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I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know
New York Times bestselling author Kate White is the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, the #1 young women's magazine in the world, and a hugely successful businesswoman. In I Shouldn't Be Telling You This, she shares her secrets to success. A witty, wise, straight-talking career guide for women, I Shouldn't Be Telling You This is the perfect book for the current economic climate, whether you're just starting out, re-entering the workforce after maternity leave, or simply looking for a career change; essential tips and bold strategies from a gutsy innovator who helped increase Cosmo's circulation by half a million copies per month.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2012
About the author
Kate White
43 books2,612 followersKate White is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestselling author of eighteen novels of suspense: ten standalone psychological thrillers, including the upcoming The Last Time She Saw Him (May 14), and also eight Bailey Weggins mysteries.
For fourteen years Kate served as the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, which under her became the most successful magazine in single copy sales in the U.S. Though she loved her magazine career, she decided to leave ten years ago to concentrate full-time on another passion: writing suspense fiction.
Kate’s first mystery, If Looks Could Kill, was a Kelly Ripa Book Club pick, a #1 bestseller on Amazon, and an instant New York Times bestseller. She has been nominated for an International Thriller Writers Award in the fiction category, and her books have been published in over 30 countries worldwide.
Like many female mystery authors, Kate fell in love with the genre after reading her first Nancy Drew book, in her case The Secret of Redgate Farm.
Kate is a frequent speaker at libraries, book conferences, and organizations, and has appeared on many television shows, including The Today Show, CBS This Morning, Morning Joe, and Good Morning America.
She is also the editor of the Mystery Writers of America Cookbook, as well as the author of several bestselling career books, including I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This and the ground-breaking Why Good Girls Don’t Get Ahead but Gutsy Girls Do.
Kate is an avid traveler and enjoys spending each winter with her husband at their home in Uruguay. She holds an honorary doctorate of letters from her alma mater, Union College, where she gave the 2022 commencement speech.
For fourteen years Kate served as the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan, which under her became the most successful magazine in single copy sales in the U.S. Though she loved her magazine career, she decided to leave ten years ago to concentrate full-time on another passion: writing suspense fiction.
Kate’s first mystery, If Looks Could Kill, was a Kelly Ripa Book Club pick, a #1 bestseller on Amazon, and an instant New York Times bestseller. She has been nominated for an International Thriller Writers Award in the fiction category, and her books have been published in over 30 countries worldwide.
Like many female mystery authors, Kate fell in love with the genre after reading her first Nancy Drew book, in her case The Secret of Redgate Farm.
Kate is a frequent speaker at libraries, book conferences, and organizations, and has appeared on many television shows, including The Today Show, CBS This Morning, Morning Joe, and Good Morning America.
She is also the editor of the Mystery Writers of America Cookbook, as well as the author of several bestselling career books, including I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This and the ground-breaking Why Good Girls Don’t Get Ahead but Gutsy Girls Do.
Kate is an avid traveler and enjoys spending each winter with her husband at their home in Uruguay. She holds an honorary doctorate of letters from her alma mater, Union College, where she gave the 2022 commencement speech.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 178 reviews
May 16, 2013
I bought this book because I have always had a strong ambition to do well in my career, but over the years I have found myself losing direction and purpose. I love my job, but I knew I wasn't doing it to my best ability. I'd taken a wrong turning somewhere and needed someone to set me on the right track again. And this is what Kate White did to perfection.
I have to admit, I was surprised by just how valuable this book was to me. I knew Kate White would be an intelligent, ambitious woman—you don't get to the top of any game by accident—but I was surprised by just how much useful advice she shared for every stage of your career (and this applies to any career, not just one in the magazine industry, which I had feared would be the case). I took copious notes as I read, and came away with many ideas and strategies that I could directly apply to my own career, starting today. Her light, jocular writing style made the book easy to read. That said, there was no messing around. She will make you roll your sleeves up and delve right into the hard work awaiting you. I'd highly recommend this to anyone who, for whatever reason, needs a helping hand to fast-track their own career. Thanks Kate!
I have to admit, I was surprised by just how valuable this book was to me. I knew Kate White would be an intelligent, ambitious woman—you don't get to the top of any game by accident—but I was surprised by just how much useful advice she shared for every stage of your career (and this applies to any career, not just one in the magazine industry, which I had feared would be the case). I took copious notes as I read, and came away with many ideas and strategies that I could directly apply to my own career, starting today. Her light, jocular writing style made the book easy to read. That said, there was no messing around. She will make you roll your sleeves up and delve right into the hard work awaiting you. I'd highly recommend this to anyone who, for whatever reason, needs a helping hand to fast-track their own career. Thanks Kate!
August 27, 2015
If you work for a magazine, it may be a good idea to read this. Any other profession, it is hard to believe she has any idea of what goes on in the real world.
An entire section on how you need a new haircut (no longer than shoulder length), plucked eyebrows, and you absolutely MUST have a designer handbag in order to be a successful business woman...is hard to digest.
Does she say things in the book that are worthwhile? Certainly! Interview tips and how to deal with difficult co-workers are both good advice. That being said, it is like reading an article of Cosmo that never ends...you have to be smart enough to figure out which nuggets in the book are useful and toss the rest of the "advice" as fillers used to just to catch the eye of some bimbo.
An entire section on how you need a new haircut (no longer than shoulder length), plucked eyebrows, and you absolutely MUST have a designer handbag in order to be a successful business woman...is hard to digest.
Does she say things in the book that are worthwhile? Certainly! Interview tips and how to deal with difficult co-workers are both good advice. That being said, it is like reading an article of Cosmo that never ends...you have to be smart enough to figure out which nuggets in the book are useful and toss the rest of the "advice" as fillers used to just to catch the eye of some bimbo.
January 15, 2013
I always have a hard time reading career books (zzz... boring!) but I did this as an audio book and I was able to stay pretty engaged in 30 minute increments for a few days. Overall, the book was pretty entertaining and I took away some real insights. I liked the time management, work relationships (boss / direct reports) and motivation advice. But there were some parts that made it clear the author didn't understand that not everyone works in a publishing office in Manhattan i.e. cultures are different. And the chapter about how to "deal" with your boyfriend / husband while balancing your amazing career just flat out pissed me off with it's Cosmo-esque generalizations about how men *think* and how you should communicate with them *just so* to make sure they hear you through the testosterone in their ears.
January 11, 2015
Though the book was based on Kate White's own experiences, I felt she was overly repetitive in her work here. Not only did she mention her job title at every chance, she also referred the reader to different parts of the book rather than writing out an entirely unique part. Over all, the work is nice and offers some good tips. The writing, however, leaves something to be desired.
October 6, 2013
This star rating is really meaningless. I hated this book, I thought it was choppy and poorly written. This advice is only good if you work in a profit-driven company with means and motivation to be promoted easily, and not for people, like me, who deal with strict budgets and collective agreements.
Besides the fact that her advice isn't particularly helpful for me, I was embarrassed by her constant name-dropping. I understand that they were used as paraphrasing, so she had to include their name, but it came off as very phony. My really, really successful CEO friend Jane, who works for Trendera (who? I don't care, baby.) I wasn't interested nor impressed by her CV, which she droned on about and confused the shit out of me.
She would flit between jobs and I had to shake my head. I don't know if the print version of this actually gives a copy of her full CV because the audiobook did not. I wasn't sure when she worked for which companies and if she's even working right now. There was Child, some career mag for women, Cosmo (which is the bane of my existence. It is the most sexist piece of garbage ever written and it burned my soul every time she mentioned how like, totally awesome it is.)
I don't know, I guess I'll just go through life unable to achieve true success because I found this to be much like her fiction work, a complete farce.
Besides the fact that her advice isn't particularly helpful for me, I was embarrassed by her constant name-dropping. I understand that they were used as paraphrasing, so she had to include their name, but it came off as very phony. My really, really successful CEO friend Jane, who works for Trendera (who? I don't care, baby.) I wasn't interested nor impressed by her CV, which she droned on about and confused the shit out of me.
She would flit between jobs and I had to shake my head. I don't know if the print version of this actually gives a copy of her full CV because the audiobook did not. I wasn't sure when she worked for which companies and if she's even working right now. There was Child, some career mag for women, Cosmo (which is the bane of my existence. It is the most sexist piece of garbage ever written and it burned my soul every time she mentioned how like, totally awesome it is.)
I don't know, I guess I'll just go through life unable to achieve true success because I found this to be much like her fiction work, a complete farce.
March 19, 2016
There were a few good tips in this book, but they represented less than 5% of the whole of the writings. There was a lot of name-dropping and references to specific companies. So much so, that I have to wonder if there were some sponsoring deals or just some general industry back-scratching going on here. If I want ads, I'll pick up a magazine. The tips included in this book are probably far more useful if you are a woman looking to move to the top of the magazine-publishing business, but if you are in a different industry, have different ambitions, etc. the returns rapidly diminish. One chapter I particularly disliked was "Men, Love, and Success", which not only read like a Cosmo article (which isn't surprising given the source), but had me rolling my eyes so hard I think I sprained something. To quote from the chapter: "Your guy wants you to look, dress, smell, and feel nice." If I worked hard all week in a demanding job, came home to take care of the kids, took time for networking, found time each week to review my personal and professional goals, and somehow managed a spa trip (all things she recommends), he'd be lucky if he got to see me at all, let alone me prancing into bed in a lace teddy for his viewing pleasure. Not enough hours in the day, lady.
December 6, 2018
The only thing valuable I received from this book was the recommendation for a good eyebrow pencil, Shobha. I had no idea who Kate White was when I started reading the book, but she humble brags so much that you instantly know who she is. The constant name dropping was annoying in that I usually missed the point she was trying to make.
October 28, 2012
Sometimes, a book comes along for review at just the right time. I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know by Kate White comes along just as I am doing going through a bit of personal career evaluation, so there are definitely tips and tricks in this book I can use.
I like the structure of the book. It’s broken down in three chunks related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. Each chapter has bullet points, breaking down key concepts. Makes it a very fast read and easy to remember the most important bits of information, and there are plenty of important bits. As I’m considering what’s next for me in my career, contemplating job hunting for the first time in a decade or making a big change within my company, it’s helpful to think back and look at what I can do differently this time around.
Author Kate White is a magazine editor. She’s also an author (of course), a mom and an accomplished career woman. But Cosmopolitan magazine has different requirements than most of us do in our jobs. For most of the companies where I might interview with, a designer handbag isn’t going to make the interview go more smoothly (especially since White’s definition of “designer” is somewhat north of my classic Coach and Kate Spade bags). But her dress-for-success tips are still handy. I can see mistakes I’ve made in the past in “9 Things You Should Never Do in a New Job” that I won’t make next time around. And although a lot of her suggestions revolve around the sort of corporate environment she’s used to (lots of meetings, very project-oriented) they are good general guidelines that can be applied almost anywhere.
“Know What They Know About You” should be required reading for all job-hunters. I make a real effort to keep my LinkedIn page up to date, to make sure this website (which is not a paid site but still represents me out in the world) is timely and professional. I do not have a Facebook account (second-to-last person on the planet, I know), in part because I don’t like mixing personal and professional. Take down the ski bunny pics, the “Best Songs for When You’re Stoned” playlist, and be cautious with the political links on your site. Think of everything you post from an employer’s POV, at least at the height of your job hunt.
The final section, on savoring your success, is also really important. Lots of women could use some advice on how to enjoy their success once they have it. How do you handle the craziness that comes with landing the big job? What happens when your dream job makes you miserable? How do you drain the swamp when you’re busy slaying alligators?
That last question really made me think about my job. Basically, the idea is that if you set out to drain the swamp, you may have to slay a few alligators…but don’t get so caught up in slaying alligators that you forget why you waded in in the first place. While you are fielding calls and handling projects, don’t forget the big picture, the thing that you are really working towards. Do not let your big goals slip through the cracks.
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know is a fun read full of great information. We may not all be working at Glamour, but we all need to present our very best selves at work if we want to get ahead. Why not take some tips from someone who has been so successful?
My copy of I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know is an Advanced Reader Copy, provided free of charge.
I like the structure of the book. It’s broken down in three chunks related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. Each chapter has bullet points, breaking down key concepts. Makes it a very fast read and easy to remember the most important bits of information, and there are plenty of important bits. As I’m considering what’s next for me in my career, contemplating job hunting for the first time in a decade or making a big change within my company, it’s helpful to think back and look at what I can do differently this time around.
Author Kate White is a magazine editor. She’s also an author (of course), a mom and an accomplished career woman. But Cosmopolitan magazine has different requirements than most of us do in our jobs. For most of the companies where I might interview with, a designer handbag isn’t going to make the interview go more smoothly (especially since White’s definition of “designer” is somewhat north of my classic Coach and Kate Spade bags). But her dress-for-success tips are still handy. I can see mistakes I’ve made in the past in “9 Things You Should Never Do in a New Job” that I won’t make next time around. And although a lot of her suggestions revolve around the sort of corporate environment she’s used to (lots of meetings, very project-oriented) they are good general guidelines that can be applied almost anywhere.
“Know What They Know About You” should be required reading for all job-hunters. I make a real effort to keep my LinkedIn page up to date, to make sure this website (which is not a paid site but still represents me out in the world) is timely and professional. I do not have a Facebook account (second-to-last person on the planet, I know), in part because I don’t like mixing personal and professional. Take down the ski bunny pics, the “Best Songs for When You’re Stoned” playlist, and be cautious with the political links on your site. Think of everything you post from an employer’s POV, at least at the height of your job hunt.
The final section, on savoring your success, is also really important. Lots of women could use some advice on how to enjoy their success once they have it. How do you handle the craziness that comes with landing the big job? What happens when your dream job makes you miserable? How do you drain the swamp when you’re busy slaying alligators?
That last question really made me think about my job. Basically, the idea is that if you set out to drain the swamp, you may have to slay a few alligators…but don’t get so caught up in slaying alligators that you forget why you waded in in the first place. While you are fielding calls and handling projects, don’t forget the big picture, the thing that you are really working towards. Do not let your big goals slip through the cracks.
I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know is a fun read full of great information. We may not all be working at Glamour, but we all need to present our very best selves at work if we want to get ahead. Why not take some tips from someone who has been so successful?
My copy of I Shouldn’t Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know is an Advanced Reader Copy, provided free of charge.
January 13, 2020
NOTE: This book is only relevant if you work an office type job.
I have never had a job where weekly manicures, expensive hair cuts, or designer purses are a requirement or even important for the interview. These are all things that the author suggests to get ahead in your career. She also name drops constantly, and I can not tell you how many times she mentioned she is the editor-in-chief of Cosmo. We get it, it's on the cover of the book. Truth be told, I've never even picked up a copy of Cosmo. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirts, playing video games and reading a good sci-fi kinda girl. I also didn't grow up with a silver spoon anywhere near my mouth or probably even owned by anyone on my block.
There are however some tips universal to every job, but the ones mentioned here are pretty obvious. Water cooler drama? Ignore it and do YOUR best job. Back stabbing co-workers? Directly and swiftly mention you wont stand for it. And there you have it, one start for each relevant tidbit that's useful to anyone not in a corporate or high powered career.
That being said, I would love to read some of her mystery novels. She mentions a few in this book and they sound like they have interesting plots.
*** I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads ***
** The Giveaway was Listed By Danielle (of HarperCollins) **
* I received my copy on Wed, Oct 17 2012 *
THANK YOU GOODREADS FIRST READS AND DANIELLE!
I have never had a job where weekly manicures, expensive hair cuts, or designer purses are a requirement or even important for the interview. These are all things that the author suggests to get ahead in your career. She also name drops constantly, and I can not tell you how many times she mentioned she is the editor-in-chief of Cosmo. We get it, it's on the cover of the book. Truth be told, I've never even picked up a copy of Cosmo. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirts, playing video games and reading a good sci-fi kinda girl. I also didn't grow up with a silver spoon anywhere near my mouth or probably even owned by anyone on my block.
There are however some tips universal to every job, but the ones mentioned here are pretty obvious. Water cooler drama? Ignore it and do YOUR best job. Back stabbing co-workers? Directly and swiftly mention you wont stand for it. And there you have it, one start for each relevant tidbit that's useful to anyone not in a corporate or high powered career.
That being said, I would love to read some of her mystery novels. She mentions a few in this book and they sound like they have interesting plots.
*** I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads ***
** The Giveaway was Listed By Danielle (of HarperCollins) **
* I received my copy on Wed, Oct 17 2012 *
THANK YOU GOODREADS FIRST READS AND DANIELLE!
May 6, 2015
I really wanted to like this book. However there was nothing of value that Ms. White imparted that hasn’t already been trotted out by other sources. In fact almost every chapter could have been an article on Indeed or Monster or any of the other career sites out there. I know to dress one step ahead of my position. I know the importance of networking. I know how to interview, write a resume, and apply to a job. I also know to participate in meetings, introduce myself to upper management and that if I want to move ahead in my position I need to go above and beyond my cursory job duties. I don’t know maybe I’m being too harsh. I just read Cheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In” recently and I was blown away by her insight and maybe it set the bar too high? I guess I was hoping for more substance than this book.
March 16, 2020
I'm giving one star as there is a small handful of good pointers. A lot of the ideas she talked about might work in the high-end fashion industry but not in general business. Such as in having a great labelled handbag. This encouraged me to go to my next job interview with no handbag but with a note pad and pen. I would rather they judge me on my professionalism, work ethics and qualities that I could bring into their business, rather than my Gucci handbag.
This book might be better suited to the younger workers wishing to get an insight into the fashion industry and what appeals to that style job. I do think that being individually focused on your work industry will take you further to success.
This book might be better suited to the younger workers wishing to get an insight into the fashion industry and what appeals to that style job. I do think that being individually focused on your work industry will take you further to success.
October 24, 2020
In this day and age, I have pretty high standards for these type of books and this book is probably not meant for most people. Maybe helpful to people in the magazine industry or people who are aiming for an executive level job, I guess. There is some good advice sprinkled throughout but I can't fathom that there aren't books that do it better.
My favorite odd parts are the insistence that we need to carry designer handbags and that men apparently care deeply about the clothes we sleep in. The men advice section was odd all around.
My favorite odd parts are the insistence that we need to carry designer handbags and that men apparently care deeply about the clothes we sleep in. The men advice section was odd all around.
December 27, 2016
This was a re-read for me; although I gave it the same rating as I did originally, this read very different to me this time around. The two major differences are 1. this time I'm in my 30s and 2. I'm working in a much more corporate environment than when I read this 4 years ago. I still find White's style of writing refreshing and her advice still rings true several years later. I may never be a full-on "gutsy girl" but I've certainly learned some get tools to give me some guts when I need it.
April 7, 2014
Although she has a few good ideas, overall, this book is completely out of touch with the struggles of ordinary women. Some of her tips include things like ..."Never carry anything less than a Coach bag." "Get your nails and eyebrows done professionally every week...." Yeah....if I could afford all that, I wouldn't need career advice, would I????
I think the main purpose of this book is for the author to do a WHOLE lot of name dropping.
I think the main purpose of this book is for the author to do a WHOLE lot of name dropping.
February 6, 2013
One of the best books I have read in a long time. She was a editor in chief at Cosmo and her writing is something I can relate to and truly enjoyed. I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to be a "Careerista".
November 13, 2015
I couldn't get past the first couple of chapters. It felt a lot like reading Kate's CV. Where she worked, who she worked with, how she tackled this, and how you should do what she did etc. Bottom line, is the book is not for me, maybe for someone else.
May 17, 2019
Catty and silly. I hate saying that because those words are so overused on amazing women, however she really played into those myths and stereotypes. I actually didn't agree with some of her actionable tips either - don't think they're based in research but rather just personal opinion.
August 3, 2017
On the whole, I took a lot of little tips from this book and I love how short the chapters are. Easy to read one or two a day.
December 4, 2018
This book had humble brags scattered through pretty much every chapter. The advice also seemed pretty outdated.
May 25, 2019
Although I did find a few good takeaways from this book, unfortunately much of the rest felt like advice from the pages of Cosmo magazine in the 1980s (outdated and out of touch).
December 2, 2020
Not in the mood to listen to someone talk about all of their successes coming off very egotistical.
October 3, 2020
TAKE AWAY
1. Go Big or Go Home: success is most often the result of doing the bold extra something that no one else has thought of or dared to try. The key is to do more than what's expected. You have to excel beyond what others are doing and find ways to differentiate yourself, and show your value.
2. If you haven't found your calling yet, the best thing to do it get your butt off your chair, fill your life with a wide array if unusual experiences, and allow yourself to bump into what will exhilarate you.
3. Have a very brief "elevator pitch"to us when you meet someone who might be able to help you. Start with a two-line summary of your background, say what you're looking for, being as specific as possible.
4. The squeaky wheel definitely gets the grease. One of the most important things you must learn to do in your career is ask in the right way. You must ask for money, responsibility, opportunities, title changes, benefits, bonuses and perks. The bosses expect their best employees and job candidates to do that. If you ask for something you usually get it. And the sooner you learn to do it the better, because gains that seems small at one point can actually have a compound effect over time.
5. It does not matter if your boss is good or bad, as long as you end up with the opportunities and credits you need. You just have to be smart about how you handle the situation.
6. If you were asked to come to a meeting with ideas, do not, under any circumstances, arrive empty-handed and try to blend into the surroundings. The best time to begin thinking of your ideas is as soon as you receive a notice about the meeting - take 30mins asap to come up with some initial ideas. This will actually save your time in the long run because over the next few days your subconscious will be on the lookout for ways to flesh out and add to what you've come up with.
7. Put the question to the universe: Decide on a question and say it a few times in your mind. The answer will eventually come to you. You prime your subconscious to be ready to receive great input.
8. Whenever possible, acknowledge the other person's expertise and your respect for it, almost everyone wants to feel good about himself.
9. Make information gathering a regular part of what you do. Always be picking people's brains, listening and investigating. Train your brain to be on the lookout for info relevant to your field, and snag what might be essential for you. You want to be not only open to what's negative but also willing to seek it out. "Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning"
10. Instead of focusing on how you might screw up, think about what good things you can bring to the moment. People get into the negative habit of preempting the worst case scenario as a misplaced way of protecting themselves. Try to walk instead with an "I can be the solution to your problem" attitude. The rest is out of your hands, but the positivity in itself is empowering. In almost all situations, the peoples you are interacting with are worried about their needs and how they're doing. So focus on the other person, it actually ends up benefiting you by giving you a sense of control and making the overall experience much more positive.
11. When you are working toward a long-term goal, your time and energy can be eaten up by urgent , daily tasks that don't necessarily aid you in achieving more important future objectives. No matter how insane things are, you have to learn to do both. Book the time. Because if you don't, the big-picture stuff will slip away from you.
12. Breaking the rules means ignoring the phrase "That's the way we've always done it here" and instead trying a brand-new possibly mind-blowing approach.
13. One way to ease into a group conversation is to be interested in what is being discussed without any particular motive. Curiosity is a healthy and natural icebreaker. And to dealing with strangers, just ask lots of questions and give people your ear, they will find it intoxicating, as people love to talk about themselves, especially to a receptive audience.
14. Grace under pressure can save the day. If things are blowing up in public, don't look frazzled or share the trauma or anxiety with the audience or other people. After any kind of mess-up, do a postmortem with yourself (or your team) and figure out if there was any way you could have prevented the problem or reduced the chances of it happening. And-this is important-was there a moment where you should have trusted your gut and immediately initiated Plan B? And the best step to take after any kind of screw-up, is to obtain as much information as you possible can.
15. Though change can be scary, it's essential to learn to deal with it well. To succeed, you must not only handle change effectively but also be a change agent, someone who both acts as a catalyst for change and then manages the process successfully. Accepting change rather than fighting it made it easier. See the sexy side of change: Change is novelty, it can be an opportunity to feel excited, energised and elated.
16. Instead of asking "Why is this happening" ask "What can I take control of?" Put yourself in charge as soon as possible. The key is to know how to "pivot". Not reinvent. You look at where you are going and adjust slightly. Step with one foot while keeping the other on the ground.
17. Resist the urge to vent. People who avoided thinking about their work problems at home and distracted themselves with something else - books or music - experienced less conflict overall than those who tried to find solutions or vented to pals. When a workday is ugly, try leaving it at the door when you come home. Instead of talking, read/watch a movie you've been dying to download or take a walk after dinner. When you're feeling calmer, you may want to ask for an advice on how to handle a specific issue, but chances are you will arrive there on your own.
18. One of the most important ways to enable a guy to please you is to tell him specifically how to do it. Don't make him guess. // Men are good listeners when people cut to the chase. Think about what you are going to say before you say it, and focus on only the most important stuff. // Men are not going to volunteer to do stuff, and it's not necessarily because they're lazy. They often don't know what's a priority in your mind, and they don't respond well to general comments, you have to make very specific requests. // Men are rarely going to be the ones who make sure there's a lot of good stuff planned in your life. If you want to have romantic plan, you are probably going to have to be the one to make sure they happen. Don't take it personally. Most guys just don't seem hardwired to be this type of organiser.
19. Create the "sweet time" in your daily life to pamper yourself. We put too much stock into the concept of a whole day or weekend for myself and failed to see the value in an hour alone. Think small, look for an hour or 30mins you can make pleasurable and all yours.
1. Go Big or Go Home: success is most often the result of doing the bold extra something that no one else has thought of or dared to try. The key is to do more than what's expected. You have to excel beyond what others are doing and find ways to differentiate yourself, and show your value.
2. If you haven't found your calling yet, the best thing to do it get your butt off your chair, fill your life with a wide array if unusual experiences, and allow yourself to bump into what will exhilarate you.
3. Have a very brief "elevator pitch"to us when you meet someone who might be able to help you. Start with a two-line summary of your background, say what you're looking for, being as specific as possible.
4. The squeaky wheel definitely gets the grease. One of the most important things you must learn to do in your career is ask in the right way. You must ask for money, responsibility, opportunities, title changes, benefits, bonuses and perks. The bosses expect their best employees and job candidates to do that. If you ask for something you usually get it. And the sooner you learn to do it the better, because gains that seems small at one point can actually have a compound effect over time.
5. It does not matter if your boss is good or bad, as long as you end up with the opportunities and credits you need. You just have to be smart about how you handle the situation.
6. If you were asked to come to a meeting with ideas, do not, under any circumstances, arrive empty-handed and try to blend into the surroundings. The best time to begin thinking of your ideas is as soon as you receive a notice about the meeting - take 30mins asap to come up with some initial ideas. This will actually save your time in the long run because over the next few days your subconscious will be on the lookout for ways to flesh out and add to what you've come up with.
7. Put the question to the universe: Decide on a question and say it a few times in your mind. The answer will eventually come to you. You prime your subconscious to be ready to receive great input.
8. Whenever possible, acknowledge the other person's expertise and your respect for it, almost everyone wants to feel good about himself.
9. Make information gathering a regular part of what you do. Always be picking people's brains, listening and investigating. Train your brain to be on the lookout for info relevant to your field, and snag what might be essential for you. You want to be not only open to what's negative but also willing to seek it out. "Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning"
10. Instead of focusing on how you might screw up, think about what good things you can bring to the moment. People get into the negative habit of preempting the worst case scenario as a misplaced way of protecting themselves. Try to walk instead with an "I can be the solution to your problem" attitude. The rest is out of your hands, but the positivity in itself is empowering. In almost all situations, the peoples you are interacting with are worried about their needs and how they're doing. So focus on the other person, it actually ends up benefiting you by giving you a sense of control and making the overall experience much more positive.
11. When you are working toward a long-term goal, your time and energy can be eaten up by urgent , daily tasks that don't necessarily aid you in achieving more important future objectives. No matter how insane things are, you have to learn to do both. Book the time. Because if you don't, the big-picture stuff will slip away from you.
12. Breaking the rules means ignoring the phrase "That's the way we've always done it here" and instead trying a brand-new possibly mind-blowing approach.
13. One way to ease into a group conversation is to be interested in what is being discussed without any particular motive. Curiosity is a healthy and natural icebreaker. And to dealing with strangers, just ask lots of questions and give people your ear, they will find it intoxicating, as people love to talk about themselves, especially to a receptive audience.
14. Grace under pressure can save the day. If things are blowing up in public, don't look frazzled or share the trauma or anxiety with the audience or other people. After any kind of mess-up, do a postmortem with yourself (or your team) and figure out if there was any way you could have prevented the problem or reduced the chances of it happening. And-this is important-was there a moment where you should have trusted your gut and immediately initiated Plan B? And the best step to take after any kind of screw-up, is to obtain as much information as you possible can.
15. Though change can be scary, it's essential to learn to deal with it well. To succeed, you must not only handle change effectively but also be a change agent, someone who both acts as a catalyst for change and then manages the process successfully. Accepting change rather than fighting it made it easier. See the sexy side of change: Change is novelty, it can be an opportunity to feel excited, energised and elated.
16. Instead of asking "Why is this happening" ask "What can I take control of?" Put yourself in charge as soon as possible. The key is to know how to "pivot". Not reinvent. You look at where you are going and adjust slightly. Step with one foot while keeping the other on the ground.
17. Resist the urge to vent. People who avoided thinking about their work problems at home and distracted themselves with something else - books or music - experienced less conflict overall than those who tried to find solutions or vented to pals. When a workday is ugly, try leaving it at the door when you come home. Instead of talking, read/watch a movie you've been dying to download or take a walk after dinner. When you're feeling calmer, you may want to ask for an advice on how to handle a specific issue, but chances are you will arrive there on your own.
18. One of the most important ways to enable a guy to please you is to tell him specifically how to do it. Don't make him guess. // Men are good listeners when people cut to the chase. Think about what you are going to say before you say it, and focus on only the most important stuff. // Men are not going to volunteer to do stuff, and it's not necessarily because they're lazy. They often don't know what's a priority in your mind, and they don't respond well to general comments, you have to make very specific requests. // Men are rarely going to be the ones who make sure there's a lot of good stuff planned in your life. If you want to have romantic plan, you are probably going to have to be the one to make sure they happen. Don't take it personally. Most guys just don't seem hardwired to be this type of organiser.
19. Create the "sweet time" in your daily life to pamper yourself. We put too much stock into the concept of a whole day or weekend for myself and failed to see the value in an hour alone. Think small, look for an hour or 30mins you can make pleasurable and all yours.
June 30, 2017
Kate White the former Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief, raised two children and I believe wrote twelve novels and four nonfiction books.
Her book “I Shouldn’t be Telling Your This” is written in a reference style, broken down in three sections related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. In addition, each chapter had bullet points and breaks down the key concepts for you.
It’s broken down in three chunks related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. Each chapter has bullet points, breaking down key concepts. Makes it a very fast read and easy to remember the most important bits of information, and there are plenty of important bits.
This book isn’t about being successful at your job or have a stellar career, it is about having a successful life.
Her book “I Shouldn’t be Telling Your This” is written in a reference style, broken down in three sections related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. In addition, each chapter had bullet points and breaks down the key concepts for you.
It’s broken down in three chunks related to success: how to get it, how to go big with it, and how to savor it. Each chapter has bullet points, breaking down key concepts. Makes it a very fast read and easy to remember the most important bits of information, and there are plenty of important bits.
This book isn’t about being successful at your job or have a stellar career, it is about having a successful life.
October 26, 2021
I was recommended this book from a former boss, now mentor, after being promoted at work. The parts of the book that I needed to hear (advocating for oneself, time management, manager advice, etc) were spot on. I fully expect to go back and listen (or find written copies of) to it again for a reminder. It was a well paced audio book that joined my cooking/baking the past few weeks.
But the other portions of the book were just not for me. It's been nearly 10 years since published and office culture has shifted (plus that whole pandemic thing). I feel like I had to be Andy from Devil Wears Prada to apply every detail. I mean, she is a former(?) Editor in chief of Cosmo...I know I'd be miserable working for her, but you know she gets shit done.
But, since I'm not in fashion, magazines or an entry level employee working for a Boomer, I'm gonna take what lessons I found useful and move on. It does have some gems if you don't mind sifting though the rest.
But the other portions of the book were just not for me. It's been nearly 10 years since published and office culture has shifted (plus that whole pandemic thing). I feel like I had to be Andy from Devil Wears Prada to apply every detail. I mean, she is a former(?) Editor in chief of Cosmo...I know I'd be miserable working for her, but you know she gets shit done.
But, since I'm not in fashion, magazines or an entry level employee working for a Boomer, I'm gonna take what lessons I found useful and move on. It does have some gems if you don't mind sifting though the rest.
May 26, 2017
Meh... not all that impressed. This reads like a random collection of magazine snippets - probably an obvious assessment from a career magazine editor. There are some good things in here, especially when White discusses the "Gen Y" workers. However, I feel like her attempt to write a book to all 'gutsy girls' from Gen Y interns to CEOs makes the whole thing fall flat. It gets very, very repetitive at times, even referring to other sections of the book as if she expects you to just pick it up to read a snippet at a time.
Ultimately, I wasn't taken by the voice of the author or the organization. Might be a good graduation gift for a young woman with ambition, but just not enough for me to really dig into here.
Ultimately, I wasn't taken by the voice of the author or the organization. Might be a good graduation gift for a young woman with ambition, but just not enough for me to really dig into here.
June 4, 2017
I wanted to like this book but I find it hard to for the following reasons.
- A lot of women should be xyz in this book. This includes standing out by having a distinct hair/style/dress.
- Hustle it out for mat leaves because this is America.
- Lean in but save 30 min a day to yourself which is very overused.
- Make everything "go big or go home" a.k.a. how to make everything sensational rather than substantial.
There is a tone to this that I just found very unappealing. Maybe this is to be expected from chief editor at Cosmo. While there are some solid career advice throughout, you have to sit through the unpleasantness of a sexist social commentary that actually falls kind of flat.
- A lot of women should be xyz in this book. This includes standing out by having a distinct hair/style/dress.
- Hustle it out for mat leaves because this is America.
- Lean in but save 30 min a day to yourself which is very overused.
- Make everything "go big or go home" a.k.a. how to make everything sensational rather than substantial.
There is a tone to this that I just found very unappealing. Maybe this is to be expected from chief editor at Cosmo. While there are some solid career advice throughout, you have to sit through the unpleasantness of a sexist social commentary that actually falls kind of flat.
June 8, 2018
The beginning of this book was a little crude--which I suppose is to be expected of an editor-in-chief of Cosmo, but I found it to be a little off-putting. There are a few good nuggets of advice in this book. Some is repetitive and generic. I do appreciate that the author is real about kids and maternity leave--she doesn't pretend everything is fine, and she doesn't pretend that you're doomed if you have kids. Instead, she gives practical advice like, "work late one night a week even after you have kids." She also doesn't spend most of the time talking about being a working mom. For the first half, I thought she could have been a single older woman with no kids and no partner. It felt like it was relevant to women just starting out who may not even be dating. Overall, an okay book.
September 16, 2018
Loved this book.
practical and no-nonsense.
my favorite: if you're trying to get in the creative mindset squeeze you hands on your desk as if you're pulling your rolling chair in. this motion (bringing things toward you) makes the brain think a novel item is now your focus.
Don't hole up with your promotion thinking you can't do it (or now that you've gotten what you want what do you do?) - throw yourself in more. Listen harder and idea more.
Don't allow your new employees to think they'll have dominion because they have tenure.
and as it turns out I read her first novel years ago!
practical and no-nonsense.
my favorite: if you're trying to get in the creative mindset squeeze you hands on your desk as if you're pulling your rolling chair in. this motion (bringing things toward you) makes the brain think a novel item is now your focus.
Don't hole up with your promotion thinking you can't do it (or now that you've gotten what you want what do you do?) - throw yourself in more. Listen harder and idea more.
Don't allow your new employees to think they'll have dominion because they have tenure.
and as it turns out I read her first novel years ago!
June 15, 2019
One of the best career-focused self-help books I’ve ever read! Even though Kate White is a magazine editor (way different than the engineering world I’m in), I still found her advice incredibly relatable and helpful. This book is long enough to actually flush out her main points but covers enough ground/enough different topics that the reader doesn’t get bored. Filled with many actionable tips and real advice rather than just anecdotes. I definitely foresee myself picking this book up again at several points in my career.
May 21, 2020
Ah yes, one of my regular self-help books that the random number generator picked for me. This one is career-focused.
As with anything, there are useful parts and other less useful parts. There's a whole section near the end that gives advice about relationships, which is very "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" so you can get in your daily allotment of eye-rolls quickly.
I found the few/short stories about White's career engaging, but everything else less engaging. I don't think I'd recommend it.
Listened via Hoopla.
As with anything, there are useful parts and other less useful parts. There's a whole section near the end that gives advice about relationships, which is very "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" so you can get in your daily allotment of eye-rolls quickly.
I found the few/short stories about White's career engaging, but everything else less engaging. I don't think I'd recommend it.
Listened via Hoopla.
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