's influence. The mother has a profound influence in upbringing of the boy. Mothers teach their daughters to be more independent and teach their sons to be "nice boys" - dependent on women's approval. During the formative years (0-5 years), most of the boy's school teachers are women, so they learn to be subservient to women. The boy must be nice to gain the teacher's approval and earn good grades. In essence, most of the boy's power figures are women and he must be nice to win their approval. Nice guys learn that their needs are not important or having needs contrary to the women's needs is bad, so they try to please others and become miserable in the process. They become wimps, doormats, nice guys - whatever to avoid conflict in relationships and try to make their women happy.

During the formative years, when a boy set boundaries with either his mother or female teachers - he was taught that it was alright to have those boundaries violated. Later in life these boys grow to become men, but use the outdated strategy developed in childhood to deal with women - by being nice and trying to make women happy at any cost. Since Nice Guys learned to sacrifice themselves in order to survive, recovery must center on learning to put themselves first and making their needs a priority. That's what this book is about.

There were 27 reviews on the book; I read all of them before buying the book. I also read the 3 new reviews since receiving and reading the book. A book of this nature cannot please everyone - it will save some relationships and bury some relationships that have been long dead. Depending upon your life upbringing, the book will either apply to you or not. Since I started reading the book, I have been raving about it. Get this book. I bought a second copy to send to a friend. I even recommended friend who is a single mother raising a son to get this book.
776 people found this helpful
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Chad Conrad, AIA
5.0 out of 5 stars Felt like Dr. Glover was speaking to me directly….
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2024
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This book resonated with me. I was not even aware that this was how I approached the world and all that lies within it. I will be reading this book again and trying to apply all of the recovery tools that are presented within to become a better, integrated man.

There are so many things addressed within this book that directly applied to me that is was eye opening to say the least. I had to sit down with my mom to do a deep dive about my childhood to see what could have possibly been the thing or things that could have set me into this way of being when I was a young boy. There was no single thing that we could think of but probably a series of events or environmental things that catered to my mindset.

I highly recommend this book to anyone that needs to better understand themselves and why they do what they do. READ and DO the exercises. They can open up a whole new world.

Thank You Dr. Glover for recognizing this and crating this road map for us to use as a tool to recover and thrive in a new life going forward.

Chad Conrad
One person found this helpful
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ED
5.0 out of 5 stars Insight
Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2024
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Interesting read, beneficial for lots of self reflection.
As with all personal development books - parts really resonate and other parts not so much. Well worth reading
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Top reviews from other countries

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Anestis Lampsos
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice guys: reclaim your power now with this invaluable book!
Reviewed in Canada on December 27, 2023
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I'll start by saying that I usually struggle to finish reading books or lose interest somewhere before the end. Not this one. It had my undivided attention from the first word till the last - like it was written for me.

It opened my eyes to the ways I unconsciously give my power away as a man - by seeking external approval, giving to get, people-pleasing, sacrificing my own needs, engaging in what Dr. Glover calls 'covert contracts' with others and then resenting them afterwards, etc.

Most importantly, it showed me how to reclaim my power and live a more fulfilling life.

In my opinion, there has never been a more important time for this book. I highly recommend it! Thank you Dr. Glover!
One person found this helpful
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Alex Cardoso
5.0 out of 5 stars Mudou minha vida!
Reviewed in Brazil on February 25, 2023
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Esse livro é essencial. Nunca imaginei que um livro poderia me descrever tão bem, me apontando características que nem eu havia percebido que possuía, e me mostraria o quanto elas atravancam a minha vida. Graças a esse livro minha vida mudou para melhor!
7 people found this helpful
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Juan Pablo
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantástico.
Reviewed in Mexico on October 11, 2022
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El libro te ayuda a entender, la importancia de poner límites en tu pareja y en general, y sí efectivamente cuando pones límites y haces lo que quieres, la gente se enoja contigo más, te sentirás culpable pero después no.
¡Excelente, excelente libro!
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Peter Gerges
5.0 out of 5 stars Wunderbar
Reviewed in Germany on May 14, 2024
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Very enlightening book for those who struggle with people take advantage of their polite behavior
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Santosh Redij
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book for Nice guys 😊
Reviewed in India on April 30, 2024
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The concept in the book is something that i truly believe, we always like please people around and sacrifice ourselves in the process. And in the end there is a build up that explodes one day and destroys nice guys life. Very good practical steps in the book can help maintain sanity in anyone’s life. A great and thoughtful book for everyone
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