After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes - IELTS Writing Essay Sample

After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

Certain
criminals
always have the tendency to carry out criminal activities regardless of being penalised. Clearly, the offenders believe that the
punishments
given to them are only on a temporary basis and the trial does not carry any heavy weight on the lawbreakers as they are not severe enough. In
this
essay, I will discuss how crucial
this
problem is for society and how it must be tackled. The main issue for offenders to proceed with their inhumane actions is that the
punishments
given to them are for a very limited period of time.
Whereas
,
this
encourages the
criminals
to carry forward their illegal actions.
For example
, In 2010 a woman in India was gang raped by seven young teenagers in a moving vehicle that actually killed the woman
due to
the insertion of multiple rusty metals penetrated into her body,
this
caused national news in India and once the rapists got caught, they were only imprisoned for 10 years.
This
motivates not just the rapists to continue committing
such
violations, but it
also
encourages the other youngsters to enjoy
such
felonies as the trials are only for some period of time.
Firstly
, Crimes must not be taken lightly, as they can pose great damage to society. It is important for the government to look forward towards
such
situations and increase the duration of their
punishments
to a much longer period and
also
impose
criminals
with
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heavy fines, so they may think twice before doing something illegal.
On the other hand
, certain
criminals
enjoy going to prison, because they believe that being imprisoned is better than living in poverty. One example of
this
is, in 2018, a man in Bangladesh stabbed his neighbour multiple times
due to
an argument between them, and later reported himself at the police station, and clearly stated to the cops that the inflation had increased so much, that he could not feed himself, and he did
this
crime deliberately because he will be given proper meals in the jail, and clearly states, that the
punishments
are not severe enough. It is important for the government to increase the severity of
punishments
and
also
need
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to provide facilities for the lower-class men to at least give them shelter and food
a
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on a
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timely basis, as we as citizens pay taxes for the welfare of the country. In conclusion, the number of crimes will be reduced if the government focuses on solving the issues of poor people and increasing the duration of
punishments
by imposing severity of
punishments
,
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so that it can make the
criminals
think before breaking the law again.
Submitted by khadiii60 on

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style
Focus on varying your sentence structures more to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
tone
Work on developing a more neutral and formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using phrases that may seem too casual or informal in an academic context.
content
Ensure that the examples used are accurate and relevant to your arguments. Refrain from including overly graphic details that might not be suitable for all audiences.
task response
Your essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing why criminals continue to commit crimes after punishment and suggests measures to tackle this issue.
supporting evidence
You provided clear examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
organization
The structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized, aiding the reader's understanding.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • support systems
  • criminal networks
  • peer pressure
  • barriers
  • psychological assessment
  • addiction treatment
  • economic factors
  • sentencing
  • data analysis
  • community-based programs
  • restorative justice
  • vocational training
  • social inequalities
  • preventive measures
  • post-release
  • crime cycle
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