With all-time great, comes all time-bad, and 2018 has provided cinephiles with the conclusion, oh I’m sorry, the climax of the worst trilogy of all time, the Fifty Shades trilogy.

Full Review | Original Score: .5/4 | Jan 31, 2023

It's as doofily entertaining, eye-rollingly awful, surprisingly steamy, and expectedly boring as all the other Fifty Shades films.

Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/5 | Dec 29, 2021

These movies, I think, are meant to be sexy romps, a bit of fun, but at the end of the series have proven themselves to be ten pounds of sex toys in a five pound bag.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/5 | Mar 4, 2021

When things become downright comical, it's nevertheless still watchable in its badness.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/10 | Dec 6, 2020

The simple truth is that Ana and Christian are still wholly unconvincing in their coupling.

Full Review | Original Score: 2.0/4.0 | Sep 7, 2020

This trilogy is the film equivalent of bad sex. Part 1 was awkward foreplay. Part 2 went through the motions with monotonous moves. And now, Part 3 reaches a clumsy climax that's so obviously fake that you just want it to end.

Full Review | Original Score: 1/4 | Aug 29, 2020

'Don't miss the climax,' the ads declare. What climax? Fifty Shades Freed falls flat of even reaching a plateau, just flailing around on the floor instead.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5 | Jul 23, 2020

Ever wondered what The Room or Birdemic would have looked like with a boardroom of producers and a $55 million budget? Here you go.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/10 | Jul 18, 2020

The romance of Fifty Shades has no sizzle, the melodrama is not dramatic, and the sex - to put it frankly - is not that sexy.

Full Review | Original Score: D+ | Jul 18, 2020

If ever a franchise were crying out for the female gaze - surely this is it? If only Sam Taylor-Johnson had been given the creative control she desired and stayed on the franchise, we may have ended up with something of better quality.

Full Review | Jul 2, 2020

The cinematic equivalent of a shrug and people picking up a paycheck at the end of the week, and the result is a bland, flaccid wiener of a movie.

Full Review | Original Score: C- | Jul 1, 2020

Why isn't this sexy?

Full Review | May 18, 2020

They are the wrong people to star in this movie.

Full Review | May 18, 2020

It's way too mainstream for its own good. It's got a host of questionable ethics. But it succeeds in getting a theater of people off. Take that as you will.

Full Review | Mar 23, 2020

It will move us forward as a culture and, at some point, we'll shake our heads, laugh at Fifty Shades Freed, and keep going.

Full Review | Feb 20, 2020

Love's most flummoxing journey has finally reached climax, but what a blandifying, inept "sexy thriller" note things end on.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5 | Nov 6, 2019

It fails when it wants to address the emotional side and it's a shame when it tries to become a thriller for a few minutes. [Full Review in Spanish]

Full Review | Jul 30, 2019

The best film in the trilogy. Yet considering the general awfulness of this franchise, this is the equivalent of saying it's better to lose only one finger rather than three in an industrial accident.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4 | Jul 21, 2019

... for all its failings as a coherent narrative, it's a far more satisfying theatergoing experience than the last two chapters, if only because of how patently ridiculous the final product is.

Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5 | Jul 17, 2019

Treats sexual kink with all the depth of a snickering middle-schooler who just discovered the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, but at least this one bothers to be fun.

Full Review | Original Score: 2/4 | Jun 3, 2019